Struggling
Emily
if I can get away with it. Make some cuts that will heal before it will
look too odd when I really can't justify long sleeves. I doubt it, but I
still want to. I am just so upset over my job. I really don't want to go
to work tomorrow, but I know I have to. I know my boss has to have a
conversation with me about the review, and I'm sure it will happen soon.
I know he had to go over the notes with a bigwig before going over them
with me, and the bigwig was there on Wednesday. Sigh. I really would
rather be able to quit before I have this conversation with my boss. I
know he doesn't want to have it with me anymore than I do, but he has
to. Sigh. I don't know when the conversation will be, but I'm sure soon.
I'd rather it not be before I see my therapist, but of course it may
very well be. I work Monday and Tuesday. My boss works then too, I
think. I know he is at meetings on Wednesday, and I'm off. I see my
therapist then. So, maybe it won't be before then, maybe it will.
I so want to go cut. I've actually found a job that I would love to
have. I'm not sure if the place is hiring--they are always taking
applications for this position, I'm thinking high turnover. It is a
position working with people with disabilities, something I'm good at,
but I'm sure people get burned out easily at it. I am thinking having
fresh scars at a job interview would be BAD, so I really can't cut if
I'm trying to get a new job ASAP. Sigh. I actually am also thinking of
going back to a department store I used to work at. I was there before
I became manager where I am now. They still haven't replaced me, and
I'm sure they could at least give me a few overnights a week if I asked.
Maybe even get my full time job back. It depends on if another job
works out or not. If another job works out, but doesn't pay enough, a
few overnights a week would be good to help make ends meet. If I can't
get full time elsewhere, then it would be nice to have full time
there--for benefits at least. Sigh.
O.k., I can find other work, I can get through this. But right now,
cutting would feel so good. I think.
Emily
lisa in mass.
Ouch. I'm so sorry your'e going through this. I know you've
done what you can with this job. From what you've said, they
have reasonable expectations without giving you the means to
meet them. An incrediby stressful situation.
You'll get through this somehow. It sounds incredibly painful,
but one hour at a time will see you through. I'm pulling for
you.
-lisa