Women's Personal Ads
Jaycee
Mens posting:
Lets f**k !
Womens posting:
You MUST:
- Be over 6'2"
- Be in great shape.
- Be great looking.
- Be educated. I have a masters degree AND a law degree. That means I am
really smart. Did I mention I have a masters degree AND a law degree?
Even though deep down I know I am not that bright I can hide behind
these degrees and pretend I am - phewww!
- Have a great job and make lots of money. If you aren't a doctor or
lawyer you aren't good enough cuz they are really, really smart but more
importantly they will make my best girlfirends jealous (bitches !).
- Be able to impress my friends and make them envious and jealous. Oops
I think I mentioned that above. Just want to make sure you know what
your main purpose is.
- Not be too domineering but you aren't a momma's boy either. Meaning
whatever mood I am in I will tell you how to act.
- Like wine. I like Shiraz cuz it's Australian and I am really worldly
and only know Merlot and Shiraz and Shiraz sounds more sophisticated.
- Be well travelled. The bus tour in London was great and staying at the
Paris Hilton just screams culture. It means you are smart, attractive
and cultured if you travel, cuz getting on a plane and staying at the
Hilton takes lots of brains and skill.
- Like jewelry. Tiffany is my very favorite - it is just wonderful. I
love wearing a dog tag around my neck that reads someone elses name.
Besides only 20 million other women have it. I feel so special wearing
the same thing everyone else does.
- Like Starbucks. Even though their coffee really sucks and is way
overpriced I must have it. What would someone think if they saw me
walking with a plain styrofoam cup ???
- Like fine cars. As with jewelry, I have very unique taste in cars as
well - BMW or Mercedes.
- Love Sex and the City because like the girls on the show I have whored
around a ton (I will never admit that to you though) but seeing it done
on TV makes it OK. Because they aren’t just whores, they are rich women
looking for love! They represent sophisticated, educated, tasteful,
classy girls like me. If you are a yuppie and spread your legs for lots
of guys you aren’t a whore – you are just looking for the right guy.
Those uneducated blue collar girls that fuck lots of guys are whores !
But I have a masters degree and a law degree so just because I have had
more men than the urinals at Fenway Park I am not a whore damn it !
- Not ever, ever, ever be worse looking than any of my friends
boyfriends cuz if you are I will try to fuck him behind your back and my
girlfriends back (that bitch!)
- Not ever, ever, ever, mother fucker be less successful than any of my
friends boyfriends. If you are I will try to fuck him behind your back
and my girlfriends back (I hate her !)
- Never bore me. Yes, you guessed it, if you do see above, cuz I am
getting sick of telling your sorry ass how many ways and why I will
cheat on you (sigh!)
- Give me the attention I need but not be too clingy. Again, this all
depends on my mood of the moment. Good luck figuring that out. Oh and if
you aren’t attentive enough or too attentive, see above.
- Have a huge dick. Again, see above, you know by now what will happen
if you don't.
- Constantly be amazing in bed and live up to every fantasy I have ever
had about a man. If you don't I'll be coming home late from work several
times a week.
- Be a Prince or the son of a Prince would be good. I am too stupid to
know that the son of a Prince is still a Prince but I know I want to get
me one. If not a billionaire, millionaire, singer, actor, athlete,
doctor or lawyer (in that order) is acceptable.
Being a psycho or sociopath is OK as long as you meet all the above
criteria. I won't let a small thing like that get in the way if you have
all these other qualities. Just because it didn't work out for Nicole
Simpson or Laci Peterson doesn't mean it won't work for us. And even
though Princess Diana was more miserable than George Bush on Jeopardy I
am sure I will be quite happy being a Princess. At least until the
effect of making my friends really envious and jealous wears off, then I
will find something to hate about you and my life !
Also when I do cheat please know that it will NEVER, EVER, EVER be my
fault - it will be yours.
Please note this is just a partial listing of things I am looking for in
a man. You should know that this list can and will change constantly and
if we do get together there will be an ever changing social contract
that I will constantly amend without you knowing it and worse never tell
you I changed it.
RESPONSES WITHOUT PICS WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DELETED!
I can't wait to hear from you.
ci+
> MENS PERSONAL ADS COMPARED TO WOMENS
>
> Mens posting:
> Lets f**k !
"dont evn bothr ansering this ad! see yo at 6 at motel6"
> Womens posting:
>
> You MUST:
>
> - Be over 6'2"
> - Be in great shape.
> - Be great looking.
>
> - Be educated. I have a masters degree AND a law degree. That means I am
> really smart. Did I mention I have a masters degree AND a law degree?
> Even though deep down I know I am not that bright I can hide behind
> these degrees and pretend I am - phewww!
>
> - Have a great job and make lots of money. If you aren't a doctor or
> lawyer you aren't good enough cuz they are really, really smart but more
> importantly they will make my best girlfirends jealous (bitches !).
>
> - Be able to impress my friends and make them envious and jealous. Oops
> I think I mentioned that above. Just want to make sure you know what
> your main purpose is.
>
> - Not be too domineering but you aren't a momma's boy either. Meaning
> whatever mood I am in I will tell you how to act.
and never never domineer your momma
> - Like wine. I like Shiraz cuz it's Australian and I am really worldly
> and only know Merlot and Shiraz and Shiraz sounds more sophisticated.
so zinfandel fell off 'the map'...
> - Be well travelled. The bus tour in London was great and staying at the
> Paris Hilton just screams culture. It means you are smart, attractive
> and cultured if you travel, cuz getting on a plane and staying at the
> Hilton takes lots of brains and skill.
>
> - Like jewelry. Tiffany is my very favorite - it is just wonderful. I
> love wearing a dog tag around my neck that reads someone elses name.
> Besides only 20 million other women have it. I feel so special wearing
> the same thing everyone else does.
>
> - Like Starbucks. Even though their coffee really sucks and is way
> overpriced I must have it. What would someone think if they saw me
> walking with a plain styrofoam cup ???
>
> - Like fine cars. As with jewelry, I have very unique taste in cars as
> well - BMW or Mercedes.
>
> - Love Sex and the City because like the girls on the show I have whored
> around a ton (I will never admit that to you though) but seeing it done
> on TV makes it OK. Because they aren’t just whores, they are rich women
> looking for love! They represent sophisticated, educated, tasteful,
> classy girls like me. If you are a yuppie and spread your legs for lots
> of guys you aren’t a whore – you are just looking for the right guy.
> Those uneducated blue collar girls that fuck lots of guys are whores !
> But I have a masters degree and a law degree so just because I have had
> more men than the urinals at Fenway Park I am not a whore damn it !
hmm, and speaking of Paris Hilton...
> - Not ever, ever, ever be worse looking than any of my friends
> boyfriends cuz if you are I will try to fuck him behind your back and my
> girlfriends back (that bitch!)
>
> - Not ever, ever, ever, mother fucker be less successful than any of my
> friends boyfriends. If you are I will try to fuck him behind your back
> and my girlfriends back (I hate her !)
all that backfucking is getting confusing...
> - Never bore me. Yes, you guessed it, if you do see above, cuz I am
> getting sick of telling your sorry ass how many ways and why I will
> cheat on you (sigh!)
>
> - Give me the attention I need but not be too clingy. Again, this all
> depends on my mood of the moment. Good luck figuring that out. Oh and if
> you aren’t attentive enough or too attentive, see above.
>
> - Have a huge dick. Again, see above, you know by now what will happen
> if you don't.
>
> - Constantly be amazing in bed and live up to every fantasy I have ever
> had about a man. If you don't I'll be coming home late from work several
> times a week.
>
> - Be a Prince or the son of a Prince would be good. I am too stupid to
> know that the son of a Prince is still a Prince but I know I want to get
> me one. If not a billionaire, millionaire, singer, actor, athlete,
> doctor or lawyer (in that order) is acceptable.
"so, i can't be an artist formerly unknown as a prince..."
> Being a psycho or sociopath is OK as long as you meet all the above
> criteria.
didn't "she" *already* say that a law degree is big plus...
and can't a psych degree be good enough? ol' dr. spongejob dobson's pulling big $$...
>I won't let a small thing like that get in the way if you have
> all these other qualities. Just because it didn't work out for Nicole
> Simpson or Laci Peterson doesn't mean it won't work for us.
"ok, is Jim Jones (or Bob Jones) good enough for ya?"
>And even
> though Princess Diana was more miserable than George Bush on Jeopardy I
> am sure I will be quite happy being a Princess. At least until the
> effect of making my friends really envious and jealous wears off, then I
> will find something to hate about you and my life !
>
> Also when I do cheat please know that it will NEVER, EVER, EVER be my
> fault - it will be yours.
"are you representing yourself in this matter?"
> Please note this is just a partial listing of things I am looking for in
> a man. You should know that this list can and will change constantly
boxers! not the stripes! the dots! no! paisley!
>and
> if we do get together there will be an ever changing social contract
> that I will constantly amend without you knowing it and worse never tell
> you I changed it.
>
> RESPONSES WITHOUT PICS WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DELETED!
"yeah, you know i'm hot, baby..."
http://www.awitness.org/journal/graphics/tom/satan.jpg
> I can't wait to hear from you.
"i'm already crawling through your window, baby... "
Dolores
What's really funny is that if you posted this as a joke to, say, Yahoo
personals, you'd *still* get a hundred responses.
ci+
> What's really funny is that if you posted this as a joke to, say, Yahoo
> personals, you'd *still* get a hundred responses.
>
espec if he posts it in M4W?
gamma...@yahoo.com
> - Not be too domineering but you aren't a momma's
> boy either. Meaning whatever mood I am in I will
> tell you how to act.
This is interesting, because I'd bet that most guys who
have had some experience with girls would, if they were
trying to put women down like this, say the exact opposite:
" ... whatever mood I am in I will expect you to guess
it correctly without any clues from me and act accordingly."
Virgo Cluster
. "[10 Worst Ever Published Poets in the English Language]
.. (#3) Alfred Austin (1835-1913).
......... Along the wires the electric message came
......... He is no better, he is much the same
................. "Ode to the dying Alfred, Lord Tennyson"
.. The post of Poet Laureate has been held by three greats --
.. Dryden, Wordsworth, and Tennyson, many mediocre poets,
.. and several truly bad poets. Of these, Alfred Austin was
.. the most outstandingly awful. His appointment was blatantly
.. political: Austin was a conservative leader-writer in
.. "The Standard", and had twice failed to be elected to
.. parliament when he was awarded the laureateship by the
.. prime minister, Lord Salisbury, who saw no reason why a
.. failed politician with no track record as a poet shouldn't
.. make a success of it, provided he supported the right
.. party. Although only 5 feet tall, Austin had an enormous
.. ego, and was sublimely ignorant of his limitations. He
.. took his appointment as proof that he was officially
.. England's greatest writer -- in his own words, "at the
.. head of English literature". Austin quickly became known
.. for his overblown epics and his insensitive right-wing
.. politics. His efforts were universally panned by the
.. critics, who followed his career with mounting disbelief,
.. but Austin struck a pose of lofty indifference, continuing
.. to churn out rubbish and to lecture his public about the
.. literary deficiencies of his contemporaries and the idiocy
.. of all critics. One of his best known works, a poem about
.. the infamous South African expedition, the Jameson Raid,
.. in which Austin acclaimed Jameson as a hero, was greeted
.. with hilarity and derision and even earned a rebuke from
.. Queen Victoria. He interpreted the scathing attacks on his
.. efforts as jealousy. When someone dared point out to him
.. that his poems were full of basic grammatical errors,
.. Austin replied: "I dare not alter these things. They come
.. to me from above." "
<< Karl Shaw, "The Mammoth Book of Tasteless
.. Lists", Carroll & Graf Publishers, 1998, pp. 115-116 >>
Endnote: I'm using dots to initialize left margin spacings,
since the new and improved google beta groups seems to not
be able to recognize left margin spacings, or at least it
doesn't seem to based on the first post I made using google's
beta group usenet portal.
kitznegari thinks it has wings
have dated ONE person over 5' 10".
>- Be in great shape.
nobody i've ever dated could run a half mile without falling down and dying.
>- Be great looking.
an adorable smile and a positive, confident attitude are all i could ever dream
of. the rest is impractical because it could change in a second's notice.
>- Be educated.
or at least know a lot about whatever your passion is. i dated one guy that
barely got out of highschool, but he was completely in love with his subject of
interest and that was really cool with me.
>- Have a great job and make lots of money.
hahaha. i have yet to date a guy with a "great job". EVER. haha!
>- Be able to impress my friends and make them envious and jealous.
this one is true. i want people i interact with to think he's really cool, and
they usually do :)
>- Not be too domineering but you aren't a momma's boy either. Meaning
>whatever mood I am in I will tell you how to act.
the first sentence is true. it works well if you just be yourself.
>- Like wine.
ick, feh! that is terrible. who cares?
>- Be well travelled.
nope. it's interesting to talk about, but as i've been nowhere, it tends to
make me feel bad or like we just don't have much in common.
>- Like jewelry.
i can't remember the last time i wore jewlrey. what's the point when you just
have to take it all off to spar anyway?
>I love wearing a dog tag around my neck that reads someone elses name.
i know you didn't mean it this way, but if i guy gave me a necklace of his that
had his name on it, i'd be elated :)
>- Like Starbucks. Even though their coffee really sucks and is way
>overpriced I must have it. What would someone think if they saw me
>walking with a plain styrofoam cup ???
i like starbucks. it's a status symbol. i mean, walk into any office building
with it and you're immediately a notch above anyone that doesn't have one. no
joke. i can't explain or defend it, it just is that way.
>- Like fine cars. As with jewelry, I have very unique taste in cars as
>well - BMW or Mercedes.
imo, if the car RUNS, it is a fine car. as a rule i HATE people who drive
BMWs. it's like wearing a badge that says "pretentious fucker" everywhere you
go. gross.
>- Love Sex and the City
puke no.
>- Not ever, ever, ever be worse looking than any of my friends
>boyfriends cuz if you are I will try to fuck him behind your back and my
>girlfriends back (that bitch!)
um, no.
>- Not ever, ever, ever, mother fucker be less successful than any of my
>friends boyfriends. If you are I will try to fuck him behind your back
>and my girlfriends back (I hate her !)
no. you know something? why date someone if you're not going to be faithful.
that's stupid.
>- Never bore me.
that's kind of a good one. but if you love him, he'll never bore you.
>- Give me the attention I need but not be too clingy.
a delicate balance, yes.
>- Have a huge dick.
you know, i've been there, and it really doesn't mean much if the love and
personality are not there alongside it.
>- Constantly be amazing in bed and live up to every fantasy I have ever had
about a man.
you can't help but being amazing if the girl loves you.
>And even
>though Princess Diana was more miserable than George Bush on Jeopardy I
>am sure I will be quite happy being a Princess.
being a princess would be pretty cool.
- k i t z -
i am absolutely GIDDY over ff7:advent children.
faq - http://www.livejournal.com/users/kitznegari
Dolores
<frantically googling>
Dolores
OK I understand.
I bet if he posted it in M4W he'd get responses from 99 men who assumed
that he posted it in the wrong place, and from 1 woman who thought it
was hot that he's so fucking surreal.
Pumpkinhead
>>- Like Starbucks. Even though their coffee really sucks and is way
>>overpriced I must have it. What would someone think if they saw me
>>walking with a plain styrofoam cup ???
>
> i like starbucks. it's a status symbol. i mean, walk into any office
> building
> with it and you're immediately a notch above anyone that doesn't have one.
> no
> joke. i can't explain or defend it, it just is that way.
I wouldn't give someone an extra notch just because they had a Starbucks
cup.
>>- Like fine cars. As with jewelry, I have very unique taste in cars as
>>well - BMW or Mercedes.
>
> imo, if the car RUNS, it is a fine car. as a rule i HATE people who drive
> BMWs. it's like wearing a badge that says "pretentious fucker" everywhere
> you
> go. gross.
Why isn't a BMW a status symbol like a Starbucks cup?
Darkfalz
is... I like mountain climbing, sky diving, racing, horse riding,
outback camping, sock draw sorting, clubbing, the gym, bike riding,
tennis, drive a motorbike...
Have I bluffed enough "confidence" for you, you greedy bitch?
You won't see a guy writing that he likes computer games and staying in
(well, now and again you do as sort of a down to earth/pity attempt,
but obviously women ignore such things).
catfish
Some of us actually do enjoy getting out and doing things. Sorry you
pathetic slab of blubber, but them's the facts. I wouldn't be
interested in a lazy, housebound, couch potato chick either.
Catfish
Darkfalz
to do, you'd be doing it.
Dolores
> You won't see a guy writing that he likes computer games and staying in
> (well, now and again you do as sort of a down to earth/pity attempt,
> but obviously women ignore such things).
>
Only if it's you, sweetcheeks.
ci+
>
> I bet if he posted it in M4W he'd get responses from 99 men who assumed
> that he posted it in the wrong place,
heh
funny thing is (years ago) when i first saw some plain-old M4W in the W4M ads, i sent a note... "Oi, comrade,... (etc)"
>and from 1 woman who thought it
> was hot that he's so fucking surreal.
hmmm... i guess she'd be an odd/interesting woman who was surveying teh W4M... :>
http://www.eyeconart.net/history/Surrealism/VaroDeathResus63.jpg
http://www.eyeconart.net/history/Surrealism/CaFerretRace50.jpg
http://students.washington.edu/giorgia/varie/magritte.gif
http://englishpclabs.tamu.edu/engl649/gallery/magritte/intermission.jpg
Dolores
> Dolores <weasel...@sinmonkey.com> in news:faednYyj0rF...@comcast.com:
>
>
>>I bet if he posted it in M4W he'd get responses from 99 men who assumed
>>that he posted it in the wrong place,
>
>
> heh
> funny thing is (years ago) when i first saw some plain-old M4W in the W4M ads, i sent a note... "Oi, comrade,... (etc)"
>
>
>>and from 1 woman who thought it
>>was hot that he's so fucking surreal.
>
>
> hmmm... i guess she'd be an odd/interesting woman who was surveying teh W4M... :>
>
> http://www.eyeconart.net/history/Surrealism/VaroDeathResus63.jpg
That reminds me of something. A dinner party? Something.
Jaycee
Yeah, he just likes to fuck fat whales, sorry, I mean "BBWs", because
that's all he can get. But what do you expect from a bottom feeding ugly
fish ?
ci+
Dolores <weasel...@sinmonkey.com> in news:I-KdnQeVEIR...@comcast.com:
>> http://www.eyeconart.net/history/Surrealism/VaroDeathResus63.jpg
>
> That reminds me of something. A dinner party? Something.
rascally young'uns
http://englishpclabs.tamu.edu/engl649/gallery/dali/the-sacrament-of-the-last-supper.jpg
--
Quasi it until you make it