I need help understanding women
Sweet Shy Heart
I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
sureshot.gamgee
>Is this a good place to request help?
You'd do better to email one of us directly... otherwise it will be nothing but
more fuel for the next flame war.
It's a shame that a few of the posters here ruin the whole thing.
- kitz -
"Dont leave me all alone! Don't go where I can't follow!" -Sam
http://spinning_plates.tripod.com
Darkfalz
news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
> Is this a good place to request help?
> I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
Understanding women leads to shattered dreams my friend.
My advice: Ignorance is bliss.
Emperor Tiberius
> I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
Sure, it's a good place. You will recieve a wide variety of replies ranging
from (very outspoken) people who hate women (best just to ignore these
people) to those who are women themselves. It's great for brainstorming,
but if you are looking for a definitive answer, you will not get it. The
fact is that there is no "magic pill" advice. Different things work for
different people.
cb631812
> Is this a good place to request help?
> I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
Seems like a good place to start.
What's going on?
Sweet Shy Heart
> Sweet Shy Heart said:
> >Is this a good place to request help?
>
> You'd do better to email one of us directly...
I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into rationalizing
that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
a really immoral thing to do.
Wry Bread
> I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
LOL! Who doesn't!?
myshkin
>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
>be putting a burden on you.
So, just start by telling us a little about you - where ya from? What kind
of thing do you need help with? There isn't always a pile up here and even
if there is, you'll get something out of it.
>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
>I feel uncomfortable asking that person.
That's somthing I'm familiar with - I rarely ask for help.
>And now that I know asking somebody for help is a way of manipulating that
>person into rationalizing that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone
>for help, because it's a really immoral thing to do.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't take that too seriously. It was just one theory. I
prefer the other one - being of assistance to others gives me the feeling I
have done something to be a good citizen.
myshkin
ness
> >Is this a good place to request help?
> more fuel for the next flame war.
I disagree with this - if he were to pick one female here (whatever
the criteria used for that) and e-mail her, he'd only get the point of
view of that one female, which isn't necessarily representative of all
women. (In fact, depending on how well or badly he chooses, it might
not be representative at all. ;) The average female on a.s.s is pretty
far removed from an average non-shy female.
If he asks his questions from the whole group, sure, it will probably
cause a flame war or ten, but at least there'll be many different
viewpoints on offer rather than just one.
ness
sureshot.gamgee
>Understanding women leads to shattered dreams my friend.
Your understanding is tainted by your attitude.
>My advice: Ignorance is bliss.
In most cases, yes. Letting go of the urgency to "comprehend" and analyze
everything in your path is a big step towards inner peace.
sureshot.gamgee
>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
I volunteer. I cannot promise to give answers that are neccessarily correct
because there usually are no absolute answers, but I can promise to be as
honest as I know how to be and to be a good source of real-life experience
where many things are concerned. All I ask is that you listen with an open
mind and at least TRY to understand my point of view... and I'll do my best to
do the same. Whether or not we agree is not nearly so important as feeling as
if we can trust each other to not abuse each other's opinions. And that said,
nobody is an unquenchable river of intergrity, but everybody can try, and we
all have to start someplace.
Basically what I'm saying is that I'd like to volunteer to be of any help that
I can to any person that I can. My email address is genuine. Fire away if
you're still interested.
>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
>I feel uncomfortable asking that person.
Well, guess what... I'm not only volunteering, I'm tell you that I WANT to
(there are minor differences between the two). The best repayment plan for
being someone's sounding board is that they do you the same service... so if
you write to me asking for an opinion I'd be very likely to do the same thing.
That's the best way to have a friend... it's two way :)
>And now that I know asking
>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into rationalizing
>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
>a really immoral thing to do.
No way. I wouldn't think that.
sureshot.gamgee
>I disagree with this - if he were to pick one female here (whatever
>the criteria used for that) and e-mail her, he'd only get the point of
>view of that one female, which isn't necessarily representative of all
>women.
So email 5 males and 5 females and get a healthy cross section.
When did I ever say you could only email ONE person?
All I'm saying is that if you're genuinely seeking real help you're better to
investigate the prospects for a while, pick a healthy candidate and seek their
advice.
As wide an array of perspectives as the personalities in this newsgroup covers,
I don't really believe it is the best place to stick your neck out if you're a
tender person seeking real advice. You need to be able to truly trust a
personality to not mutilate you just for the fun of it if you're going to have
a real meeting of the minds.
I could never become the martial artist I have the potential to become if I
thought my teacher was going to abuse me when I wasn't prepared. Trust is
essential to real learning or friendship.
Jessica A.
news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
I'll volunteer. Email me at jess...@hotpop.com
Lisa
> > > >Is this a good place to request help?
> > >
> > > You'd do better to email one of us directly...
> >
> > I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
> > But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
> > be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
> > Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
> > unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
> > I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
> > somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into
rationalizing
> > that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
> > a really immoral thing to do.
>
> I'll volunteer. Email me at jess...@hotpop.com
Not I. I'm going to continue my paranoia. More comfortable that way. Oh
yeah, and shine my big knives, count my ammunition and all that.
Davros
"Sweet Shy Heart" <myswee...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
You can approach me if you wish.
My email address is real.
Asking someone for help is not manipulation or immoral.
In fact it is very normal behaviour.
Davros
"Davros" <cd...@iinet.net.au> wrote in message
news:3ccc1...@corp-news.newsgroups.com...
I'm a guy, but a different view point may be helpful.
Jessica A.
news:aah4kn$inq$00$1...@news.t-online.com...
I'm continuing my own paranoia too. It's not a real email, it's one I set
up for online communication.
Jet Nebula
sureshot.gamgee
>>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
>>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
>>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
>>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
>>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
>>I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
>>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into rationalizing
>>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
>>a really immoral thing to do.
>
>This has gotta be a joke.
Why?
Lisa
news:20020428131448...@mb-mu.aol.com...
> Jet Nebula said:
>
> >>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
> >>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
> >>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
> >>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
> >>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
> >>I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
> >>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into
rationalizing
> >>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
> >>a really immoral thing to do.
> >
> >This has gotta be a joke.
>
> Why?
No offence to the person if they're sincere, but I've noticed there are not
one but three or four total maniacs wandering around Usenet constantly
changing their names, asking to contact people in just such a forward
manner. It's really creepy. I had a poster tell me a little about one such
man who contacted me when I first began using ng's. He has a prison and
criminal record and is pretty well known. He's also insane.
I feel badly for these people, but I can't handle my own problems much less
take on something that out of my league.
I mean, the thought that there is someone out there very lonely, to whom a
couple mails a week would mean alot, ...it's just a sad and confusing
situation.
From what someone writes in a post, I can't figure out the difference
between someone who's mentally ill and needs a little company (heck, with
panic disorder, agoraphobia, and being shy, a normal person could hang just
such a label on me--I understand and am not prejudice about this), and
someone who's around the bend insane and wanting to hurt people, and doesn't
realize it's a bad thing, but only looking to satisfy their own needs.
And I'm not talking about the person who wrote this post, just thinking
outloud about my need to be so cautious. Feeling guilty about it and
justified at the same time. How do you decide who to trust and who not to?
:-/
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> And I'm not talking about the person who wrote this post, just thinking
> outloud about my need to be so cautious. Feeling guilty about it and
> justified at the same time. How do you decide who to trust and who not
to?
Trust no one. Especially those that tell you to trust them.
Trust me.
They're never gonna get their ugly mitts into my toaster...the bastards...I
hear ya out there....
Now....time to count my toe nail clippings again....1025, 1026, 1027....
Wry Bread
ness <unbro...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:8e3beecb.02042...@posting.google.com...
And as I see again and again, most females here just don't get the male
perspective of shyness and what a hindrance it is.
And yeah, if you ask for advice in a public forum, you have to take the good
with the bad and decide what sounds good for you.
Wry Bread
sureshot.gamgee <kitzn...@aol.com> wrote:
> >My advice: Ignorance is bliss.
>
> In most cases, yes. Letting go of the urgency to "comprehend" and analyze
> everything in your path is a big step towards inner peace.
Or inner stupidity. : P
Laura
Go away, Maas.
lm
sureshot.gamgee
>
>lm
You people are so paranoid.
Seriously.
gra...@webwombat.remove.com.au
>Darkfalz said:
>
>>Understanding women leads to shattered dreams my friend.
>
>Your understanding is tainted by your attitude.
>
>>My advice: Ignorance is bliss.
So why are you such a miserable bastard?
gra...@webwombat.remove.com.au
You ought to listen sometimes, Wry. That makes a lot of sense.
gra...@webwombat.remove.com.au
wrote:
This is Robert Maas. I wouldn't start communicating with him, although
as a guy you aren't of interest to him anyway. He has a history.
maddman
Nonsense. What makes you think manipulation is immoral? It can be,
but isn't always. Anytime you have a discussion with anyone where you
are trying to prove your point of view you are attempting to
manipulate them. Nothing wrong with that - the only time morality
comes into play is when you try to manipulate someone into something
that would hurt them.
Anyway, I learned most of what I know about women here,
http://www.fastseduction.com. Read through the material and try it
out - if you have any problems or questions there's a free private
usenet server. Or feel free to email me. If it helps, you are the
whole reason I started coming here. I was once shy myself, and am now
extroverted. I started coming here to help shy guys. (I stay because
I kinda like these people :)
The above URL does come with a caveat - the site is the collective
knowledge of many players, seducers, and ladies men. Its goal is to
get laid, as fast as possible. It may require a realignment of
perceptions and knowledge of unpleasant truths. Also morality is
offtopic there - they only discuss tools, not the ramifications of
their application. That is for the reader to decide how to apply
them.
Anyway, write me if you like. Hope you find something that helps you.
madd
(PS - if this is Maas, I've already told him to seek professional
help. That opinion stands. I don't think it is him though - RM would
be specifically asking for chicks.)
Jet Nebula
wrote:
>Jet Nebula said:
>
>>>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
>>>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
>>>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
>>>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
>>>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
>>>I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
>>>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into rationalizing
>>>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because it's
>>>a really immoral thing to do.
>>
>>This has gotta be a joke.
>
>Why?
It's like a shy guy walking up to a woman he's really attracted to and
saying, "I want to ask you out, but I can't because I'm too shy. Part
of my shyness is that I can't ask women out, because I feel it's too
manipulative. So I'm not going to ask you out, but you can volunteer
to ask me out if you want!"
Lisa
news:fgmpcu0o2632b8t0s...@4ax.com...
Don't know about the other ladies, but, that'd work on me!
Certainly would be a break from the tired lines I've heard so far, and he'd
get points for creativity. :)
davros
<gra...@webwombat.REMOVE.com.au> wrote in message
news:9duocucar4apd6r89...@4ax.com...
As I'm new, I haven't heard of this guy.
Who is he?
Joel
news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
You want to know about women? Here, let me explain them.
Every last one is different. No stereotype holds. They can have upwards
of 20 or 30 mood swings in a single day. Sometimes multiple ones at
once. The trick is being able to read those moods AS THEY CHANGE, so you
can match them.
There you go. Everything you ever needed to know about women.
--
Joel
If you want a look into my life, check out:
http://moleculor.blogspot.com/ -- 04/23/02 10:15 AM
Lisa
news:aaimo2$rj0$1...@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu...
> "Sweet Shy Heart" <myswee...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
> > Is this a good place to request help?
> > I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
>
> You want to know about women? Here, let me explain them.
>
> Every last one is different. No stereotype holds. They can have upwards
> of 20 or 30 mood swings in a single day. Sometimes multiple ones at
> once. The trick is being able to read those moods AS THEY CHANGE, so you
> can match them.
>
> There you go. Everything you ever needed to know about women.
Cool.
Now tell us about men.
Wry Bread
> "Jet Nebula" <thi...@spamfreezone.com> wrote in message
> news:fgmpcu0o2632b8t0s...@4ax.com...
> > On 28 Apr 2002 17:14:48 GMT, kitzn...@aol.com (sureshot.gamgee)
> > wrote:
> >
> > >Jet Nebula said:
> > >
> > >>>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
> > >>>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
> > >>>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
> > >>>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
> > >>>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
> > >>>I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
> > >>>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into
> rationalizing
> > >>>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because
it's
> > >>>a really immoral thing to do.
> > >>
> > >>This has gotta be a joke.
> > >
> > >Why?
> >
> > It's like a shy guy walking up to a woman he's really attracted to and
> > saying, "I want to ask you out, but I can't because I'm too shy. Part
> > of my shyness is that I can't ask women out, because I feel it's too
> > manipulative. So I'm not going to ask you out, but you can volunteer
> > to ask me out if you want!"
More likely you would smile and say "Oooooh. That's so sweet." but think
"What a weirdo. Where's my husband?".
Doesn't matter. A shy guy would never do that anyway. It's like asking an
anvil to float.
Wry Bread
Joel
Men are just as complex, but pretend to want just food and sex, thereby
actually making them harder to truly grasp, but easier to please, as
their 'pretending' fools even themselves most of the time.
myshkin
01.iinet.net.au>:
><gra...@webwombat.REMOVE.com.au> wrote in message
>news:9duocucar4apd6r89...@4ax.com...
>> This is Robert Maas. I wouldn't start communicating with him, although
>> as a guy you aren't of interest to him anyway. He has a history.
>
>As I'm new, I haven't heard of this guy.
>Who is he?
Try googling in google groups on his name - he has been around for quite
some time. Probably best that you form your own opinion if you're
interested enough to.
Lisa
> > > >
> > > >>>I can't. Most of you have bogus e-mail addresses to fool spammers.
> > > >>>But I can't single out one of you to ask anyway, because that would
> > > >>>be putting a burden on you. Somebody would have to volunteer.
> > > >>>Part of my shyness is that I can't ask a specific person to help me
> > > >>>unless it's that person's official duty to help me, and even then
> > > >>>I feel uncomfortable asking that person. And now that I know asking
> > > >>>somebody for help is a way of manipulating that person into
> > rationalizing
> > > >>>that they like me, I'm doubly shy to ask anyone for help, because
> it's
> > > >>>a really immoral thing to do.
> > > >>
> > > >>This has gotta be a joke.
> > > >
> > > >Why?
> > >
> > > It's like a shy guy walking up to a woman he's really attracted to and
> > > saying, "I want to ask you out, but I can't because I'm too shy. Part
> > > of my shyness is that I can't ask women out, because I feel it's too
> > > manipulative. So I'm not going to ask you out, but you can volunteer
> > > to ask me out if you want!"
>
> More likely you would smile and say "Oooooh. That's so sweet." but think
> "What a weirdo. Where's my husband?".
>
> Doesn't matter. A shy guy would never do that anyway. It's like asking
an
> anvil to float.
Were I single, and yes, I know it doesn't matter cause I'm not, but *were*
I, I would probably turn around to see who the guy was talking to standing
behind me.
Then if it were indeed me he were talking to, I would get all clenched up
and probably not be able to talk...but if he stuck around long enough for me
to overcome it, I'd say...probably real quiet so I'd have to say it twice,
"sure".
Then I'd give him my number, go home, eat a half gallon of ice cream and
have an anxiety attack.
I still remember saying disorientedly to my future husband after he got off
the plane to come meet me, when he asked if we should go to the car
now..."Car? What car?"
I was too busy trying to get my eyes to focus again I was so nervous. And
having seriously forgotten how I got there...I doubt I would have enough
composure to think "What a weirdo".
I mean, with an anxiety disorder, who needs a rape drug, right?
Lisa
news:ucppi18...@corp.supernews.com...
In that order?
And, if I feed a man, will he then sleep with me?
Lisa
Oh damn.
I was all excited.
Had my cookbook out and everything.
Joel
Read what I wrote again. I said even they fool themselves most of the
time. Meaning even they think that they only want food and sex. So yes,
the cookbook might work.
Lisa
So...if I want a quickie, I wave a hamburger in front of his nose.
A night of slow hot love...a roast?
What would fondue get me?
Lisa
And this?
http://www.inflash.com/leet/shows/banana.htm
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> Were I single, and yes, I know it doesn't matter cause I'm not, but *were*
> I, I would probably turn around to see who the guy was talking to standing
> behind me.
Okay, but most girls nowadays would assume you meant them even if you *were*
talking to the girl behind them.
> Then if it were indeed me he were talking to, I would get all clenched up
> and probably not be able to talk...but if he stuck around long enough for
me
> to overcome it, I'd say...probably real quiet so I'd have to say it twice,
> "sure".
> Then I'd give him my number, go home, eat a half gallon of ice cream and
> have an anxiety attack.
Yeah, but you aren't most girls. Most girls would go home, call their
friends and laugh about the freak that hit on them.
> I still remember saying disorientedly to my future husband after he got
off
> the plane to come meet me, when he asked if we should go to the car
> now..."Car? What car?"
> I was too busy trying to get my eyes to focus again I was so nervous. And
> having seriously forgotten how I got there...I doubt I would have enough
> composure to think "What a weirdo".
Er, tell me again the story of how you two met?
> I mean, with an anxiety disorder, who needs a rape drug, right?
Er, why did you feel the need to bring that unpleasant thought into this
otherwise fine conversation? Remember, I'm not Darkfalz. I prefer my
threads rape free.
Wry Bread
They are not inclusive. We would take either one, or both.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> Oh damn.
> I was all excited.
> Had my cookbook out and everything.
That's okay. I can cook. When you live your entire life without a
girlfriend or wife that is willing to wait on you hand and foot like some
men have, you learn to be self sufficient.
Now, if I could figure out some way to have sex without a woman, I'd be set.
Joel
A dancing banana? Probably a nobel prize or something like that.
Joel
Slightly kinky sex.
Lisa
>
> > Were I single <snip my blather>
>
> Okay, but most girls nowadays would assume you meant them even if you
*were*
> talking to the girl behind them.
I'll have to take your word on this.
I've noticed something about men though...when calling to my son in a
crowd...men will look up with interest but not respond until you speak to
them specifically.
> > <snip>
> Yeah, but you aren't most girls. Most girls would go home, call their
> friends and laugh about the freak that hit on them.
Well, this is because I myself am also a freak.
> > <snip>
> Er, tell me again the story of how you two met?
We met online.
We chatted for a year without meeting or seeing each other. PC, phone.
We decided to meet.
He flew in.
I drove to meet him. Unknown city, unknown airport.
He was early and very ready to go by the time I arrived.
I was all weirded out and nervous.
He swooped down on me, grabbed and hugged me, asked for a kiss.
All I could do was nod.
Nothing but the muscles in my neck worked.
I just stared at him.
Him: "It's late, shouldn't we be going to the car?"
Me: "Car? What car?"
Him: "The car you came in. You do have a car?"
Me: "Oh that. Yes."
*walking*
Him: "Where did you park?"
Me: "Park? I don't know."
Him: "Well, what does it look like? The car. I'll help you look for it."
Me: "Look like?"
Him: "What color is it?"
Me: "I can't remember."
He: "Hmm. Maybe when we get to it, I should drive."
> > <snip>
>
> Er, why did you feel the need to bring that unpleasant thought into this
> otherwise fine conversation?
Sorry, it was on my mind after that cross-post.
> Remember, I'm not Darkfalz.
Yes, I'm aware who you are.
> I prefer my
> threads rape free.
Noted.
J D Leister
Lisa
Well...
I could tell you this, but...umm....
I think we should know each other better first.
Ask me again in about a year, k? :)
Lisa
This takes hours to do, getting a banana to move like that.
I'm a woman of many talents. :)
sureshot.gamgee
>It's like a shy guy walking up to a woman he's really attracted to and
>saying, "I want to ask you out, but I can't because I'm too shy. Part
>of my shyness is that I can't ask women out, because I feel it's too
>manipulative. So I'm not going to ask you out, but you can volunteer
>to ask me out if you want!"
LOL
I'd be too confused to know what to do. ;)
- kitz -
"Dont leave me all alone! Don't go where I can't follow!" -Sam
http://spinning_plates.tripod.com
sureshot.gamgee
>> Now tell us about men.
>
>Men want food and sex.
That's why they rock :)
sureshot.gamgee
>actually making them harder to truly grasp, but easier to please, as
>their 'pretending' fools even themselves most of the time.
In my experience, men only want more than food or sex when they've been around
women for a while and they become sort of convinced that they SHOULD want more
(mostly to make women happy) so they try to, and sort of do a little after a
while.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting food and sex. It's simpler
and less crap to wade through emotionally when it comes time to wade in it. I
think more WOMEN should be that way and quit fucking things up and making them
less enjoyable.
Khan
since I found out there is no actual http://www.seduceanddestroy.com.
What heartbreak.
maddm...@yahoo.com (maddman) wrote in message news:<bea807ca.02042...@posting.google.com>...
> Anyway, I learned most of what I know about women here,
> http://www.fastseduction.com. Read through the material and try it
> out - if you have any problems or questions there's a free private
> usenet server. Or feel free to email me. If it helps, you are the
> whole reason I started coming here. I was once shy myself, and am now
> extroverted. I started coming here to help shy guys. (I stay because
> I kinda like these people :)
>
> The above URL does come with a caveat - the site is the collective
> knowledge of many players, seducers, and ladies men. Its goal is to
> get laid, as fast as possible. It may require a realignment of
> perceptions and knowledge of unpleasant truths. Also morality is
> offtopic there - they only discuss tools, not the ramifications of
> their application. That is for the reader to decide how to apply
> them.
>
> Anyway, write me if you like. Hope you find something that helps you.
>
> madd
Lisa
news:20020429064241...@mb-ml.aol.com...
> >Men are just as complex, but pretend to want just food and sex, thereby
> >actually making them harder to truly grasp, but easier to please, as
> >their 'pretending' fools even themselves most of the time.
>
> In my experience, men only want more than food or sex when they've been
around
> women for a while and they become sort of convinced that they SHOULD want
more
> (mostly to make women happy) so they try to, and sort of do a little after
a
> while.
>
> I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting food and sex. It's
simpler
> and less crap to wade through emotionally when it comes time to wade in
it. I
> think more WOMEN should be that way and quit fucking things up and making
them
> less enjoyable.
I agree.
I too only want food and sex.
And then more food and then more sex.
And sometimes a drink.
But that's about it.
Darkfalz
> Darkfalz said:
>
> >Understanding women leads to shattered dreams my friend.
>
> Your understanding is tainted by your attitude.
My understanding is wholly and completely based on my experience, which in
turn soured my attitude.
The more I learn about women, the more I want to gut them all like fish.
maddman
> >Men are just as complex, but pretend to want just food and sex, thereby
> >actually making them harder to truly grasp, but easier to please, as
> >their 'pretending' fools even themselves most of the time.
>
> In my experience, men only want more than food or sex when they've been around
> women for a while and they become sort of convinced that they SHOULD want more
> (mostly to make women happy) so they try to, and sort of do a little after a
> while.
>
> I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting food and sex. It's simpler
> and less crap to wade through emotionally when it comes time to wade in it. I
> think more WOMEN should be that way and quit fucking things up and making them
> less enjoyable.
>
alt.romance. A woman wanted to do something really special for her
boyfriend's birthday. The people were talking about nice dinner,
candlelight, soft music - you know, all that stuff that WOMEN tend to
like.
I told her to do this. As soon as he gets home/gets up/whatever, sit
him down on the couch. Turn on his favorite sport/action
movie/whatever 'guy-thing' he's into. Put his favorite beer in one
hand, and a pizza slice in the other. Then, give him a blowjob while
he watches sports, eats pizza, and drinks beer. Guarantee he would
have declared her the coolest woman to ever walk the earth.
I got the hell flamed out of me for that (if you've been on AR, you
know why). :)
Oh, and we want more than just food and sex! You forgot toys,
espcially electronic ones.
Elston Gunn
> >actually making them harder to truly grasp, but easier to please, as
> >their 'pretending' fools even themselves most of the time.
>
> In my experience, men only want more than food or sex when they've been around
> women for a while and they become sort of convinced that they SHOULD want more
> (mostly to make women happy) so they try to, and sort of do a little after a
> while.
I know this isn't true in my case, at least. I might be the exception
rather than the rule, though.
Elston
Joel Crum
online.com:
From what you've said your man could use about three weeks worth of naps.
Then he'd probably sleep with you, or rather, not. Still a nice meal
might help him chill out after work which wouldn't hurt.
--
- Joel C.
I am a defective male.
sureshot.gamgee
>I agree.
>I too only want food and sex.
>And then more food and then more sex.
>And sometimes a drink.
>But that's about it.
Now see... you're carrying too much extra stuff... get rid of that drink and
you're the perfect mate.
:)
William Parker
news:fgmpcu0o2632b8t0s...@4ax.com:
>>Why?
>
> It's like a shy guy walking up to a woman he's really attracted to and
> saying, "I want to ask you out, but I can't because I'm too shy. Part
> of my shyness is that I can't ask women out, because I feel it's too
> manipulative. So I'm not going to ask you out, but you can volunteer
> to ask me out if you want!"
Damn, I'm going to have to try this.
William Parker
@corp.supernews.com:
>
> Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
>
>> Now tell us about men.
>
> Men want food and sex.
And Usenet.
Lisa
> Lisa said:
>
> >I agree.
> >I too only want food and sex.
> >And then more food and then more sex.
> >And sometimes a drink.
> >But that's about it.
>
> Now see... you're carrying too much extra stuff... get rid of that drink
and
> you're the perfect mate.
>
> :)
Well, the drink and the parrot. :)
Lisa
> >> >
> >> > Now tell us about men.
> >>
> >> Men want food and sex.
> >
> > In that order?
> >
> > And, if I feed a man, will he then sleep with me?
>
> From what you've said your man could use about three weeks worth of naps.
> Then he'd probably sleep with you, or rather, not. Still a nice meal
> might help him chill out after work which wouldn't hurt.
*LOL*
Thank you Joel C. That was very sweet. :)
I don't know about him. Really not. It seems to be his job. Seems to be.
He said to me, in a couple years all this work would slack off and things
would be calm, but it keeps getting more intense and he keeps dancing harder
and having less time.
I told him I didn't need the money, didn't need anything else but for him to
be healthy and happy. And I really don't. I suggested he get another job.
One that won't demand so much of him. But he won't hear of it. He truly
enjoys it and gives it everything he has. Everything. It must feed
something for him, ego or something, or he wouldn't be this intense about
it.
I wish he wanted me like he does this career, but he doesn't. *sigh* I seem
to be a combination maid-housekeeper-replacement for his mother. Nothing
else. There doesn't seem to be an answer to this, so all I can do is wait.
And exist, I guess. Like the other Joel does.
I guess I should be glad of the opportunity to make myself better, right? I
mean, I have all this free time on my hands. I shouldn't waste it. Just
wish I didn't come all this way to be more alone than I was before. :(
Hope you don't mind my venting. It helps to be able to talk about it. I
know this isn't the place, but I don't have anyone else to talk to, being
the way I am.
Lisa
news:Xns91FFBA36680FBb...@207.35.177.134...
Tell me something William? Since I'm already way off topic ranting about my
husband in the other post...I'm curious about a man thing...
When you were with your former gf...when the all hot and romantic stage got
a bit past...did you go back to Usenet often? Look to the pc for
entertainment often? Or did you spend this time with her?
I'm perplexed about this. Since I bought my first pc, it's become a
babysitter for my mind. I use it to avoid almost everything unpleasant. I
can come to it and everything bad goes away.
I used to use other people for that. I'd talk to other people. At least
seek them out. Now I find I use the 'pc drug' and tune myself out. I'm not
the only one in my household doing this. My husband does it and my children
are eager to and would more if I'd let them.
It's disturbing.
Davros
I don't see why venting on this group is considered so wrong.
We wouldn't be here if we had lots of friends that knew us well enough to
vent with.
To men under around 40 career can often more important than just about
everything.
His career and achievements define him, in his mind (ego as you said).
It is a very difficult task to get him to realise otherwise.
I can't tell you how to change things, but I have seen good advice around
the place.
Things can change.
William Parker
news:aal954$6ne$05$1...@news.t-online.com:
>> And Usenet.
>
> Tell me something William? Since I'm already way off topic ranting
> about my husband in the other post...I'm curious about a man thing...
>
> When you were with your former gf...when the all hot and romantic stage
> got a bit past...did you go back to Usenet often? Look to the pc for
> entertainment often? Or did you spend this time with her?
It was an interesting relationship in that it was fairly long distance... I
was about a four hour drive away. I did drive to see her either every
weekend or every other weekend. And we talked on the phone most days,
too... So the hot and romantic stuff was never an issue... When we saw
each other, it was always just fine:) I didn't start posting to usenet
until we broke up, actually, but I did have some other fairly obsessive
computer interests.
To this day, almost a year later, I'm not totally sure why we broke up (it
was mostly me who made the decision.) It felt to me like, after two years,
it was kind of at the point where if it was going to continue, it would have
to not be a long distance relationship, since that whole thing was getting
old for both of us. Plus, it was feeling pretty stagnant, but I really
think it might just have been me who was stagnant with my own life...
Anyway, since it was the first time I'd ever had a "relationship" of any
kind, I had some kinds of doubts about whether commitment was a good idea
for me. And I think like it or not, when you move a long distance thing
into a close thing, someone has to make the big move, and that by nature
makes it not very casual anymore.
But anyway, some things about that were just ideal, and I sometimes feel
like a bit of an idiot for having given it up:) Like, I had some confidence
at the time that I'd be able to find other relationships, but now I'm not
nearly as sure. At the very least, what I had in that relationship was
someone who really liked me, and who I felt totally comfortable with and
trusted totally, and who was just extremely understanding and nice to spend
quiet time with... Things that, I know now, I certainly shouldn't take for
granted.
> I'm perplexed about this. Since I bought my first pc, it's become a
> babysitter for my mind. I use it to avoid almost everything
> unpleasant. I can come to it and everything bad goes away.
>
> I used to use other people for that. I'd talk to other people. At
> least seek them out. Now I find I use the 'pc drug' and tune myself
> out. I'm not the only one in my household doing this. My husband does
> it and my children are eager to and would more if I'd let them.
> It's disturbing.
Yeah, and disturbing how well it works, too! Do you regret having bought a
PC? When I was in grade 7, my parents sure regretted having bought me a
pc:)
Lisa
I hope so.
This holding pattern I'm stuck in really sucks.
But I don't know what else to do.
It's this situation, completely unrelated to our topic, that I see so often
in the people here and sympathize with so much.
The need to do *something* to change an unhappy state, yet not knowing what
to do that will help.
Lisa
> "Lisa" <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote in
> news:aal954$6ne$05$1...@news.t-online.com:
>
> >> And Usenet.
> >
> > Tell me something William? Since I'm already way off topic ranting
> > about my husband in the other post...I'm curious about a man thing...
> >
> > When you were with your former gf...when the all hot and romantic stage
> > got a bit past...did you go back to Usenet often? Look to the pc for
> > entertainment often? Or did you spend this time with her?
>
> It was an interesting relationship in that it was fairly long distance...
I
> was about a four hour drive away. I did drive to see her either every
> weekend or every other weekend. And we talked on the phone most days,
> too... So the hot and romantic stuff was never an issue...
Never?
Wow. I feel immature now.
Maybe your relationship was more a thing of the mind. I've heard of this
but never experienced it myself. I mean, myself personally. My husband is
more a 'mind-man'.
> When we saw
> each other, it was always just fine:) I didn't start posting to usenet
> until we broke up, actually, but I did have some other fairly obsessive
> computer interests.
Obsessive is a good word. The right word. When applied to a pc situation.
Easy to become obsessed.
> To this day, almost a year later, I'm not totally sure why we broke up (it
> was mostly me who made the decision.) It felt to me like, after two
years,
> it was kind of at the point where if it was going to continue, it would
have
> to not be a long distance relationship, since that whole thing was getting
> old for both of us. Plus, it was feeling pretty stagnant, but I really
> think it might just have been me who was stagnant with my own life...
> Anyway, since it was the first time I'd ever had a "relationship" of any
> kind, I had some kinds of doubts about whether commitment was a good idea
> for me. And I think like it or not, when you move a long distance thing
> into a close thing, someone has to make the big move, and that by nature
> makes it not very casual anymore.
My 2 cents...Seems to me you weren't ready for it.
If you broke it off and it didn't hurt, it was more a reasonable decision,
then I'd say this wasn't what you wanted or needed. Imo, you are very young
to start thinking of commitment, so I think you made the best choice for you
both.
I've learned some things...I used to think I needed to be with someone at
least by age 16. Everyone else was, and I felt really lonely. Now that I
look back on it, I still had very much a child's mind at the age of 16.
Everyone does. It's a matter of life experience. I had no business doing
anything but the most casual of dating then. I didn't date but once during
that time and felt I was a freak because I didn't have people all over me.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was doing just exactly
what I was supposed to be doing: growing, maturing, *slowly* discovering
who I was. When I remember how I told myself I was worthless because I
didn't have the big social life, I see I was totally wrong and too hard on
me.
Ditto for the early twenties. Lots of people had mortgages, marriages and
babies by the time they were 25. That's way too much responsibility to be
putting on someone who is still in the process of discovering who they are
in the world. No wonder so many of those relationships fail.
If anyone asked me, I'd tell them a person shoudn't date at all until you're
twenty. Just have good friendships, close ones. Exploratory ones. You
shouldn't even think about marriage until you're in your late twenties-early
thirties. Before that time, you've not seen enough of the world to know
what you want. Waiting is a good thing. I wish I had.
> But anyway, some things about that were just ideal, and I sometimes feel
> like a bit of an idiot for having given it up:) Like, I had some
confidence
> at the time that I'd be able to find other relationships, but now I'm not
> nearly as sure.
I'm sure you'll find other relationships. And this time you'll have a
better idea of what you're looking for in a mate.
> At the very least, what I had in that relationship was
> someone who really liked me, and who I felt totally comfortable with and
> trusted totally, and who was just extremely understanding and nice to
spend
> quiet time with... Things that, I know now, I certainly shouldn't take
for
> granted.
>
> > <snip>.... It's disturbing.
>
> Yeah, and disturbing how well it works, too! Do you regret having bought
a
> PC?
YES. I do.
I originally bought it to play games and it changed my whole world. I mean
that literally. Look where I am now. I've been places I never would have
gone in a million years, seen and done things I never would have had to
courage to do and see, all for the purchase of this beige electric box.
It's basically taken over a huge chunk of my life. I hear the advice, get
off the pc and do something else. Do what?
I could find other time fillers, but they're just more varied physically
than sitting here and getting the mind candy. Not to mention not nearly as
informative and interesting.
I think if I did other stuff, I'd just go back to being dissatisfied and
lonely again. So it has some good to it, if only a little bit.
> When I was in grade 7, my parents sure regretted having bought me a
> pc:)
They probably missed you alot afterward.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> I wish he wanted me like he does this career, but he doesn't. *sigh* I
seem
> to be a combination maid-housekeeper-replacement for his mother. Nothing
> else. There doesn't seem to be an answer to this, so all I can do is
wait.
> And exist, I guess. Like the other Joel does.
Well, at least he's doing something he truly loves. I guess there are alot
worse things he could be doing.
That sucks. I think alot of girls have this marriage thing worked up in
their mind to be this great fun romantic thing and then find themselves
spending all their time cooking and cleaning and doing chores. No wonder
that these women enjoy shopping so much, it's the only time they get to go
out and do something for themselves. I want more than someone to wait on
me. I want a true partner that I can do everything with. But nobody want's
that from me, so they can marry jerks and spend the rest of their life
trying to keep him happy, I just wish they'd shut up about it.
> I guess I should be glad of the opportunity to make myself better, right?
I
> mean, I have all this free time on my hands. I shouldn't waste it. Just
> wish I didn't come all this way to be more alone than I was before. :(
> Hope you don't mind my venting. It helps to be able to talk about it. I
> know this isn't the place, but I don't have anyone else to talk to, being
> the way I am.
You need to tell him how you feel. If you don't it may lead to depression,
resentment, infidelity, etc., whatever.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> I used to use other people for that. I'd talk to other people. At least
> seek them out. Now I find I use the 'pc drug' and tune myself out. I'm
not
> the only one in my household doing this. My husband does it and my
children
> are eager to and would more if I'd let them.
> It's disturbing.
Probably because as we get older it gets harder to meet and connect with
people. The pc is relatively easy, even for shy people.
Wry Bread
sureshot.gamgee <kitzn...@aol.com> wrote:
> I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting food and sex. It's
simpler
> and less crap to wade through emotionally when it comes time to wade in
it. I
> think more WOMEN should be that way and quit fucking things up and making
them
> less enjoyable.
Yes, but men don't get stuck with the baby.
Wry Bread
> Lisa said:
>
> >I agree.
> >I too only want food and sex.
> >And then more food and then more sex.
> >And sometimes a drink.
> >But that's about it.
>
> Now see... you're carrying too much extra stuff... get rid of that drink
and
> you're the perfect mate.
Yes. I've tried substituting drink for sex. I've tried it for the last 6
years. Doesn't work.
Wry Bread
maddman <maddm...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> LOL - this reminds me of some advice I gave once, I think on
> alt.romance. A woman wanted to do something really special for her
> boyfriend's birthday. The people were talking about nice dinner,
> candlelight, soft music - you know, all that stuff that WOMEN tend to
> like.
>
> I told her to do this. As soon as he gets home/gets up/whatever, sit
> him down on the couch. Turn on his favorite sport/action
> movie/whatever 'guy-thing' he's into. Put his favorite beer in one
> hand, and a pizza slice in the other. Then, give him a blowjob while
> he watches sports, eats pizza, and drinks beer. Guarantee he would
> have declared her the coolest woman to ever walk the earth.
Call me a woman, but I'd rather have the first one.
But don't get me wrong.
I still want the blow job!
Lisa
>
> Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
>
> > I wish he wanted me like he does this career, but he doesn't. *sigh* I
> seem
> > to be a combination maid-housekeeper-replacement for his mother.
Nothing
> > else. There doesn't seem to be an answer to this, so all I can do is
> wait.
> > And exist, I guess. Like the other Joel does.
>
> Well, at least he's doing something he truly loves. I guess there are
alot
> worse things he could be doing.
Yes. There are alot worse things he could be doing. In that respect, as
far as I know, I'm very lucky.
> That sucks. I think alot of girls have this marriage thing worked up in
> their mind to be this great fun romantic thing and then find themselves
> spending all their time cooking and cleaning and doing chores. No wonder
> that these women enjoy shopping so much, it's the only time they get to go
> out and do something for themselves.
I didn't have marriage worked up to be a great fun romantic thing. I had no
great expectations for marriage because my mother's been married four times
and divorced three. I got to vicariously live all that failure. No fun.
I wanted more than that.
I guess I wanted to be close to my best friend for the rest of my life. Not
constant romance and lust. (constant being the key word there...every now
and then would have been expected)
I guess I'm not mature enough to know what to do when your best friend goes
off and finds other stuff to do without you, stuff they like better.
Do you wait and remain their best friend, hoping they'll eventually notice
how far apart the two of you are and head back toward you? (=> my current
pick)
Do you let it drift off casually, hoping they're happier?
Being shy, I'm not real good at friendship in general, and I'm clueless
about relationships. I guess I don't know how to treat people because I've
not had all that much practice.
> I want more than someone to wait on
> me. I want a true partner that I can do everything with. But nobody
want's
> that from me, so they can marry jerks and spend the rest of their life
> trying to keep him happy, I just wish they'd shut up about it.
Sorry to offend you with this Wry, but you don't have to read it if you
don't want to. There's plenty other stuff to read. Just ignore me.
> > I guess I should be glad of the opportunity to make myself better,
right?
> I
> > mean, I have all this free time on my hands. I shouldn't waste it.
Just
> > wish I didn't come all this way to be more alone than I was before. :(
> > Hope you don't mind my venting. It helps to be able to talk about it.
I
> > know this isn't the place, but I don't have anyone else to talk to,
being
> > the way I am.
>
> You need to tell him how you feel. If you don't it may lead to
depression,
> resentment, infidelity, etc., whatever.
Thank you for the suggestion.
I'm already depressed. (not his fault)
I already resent this situation. (also not his fault, not completely
anyway)
And I'm never going to cheat on him. I'm not a cheater.
I don't like to start one thing before the other is closed. Not right or
fair.
But like I said before, thanks for your thoughts.
Davros
From a book I own -
"Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work
Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of
thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and
women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and
misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by theor work and
accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of
their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver - this had
to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender - her role was
to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies condusted on male
and female values in the 1990's continue to show that 7-% - 80% of men
everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their
work, and 70&-80% of women say the most important priority is their
families.
As a consequence,
If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she can't concentrate on her
work.
If a man is unhappy at work, he can't focus on his relationships.
Under stress or pressure, a woman sees spending time talking with her man as
a reward, but a man sees it as an interference in his problem-solving
process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to sit on his rock or
firegaze. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her
as annoying or pedantic. These perseptions are the reflections of the
different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman
always says that the relationship seems more important to her than it does
to him - it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you
and your partner, and you will not judge each other's behaviour harshly."
The book is called "Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan &
Barbara Pease.
Don't know if it helps, but it makes sense to me.
Could be something to discuss.
> It's this situation, completely unrelated to our topic, that I see so
often
> in the people here and sympathize with so much.
> The need to do *something* to change an unhappy state, yet not knowing
what
> to do that will help.
Talking to someone, or writing stuff down, often gives me the impetus to do
something about an unhappy state.
Don't have too many people to talk to at the moment, and things are likely
to get worse for a while.
So I think people being able to post stuff like that is a good thing, and
shouldn't be discouraged.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> I didn't have marriage worked up to be a great fun romantic thing. I had
no
> great expectations for marriage because my mother's been married four
times
> and divorced three. I got to vicariously live all that failure. No fun.
> I wanted more than that.
That sucks. I think alot of girls (and guys) just take whatever they manage
to get and hope marriage will just work everything out because it's so hard
to meet people.
> I guess I wanted to be close to my best friend for the rest of my life.
Not
> constant romance and lust. (constant being the key word there...every
now
> and then would have been expected)
> I guess I'm not mature enough to know what to do when your best friend
goes
> off and finds other stuff to do without you, stuff they like better.
> Do you wait and remain their best friend, hoping they'll eventually notice
> how far apart the two of you are and head back toward you? (=> my current
> pick)
> Do you let it drift off casually, hoping they're happier?
> Being shy, I'm not real good at friendship in general, and I'm clueless
> about relationships. I guess I don't know how to treat people because
I've
> not had all that much practice.
That scares me sometimes. Even if I got in a relationship, I wouldn't know
what to do. I'd probably just blow it. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to
be a problem...
> > I want more than someone to wait on
> > me. I want a true partner that I can do everything with. But nobody
> want's
> > that from me, so they can marry jerks and spend the rest of their life
> > trying to keep him happy, I just wish they'd shut up about it.
>
> Sorry to offend you with this Wry, but you don't have to read it if you
> don't want to. There's plenty other stuff to read. Just ignore me.
Sorry, I didn't mean you in particular. This is the standard complaint of
nearly all women. It gets old, especially to someone who wants more...and
can't get it.
If it's any consolation, alot of women have done far worse.
> Thank you for the suggestion.
> I'm already depressed. (not his fault)
> I already resent this situation. (also not his fault, not completely
> anyway)
> And I'm never going to cheat on him. I'm not a cheater.
> I don't like to start one thing before the other is closed. Not right or
> fair.
I'm not saying you will, I'm just saying if you want something you aren't
getting long enough, you may start looking for something else to take it's
place.
Things aren't always going to be exactly what you want. All you can do is
work on trying to get it as close as you can. I think you should talk to a
marriage counselor, as this is probably a common problem. If he won't go,
go yourself. It might help. Better to try to fix this before it blows up 5
years down the road.
Wry Bread
Davros <cd...@iinet.net.au> wrote:
> From a book I own -
>
> "Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work
It's interesting because a study has recently shown that in homes where the
standard roles of man and woman has been reversed, the rate of heart
problems of both members involved is much higher than average.
Lisa
That sounds like a good book (sitting on the Amazon order page now).
Would you say it's worth it? The reviews for this book are mixed. Some say
it's overgeneralized and other say it's right on the money. Knowing you
bought it, and you read here (opinions of women and men on various topics)
and other places, what do you think?
Have you other books like this to recommend?
(or anyone else, for that matter)
It would do me better to get out of the complaining mode, take action and
try to learn something from this. At least I'd feel better.
> > <snip>
>
> Talking to someone, or writing stuff down, often gives me the impetus to
do
> something about an unhappy state.
> Don't have too many people to talk to at the moment, and things are likely
> to get worse for a while.
> So I think people being able to post stuff like that is a good thing, and
> shouldn't be discouraged.
Thank you for understanding.
Lisa
>
> Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
>
> > <snip>....I wanted more than that.
>
> That sucks. I think alot of girls (and guys) just take whatever they
manage
> to get and hope marriage will just work everything out because it's so
hard
> to meet people.
That could be.
> > <snip>.... I guess I don't know how to treat people because
> I've
> > not had all that much practice.
>
> That scares me sometimes. Even if I got in a relationship, I wouldn't
know
> what to do. I'd probably just blow it. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to
> be a problem...
I wouldn't prejudge myself too harshly if I were you. I know it's easy to
be defeatist. But leave yourself a little room just in case. You never
know what'll happen.
> > > <snip>
> Sorry, I didn't mean you in particular. This is the standard complaint of
> nearly all women. It gets old, especially to someone who wants more...and
> can't get it.
While we on the subject, and I'm well on my way to monopolizing your time
again (sorry)...
What is it *you* want? You've never said. Only said you can't get it.
> If it's any consolation, alot of women have done far worse.
>
> > Thank you for the suggestion.
> > I'm already depressed. (not his fault)
> > I already resent this situation. (also not his fault, not completely
> > anyway)
> > And I'm never going to cheat on him. I'm not a cheater.
> > I don't like to start one thing before the other is closed. Not right
or
> > fair.
>
> I'm not saying you will, I'm just saying if you want something you aren't
> getting long enough, you may start looking for something else to take it's
> place.
Like the pc? :)
I picture myself old and haggard, in a dark alley, hocking stuff so I can
afford the electric bill and spend more time online...if I don't get into
rehab and get control of this habit.
> Things aren't always going to be exactly what you want. All you can do is
> work on trying to get it as close as you can. I think you should talk to
a
> marriage counselor, as this is probably a common problem. If he won't go,
> go yourself. It might help. Better to try to fix this before it blows up
5
> years down the road.
The councelor sounds like where it's headed. He'd never go, of course.
Company won't shake him loose long enough to have a life. But it'd still
help me, I'm sure. Good suggestion.
While I'm on it, I asked him a couple days ago as he was complaining about
this and that going on at the office..."so, when you're running this company
what changes are you going to make?"...and he smiled at me funny, but I
could see it crossed his mind. Gotta give him points for motivation at
least.
Then we talked about his boss and the upcoming company party that family
isn't allowed to attend (families are excluded from all company social
functions)...he said his boss could care less about his family. He said his
boss was happy to have the kid out of the house and ignored his wife
completely. That makes me sad. I sure hope we don't end up that way.
Davros
Like most self help books I only got part way through it.
They don't seem to work well for shybies.
I buy books 2-3 times faster than I can read them.
But I dig them up when there is something useful.
The book is fairly simple (brief in its explanations), and covers a lot of
ground, but then I like reading meaty stuff.
The passage I wrote in the email was all there was on that subject.
Still a lot of things "click" when you read them, and you realise the truth
of them.
I found some things interesting.
I did a quiz to see if I had a male or female thinking brain.
Seems I have both. Always thought I was weird :-)
It seems to mean I am flexible in thought and can understand the male and
female side of problems.
(Nothing to do eith my sexuality ;-) )
For myself I found that when I started on my journey of self-discovery some
books were useful.
Some good self help type books, and easy to read, were by Andrew Matthews
"Being Happy", "Making Friends" and "Follow Your Heart".
I have been looking at "Friends: A practical guide to understanding
relationships", by Dr Helen McGrath and Hazel Edwards, as I have a bit of a
dilemma with someone in this area, and no one to give advice.
The book doesn't give answers, or tell you how to do things, but spells out
patterns.
I spend too much time reading novels, and other non-fiction of interest to
me, that I get distracted frm these unless something is really bugging me.
I'll give some more thought to the books.
Most of them are packed up, as I am expecting to have to move cities in the
near future.
Lisa
>
> Like most self help books I only got part way through it.
> They don't seem to work well for shybies.
> I buy books 2-3 times faster than I can read them.
> But I dig them up when there is something useful.
> The book is fairly simple (brief in its explanations), and covers a lot of
> ground, but then I like reading meaty stuff.
Hm. Brief in it's explanations is not really a good thing. I tend toward
the meaty stuff too.
> The passage I wrote in the email was all there was on that subject.
> Still a lot of things "click" when you read them, and you realise the
truth
> of them.
Yes, I agree, and I'm glad you posted it. It did apply to our situation and
it made sense.
> I found some things interesting.
> I did a quiz to see if I had a male or female thinking brain.
> Seems I have both. Always thought I was weird :-)
> It seems to mean I am flexible in thought and can understand the male and
> female side of problems.
> (Nothing to do eith my sexuality ;-) )
I don't think that's weird. You should be proud. You're a well-balanced
person. :)
> For myself I found that when I started on my journey of self-discovery
some
> books were useful.
> Some good self help type books, and easy to read, were by Andrew Matthews
> "Being Happy", "Making Friends" and "Follow Your Heart".
> I have been looking at "Friends: A practical guide to understanding
> relationships", by Dr Helen McGrath and Hazel Edwards, as I have a bit of
a
> dilemma with someone in this area, and no one to give advice.
> The book doesn't give answers, or tell you how to do things, but spells
out
> patterns.
>
> I spend too much time reading novels, and other non-fiction of interest to
> me, that I get distracted frm these unless something is really bugging me.
> I'll give some more thought to the books.
> Most of them are packed up, as I am expecting to have to move cities in
the
> near future.
I'll be taking a look myself. If you think of anything else, I'd be glad to
hear it. Thanks.
Davros
> "Davros" wrote:
> >
> > Like most self help books I only got part way through it.
> > They don't seem to work well for shybies.
> > I buy books 2-3 times faster than I can read them.
> > But I dig them up when there is something useful.
> > The book is fairly simple (brief in its explanations), and covers a lot
of
> > ground, but then I like reading meaty stuff.
>
> Hm. Brief in it's explanations is not really a good thing. I tend toward
> the meaty stuff too.
> > The passage I wrote in the email was all there was on that subject.
> > Still a lot of things "click" when you read them, and you realise the
> truth
> > of them.
>
> Yes, I agree, and I'm glad you posted it. It did apply to our situation
and
> it made sense.
I never find that a book can give an answer to your problems, only point you
in a direction, and provide possibilities.
Still, it was reading an advice book like that, that made me realise I was
chronically shy (age 31 - I was slow :-) ).
I honestly thought I was hideous/stupid/boring/etc. All that typical shybie
stuff. I was pretty bitter and extemely negative.
Once I realised that I have been able to improve myself in a lot of areas.
So you just never know what will help.
> > I found some things interesting.
> > I did a quiz to see if I had a male or female thinking brain.
> > Seems I have both. Always thought I was weird :-)
> > It seems to mean I am flexible in thought and can understand the male
and
> > female side of problems.
> > (Nothing to do eith my sexuality ;-) )
>
> I don't think that's weird. You should be proud. You're a well-balanced
> person. :)
I've been hearing that a lot of that recently.
And I now consider it one of my stronger points.
I'll let you know.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote in message
news:aaljl9$1c8$01$1...@news.t-online.com...
Lisa
> Remind me to respond to this tomorrow.
Only if I get flowers on secretary's day. :)
Jessica A.
People like to have distractions. If it wasn't the computer, then it would
be the tv, or video games, or something else.
Jessica A.
> I guess I'm not mature enough to know what to do when your best friend
goes
> off and finds other stuff to do without you, stuff they like better.
> Do you wait and remain their best friend, hoping they'll eventually notice
> how far apart the two of you are and head back toward you? (=> my current
> pick)
> Do you let it drift off casually, hoping they're happier?
> Being shy, I'm not real good at friendship in general, and I'm clueless
> about relationships. I guess I don't know how to treat people because
I've
> not had all that much practice.
I guess I'd have to say, you find your own interests and hobbies to do and
make yourself as happy as you can. If you get unhappy enough about the
situation, it may be time to start talking about marriage counseling.
Jessica A.
news:ucsh3j2...@corp.supernews.com...
In this day and age we know how to prevent babies. There doesn't have to be
one for anyone to get stuck with.
Jessica A.
I heard that. I wonder though, did the people in the study freely choose
their roles in life, or was it something they were forced into through
circumstance? I imagine any role you didn't really want to do could be a
source of stress.
William Parker
news:aalfm6$6f6$04$1...@news.t-online.com:
>> It was an interesting relationship in that it was fairly long
>> distance... I was about a four hour drive away. I did drive to see
>> her either every weekend or every other weekend. And we talked on the
>> phone most days, too... So the hot and romantic stuff was never an
>> issue...
>
> Never?
> Wow. I feel immature now.
> Maybe your relationship was more a thing of the mind. I've heard of
> this but never experienced it myself. I mean, myself personally. My
> husband is more a 'mind-man'.
Oh, I guess I *really* miscommunicated there! It definitely wasn't just a
"mind" thing. I meant it wasn't an issue because we never had to confront a
type of life where we saw each other every day... So, by the time we got to
see each other next, there was always a lot of anticipation built up, and in
that context the "hot and romantic" stuff was always there.
> My 2 cents...Seems to me you weren't ready for it.
> If you broke it off and it didn't hurt, it was more a reasonable
> decision, then I'd say this wasn't what you wanted or needed. Imo, you
> are very young to start thinking of commitment, so I think you made the
> best choice for you both.
Well, I definitely can't say that it didn't hurt. We still talk though, and
neither of us has regrets. (Well, not much;) )
>> But anyway, some things about that were just ideal, and I sometimes
>> feel like a bit of an idiot for having given it up:) Like, I had some
>> confidence at the time that I'd be able to find other relationships,
>> but now I'm not nearly as sure.
>
> I'm sure you'll find other relationships. And this time you'll have a
> better idea of what you're looking for in a mate.
I actually don't really feel like I do have a better idea. I think I have
quite a clear idea of what I want, and it hasn't changed very much. The
question has always been what I can actually find in the real world,
preferably somewhere close geographically, and where there's actually a
chance that the person will like me back.
Wry Bread
Lisa <Lisas...@blerg.com> wrote:
> I wouldn't prejudge myself too harshly if I were you. I know it's easy to
> be defeatist. But leave yourself a little room just in case. You never
> know what'll happen.
Yeah, that's what I used to tell myself ten years ago.
> What is it *you* want? You've never said. Only said you can't get it.
I want someone to actually care about me for once. Guess that's too much to
ask for.
Don't give me any corny, mushy replies to this either.
> The councelor sounds like where it's headed. He'd never go, of course.
> Company won't shake him loose long enough to have a life. But it'd still
> help me, I'm sure. Good suggestion.
Good luck. : )
Wry Bread
Jessica A. <jessica1RE...@hotpop.com> wrote:
> In this day and age we know how to prevent babies. There doesn't have to
be
> one for anyone to get stuck with.
Yes we do. We just don't bother to do it out of
laziness/arrogance/ignorance/naivety.\
"We" meaning everybody excluding me, of course.
Lisa
>
> > I wouldn't prejudge myself too harshly if I were you. I know it's easy
to
> > be defeatist. But leave yourself a little room just in case. You never
> > know what'll happen.
>
> Yeah, that's what I used to tell myself ten years ago.
>
> > What is it *you* want? You've never said. Only said you can't get it.
>
> I want someone to actually care about me for once. Guess that's too much
to
> ask for.
I'm beginning to think so too. I wanted someone to want to be with me for
me. This is what I meant by best friend.
What I've found is that people only seem to want to be with you for what you
can give them. Services. Not love.
Love doesn't count for much, except that while it lasts, it ensures the
services (from you) will keep coming.
> Don't give me any corny, mushy replies to this either.
Ok. Don't have any anyway.
It's a woman thing, you know the pre-wired nurturing instinct and all
that...but it feels wrong to leave someone who says a negative thing with
"Yeah. You're right. You're gonna die alone."
I guess silence is better.
> > The councelor sounds like where it's headed. He'd never go, of course.
> > Company won't shake him loose long enough to have a life. But it'd
still
> > help me, I'm sure. Good suggestion.
>
> Good luck. : )
Thanks.
Dale Greer
news:cdc4eb81.02042...@posting.google.com...
> Is this a good place to request help?
> I'm too shy to ask anyone directly for help.
Good troll. He started this thread on 4/27 and has only been back once, on
4/28, yet the thread goes on and on. There are 66 (now 67) messages and my
news server doesn't always get all that are posted. It's like a little kid
who stirred up an anthill with a stick.
Dale
Joel Crum
news:aal8qk$6fq$05$1...@news.t-online.com:
> "Joel Crum" wrote:
>> >> >
>> >> > Now tell us about men.
>> >>
>> >> Men want food and sex.
>> >
>> > And, if I feed a man, will he then sleep with me?
>>
>> From what you've said your man could use about three weeks worth of
>> naps. Then he'd probably sleep with you, or rather, not. Still a
>> nice meal might help him chill out after work which wouldn't hurt.
>
> *LOL*
> Thank you Joel C. That was very sweet. :)
I'm not sure how. :: Scratches head ::
> I wish he wanted me like he does this career, but he doesn't.
Well this is a much more common problem among women then social phobia so
you might find a better level of help and understanding then you have
become accustomed to. If you haven't spoken to anyone who knows you in
real life I think you should.
I probably don't understand a situation like that at all. I seem to like
talking to this nice girl I know all day on MSN rather then working
anyway. BUT my recommendation would be to use your "feminine whiles" on
him. (Do you have any of those? Check the back of your closet, you
might not have had them out in a few years.) The idea would be to slowly
convince him he is the most put upon worker ever, then that his bosses
are huge idiots, and finaly that he should get really mad and *do*
something about it! (Like quit or at least cut back.) It's not a very
modern approach to the situation but it's the first thing I'd would try
if I had boobies.
--
- Joel C.
I am a defective male.
Joel
news:35C4C5314C36E04C.D38485DB...@lp.airnews.net..
.
Well lets see... he might be shy, and not wanting to reply to anything,
there might not be anything WORTH replying to, and I wouldn't say that
this is a good troll... nothing in here is really hostile. This was a
fun thread. Still is.
If anything, your post is more of a troll post. Designed to get people
to flame you.
--
Joel
If you want a look into my life, check out:
http://moleculor.blogspot.com/ -- 04/30/02 1:16 PM
Lisa
:)
I'm not laughing at you. This is a brand of adorable men might not
understand, but adorable just the same. Cute. Cute. Cute!
I liked the 'whiles' thing, btw.