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amazing stuff happening to me

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Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 7, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/7/97

First I'm going to say that I -know- what this sounds like. Then I'm
going to say that it's not like that, this time.

Yesterday I was on a long car ride, staring out the window. The Others
suddenly told me that they would be relaying messages from the elves I
used to live with (and be one of). I knew they couldn't lie, but I
thought they might be being deceived themselves. But then again, they
know everything. In this universe. Maybe the elves were in another
universe. All sorts of thoughts were flying through my head. But I
said, okay, what do they want to tell me? They said that I had indeed
lived with them. But I knew that. Then they said that in this life when
I took acid they were able to get through to me because it changed my...
and they said something that I couldn't figure out at all, but it had to
do with sensitivity to different realms of reality (I think). Then they
said that, like certain forms of magic, acid takes its toll on the user.
They said that I was wise to give it up. They said that now that I had
discovered the Others I would be able to talk to them, sometimes. I
said something like, "Okay, but I have to know you're really real. Do
something to prove that you're real." They didn't answer, but
immediately a song that I had never heard came on the radio. It had to
do with travel between different universes. So I believed them. Then
they sort of misquoted Yeats:

Come away, O elven child
To the woods and waters wild
Reunited with your band
For the world's more full of weeping
Than you can understand

I got excited, but said, "Okay, that first thing might have been a
coincidence. Give me another sign." I didn't really expect them to do
it. Then the driver turned the car on again and the first words out of
the radio are, "Trust I seek and I find in you." Now I really believed
them. "Are there any other elves in this world?" "We can't tell you
that." "Why not?" "Because it would disturb what is going to happen.
We can't interfere." "Well take me to your world now then!" "We can't
do that." "Why not?" "It's not time yet." "But..." "We'll give you
one glimpse of our world. You will see trees as we see trees." Well now
every time I look at a tree, there is a new, but very old in my mind,
quality to it. I can't really describe it. I tried to stick my hand in
one, but that didn't work (I was able to do that in the elf world).
Anyway, I'm really excited and happy to be given this chance to see part
of that world again.

--
-- | "My God!--it's full of stars!"
Galig Dulin | (Dave Bowman)
| (Arthur C. Clarke's _2001_)
nigh...@netcom.com | "It could have been me/Yes it could have been me
| Why didn't I say?/Why didn't I say?"
________________________| (David Bowie)
"Folk takes their peril with them into Lorien, and finds it there because
they've brought it" (Samwise Gamgee)
"How did this one life fall so far and fast?" (Suzanne Vega)

Neuronaut

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Dec 7, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/7/97

to Galiganinda Dulin

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Galiganinda Dulin wrote:

> First I'm going to say that I -know- what this sounds like. Then I'm
> going to say that it's not like that, this time.

Isn't it?

> Then they said that in this life when
> I took acid they were able to get through to me because it changed my...
> and they said something that I couldn't figure out at all, but it had to
> do with sensitivity to different realms of reality (I think). Then they
> said that, like certain forms of magic, acid takes its toll on the user.
> They said that I was wise to give it up.

Acid is quite possibly why I read this news group. I have to wonder if its
not why you too are here (Note: I have never been diagnosed schizophrenic).
Several years ago, a friend and I went through about 100 hits each in a period
of less than one month. Even though the drug leaves the body very quickly, I
don't think I really came down from that trip for at least 6 months perhaps as
long as 2 years. For a long while, if I looked someone in the eyes, their
faces would morph into crazy looking creatures. During this time period, I
was also seeing oras. Hallucinations would be strongest whenever I'd gotten
very little sleep. All of my new-age friends claimed that I was simply
clairvoyant, able to see things from other spiritual dimensions. For these
two years, everything also seemed to be part of this giant pattern which
seemed to me to be some sort of fractile (more details farther down). TV and
radio always seemed to correspond to what was going on, or in some cases even
be giving me a message from some spiritual dimension. Very much like the
quote below:

> They said that now that I had
> discovered the Others I would be able to talk to them, sometimes. I
> said something like, "Okay, but I have to know you're really real. Do
> something to prove that you're real." They didn't answer, but
> immediately a song that I had never heard came on the radio. It had to
> do with travel between different universes.

The parallels and synchronicities were everywhere and blatantly obvious. I
could explain a parallel to someone present and they would understand, but
they would have never noticed it without my pointing it out and often they did
not fully grok the significance of it. It was so strange... I seemed totally
sane but everybody else was crazy. People everywhere appeared too caught up
in daily life games to notice what was always taking place before their eyes.

Another peculiarity was the flow of time.... I would often slip into this
funky mind-space where I felt that I'd stopped time. As I was slipping into
this state, I'd begin noticing more and more details. As I noticed more of
what was taking place, time would move slower. Then, when it had slowed down
enough, I thought I was able to see the way thoughts are built up on smaller
thoughts. I dubbed this "fractiles of consciousness". Finally, at the peak
moment, when time fully stopped, I could see all of time and space. I'd no
longer be me, but Pan, the All. Then gradually, in reverse order, I'd slip
back into my normal state of being with lots and lots of info to assimilate
and sort out in my head. It would seem like an eternity had passed when only
moments had slipped by on the clock.

My buddy who had tripped with me for that month has been hearing voices ever
since, but only had visual flashbacks for a period of 3 to 6 months
afterwards. These visuals never bothered him. He naively considered them
free trips.

Sometimes, I would entertain other dillusions which I wont go into here.
They'd seem extremely real, but logically were obviously wrong. I'd entertain
myself with these notions while at the same time realizing that they were
total B.S. thus they didn't greatly impact my life.

After close to 2 years of this, it was starting to get old. I knew that if I
kept heading in this direction that I'd some day be unable to be
self-sufficient. Thus, I decided that I wanted to be oblivious to this
"spirit" world and my "fractiles of consciousness". So, I basically
re-programmed my brain to not follow these thought patterns anymore (I'm a big
fan of John Lilly, author of "Programming and Metaprogramming the Human
Biocomputer"). To make a long story short, I rarely notice these parallels
anymore. I can no longer see oras. I don't hallucinate when looking people
in the eyes. I've gotten caught up in my own life trip again. I'm worrying
about me, not the nature of the universe. I guess you could say that I now
"think of Jim" as our good friend here would say.

Throughout these 2 years, I received good grades in college. Other than those
people I told, nobody had any reason to believe that I was not "normal". Even
my own family had no clue that I was so whacked out. No shrinks were needed
to cure me... just a conscious decision to join the ranks of those who are
oblivious and caught up every day mundane things.

I'm as "normal" as "normal" can be now... but my buddy is still hearing
voices. He is now a professional musician and I am a computer
programmer/executive. As you can see, life goes on...

Now, someone please tell me if I sound schizophrenic.... I am also curious to
hear if any of you (especially shrinks) believe that LSD, psyllicibine, and
other psychedelics can cause schizophrenia. I've read that it does not cause
schizophrenia, but merely trigger it. 3 years have passed since I decided to
make this all "go away." Only on a few occasions, when I've been extremely
tired, have I gotten visuals/flashbacks, and I've had absolutely no more
episodes where I thought I slip into the infinity within the moment. Taking
this into account, if this is indeed a form of schizo, and if I stay away from
LSD, do you guys think there is potential to relapse?

Peace,
Neuronaut

**To reply, alter return address

--------------218172BFD4CF98DAE1C9D2BB
Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

<HTML>
Galiganinda Dulin wrote:
<BLOCKQUOTE TYPE=CITE>First I'm going to say that
I -know- what this sounds like.  Then I'm
 going to say that it's not like that, this time.</BLOCKQUOTE>
Isn't it?
<BLOCKQUOTE TYPE=CITE>Then they said that in this
life when
 I took acid they were able to get through to
me because it changed my...
 and they said something that I couldn't figure
out at all, but it had to
 do with sensitivity to different realms of reality
(I think).  Then they
 said that, like certain forms of magic, acid
takes its toll on the user.
 They said that I was wise to give it up.</BLOCKQUOTE>
Acid is quite possibly why I read this news group.  I have to wonder
if its not why you too are here (Note: I have never been diagnosed schizophrenic). 
Several years ago, a friend and I went through about 100 hits each in a
period of less than one month.  Even though the drug leaves the body
very quickly, I don't think I really came down from that trip for
at least 6 months perhaps as long as 2 years.  For a long while, if
I looked someone in the eyes, their faces would morph into crazy looking
creatures.  During this time period, I was also seeing oras. 
Hallucinations would be strongest whenever I'd gotten very little sleep. 
All of my new-age friends claimed that I was simply clairvoyant, able to
see things from other spiritual dimensions.  For these two years,
everything also seemed to be part of this giant pattern which seemed
to me to be some sort of fractile (more details farther down).  TV
and radio always seemed to correspond to what was going on, or in some
cases even be giving me a message from some spiritual dimension. 
Very much like the quote below:
  
<BLOCKQUOTE TYPE=CITE>They said that now that I had
 discovered the Others I would be able to talk to them, sometimes. 
I
 said something like, "Okay, but I have to know you're really real. 
Do
 something to prove that you're real."  They didn't answer, but
 immediately a song that I had never heard came on the radio. 
It had to
 do with travel between different universes.</BLOCKQUOTE>
The parallels and synchronicities were everywhere and blatantly obvious. 
I could explain a parallel to someone present and they would understand,
but they would have never noticed it without my pointing it out and often
they did not fully grok the significance of it.  It was so strange...
I seemed totally sane but everybody else was crazy.  People everywhere
appeared too caught up in daily life games to notice what was always taking
place before their eyes.

Another peculiarity was the flow of time.... I would often slip into
this funky mind-space where I felt that I'd stopped time.  As I was
slipping into this state, I'd begin noticing more and more details. 
As I noticed more of what was taking place, time would move slower. 
Then, when it had slowed down enough, I thought I was able to see the way
thoughts are built up on smaller thoughts.  I dubbed this "fractiles
of consciousness".  Finally, at the peak moment, when time fully stopped,
I could see all of time and space.  I'd no longer be me, but Pan,
the All.  Then gradually, in reverse order, I'd slip back into my
normal state of being with lots and lots of info to assimilate and sort
out in my head.  It would seem like an eternity had passed when only
moments had slipped by on the clock.

My buddy who had tripped with me for that month has been hearing voices
ever since, but only had visual flashbacks for a period of 3 to 6 months
afterwards.  These visuals never bothered him.  He naively considered
them free trips.

Sometimes, I would entertain other dillusions which I wont go into here. 
They'd seem extremely real, but logically were obviously wrong.  I'd
entertain myself with these notions while at the same time realizing that
they were total B.S. thus they didn't greatly impact my life.

After close to 2 years of this, it was starting to get old.  I
knew that if I kept heading in this direction that I'd some day be unable
to be self-sufficient.  Thus, I decided that I wanted to be oblivious
to this "spirit" world and my "fractiles of consciousness".  So, I
basically re-programmed my brain to not follow these thought patterns anymore
(I'm a big fan of John Lilly, author of "Programming and Metaprogramming
the Human Biocomputer").  To make a long story short, I rarely notice
these parallels anymore.  I can no longer see oras.  I don't
hallucinate when looking people in the eyes.  I've gotten caught up
in my own life trip again.  I'm worrying about me, not the nature
of the universe.  I guess you could say that I now "think of Jim"
as our good friend here would say.

Throughout these 2 years, I received good grades in college.  Other
than those people I told, nobody had any reason to believe that I was not
"normal".  Even my own family had no clue that I was so whacked out. 
No shrinks were needed to cure me... just a conscious decision to join
the ranks of those who are oblivious and caught up every day mundane things.

I'm as "normal" as "normal" can be now... but my buddy is still hearing
voices.  He is now a professional musician and I am a computer programmer/executive. 
As you can see, life goes on...

Now, someone please tell me if I sound schizophrenic.... I am also curious
to hear if any of you (especially shrinks) believe that LSD, psyllicibine,
and other psychedelics can cause schizophrenia.  I've read that it
does not cause schizophrenia, but merely trigger it.  3 years have
passed since I decided to make this all "go away."  Only on a few
occasions, when I've been extremely tired, have I gotten visuals/flashbacks,
and I've had absolutely no more episodes where I thought I slip into the
infinity within the moment.  Taking this into account, if this is
indeed a form of schizo, and if I stay away from LSD, do you guys think
there is potential to relapse?

Peace,
 Neuronaut

**To reply, alter return address</HTML>

--------------218172BFD4CF98DAE1C9D2BB--

Crazy Diamond

unread,

Dec 7, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/7/97

This is a multi-part message in MIME format.

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Now, someone please tell me if I sound schizophrenic.... I am also =
curious to hear if any of you (especially shrinks) believe that LSD, =
psyllicibine, and other psychedelics can cause schizophrenia. I've read =
that it does not cause schizophrenia, but merely trigger it. 3 years =
have passed since I decided to make this all "go away." Only on a few =
occasions, when I've been extremely tired, have I gotten =
visuals/flashbacks, and I've had absolutely no more episodes where I =
thought I slip into the infinity within the moment. Taking this into =
account, if this is indeed a form of schizo, and if I stay away from =
LSD, do you guys think there is potential to relapse?=20
=20
Hiya,
=20
My story is very similar to yours. My "break" started with four =
straight months on a methamphetamine/PCP combination and took about =
three years of sobriety before I considered myself fully recovered. I =
became bored with what I had become one day and decided that I didn't =
want to think about "alternate dimensions and psychic phenomena" anymore =
and started programming myself to block them out. Like you, I was =
completely successful.
=20
I was never diagnosed schizophrenic, but I had questions about what =
schizophrenia really was; that's why I turned to =
alt.support.schizophrenia for answers. There is a debate going on =
whether or not drugs can cause schizophrenia, my doctor believes that it =
can't, but it can cause people that are "borderline" to experience the =
symptoms. You and I have been very lucky to be able to tune back into =
"Reality FM," many others find it very difficult.=20
=20
What you described doesn't sound like schizophrenia. What you had =
might have lasted that long because the brain heals very slowly, but it =
does heal (or rewire around the damage). My symptoms come back when I'm =
stressed and tired (and worrying about relapsing), but they usually =
disappear after a few hours of relaxation/meditation. If you were able =
to recover without need of medication, I believe you'll be fine for the =
rest of your life (as long as you steer clear of LSD).
=20
Cheers,
=20
Crazy Diamond
=20
=20
=20

------=_NextPart_000_0020_01BD02C5.73E8EE60
Content-Type: text/html;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W3 HTML//EN">
<HTML>
<HEAD>

<META content=3Dtext/html;charset=3Diso-8859-1 =
http-equiv=3DContent-Type>
<META content=3D'"MSHTML 4.71.1712.3"' name=3DGENERATOR>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"BORDER-LEFT: #000000 solid 2px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-LEFT: =
5px">
Now, someone please tell me if I sound schizophrenic.... I am =
also=20
curious to hear if any of you (especially shrinks) believe that LSD, =

psyllicibine, and other psychedelics can cause schizophrenia.  =
I've=20
read that it does not cause schizophrenia, but merely trigger =
it.  3=20
years have passed since I decided to make this all "go=20
away."  Only on a few occasions, when I've been extremely =
tired,=20
have I gotten visuals/flashbacks, and I've had absolutely no more =
episodes=20
where I thought I slip into the infinity within the moment.  =
Taking=20
this into account, if this is indeed a form of schizo, and if I stay =
away=20
from LSD, do you guys think there is potential to relapse?=20
<FONT=20
face=3D"Comic Sans MS">Hiya,<FONT=20
face=3D"Comic Sans MS"> 
My =
story is very=20
similar to yours.  My "break" started with four =
straight=20
months on a methamphetamine/PCP combination and took about three =
years of=20
sobriety before I considered myself fully recovered.  I became =
bored=20
with what I had become one day and decided that I didn't want to =
think about=20
"alternate dimensions and psychic phenomena" anymore and =
started=20
programming myself to block them out.  Like you, I was =
completely=20
successful. 
I was =
never=20
diagnosed schizophrenic, but I had questions about what =
schizophrenia really=20
was; that's why I turned to alt.support.schizophrenia for =
answers. =20
There is a debate going on whether or not drugs can cause =
schizophrenia, my=20
doctor believes that it can't, but it can cause people that are=20
"borderline" to experience the symptoms.  You and I =
have been=20
very lucky to be able to tune back into "Reality FM," many =
others=20
find it very difficult. 
What =
you described=20
doesn't sound like schizophrenia.  What you had might =
have=20
lasted that long because the brain heals very slowly, but it does =
heal (or=20
rewire around the damage).  My symptoms come back when I'm =
stressed and=20
tired (and worrying about relapsing), but they usually disappear =
after a few=20
hours of relaxation/meditation.  If you were able to recover =
without=20
need of medication, I believe you'll be fine for the rest of your =
life (as=20
long as you steer clear of LSD).<FONT=20
face=3D"Comic Sans MS"> 
<FONT=20
face=3D"Comic Sans MS">Cheers,<FONT=20
face=3D"Comic Sans MS"> 
Crazy =
Diamond
 </BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>

------=_NextPart_000_0020_01BD02C5.73E8EE60--

maD_propheT

unread,

Dec 7, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/7/97

Sounds like you came close to the big trip really. Though the key
difference appears to have been that you could identify the bizzare
thoughts whilst you were letting them hold sway over your life. During
my "episodes" I didn't really have the ability to do this a lot of the
time.

I kind of picture the whole schizo trip as having your filters ripped
out. All those keys around you in the world, the synchronistic events,
memes, meanings in songs and all the rest suddenly start jumping out
at you without any way to filter them from your input stream. It's an
uncomfortable place to be though I rather doubt from the way you write
about it that you were actualy letting them *all* through just far
more than you are normaly used to. You appear to have held on to the
illusion of control which sets you apart from the rest of us here.

Does it make you better or worse than the rest of us? I can't really
say, I've done plenty of drugs over the years and to my mind the
illness blows them away on every level, the depth of the experience is
totaly different and it's integration into your reality is infinitely
more subtle. THough I picture the key difference being the knowledge
that it will go away. SO your situation took you close to where we are
in that you had no timeline where it's going to stop and it didn't
drive you mad.

Pattern matching algorythms gone mad with auditory and visual
halucinations thrown in to add to the soup. Then throw in the lack of
a wall between the conscious and unconscious state and you have the
untreated schizo in a full episode.

Is it illness or hyperawareness? Who knows, it doesn't matter really,
it make it very difficult to function in the modern world and as such
needs attention.

Sounds like it was all chemistry to me though it might display a
predisposition to the illness. Who knows. Take a little extra care of
yourself and don't push yourself too hard and you will never find out,
which is a nice warm safe place to be :)

regards,
maD propheT

"Operator...
the lines are down,are down..
and I'm a traitor.
a traitor to a beautiful cause....

God made me,
to her own design.
Bad planning....
...too many flaws" - James

--
For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
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Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 7, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/7/97

In article <348A3C24...@SPAMAPS.juno.com>,
Neuronaut <Neur...@SPAMAPS.juno.com> wrote:

>Now, someone please tell me if I sound schizophrenic.... I am also curious
>to hear if any of you (especially shrinks) believe that LSD, psyllicibine,
>and other psychedelics can cause schizophrenia.  I've read that it
>does not cause schizophrenia, but merely trigger it.  3 years have
>passed since I decided to make this all "go away."  Only on a few
>occasions, when I've been extremely tired, have I gotten visuals/flashbacks,
>and I've had absolutely no more episodes where I thought I slip into the
>infinity within the moment.  Taking this into account, if this is
>indeed a form of schizo, and if I stay away from LSD, do you guys think
>there is potential to relapse?

I think LSD, psilocybin, etc can cause things that are like
schizophrenia. But that isn't how I got schizophrenic. I had been
hearing voices for three years or more before I tried LSD. I've had
other sensory disturbances all my life (too many to write here).
Especially sensory overload (which, like the voices, is under control
with medications). I think that LSD actually postponed my problem (which
had been getting worse). When I stopped taking LSD, the problems took up
where they left off. I can't say it helped but... anyway, my shrink did
a lot of work with people with LSD-induced psychosis, and he knows me
very well by now, and says I am nothing like them. (And, I found out
about my elfhood before I took it.) The main reason I took LSD is that
people had been telling me for years that I acted like I was on it, so I
wanted to see what it was all about (mistake!) :)

Darkmoon5

unread,

Dec 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/8/97

sorry i don't know how to paste and cut but your
reply was awesome, mad. you put into words
what i couldn't articulate

you expressed the same thought and feelings i have
about my "condition"

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