Reliving High School for Life
Bandaid
cutting ways, laughed at, teased just so I could be humiliated yet
again. It's all true, but I'm still living out that high-school age
script.
Nobody does that to me anymore. They haven't done it to me in many
years. When I was in my mid-twenties, I asked young women out, or at
least down to the corner so we could get to know each other – one in a
museum, another in a laundromat. They still said no, but they weren't
mean about it at all. My expectations were still in a very old script
filled with immature high-schoolers like I was.
I'm still stalled, though. I have no idea what to say to anybody
unless it's work, can't make small talk. I'm 54 years old, but in
many ways I act and feel like I'm still an awkward and clueless
teen-ager who says something stupid ever time I open my mouth, not
grown up enough for women my age.
I realize that I was a hideous dweeb, but if any of you were at G.W.
High in the late ‘60's, thanks for nothing, you didn't have to kick
the geek. He was down already.
When I was in high school kids were superficial, totally hung up on
looks and car ownership. Being rejected was horrible, torture, and I
still remember getting better-dealed before the prom like it was
yesterday. But it was 35 years ago! What am I doing still giving them
power over me now?
Shys like us miss important developmental stages, and it's extremely
difficult to make them up later. I can't go out and try to make
conversation with a 48 year old divorcee when I feel like I'm still
acting like 16. Outside of my disastrous marriage, I've been on two
or three dates since 1971. I know intellectually that the divorcee
isn't going to pretend she likes me so that her friends can laugh at
me at the mall; high school kids do that with geeks. So why do I
still feel so small?
Jim Summers87
>isn't going to pretend she likes me so that her friends can laugh at
>me at the mall; high school kids do that with geeks. So why do I
>still feel so small?
>
You've mentioned before how much we have in common. I graduated High School in
1991 and I'm 30 years old now but I was still viewing the world of High School
as reality all the way up to this year..that's 12 years!!! One thing that I
don't think is very easy to accept is that High School is like it's own
Fantasy-Land, it's just one long bad dream and when you graduate, you wake up
from that dream!
Immediately after I graduated, women were smiling at me in college or at the
mall but in the back of my mind there was always the thought, "They are just
mocking me. This is some trick."
I've told the stories on this newsgroup about all of the women who have
flirted with me since High School ended but no amount of women looking at me
now will ever remove that self doubt that was given to me in my Teen Years. I
remember in 1997 when a lady told me that I was smart, does it surprise you
that the first thought in my head was, "Is she calling me a geek?" Even though
this same girl later winked at me twice and rubbed my back....
High School made me so sensitive to insults or potential humiliation. Let me
give you another example: In the year 2002 I was walking toward the door of the
local county library. A pretty girl walked out of the door at the same time I
was coming in, she looked at me and smiled, but I didn't smile back because I
became immediately aware of her cellphone. She was talking to someone on her
cellphone. In my paranoid mind she was about to tell her friend on the phone
that she had just smiled at a dork, ME!!! I imagined that this would occur and
therefore I didn't smile back and when she saw that I didn't smile back, her
smile turned into a look of disappointment. I had ruined a nice moment with a
stranger and why had I ruined it? Because High School had made me perceive
everyone as out to hurt you...kids in High School lived to hurt other people's
feelings, they conspired, manipulated, did ANYTHING they could to hurt me...
Capt, face it, we are still somewhat locked in a primitive animal mindset of
looking out for the next attack. We have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. We are
mentally traumatized forever like a Vietnam Veteran experiencing permanent
flashbacks and shellshock..
If the people in this group want to know why I'm still a virgin at age 30
it's because the last 3 beautiful women that have flirted with me, I didn't
respond properly because I was still on-edge looking for threats to my
ego..everyday I'm haunted by the knowledge of knowing that I threw away
potential great romances and all due to my emotions being traumatized in High
School.
The most beautiful girl who ever liked me disappeared from my life in 1998.
She flirted with me numerous times and all she wanted was for me to go talk to
her, flirt with her and ask for her phone number, but High School had made me
feel so bad about my appearance that I simply couldn't believe that a beautiful
woman could ever want a Geek like me. I let her slip away. She was living in
1998, I was still stuck in High School in 1989.
Joe Canuck
Forget about the women. Make a life for yourself that you enjoy, and if
in the course of doing and enjoying that life you meet a woman and
pursue a relationship great! If not, well you have your life that you enjoy.
I guess the point is... stop making women the focus of your life.
--
"Its the bugs that keep it running."
-Joe Canuck
Jim Summers87
>
>--
>"Its the bugs that keep it running."
> -Joe Canuck
That's easy for you to say, you are CANADIAN, you can just live for hockey!!!
tsilihin
news:20031029224938...@mb-m11.aol.com:
Hey! Don't forget us Australians, and our Cricket, Lamingtons and Meat
Pies!
Data888
oh, I hate that stupid stereotype so much. I don't really do/like
anything "Australian", and the amount of crap I put up with for it is
incredible.
Jim Summers87
>anything "Australian", and the amount of crap I put up with for it is
>incredible.
>
You've never killed a koala? I hear that those little guys are the biggest
assholes!!! They may look cute but they are mean little shits....
Data888
I don't know. Can I kill a cricketer instead? Or an AFL footballer?
They're far more annoying.
Bandaid
> >I know intellectually that the divorcee
> >isn't going to pretend she likes me so that her friends can laugh at
> >me at the mall; high school kids do that with geeks. So why do I
> >still feel so small?
> >
>
> You've mentioned before how much we have in common. I graduated High School in
> 1991 and I'm 30 years old now but I was still viewing the world of High School
> as reality all the way up to this year..that's 12 years!!! One thing that I
> don't think is very easy to accept is that High School is like it's own
> Fantasy-Land, it's just one long bad dream and when you graduate, you wake up
> from that dream!
Ours is the common experience for shys, because the essential
devlopment from a child to an adult sexual being happens during the
late junior high and high school years. High school is a highly
artificial place. Males with new hormones are battling for dominance
and females struggle to set up their heirarchy. Since God didn't give
us red asses and genitalia like baboons, we have to fight over the
spoils some other way.
> Capt, face it, we are still somewhat locked in a primitive animal mindset of
> looking out for the next attack. We have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. We
> are mentally traumatized forever like a Vietnam Veteran experiencing permanent
> flashbacks and shellshock..
Funny analogy for me, because Vietnam was going on when I was in high
school. I don't want to exaggerate, but it's kinda like having been a
POW.
> If the people in this group want to know why I'm still a virgin at age 30
> it's because the last 3 beautiful women that have flirted with me, I didn't
> respond properly because I was still on-edge looking for threats to my
> ego..everyday I'm haunted by the knowledge of knowing that I threw away
> potential great romances and all due to my emotions being traumatized in High
> School.
It's not just the remembered pain. You and I and most of us missed out
on learning how to initiate and develop these relationships. We lack
skills, knowledge of how to interpret what they're seeing. Does she
really like you or is she just fooling around? (half hour discussing
it) You've noticed packs of kids endlessly whispering, gossiping,
pointing to each other? They're discussing and interpreting signals,
man, learning the code. You didn't do it and I didn't do it.
Here's a thought experiment. Pretend you were brought up in a cabin in
the woods by your parents, who love you, but you had no social contact
during your high school years. You come to town as an adult. You
didn't have the trauma, but you'd still have trouble, because you
missed out on some of the most important lessons you learn during
those years. OTOH, you'd have a better chance of recovering because
you didn't have the trauma.
> The most beautiful girl who ever liked me disappeared from my life in 1998.
> She flirted with me numerous times and all she wanted was for me to go talk to
> her, flirt with her and ask for her phone number, but High School had made me
> feel so bad about my appearance that I simply couldn't believe that a
> beautiful woman could ever want a Geek like me. I let her slip away. She was
> living in 1998, I was still stuck in High School in 1989.
Exactly. The 1998 woman is not the 1989 girl. I realized that slowly,
too slowly to help me. I had some insight when I got up the courage
to try to pick up the women in the museum and the laundromat, and they
turned me down nicely. It still hurt, but I coud bear it.
Where you and I might differ is that I blamed myself, not them. I
knew what a dweeb I was - I still cringe at the memory - there's no
way I was going to get a date. I still don't feel like an adult. I
don't lead an adult's life, except for working and being a parent.
I'm thankful I have two kids who love me very much - it's saved my
sanity - but of course it's not the same as having that one person who
loves you and goes to bed with you at night. Besides, I have to give
up the kids to the adult world someday before long and not cling to
them. One thing I am doing with them, though, is talk to them about
not being mean. (They're girls) I've told them never to make fun of
the geeks, and don't join in it; and, no matter how little they want
to go out with somebody, say "no" politely.
O_zean
"Bandaid" <capt.b...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:b600c821.03102...@posting.google.com...
> I've said in this newsgroup that I was rejected in unnecessary,
> cutting ways, laughed at, teased just so I could be humiliated yet
> again. It's all true, but I'm still living out that high-school age
> script.
>
> Nobody does that to me anymore. They haven't done it to me in many
> years. When I was in my mid-twenties, I asked young women out, or at
> museum, another in a laundromat. They still said no, but they weren't
> mean about it at all. My expectations were still in a very old script
> filled with immature high-schoolers like I was.
Well, not all of them reject. The thing is to try on and try and try.
>
> I'm still stalled, though. I have no idea what to say to anybody
> unless it's work, can't make small talk. I'm 54 years old, but in
> many ways I act and feel like I'm still an awkward and clueless
> teen-ager who says something stupid ever time I open my mouth, not
> grown up enough for women my age.
I am 26 and I feel like a 11 old year old shy boy. I havent learned anything
in my life. I am so socially fucked up/
>
> I realize that I was a hideous dweeb, but if any of you were at G.W.
> High in the late '60's, thanks for nothing, you didn't have to kick
> the geek. He was down already.
YOu are no dweeb, I like reading your posts.
>
> When I was in high school kids were superficial, totally hung up on
> looks and car ownership. \
When i began to have no friends, I stopped carting about me. I dressed silly
clothes and never went outside. Very sad.
Being rejected was horrible, torture, and I
> still remember getting better-dealed before the prom like it was
> yesterday. But it was 35 years ago! What am I doing still giving them
> power over me now?
we have no proms here. GOD nO! pfff.....but that was 35 years ahgo. you said
that yourself. Forget it. Proms are for extrovert people. Do what you really
like to do . Music? any hobbys?
>
> Shys like us miss important developmental stages, and it's extremely
> difficult to make them up later. I can't go out and try to make
> conversation with a 48 year old divorcee when I feel like I'm still
> acting like 16.
Me too. I can't wait when I become 60
Outside of my disastrous marriage, I've been on two
> or three dates since 1971. I know intellectually that the divorcee
> isn't going to pretend she likes me so that her friends can laugh at
> me at the mall; high school kids do that with geeks. So why do I
> still feel so small?
Don't ask yourself why you are so sad. Start doing things now. I mean
NOWWWWWWWWWWw. Start doing things you like. Read books, chat and stuff.
Enjoy life NOW. Don't let them get to you! OK? SHYNES IS BEAUTIFUL!
matthew
> cutting ways, laughed at, teased just so I could be humiliated yet
> again. It's all true, but I'm still living out that high-school age
> script.
>
> Nobody does that to me anymore. They haven't done it to me in many
> years. When I was in my mid-twenties, I asked young women out, or at
> museum, another in a laundromat. They still said no, but they weren't
> mean about it at all. My expectations were still in a very old script
> filled with immature high-schoolers like I was.
>
> I'm still stalled, though. I have no idea what to say to anybody
> unless it's work, can't make small talk. I'm 54 years old, but in
> many ways I act and feel like I'm still an awkward and clueless
> teen-ager who says something stupid ever time I open my mouth, not
> grown up enough for women my age.
>
> I realize that I was a hideous dweeb, but if any of you were at G.W.
> High in the late '60's, thanks for nothing, you didn't have to kick
> the geek. He was down already.
>
The more loser one is the more he's going to be kicked down.
What's more is that, the more down that particular loser is, the more
he will be getting kicked down too.
Heck, even on this group. Whenever I was feeling down because of how
I'm treated by people, half the posters would just advice me to kill
myself.
Harsh reality of human nature. People have a natural tendency for this
kinda things.Just look at children and how they treat the different
kid that has some sorts of defect. Other animals behave
similarly.Chickens for example will beak to death an offspring that
was born with some anomalies.
Cold, darwinian-like logic I suppose.
matthew
> >I know intellectually that the divorcee
> >isn't going to pretend she likes me so that her friends can laugh at
> >me at the mall; high school kids do that with geeks. So why do I
> >still feel so small?
> >
>
> 1991 and I'm 30 years old now but I was still viewing the world of High School
> as reality all the way up to this year..that's 12 years!!! One thing that I
> don't think is very easy to accept is that High School is like it's own
> Fantasy-Land, it's just one long bad dream and when you graduate, you wake up
> from that dream!
>
> mall but in the back of my mind there was always the thought, "They are just
> mocking me. This is some trick."
>
More likely she just find you funny looking,and can't help but smile.
I'm not saying whenever a woman smile at a man it's because she find
him funny looking. It can be because she find him handsome too. I
guess you have to look at the individual cases.
In your cases, that seem to be highly probable, considereng that
you've tell us what an effeminated,lacking normal male characteristic
beta you are.
I'm sorry if you don't like it jim.Again I'm not saying that actual
normal men never receive smiles, I'm just saying (and I'm not the
first to point it) that you seem terribly...-terribly- delusional..
it's extremely pathetic.
Women are very harsh on low quality, unmasculine males like us, jim.
[snip jim's wishful thinking]
matthew
KC Carter
> "Bandaid" <capt.b...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> news:b600c821.03102...@posting.google.com...
> > I've said in this newsgroup that I was rejected in unnecessary,
> > cutting ways, laughed at, teased just so I could be humiliated yet
> > again. It's all true, but I'm still living out that high-school age
> > script.
> >
> > Nobody does that to me anymore. They haven't done it to me in many
> > years. When I was in my mid-twenties, I asked young women out, or at
> > least down to the corner so we could get to know each other - one in a
> > museum, another in a laundromat. They still said no, but they weren't
> > mean about it at all. My expectations were still in a very old script
> > filled with immature high-schoolers like I was.
>
> Well, not all of them reject. The thing is to try on and try and try.
>
> >
> > I'm still stalled, though. I have no idea what to say to anybody
> > unless it's work, can't make small talk. I'm 54 years old, but in
> > many ways I act and feel like I'm still an awkward and clueless
> > teen-ager who says something stupid ever time I open my mouth, not
> > grown up enough for women my age.
>
> I am 26 and I feel like a 11 old year old shy boy. I havent learned anything
> in my life. I am so socially fucked up/
That's how I felt before medication. Now I feel wiser and more mature,
yet more youthful and energetic, than I've ever felt. You deserve
medical attention. I think that most people with red faces have an
anxiety problem, like me and you, and it can be cured!
KC
Hater
> > Capt, face it, we are still somewhat locked in a primitive animal mindset of
> > looking out for the next attack. We have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. We
> > are mentally traumatized forever like a Vietnam Veteran experiencing permanent
> > flashbacks and shellshock..
I completely agree, and I think many psychologists would also.
> It's not just the remembered pain. You and I and most of us missed out
> on learning how to initiate and develop these relationships. We lack
> skills, knowledge of how to interpret what they're seeing.
Very true. I can totally identify with the experiences you two
describe; at age 29, sometimes I'm still shocked when people talk to
me as if I were a normal person, and I can't tell whether they're
being sarcastic (although, like KC_Carter mentioned, medication has
helped me not care too much about that). I still think it's
hypocritical when some people are nice to me, since they're the kind
of people who would have tried to make my life miserable when we were
younger. To borrow (or twist) Jim's example, the 1989 girl doesn't
deserve to have grown into the 1998 woman.
> I still don't feel like an adult. I
> don't lead an adult's life, except for working and being a parent.
I feel the same way--except for the part about being a parent, which
I'm not. (Was there any point to this post other than to say "me too"
to everything you've written?) I do like some of the "non-adult"
elements of my life, though. I used to (and maybe still do) think
that "normal" people, with their social lives, etc., were terribly
immature, but I'm probably more immature in practical areas. Being
picked on as a teenager teaches you a lot about what people are like,
but not necessarily in ways that can help you. You can grow up and
move on in some ways, but the effects are still there, and shouldn't
be denied.
Hater
Kiven
> Heck, even on this group. Whenever I was feeling down because of how
> I'm treated by people, half the posters would just advice me to kill
> myself.
You are a special exception though, Matthieu. Judging purely by the
stupidity of your posts, it's clear that you are the result of
inbreeding and that makes you an abomination unto God. You should
burn yourself at the stake.
matthew
> You are a special exception though, Matthieu. Judging purely by the
> stupidity of your posts, it's clear that you are the result of
> inbreeding and that makes you an abomination unto God.
I mentionned people who puts down people who are allready down. But,
as you know, you're in a class of your own in this activity. What I
mean is, there's these people, and then there's chicken-bitches like
you actually getting off on this stuff.You've done it numerous times
on numerous posters.
As for the stupid post comment, coming from the likes of you the claim
is so utterly devoided of any kind of actual worth it's not even
funny. I'd say you would make an even more incompetent judge of
stupidity than kitz would...Any perceived stupidity here is merely the
result of your no doubts atypical brain neurochemistry, and general
inability to understand certain concepts,just plain gross
misinterpretation, or the poster's failure to comply to your bizare
and incorrect world perception.
And while the local expert bring the subject of inbreeding (it's ok
mate, my parents aren't even from the same continent)...Anyone ever
noticed how Britain seems to be such a huge mole-rats hole? Sure,
recent immigration have helped a bit but damn...I watched many BBC
documentaries type programs (interesting stuff generally) and always
thought "omg! these populations must have had long history of
prolonged stagnation! They sure don't seem like an heterogeneous
bunch. Just look at all these childrens, now when I was in elementary
school, you would have been hard pressed to find more than five
children as ugly as these but there, they seem to be running the
show!"
You've once said that "I'm British, and we don't really do inferior in
this country" (now how stupid is THAT? Certainly more than a few (ok a
lot) spelling faults) and I have to highly disagree with that
ridiculous statment. Googling up 'inferior',You've also mentioned
something about not thinking you are inferior but that's the message
you get from everyone anyway.(You also declare something about you not
being the problem, but rather everyone else.Which sugest delusions.)
So I guess there's not much else to reply to. Tell the ugly hoe I said
'hi'
> You should burn yourself at the stake.
After you bitch, after you.
Mathieu