OT - the soap opera of my life...(LONG)
Jette Goldie
A satisfactory one.
The last few weeks have been gradually getting better -
he's been going to counselling, AND has signed up for
Traditional Chinese Medicine to see if that can help
with the constant tiredness. (accupuncture, special
massage and some herb infusions).
He's also been calling home if he's going to be late - and
coming home the same night he went out. Drinking
much less.
And trying to break free from his "Bunny Boiler". *That*
hasn't been so easy though.
And he's been TALKING to me. Telling me what's been
going on in his head - and in his life.
Saturday night he came home around 1am and I was
still up, watching cheesy movies on tv and I'd just
opened a bottle of wine (seems like all my siblings
gave me wine at Xmas and for my birthday - so I
thought I'd try to reduce the wine-lake by at least
one bottle <g>). It was a movie I know he likes too
and we shared the wine.
Barely 1/2 hour later the downstairs entry-phone buzzer
went. I was a little surprised, to be sure - but he knew
what was happening.
"That might be *Val*" he told me "I'll explain everything
but first just tell her I'm not home."
I did - well, to be precise she asked to talk to him and
I said "I'm afraid not".
She then spent about 10 - 20 minutes leaning on our
door buzzer - I watched her from the bay window
(we're on the 2nd floor - 3rd by US counts) - before
she left.
"I met her earlier tonight, to tell her that it's _all over_
- if she can't understand *I want to be friends but
I am NOT leaving my wife*, then we can't see each
other at all."
She didn't take it well. Called him several times on
his cell phone between him leaving her in the bar
and his arriving home, crying that she get a taxi
home from there (her choice of meeting place)
because she'd no money left. (spent it all on drink).
He told her to go to an ATM like everyone else.
She must have done that - because she arrived
in a taxi at our place. Whether she got another
when she left here, I don't know and don't really
care. (I know she got home safe - because she
called him again next day and turned up in *his*
local pub to pester him again).
We did a lot of talking Saturday night/Sunday
morning. Talked about how he'd been looking
for a friend - and she'd claimed to offer him that
- but then she'd offered him "a place to stay for
his *time out*".
He couldn't understand why she seemed to have
this gotten the idea they were in a relationship
- I explained to him she was a "Bunny Boiler".
(now comes a revelation)
"Yeah, some folk said that about her - including
Wendy - I thought it was a compliment.... you know?
she's an older woman (a "boiler" - like an elderly
boiling hen) but she still goes like a "bunny".
So I told him the plot of the movie Fatal Attraction.
You could see the light of understanding come
over his face - NOW he understood why she'd
come on so strong so soon. I can see I'm going
to have to rent some DVDs of modern movies
and insist he watch them with me <g>
Anyway, as it turned out, she probably shot herself
in the foot - remember those nuisance calls I'd
been getting? All through December and January
till I got the "anonymous caller block" put on the
phone....... until Wednesday night when I got a
strange call at teatime which I *knew* was from
Val - I think at that point she was trying to contact
him but when I answered the phone I got "you
don't want to buy double glazing? no." and hung
up before I could even finish saying "no thanks".
I turned to him as the call finished and said "I
think that was Val...... claimed to be selling double
glazing but that was NOT a double glazing cold
caller." (1 - we're ex directory, we don't get
telemarketers ; 2 - telemarketers always introduce
themselves and their company; 3 - they never
give up *that* easily; and 4 - when I did a 1471
I discovered it was a cellphone number - which
is too expensive for telemarket cold calls; 5 -
I recognised her voice).
Later that night I got another call from the same
number, but this time a silent one (yes, I 1471
whenever I get a strange call these days). I
called him at his work and told him - read him
the number and heard him recognise it.
So on Saturday night he told her that I was getting
these calls, which always seemed to happen
when he was out (as if the person knew I was alone).
She of course denied it (forgetting that he KNOWS
her cellphone number) but he told her "it doesn't
matter who it was - those calls made me realise
how important Jette is to me and that I do still
love her." And I thought it sounded a little cruel
when he told her "perhaps you can take some
comfort in the knowledge that this little crisis
has strengthened our marriage for me".
(I expect a few more calls, her turning up in his
local pub a few more times - but that won't
*worry* me any more)
--
Jette
"Work for Peace and remain Fiercely Loving" - Jim Byrnes
je...@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
Frankenmel
>
>*may* be coming to some conclusion.
>
>A satisfactory one.
Wonderful!!!!!!!!
Sharon........Don't think of it as getting hot flashes.
Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
Cathy Friedmann
Cathy
--
"Staccato signals of constant information..."
("The Boy in the Bubble") Paul Simon
"Jette Goldie" <j...@blueyonder.com.uk> wrote in message
news:YG63c.11670$hw4.19...@news-text.cableinet.net...
Sue and Kevin Mullen
Jette Goldie wrote:
> The last few weeks have been gradually getting better -
> he's been going to counselling, AND has signed up for
> Traditional Chinese Medicine to see if that can help
> with the constant tiredness. (accupuncture, special
> massage and some herb infusions).
Accupuncture has helped both me and my DH with tiredness. It can also be
used to help with depression. I hope it does a lot of good for your
DH. I am very glad to see that things are improving for you.
sue
News
"Jette Goldie" <j...@blueyonder.com.uk> wrote in message
news:YG63c.11670$hw4.19...@news-text.cableinet.net...
>
> A satisfactory one.
>
> The last few weeks have been gradually getting better -
> he's been going to counselling, AND has signed up for
> Traditional Chinese Medicine to see if that can help
> with the constant tiredness. (accupuncture, special
> massage and some herb infusions).
>
> He's also been calling home if he's going to be late - and
> coming home the same night he went out. Drinking
> much less.
>
Wonderful!
> And trying to break free from his "Bunny Boiler". *That*
> hasn't been so easy though.
>
Grr...
> And he's been TALKING to me. Telling me what's been
> going on in his head - and in his life.
>
Wow!
>
> "That might be *Val*" he told me "I'll explain everything
> but first just tell her I'm not home."
>
Afraid to face her himself?
> I did - well, to be precise she asked to talk to him and
> I said "I'm afraid not".
>
She has a lot of nerve! Or maybe it isn't nerve, just stupidity...
> She then spent about 10 - 20 minutes leaning on our
> door buzzer - I watched her from the bay window
> (we're on the 2nd floor - 3rd by US counts) - before
> she left.
>
> "I met her earlier tonight, to tell her that it's _all over_
> - if she can't understand *I want to be friends but
> I am NOT leaving my wife*, then we can't see each
> other at all."
>
Good for him! Although, I don't see the need to explain or be friends....
> She didn't take it well. Called him several times on
> his cell phone between him leaving her in the bar
> and his arriving home, crying that she get a taxi
> home from there (her choice of meeting place)
> because she'd no money left. (spent it all on drink).
> He told her to go to an ATM like everyone else.
>
Good for him! Course, maybe he is being too nice to her...
> She must have done that - because she arrived
> in a taxi at our place. Whether she got another
> when she left here, I don't know and don't really
> care. (I know she got home safe - because she
> called him again next day and turned up in *his*
> local pub to pester him again).
>
She really is a *bunny boiler*...isn't she?
> We did a lot of talking Saturday night/Sunday
> morning. Talked about how he'd been looking
> for a friend - and she'd claimed to offer him that
> - but then she'd offered him "a place to stay for
> his *time out*".
>
Yep, a true *bunny boiler*. Pretending to be helpful and a friend, but
attacking while the male is vulnerable. Guys never see it coming!
> He couldn't understand why she seemed to have
> this gotten the idea they were in a relationship
> - I explained to him she was a "Bunny Boiler".
>
Well, she was working on a relationship with him, while he was vulnerable.
Now she is trying to play the *victim*.
> (now comes a revelation)
>
> "Yeah, some folk said that about her - including
> Wendy - I thought it was a compliment.... you know?
> she's an older woman (a "boiler" - like an elderly
> boiling hen) but she still goes like a "bunny".
>
He is pretty naive, isn't he?
> So I told him the plot of the movie Fatal Attraction.
> You could see the light of understanding come
> over his face - NOW he understood why she'd
> come on so strong so soon. I can see I'm going
> to have to rent some DVDs of modern movies
> and insist he watch them with me <g>
>
Good idea! (regarding movies)
Did he have a look of fear on his face at all? I hope nothing else happens
with *boiler bunny*.
> Anyway, as it turned out, she probably shot herself
> in the foot - remember those nuisance calls I'd
> been getting? All through December and January
> till I got the "anonymous caller block" put on the
> phone....... until Wednesday night when I got a
> strange call at teatime which I *knew* was from
> Val - I think at that point she was trying to contact
> him but when I answered the phone I got "you
> don't want to buy double glazing? no." and hung
> up before I could even finish saying "no thanks".
> I turned to him as the call finished and said "I
> think that was Val...... claimed to be selling double
> glazing but that was NOT a double glazing cold
> caller." (1 - we're ex directory, we don't get
> telemarketers ; 2 - telemarketers always introduce
> themselves and their company; 3 - they never
> give up *that* easily; and 4 - when I did a 1471
> I discovered it was a cellphone number - which
> is too expensive for telemarket cold calls; 5 -
> I recognised her voice).
>
Stupid woman!
> Later that night I got another call from the same
> number, but this time a silent one (yes, I 1471
> whenever I get a strange call these days). I
> called him at his work and told him - read him
> the number and heard him recognise it.
>
She doesn't know who/what she's dealing with...does she Jette? Do you
suppose she was trying to break you down with the calls?
> So on Saturday night he told her that I was getting
> these calls, which always seemed to happen
> when he was out (as if the person knew I was alone).
> She of course denied it (forgetting that he KNOWS
> her cellphone number) but he told her "it doesn't
> matter who it was - those calls made me realise
> how important Jette is to me and that I do still
> love her." And I thought it sounded a little cruel
> when he told her "perhaps you can take some
> comfort in the knowledge that this little crisis
> has strengthened our marriage for me".
>
Wonderful!
You should be proud of yourself for knowing dh and (your) marriage history,
rather than dumping him as many thought you should. (no one knows how they'd
react until it happens to them) You also stood by him and your marriage,
while taking care of yourself (counseling, friends), which shows what a
strong person you are!
I'm so happy that things are working out, and the soap opera is winding
down. Congratulations!
Gwen
Thelittlewench
Stay strong. Best of luck to you. I'm cheering for a happy resolution.
Tracy
Chakolate
> *may* be coming to some conclusion.
>
> A satisfactory one.
>
I'm really happy for you, Jette. And I want to congratulate you on your
own conduct throughout the ordeal. You took the high road, you showed
class and style, and you deserve a lot of credit. I hope your DH realizes
just how lucky he is.
Chakolate
--
Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in
rationality.
--Bertrand Russell
Joanne & Ned
"Jette Goldie" <j...@blueyonder.com.uk> wrote in message
news:YG63c.11670$hw4.19...@news-text.cableinet.net...
> *may* be coming to some conclusion.
>
> A satisfactory one.
>
> The last few weeks have been gradually getting better -
Sounds like you may have a "And they lived happily ever after" coming...
Joanne
Shirley
news:YG63c.11670$hw4.19...@news-text.cableinet.net...
>
> A satisfactory one.
Fingers, toes etc are crossed for things to continue this way.
>
> The last few weeks have been gradually getting better -
> he's been going to counselling, AND has signed up for
> Traditional Chinese Medicine to see if that can help
> with the constant tiredness. (accupuncture, special
> massage and some herb infusions).
IIRC tiredness is a sign/symptom of diabetes, maybe he needs his meds
adjusted (if taking any - I can't remember if you mentioned it).
>
> He's also been calling home if he's going to be late - and
> coming home the same night he went out. Drinking
> much less.
That is a very positive step.
>
> And trying to break free from his "Bunny Boiler". *That*
> hasn't been so easy though.
>
> And he's been TALKING to me. Telling me what's been
> going on in his head - and in his life.
Very brave of him (it probably wasn't easy to open up to you with all
that's been going on).
She sounds desperate.
>
> She must have done that - because she arrived
> in a taxi at our place. Whether she got another
> when she left here, I don't know and don't really
> care. (I know she got home safe - because she
> called him again next day and turned up in *his*
> local pub to pester him again).
>
> We did a lot of talking Saturday night/Sunday
> morning. Talked about how he'd been looking
> for a friend - and she'd claimed to offer him that
> - but then she'd offered him "a place to stay for
> his *time out*".
>
> He couldn't understand why she seemed to have
> this gotten the idea they were in a relationship
> - I explained to him she was a "Bunny Boiler".
>
> (now comes a revelation)
>
> "Yeah, some folk said that about her - including
> Wendy - I thought it was a compliment.... you know?
> she's an older woman (a "boiler" - like an elderly
> boiling hen) but she still goes like a "bunny".
LOL.
Can you get her cellphone number blocked ?
>
> So on Saturday night he told her that I was getting
> these calls, which always seemed to happen
> when he was out (as if the person knew I was alone).
> She of course denied it (forgetting that he KNOWS
> her cellphone number) but he told her "it doesn't
> matter who it was - those calls made me realise
> how important Jette is to me and that I do still
> love her." And I thought it sounded a little cruel
> when he told her "perhaps you can take some
> comfort in the knowledge that this little crisis
> has strengthened our marriage for me".
Good for him, he told her straight, no if's or but's.
>
> (I expect a few more calls, her turning up in his
> local pub a few more times - but that won't
> *worry* me any more)
>
>
You've handled this so well Jette, far better than I did when in
similar circumstances - good luck to the pair of you to work this out
and live 'happily ever after'.
--
Shirley
see my cats at
http://communities.msn.co.uk/Friendsfamilyandfelines2
http://uk.msnusers.com/friendsfamilyandfelines3
dirtylitterboxofferingstospammers
Cheers, helen s
--This is an invalid email address to avoid spam--
to get correct one remove dependency on fame & fortune
h*$el*$$e**nd***$o$ts***i*$*$m**m$$o*n**s@$*$a$$o**l.c**$*$om$$
Mickey
it sure sounds like your man has grown up a LOT lately. it must be so
comforting to know that you stuck with it (thru the good and mostly the bad)
and you are reaping the rewards. your garden is finally starting to sprout
some beautiful flowers! YOU GO GIRL!
mickey
"Jette Goldie" <j...@blueyonder.com.uk> wrote in message
news:YG63c.11670$hw4.19...@news-text.cableinet.net...
Jette Goldie
"News" <gs1276...@charter.net> wrote
> >
> She doesn't know who/what she's dealing with...does she Jette? Do you
> suppose she was trying to break you down with the calls?
>
Adele says she was "trying to drive a wedge" between
us - make me suspicious, and at the same time make
him think I was going crazy when (of course) she denied
having anything to do with it.
Jette Goldie
"Chris Malcolm" <c...@holyrood.ed.ac.uk> wrote in message
news:c2l6th$6iq$1...@scotsman.ed.ac.uk...
> "Jette Goldie" <j...@blueyonder.com.uk> writes:
>
> >"News" <gs1276...@charter.net> wrote
>
> >> She doesn't know who/what she's dealing with...does she Jette? Do you
> >> suppose she was trying to break you down with the calls?
>
> >Adele says she was "trying to drive a wedge" between
> >us - make me suspicious, and at the same time make
> >him think I was going crazy when (of course) she denied
> >having anything to do with it.
>
> wife, there have been at least six women who have tried to do just
> that to us -- get off with me, while at the same time contriving
> situations which would make it seem as though my wife was irrational,
> paranoid, going insane, etc.. In most cases I might well have actually
> got into bed with the woman concerned (men are notoriously poor at
> resisting women who throw their knickers at them :-) had I not spotted
> the scheming and lying that was going on behind the scenes and
> realised that I was being approached by a "bunny boiler".
>
> It has been a useful education to me to discover that a significant
> minority of women are capable of behaving with such shameless and
> totally unscrupulous duplicity :-) One of the things which helps them
> to get away with it is that most people are reluctant to believe that
> anyone could be so manipulative.
>
> I first wrote down "at least three women". While continuing to write I
> kept remembering another one, and upping the number. I think six is
> probably it :-) Two of them were at least close to being alcoholics,
> and another was an excessive dope smoker, and definitely used their
> brain-scrambling drug of choice on others as part of their
> manipulative arsenal.
I'm pretty sure this one is a "functional alcoholic" - ie
still able of holding down a job, but spending every
off-duty hour drinking "because she's lonely".
tasnglad
> *may* be coming to some conclusion.
>
> A satisfactory one.
>
I am so glad to hear that things are getting better. I think you've
been very strong throughout all this.
Sherb