An Art Auction
Boston Chiller
Ok.
So I'm trying to make an effort to be more outgoing and get over the
shyness. A week ago, I made a commmittment to go to this Art Auction
with some staff of a company I work with (I freelance 12 hours a week
with them).
The Auction was yesterday, Friday evening. So Friday afternoon, people
start asking me "Are you going?" "Are you going?" and actually what I
really wanted to do was bail. But I pulled myself together and went,
showing up stag, of course, which sucked.
Well it sucked big time. I don't know why I make the effort or if it's
ever going to improve. But I did go with a positive attitude.
The art in the galleries was interesting, but it was a mob scene, and
everyone else I knew was with a sig other. And then you're forced into
this vicious circle where you run into someone you know, you have to
make 5 minutes of witty conversation and then move on.
Or what would happen is, I'd make an effort to join a group talking in a
circle, and other people would join, and then I'd be shut out and left
staring at someone's back.
Two girls I knew from work, that I sorta have crushes on, had to
introduce me to their boyfriends who seemed like complete jamokes. I'm
looking at these guys thinking, what the hell do they have, that I don't.
Yes, there were some cute girls there, but everyone seemed hooked up
with a friend or someone else. So I guess one lesson I learned was that
I should have dragged someone else along, but I don't know any single
girls.
So finally, after a couple hours, while the auction was in full gear, I
called it quits and left early to go get some sushi.
I was so annoyed at myself for feeling inferior and not meeting anyone
new. Part of it is my fault, but at the same time, I wish some people
would have made an effort to approach me. Perhaps I intimidate people or
they think I'm aloof or stuckup. Or perhaps since they see me only as a
computer geek, when actually I majored in Fine Arts years ago.
I just don't get it.
--
remove the spam, for the correct email address
bass...@my-deja.com
Sure it sucked, but you probably thought it might before you even went,
but you still went. That takes courage, to do the thing you are afraid
of. Start there. I'm wondering, did you bring up the fact that you
majored in Fine Arts? Seems like it would have been an appropriate
thing to say, given the venue. After all, you were at an art auction.
Did you try asking people, 'what do you think of this stuff?' Someone
might have responded, I really don't know from art. Then you could have
said, 'well, I majored in art' (look of surprise) 'but decided to
survive instead, so here I am, Mr. computer geek' and go from there. I
don't really know, but it seems like a logical happenstance at such a
function. Just an example. Do you have a male friend you could have
taken with you? Sometimes it helps just to have a friend along. That
way you're not just standing by yourself, not that there's anything
wrong with that.
I still congratulate you on just going. The trick now is, keep doing
it, no matter what the outcome. Eventually, you'll get better at it.
This is how you learn.
In article <bostonchiller-C1E...@news.ne.mediaone.net>,
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
John J. Lopez
OK, I think you did a really good job in going to this activity.
Believe
it or not, just by going to this, you have made the next event that
much easier. You can definately say next time, yeah I got thrown to
the back of the crowd and had to talk to everyone with small talk, but
now you know that. Next time, you may stand in such a place that
you won't fall to the back. Also, next time, you will now what kind of
small talk you will need. Everytime is a learning experience.
Second part, you will not meet someone new every single time you go out.
Trust me, I didn't find any good friends when I moved here for two
years.
Yes, I met people at work, but they all had to many problems I didn't
want to deal with. It took two whole years to meet people that I was
compatible with. This is also being married with my wife having her
job pool to meet people as well. As a matter of fact,
most of our friends are through her friends. It just takes time and
you will learn this. It is all a matter of patience. Now were
moving and we will have to start all over again, but this time, I
happen to know people where we are going.
Also, just being friends with girls is OK too. Through them, you
will meet their friends. Everybody knows a friend that isn't dating,
and that is how you will win your success.
Lastly, the only thing those other guys dating your friends have
done that you haven't done, is probably going up to those girls and
asking them out.
Don't feel about your experience. You are on your first mile to
achieving what you've been wanting!
c i
> In article <8db08l$b3f$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>, bass...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Yeah, I used the Fine Arts background to create some conversation, along
> with comments about some of the pieces, the crowd, the food being served
> etc. But, I quickly found myself running out of gas.
Hey, you have to Bring Your Own Beans to these Wine & Cheese art
thingies?
:>
> What I have to tell myself is that the people I knew there, work with
> each other 40 hours a week, and so they know each other alot better than
> they know me (who spends perhaps 10 hours a week in that office). So its
> easier for them to talk to each other than to me.
Yes. Office course you could be the more interesting person if they've
been working together long enough to "lust" for new blood. (Does blood
give people or vampires gas?)
> > Do you have a male friend you could have
> > taken with you? Sometimes it helps just to have a friend along. That
> > way you're not just standing by yourself, not that there's anything
> > wrong with that.
>
> I don't want anyone in the ng to take this the wrong way, but showing up
> with a male friend would seem kinda gay to me. Not that there's anything
> wrong with being gay or gay people, but that's the last impression I'd
> want to give off.
Easy! Go with a known gay guy. He'll of course act as if you are
obviously NOT gay. Problem solved. And you'll be seen as socially
adventurous.
> And this probably comes from the notion that I think some people may
> question my sexuality since I don't have a girlfriend. I get that vibe
> every now and then.
>
> > I still congratulate you on just going. The trick now is, keep doing
> > it, no matter what the outcome. Eventually, you'll get better at it.
> > This is how you learn.
>
> True True.
> At the very least, now I know what to tip for a coatcheck.
Yes. Beans ARE hard to come by at those events!
:>
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c i
> OK, I think you did a really good job in going to this activity.
yes.
> Believe
> it or not, just by going to this, you have made the next event that
> much easier. You can definately say next time, yeah I got thrown to
> the back of the crowd and had to talk to everyone with small talk, but
> now you know that. Next time, you may stand in such a place that
> you won't fall to the back. Also, next time, you will now what kind of
> small talk you will need. Everytime is a learning experience.
>
> Second part, you will not meet someone new every single time you go out.
> Trust me, I didn't find any good friends when I moved here for two
> years.
> Yes, I met people at work, but they all had to many problems I didn't
> want to deal with. It took two whole years to meet people that I was
> compatible with. This is also being married with my wife having her
> job pool to meet people as well. As a matter of fact,
> most of our friends are through her friends. It just takes time and
> you will learn this. It is all a matter of patience. Now were
> moving and we will have to start all over again, but this time, I
> happen to know people where we are going.
took me almost a whole year around my classmates before i got to talk to
some.. kind of happened at a few class sessions. late in the year. and
most were female .. and married..
so how do we get them to introduce us to eligibles they know?
:> :> :>
> Also, just being friends with girls is OK too. Through them, you
> will meet their friends. Everybody knows a friend that isn't dating,
> and that is how you will win your success.
seems right to me too.
> Lastly, the only thing those other guys dating your friends have
> done that you haven't done, is probably going up to those girls and
> asking them out.
>
> Don't feel about your experience. You are on your first mile to
> achieving what you've been wanting!
c i
> True. I've just got to accumulate a bunch of small talk/light topics
> that I can throw out into conversation at a given moment, like that
> woman who is suing Nike cause she tripped over her own shoelaces. I also
> have to steer away from stating facts ("there's alot of people here
> tonight" (no shit sherlock")) towards opinion or emotion ("That
> photograph reminds me of Mapplethorpe's flowers. Ever see his
> photographs? Did you attend the exhibition in Boston years ago? blah
> blah blah) though thats not the best example.
ha. yes, i think mapplethorpe might be a touchy (hehe) choice.
Because then he says, "mapplethorpe? hey you like pix of guys doing each
other? want to come over to my place and.. oh! i forgot you have a date
already! but maybe you want to ditch him?"
:>
> I admire the people who appear to be fearless and say whatever is on
> their minds, despite the chance that it will offend some people. They
> just don't seem to care. And those same people seem to be much more
> interesting than reserved/shy souls like myself.
why thank you. but i'm NOT gonna date you!
:>
>Though once I get to
> know someone, I drop that reserved quality.
i think i'm also like that regarding time, but i take too long to get to
that point?
> > Lastly, the only thing those other guys dating your friends have
> > done that you haven't done, is probably going up to those girls and
> > asking them out.
>
> True.
hey. so you know this is true. hmm..
Boston Chiller
> I'm wondering, did you bring up the fact that you
> majored in Fine Arts? Seems like it would have been an appropriate
> thing to say, given the venue. After all, you were at an art auction.
> Did you try asking people, 'what do you think of this stuff?' Someone
> might have responded, I really don't know from art. Then you could have
> said, 'well, I majored in art' (look of surprise) 'but decided to
> survive instead, so here I am, Mr. computer geek' and go from there. I
> don't really know, but it seems like a logical happenstance at such a
> function.
Yeah, I used the Fine Arts background to create some conversation, along
with comments about some of the pieces, the crowd, the food being served
etc. But, I quickly found myself running out of gas.
What I have to tell myself is that the people I knew there, work with
each other 40 hours a week, and so they know each other alot better than
they know me (who spends perhaps 10 hours a week in that office). So its
easier for them to talk to each other than to me.
> Do you have a male friend you could have
> taken with you? Sometimes it helps just to have a friend along. That
> way you're not just standing by yourself, not that there's anything
> wrong with that.
I don't want anyone in the ng to take this the wrong way, but showing up
with a male friend would seem kinda gay to me. Not that there's anything
wrong with being gay or gay people, but that's the last impression I'd
want to give off.
And this probably comes from the notion that I think some people may
question my sexuality since I don't have a girlfriend. I get that vibe
every now and then.
> I still congratulate you on just going. The trick now is, keep doing
> it, no matter what the outcome. Eventually, you'll get better at it.
> This is how you learn.
True True.
At the very least, now I know what to tip for a coatcheck.
Boston Chiller
<jol...@mindspring.com> wrote:
> OK, I think you did a really good job in going to this activity.
> Believe
> it or not, just by going to this, you have made the next event that
> much easier. You can definately say next time, yeah I got thrown to
> the back of the crowd and had to talk to everyone with small talk, but
> now you know that. Next time, you may stand in such a place that
> you won't fall to the back. Also, next time, you will now what kind of
> small talk you will need. Everytime is a learning experience.
True. I've just got to accumulate a bunch of small talk/light topics
that I can throw out into conversation at a given moment, like that
woman who is suing Nike cause she tripped over her own shoelaces. I also
have to steer away from stating facts ("there's alot of people here
tonight" (no shit sherlock")) towards opinion or emotion ("That
photograph reminds me of Mapplethorpe's flowers. Ever see his
photographs? Did you attend the exhibition in Boston years ago? blah
blah blah) though thats not the best example.
I admire the people who appear to be fearless and say whatever is on
their minds, despite the chance that it will offend some people. They
just don't seem to care. And those same people seem to be much more
interesting than reserved/shy souls like myself. Though once I get to
know someone, I drop that reserved quality.
> Lastly, the only thing those other guys dating your friends have
> done that you haven't done, is probably going up to those girls and
> asking them out.
True.