It was over 2 years

[lisa in mass.]

2 years and 3 months, I believe. Now it's been an hour. And I
don't particularly care. I'll probably do it again soon.

I didn't fully live up to my safety contract, for the first time.
I was supposed to call a crisis line before cutting, after which
cutting was ok if a decent-length call didn't help. But I was
expecting my son to call for a ride home from practice at school
really soon, so I didn't want to call. I was afraid that I'd be
even more agitated and upset, then have him call in the middle of
it and have to leave to drive. So I skipped my mandatory call.
Don't know what my therp or the clinicians at partial will say
about that. Guess it doesn't matter a whole lot now.

[diane b]

hi lisa im sorry i havent been there for you...i am sorry you had to
cut...but in the long run its your life and you do what you need
to...its been a long time for me to...i dont keep count but im thinking
yrs as wel....im thinking about doing it this week to...im going thru
alot as well....i need help...i need friends...i dnt have family and
feel so alone...does anyone know what thats like? to have no kids...no
family for support or very little family that u cant even trust to tell
anything to? my friends cant be relied on..i suppose thats my issue as
they have their own lives...they work..they have kids spouses and
families...everything i dont have and i focus so much on what i
donthave...my depression is awful..lisa if i may pop u an email at some
point to chat i would apreash or even a phone call...i have unlimited
free calls so i can call u....weve talked a bit about what im going thru
now...cant write it here...anyways this turned into a me post but im
hoping your ok and havent cut more but if so its ok...dnt punish
urself...you have done so well for so long you should praise ur hard
workand efforts...in the long run this cutting is no biggie unless ur
scaring badly or cutting arteies etc i guess...keep up the courage to
fight an im here for u as em is

[lisa in mass.]

madcha...@webtv.net (diane b) wrote in
news:29683-4E9...@storefull-3253.bay.webtv.net:

Thanks, Diane. You should feel free to email me whenever you
want. Phone's possible, but I have a horrible phone phobia. If
you really need to talk it through, though, email me and I'll
give you my number. I'll be here for you as much as I can.

-lisa

[diane b]

its ok lisa no biggie bout the phone...just so i can understand it
better whats ur fear of the phone? i think along time ago if i remember
correctly u may have thrown it out as an option but maybe it was someone
else...really no biggie tho i get scared talking usually the first time
anyways but after a bit my anxiety goes away...are you doing any better?
anymore cutting? i will drop a line soon...do u text at all? i am
texting queen haha but i prob anoy some so if u dont like that way to
communicate then let me know...email works just as well for me...take
care

[lisa in mass.]

madcha...@webtv.net (diane b) wrote in

news:14852-4E9...@storefull-3252.bay.webtv.net:

I don't do well with anything that requires I think on my feet,
as it were. I need a minute or two to compose myself, and the
ability to reorganize what I've written. Especially now, since
I'm having lots of trouble coming up with words. Sometimes it'll
take me a minute or two to find the only word that really means
what I want to say.

[lisa in mass.]

"lisa in mass." <li...@operations.com> wrote in
news:Xns9F8086D57DAD8...@130.133.4.11:

I also wanted you to know that I haven't cut since. I've come
close, but it bothers me to cut with people up and about in the
house. I'd rather be alone, or have everyone sleeping.

[diane b]

i guess at least that shows me that you have some self control when it
comes to cutting which is a good thing. not an impulsive act. thats
good. wonder if the oher stuff has anything to do with the concussion?

[lisa in mass.]

madcha...@webtv.net (diane b) wrote in

news:29686-4E...@storefull-3253.bay.webtv.net:

I've always been like that with my cutting. Don't want my family
to either walk in on me or disturb me. I can cut in public
restrooms, no problem. Just not at home.

The other stuff's mostly from coming off my antidepressant so
fast. Recommended max is 60 mg. I dropped from 130 to 0 in less
than two weeks. Now I feel truly awful. It'll pass, just take
awhile. I'm also currently not on an antidepressant, which doesn't
help. Now it's time for a two-week washout before I can start the
new meds. I don't do very well with no meds.