On May 25, 7:38 am, shinypenny <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Following up again... you might also want to add the book, "Survival
Games Personalities Play" to your reading list. I once wrote a post
reviewing this book. Below is an excerpt from that old post.
The book has an entire section on how to treat the various personality
types when they are playing their survival games.

The key is to meet their most important needs, and then the behavior
goes away. In the your case, show your appreciation of your DH's
skillfulness (Artisans tend to be cleverly resourceful), and allow
room for him to follow his impulses and fulfill his need for novelty
and adventure. Artisans also like to impress people (this is why so
many of them flock to the stage), so find away to applaud his good
qualities, and you will have his loyalty and devoted love forever.
Artisans do have the capability of being one of the most loving,
loyal, caring, tirelessly selfless types of all. And as I've said,
they CAN and DO change... rather rapidly and permanently when they
do.

Meanwhile, it's also useful to know what YOUR type is. Because the
different types interact with each other in different ways. Knowing
your type, you will know what he needs to do for you to meet your
needs too. I happen to be an Idealist, and we complement each other in
many ways which I've come to cherish.

********

I recently read a book, "Survival Games Personalities Play," by Eve
Delunas, which is based on Keirsey theory. It lists the most basic
needs of each of the four types, and postulates if these needs are
not
met, the person will feel threatened, become stressed, or worse  --
exhibit dysfunction such as depression, acting out, regression, etc.
I
think it is useful knowledge within marriage, i.e., if you know your
partner's type, you can more easily meet his/her needs or at least
respect them and not inadvertently denigrade what's most important to
them.

In a nutshell, the worse thing you can do with ....

an Artisan:
-- challenge their skillfullness;
-- stifle their need to follow their impulses
-- act unimpressed

a Guardian:
-- tell them they don't belong;
-- challenge their responsiblities
-- interfere with their ability to do what they perceive as their
duty

a Rational:
-- challenge or question their competency;
-- stifle their drive to achieve;
-- dismiss their ingenuity

an Idealist:
-- stifle their need to become self-actualized;
-- be offended by their attempts to help you develop your own and
others' potential;
-- question their authenticity or honesty

The premise of the book is, "How do the four temperaments react when
under extreme stress or feeling threatened?" They react by playing
certain "survival games."  For example:

Artisans:

Play the game of Blackmail, when they fear the loss of their ability
to be free, graceful, and impressive. The Blackmail game has variants
such as:

-- Deliquency: they lie, cheat, steal or do anything else that is
considered immoral or illegal

-- Con artist: they can be masters at convincing others to believe
their phoney stories, and when confronted with wrongdoing have a way
of finding a good excuse and promising whatever the other wants to
hear.

-- Outrage: they may exhibit violent outburts, blame the other for
pushing their buttons, throw tantrums

-- Binge: may persistently overindulge in substances such as food,
alcohol, or drugs or in activities like overspending, speeding, sex,
or gambling

-- Shocking: engage in things or say things designed to shock others,
often presenting themselves as helpless victims

-- Empty: in this variant, the Artisan complains of feeling empty and
devoid of feelings, i.e., depressed.

Guardians

Play the "Complain Game" when their ability to continue to be
accountable, unselfish, and belong to a group is at risk. Variants of
the complain game include:

-- Invalid: complain of suffering from one or more aches and pains,
which are often real but exaggerated.

-- Worried: become plagued with terrible worries and fears of bad
things that might happen

-- Doormat: allow themselves to be stepped on by others, while
behaving as lowly servants

-- Poor Me: complain loudly and often about how put-upon they are.
They let the others know of the heavy burdens they must bear. They
will tell you in great detail the many responsibilities that fall on
their shoulders, while pointing out any and all of the people who are
not pulling their own share of the load.

-- Depressed: report that they are filled with sadness (note, this is
different than artisans, who experience depression as a state of
emptiness, void of all feelings)

-- Nag: harp on other regarding what they should and should not be
feeling, thinking, and/or doing. Do not forgive and forget the past,
but take every opportunity to drag the other's past transgressions
into recent discussions.

Rationals

Play the game of "Robot" when they fear a loss of their ability to
continue to be competent, achieving, and resolved. Variants of the
Robot game include:

-- That's Illogical: keep others on defensive by asking lots of
questions, and once others try to defend or explain themselves, then
accuse them of being Illogical.

-- Super-Intellectual: behave as very intellectual and devoid of
emotion. Appear cold, stiff, distant and impersonal to others. They
intellectualize everything -- even emotions.

-- Nitpick: they become preoccupied with minute details, completely
disregarding the big picture. Rarely satisfied, perfectionistic. The
book makes the example of the graduate student who never finishes her
dissertation.

-- Superstition: go to extreme to avoid something -- like germs. May
also engage in repetitive rituals like cleaning, counting or chanting
or hand-washing.

-- Blanking Out: experience moments when they can't think of familiar
words, names or numbers; most likely to happen when performing as in
taking a test.

-- Haunted: cannot make unpleasant thoughts go away, such as a song
playing in their head, or become obsessed about loved ones.

Idealist

Play the game of Masquerade when they feel they have not been or
cannot continue to be authentic, benevolent, and empathetic. Variants
include:

-- Mind Reader: claim that they know what others are really thinking,
feeling and/or wanting. Project their own thoughts/desires on to
others, often attributing negative motives, ie., that others are out
to get them. May even contend that others are reading their minds.
Take everything as personal when it has nothing to do with them.

-- Martyr: sacrifice themselves for a higher cause or principle, or
for the needs and wants of another. May voluntarily endure suffering
or hardship to impress others of their goodness and purity.

-- Grasshopper: keep hopping from one topic to another, to keep the
conversation away from sensitive issues. Avoid talking about what
really bothers them by pretending to be bothered by something else.

-- Statue: Lose any degree of their motor and/or sensory functioning
and may experience partial or full paralysis, blindness, and or
deafness. This cannot be traced to any organic cause.

-- Forgetful: completely forget whatever is unpleasant from their
past
or present -- develop amnesia of painful moments. Can also forget
their identity and even take on a new one.

-- Twitch: Demonstrate an unusal increase in motor activity that
cannot be traced to an organic cause. May exhibit tics or spasms,
verbal outburts, outpouring of repressed negative thoughts and
feelings. Once started, cannot stop.