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just a poem i felt like writing
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connie....@gmail.com
Apr 17, 2013, 9:34:09 PM4/17/13
to
Long I grew accustomed to living in shame and disgrace,/ With visions of a noose and dropping out of the race./ Who would weep if I failed to complete my 3-score and 10?/ Surely not a soul because no one enters my den./ They won't spare a thought till the stench of putrid flesh/ Makes them gag and puke even in Marrakesh. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Why do we all dwell in a fear too great to cure?/ Why do we strive to be polite and not a boor?/ Sometimes we have to lash out, to show our hopeless rage/ Sometimes we have to vomit, even on life's stage./ I never find an answer, every door is shut/ One's own lifespan short one feels an urge to cut.
Eleonore Beaudoin
Apr 20, 2013, 6:16:49 AM4/20/13
to
(connie....@gmail.com) writes:
> Long I grew accustomed to living in shame and disgrace,/ With visions of a =
> noose and dropping out of the race./ Who would weep if I failed to complete=
> my 3-score and 10?/ Surely not a soul because no one enters my den./ They =
> won't spare a thought till the stench of putrid flesh/ Makes them gag and p=
> uke even in Marrakesh. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Why do we all dwell in a fear too gr=
> eat to cure?/ Why do we strive to be polite and not a boor?/ Sometimes we h=
> ave to lash out, to show our hopeless rage/ Sometimes we have to vomit, eve=
> n on life's stage./ I never find an answer, every door is shut/ One's own l=
> ifespan short one feels an urge to cut.=20
If you are unable to fight those thoughts, then an unbalance of natural chemicals is affecting
your thinking process itself, jamming it there.
Consulting might bring help in balancing those natural components and allow you to discover
that thoyughts can come as easy on some completely higher realm.
Just wishing you well....
> Long I grew accustomed to living in shame and disgrace,/ With visions of a =
> noose and dropping out of the race./ Who would weep if I failed to complete=
> my 3-score and 10?/ Surely not a soul because no one enters my den./ They =
> won't spare a thought till the stench of putrid flesh/ Makes them gag and p=
> uke even in Marrakesh. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Why do we all dwell in a fear too gr=
> eat to cure?/ Why do we strive to be polite and not a boor?/ Sometimes we h=
> ave to lash out, to show our hopeless rage/ Sometimes we have to vomit, eve=
> n on life's stage./ I never find an answer, every door is shut/ One's own l=
> ifespan short one feels an urge to cut.=20
If you are unable to fight those thoughts, then an unbalance of natural chemicals is affecting
your thinking process itself, jamming it there.
Consulting might bring help in balancing those natural components and allow you to discover
that thoyughts can come as easy on some completely higher realm.
Just wishing you well....
connie rahim
Apr 29, 2013, 5:28:38 PM4/29/13
to
On Apr 20, 6:16 am, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
wrote:
thk you 4 your concern, but i am probably too old to change, too old
to fight it. some of us were born to suffer misery i fear.
wrote:
to fight it. some of us were born to suffer misery i fear.
Eleonore Beaudoin
Apr 30, 2013, 5:30:49 AM4/30/13
to
connie rahim (connie....@gmail.com) writes:
> On Apr 20, 6:16=A0am, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
> wrote:
>> =A0(connie.2.ra...@gmail.com) writes:
>> > Long I grew accustomed to living in shame and disgrace,/ With visions o=
> f a =3D
>> > noose and dropping out of the race./ Who would weep if I failed to comp=
> lete=3D
>> > =A0my 3-score and 10?/ Surely not a soul because no one enters my den./=
> They =3D
>> > won't spare a thought till the stench of putrid flesh/ Makes them gag a=
> nd p=3D
>> > uke even in Marrakesh. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Why do we all dwell in a fear to=
> o gr=3D
>> > eat to cure?/ Why do we strive to be polite and not a boor?/ Sometimes =
> we h=3D
>> > ave to lash out, to show our hopeless rage/ Sometimes we have to vomit,=
> eve=3D
>> > n on life's stage./ I never find an answer, every door is shut/ One's o=
> wn l=3D
>> > ifespan short one feels an urge to cut.=3D20
>>
>> If you are unable to fight those thoughts, then an unbalance of natural c=
While there was maybe a touch of humour in it, it also meant to convey that whatever we are
opened to for whatever concerned our own well being could be done, for the part that only
required some opening our mind to possibilities.
Of course there are circusmtances and material limitations to most things in life. But some
are really a matter of perception only.
Let me try this example.
Once, I corresponded with someone that was blind.
(Of course he used a program that automatically would put into vocal words whatever one wrote).
I once asked him if he would consider somethign that would give him his eyesight.
His answer was a definite 'no way'.
I asked why.
Because, he said, it would take years of training for him to *learn how to see*.
In his mind, this would flatly require rehab!
True, he would have had to learn to read regular alphabet and words, come to think of it.
But of course, all the other sides, the advantages of it, he could simply not 'conceive',
conceptualize in any other way than a non-seeing person's way.
I guess you can 'see' what I am trying to say here.
When we have been stuck in some thought processes that linger on a given ..shall we say
wavelenght or level or whatever term, and when we lived with those for years, maybe decades or
in some cases, all our life, it is very hard to not only imagine, but 'know' how having any
other level of thoughts would be like.
When our own mind and thought processes are stuck 'below' a level, and do not allow us to
access higher or more enjoyable thoughts, we then can not even access the thought of how it
would be and what that would be and feel like.
Since our thoughts are at the ehavy level, we then at best think of it ...with ehavy thoughts.
We imagine it demanding, since all we live is demanding when thoughts are stuck in a too
'low/heavy/demanding/sad/depressing' mode.
That very reality is one that needs help exactly because soemoen stuck there can not have the
thoughts required to move out of it on their own.
This is where help is needed.
It could be through analysis, talking to a psy that then can help your thinking processes by
simply bringing you to rethink a thought, by simple questions making the thought process
transform by simply 'trigering' new thoughts, by questions or comments, without directing you
to think this or that (i.e. it is your own thoughts that woudl beworked on, and not the psys
put in their place), or if it is seen as needed to accelerate the process or to save you eyars
of therapy (lok at it as a rehab of the thinking *preocesses* or as training a muscle that
would have been atrophied (Engl?) since too long and could not hold your weight for
instance)-or if it is deemed better by both you and psy to try and accelerate the process by
the use of medication to try and boost the thinking processes on a higher level, both could be
used.
Either wasy the choice is yours (unless you would be a danger to others or to your own self,
and even there, one would have to either declare so or be declared so after having taken
actions that would clearly show so).
To come back to the image of my blind penpal of years ago, one can go on never seeing life's
colors. Some have no option, not every blind condition can be helped. But among those who can,
some might also chose to live this in their lifetime, regardless of age.
The problem when one is stuck in low thoughts though is that they can not THINK of a higher
possibility.
To try and push the image here, for someone living under depressed (heavy/low) thoughts to be
expected to think happily about trying some treatment would be like asking the blind to lead
the blind, i.e. trip in his/her own thought processes and see it as a huge heavy depressing
thing to try....
Yet I wish I could make your thoughts *see* there is another huge happy half of life to be seen...
felt and lived.
Be well,
C
> On Apr 20, 6:16=A0am, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
> wrote:
>> =A0(connie.2.ra...@gmail.com) writes:
>> > Long I grew accustomed to living in shame and disgrace,/ With visions o=
> f a =3D
>> > noose and dropping out of the race./ Who would weep if I failed to comp=
> lete=3D
>> > =A0my 3-score and 10?/ Surely not a soul because no one enters my den./=
> They =3D
>> > won't spare a thought till the stench of putrid flesh/ Makes them gag a=
> nd p=3D
>> > uke even in Marrakesh. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Why do we all dwell in a fear to=
> o gr=3D
>> > eat to cure?/ Why do we strive to be polite and not a boor?/ Sometimes =
> we h=3D
>> > ave to lash out, to show our hopeless rage/ Sometimes we have to vomit,=
> eve=3D
>> > n on life's stage./ I never find an answer, every door is shut/ One's o=
> wn l=3D
>> > ifespan short one feels an urge to cut.=3D20
>>
>> If you are unable to fight those thoughts, then an unbalance of natural c=
> hemicals is affecting
>> your thinking process itself, jamming it there.
>>
>> Consulting might bring help in balancing those natural components and all=
>> your thinking process itself, jamming it there.
>>
> ow you to discover
>> that thoyughts can come as easy on some completely higher realm.
>>
>> Just wishing you well....
>
> thk you 4 your concern, but i am probably too old to change, too old
> to fight it. some of us were born to suffer misery i fear.
I once wore a badge that read: 'We are never too old to have a childhood'.
>> that thoyughts can come as easy on some completely higher realm.
>>
>> Just wishing you well....
>
> thk you 4 your concern, but i am probably too old to change, too old
> to fight it. some of us were born to suffer misery i fear.
While there was maybe a touch of humour in it, it also meant to convey that whatever we are
opened to for whatever concerned our own well being could be done, for the part that only
required some opening our mind to possibilities.
Of course there are circusmtances and material limitations to most things in life. But some
are really a matter of perception only.
Let me try this example.
Once, I corresponded with someone that was blind.
(Of course he used a program that automatically would put into vocal words whatever one wrote).
I once asked him if he would consider somethign that would give him his eyesight.
His answer was a definite 'no way'.
I asked why.
Because, he said, it would take years of training for him to *learn how to see*.
In his mind, this would flatly require rehab!
True, he would have had to learn to read regular alphabet and words, come to think of it.
But of course, all the other sides, the advantages of it, he could simply not 'conceive',
conceptualize in any other way than a non-seeing person's way.
I guess you can 'see' what I am trying to say here.
When we have been stuck in some thought processes that linger on a given ..shall we say
wavelenght or level or whatever term, and when we lived with those for years, maybe decades or
in some cases, all our life, it is very hard to not only imagine, but 'know' how having any
other level of thoughts would be like.
When our own mind and thought processes are stuck 'below' a level, and do not allow us to
access higher or more enjoyable thoughts, we then can not even access the thought of how it
would be and what that would be and feel like.
Since our thoughts are at the ehavy level, we then at best think of it ...with ehavy thoughts.
We imagine it demanding, since all we live is demanding when thoughts are stuck in a too
'low/heavy/demanding/sad/depressing' mode.
That very reality is one that needs help exactly because soemoen stuck there can not have the
thoughts required to move out of it on their own.
This is where help is needed.
It could be through analysis, talking to a psy that then can help your thinking processes by
simply bringing you to rethink a thought, by simple questions making the thought process
transform by simply 'trigering' new thoughts, by questions or comments, without directing you
to think this or that (i.e. it is your own thoughts that woudl beworked on, and not the psys
put in their place), or if it is seen as needed to accelerate the process or to save you eyars
of therapy (lok at it as a rehab of the thinking *preocesses* or as training a muscle that
would have been atrophied (Engl?) since too long and could not hold your weight for
instance)-or if it is deemed better by both you and psy to try and accelerate the process by
the use of medication to try and boost the thinking processes on a higher level, both could be
used.
Either wasy the choice is yours (unless you would be a danger to others or to your own self,
and even there, one would have to either declare so or be declared so after having taken
actions that would clearly show so).
To come back to the image of my blind penpal of years ago, one can go on never seeing life's
colors. Some have no option, not every blind condition can be helped. But among those who can,
some might also chose to live this in their lifetime, regardless of age.
The problem when one is stuck in low thoughts though is that they can not THINK of a higher
possibility.
To try and push the image here, for someone living under depressed (heavy/low) thoughts to be
expected to think happily about trying some treatment would be like asking the blind to lead
the blind, i.e. trip in his/her own thought processes and see it as a huge heavy depressing
thing to try....
Yet I wish I could make your thoughts *see* there is another huge happy half of life to be seen...
felt and lived.
Be well,
C
Levi443
May 4, 2013, 7:34:02 PM5/4/13
to
Hi :)
I liked the words in the just-previous post. I'm 100% in agreement.
Once, in it, I mistakenly saw a paragraph's beginning which was going to go downward. To where I'd expect worry and disapointment. But nopes, it was just - in th'post - to set up contrast. :) -->
Making a comparison to bein' like a lil' kid out runnin' around :) !!!
Gggggggg VBG :) :) :)
Contrast in mood.
Along that line: today's weather here was..well "a summer's breeze." Cf recently when I had a deadline w almost-panics, today was dreamy happy.
/Yes there is a happy side of life,
Hopin' here that U find it soon.
--The happy "better half."
my best, Levi
I liked the words in the just-previous post. I'm 100% in agreement.
Once, in it, I mistakenly saw a paragraph's beginning which was going to go downward. To where I'd expect worry and disapointment. But nopes, it was just - in th'post - to set up contrast. :) -->
Making a comparison to bein' like a lil' kid out runnin' around :) !!!
Gggggggg VBG :) :) :)
Contrast in mood.
Along that line: today's weather here was..well "a summer's breeze." Cf recently when I had a deadline w almost-panics, today was dreamy happy.
/Yes there is a happy side of life,
Hopin' here that U find it soon.
--The happy "better half."
my best, Levi
Eleonore Beaudoin
May 4, 2013, 8:42:18 PM5/4/13
to
Weather has been real nice here too, and they are calling for the same tomorrow.
That is when I miss having a yard...Oh wait a minute! I have one!;-)
But as explained......
Plus there still is that dang throat and ear thing to get oiver and avoid shade and temp contrasts (shaded yard=humidity and midlew still too much, and
shade makes it so cool ground still emits too much cold for it o0 be safe for me.
But will try and get outta ghere tomorrow, after I have a peak at budget first that is, to see where it is at. Will need milk, coffee, sugar, and at least
some minimum to eat.
Am okay on that regard so far in that I lived on leftover: ramen soups, cream chese and pitta bread leftover, etc.
Throat feels like pieces of glass falling down on vocal cords, ruining them completely. Since I nearly lost my voice three weeks ago, it is not back to
normal yet.
Had giood antibios, feltthey were reall working, with all symptoms to top it. But was a elftover in a bottle, anddid not have enough to kill it. Now have a
brand new prescription, but is a different kind, one I tried in apst that si excellent for pneumonia and bronchitis, but that never helped the ears and
throat thing one bit.
Second of five days on it: I feel like I woudl rather need a type that woudl work over two weeks. Whatever that dang thing is, it dies very hard, and is a
giant pain in the neck:(.
At work, building intendants removed the old fire alarm thingiues that are screwed normally in ceilings, since they replaced the entire systems with new
smaller models of fire alarm. However, they have not vcovered the old hol;es, about 1.5 ft large, here and there on the floor, and we had mildew between the
ceilings......This happened just before I started having this...
They KNOW about the midlew, sicne they had to come and replace ceiling tiles often in washrooms, and we suspect there is a ton in building which is why they
want to close it down for two eyars. That and or asbestos andthat kind of yuk. Nothign else woudl make buildings close down for two eyars unless such a
danger that they woudl fear...losing more money by being sued than by renting.
Add to it that the water there can not be drank, is not safe for drinking and I woudl bet even for washing hands....
Both that and this house making me wonder a lot at times are not a good combination.
I can not wait to move out of that workplace because of that....Hopefullyit will not be liek a month too late, with thaort and ears and cvocal cords
dammaged for good---or worse, lungs. Spores an be really dangerous....
This week I kept thinking of thatd ay I ended late, like 9 p.m. or more, and when I left, I saw thousands and thousands of bats coming out of the beams
outside the building....Yet there was none to be seen in the day. I then wondered if it coudl be what makes people sick. Bat schmuck everywehre. Whatever it
is, they surer are not sayign why they are closing the buolding down entirely except 'renovations'.
Buildings usually renovate like oen floor at a time -or two or three -to not lose so much renting money.
The stretched us in whatever it is all those eyars, s they ahd to have had bad cases and lawsuits pending for them to close all down for two entire years...
Will try and rub the border of the ears (not touching inside, just rim of ear, barely) with tea tree oilo...It felt like such a relief the alst time...But I
had started a rash and could not longer put anything on rash by and inside ears....
Anyway.
Gonna get soemthign to drink, and oh, true, Found baloney, frozen....wonder about that too the last time and if it coudl hae been what made me sick, but
shall see I guess.......
Found marshmallow caplets. Ordered them but still no news....(Ordered through natural product store).
A different brand, but hey, at this point, will try them. Those helped me so much tor egulate the body temp and avoid hyperthermia last eyar, was fantastic!
Already have probs with humidity and ehat that way, if not even that hot yet.
But hosuie -and this entire part of Canada- is very humid...
(Most humid part of country this is....Valley, between mountaisn and surroudned with water: huge rivers, huge lakes, many many mnay of those).
Ribcage feels better must say, if from previous antibios.
Cats seem happy to seer me feel better and be more patty and talkative with them:).
Cats are not like dogs in this: when they see you sick, they stay away....where dogs woudl lay on your legs, or by you, to show compassion.
Cats however will get near in a compassion way when tehy see me choke completely. Even lil geisha, my sister's cat, so so wild still, came to check on me as
I was choking in washroom a moment ago....that glassy feelign on my vocal cords again...
Keep having this backnose drip that keep ears and throat inflammed/infected.
Started aitrco upstairs (on wheels) and dehumidifier still downstairs, but all is one same two fuses in electric box, so can not elt both run at same time...
Kiddo should visit to help me install the main floor window unit on the 14th. OPOffered earlier but was still wayyy too cold with me being sock and all to
have it hit my head!
Canin fever. Can not wait to feel better and get the hell out of here and feel spring. With my luck, it will rauin cats and dogs (now that woudl make me
happy if it did:), so long as they woudl not get squished as they woudl fall fromt eh sky:)), when I will feel safe to trust the bottom of the air on thraot
and ears andto wear sandals. Incidentally, need to buy some:).
SOON.
connie rahim
May 6, 2013, 6:48:14 PM5/6/13
to
well good luck with all that.
Eleonore Beaudoin
May 6, 2013, 10:28:08 PM5/6/13
to
Not sure if that was for me or Lev or both, but just the same: thanks!
Doing much better today.
Seemed to be a turning point last evening, after being so friggen sick all weekend, then
tadah! I realized I had not been coughing nor blosing my nose and the ears seemed less bad,
etc, by maybe 7-8 p.m. last evening, then again this morning, was stunned to not feel thorat
feeling infected anymore after all that time (what,. nearl a month now).
Voice is almost back to normal. Sounds normal...except when I sign by now:)
But I get mroe and more notes, vocal cords stretching at long last.
One day of this second antibio to go (a five or was it six days this new one was).
(Zitromax).
Supper time Su7nday, I was sure they were good for nothing. An hour later, I coudl not believe
the change -nor how sudden, within an hour.
Till, can not wait to e done with last antibio tomorrow morning, because they hurt tummy.
If mornings are still tough at waking up time, I have way more energy in the day and evenings
already:)
Yesterday evening, I managed the aquarium filter change and was, then laundry, then bird cage,
cat pans, gettign garbage out, recycling out, sweeping floors, doing dishes, refilling pails
of food for cats, look *a bit* at summer clothes, enoug to grab an old uuuugly pair of shorts
like 10 sizes too big for me:), that I would not wanna be seen in:), but that are okay in the
house untl I find soemthign else.
Hope the day was nice at your end, and that the sky smiled your way, to cheer your spirit up!
Do you like to listen to music?
What kind, if so?
Doing much better today.
Seemed to be a turning point last evening, after being so friggen sick all weekend, then
tadah! I realized I had not been coughing nor blosing my nose and the ears seemed less bad,
etc, by maybe 7-8 p.m. last evening, then again this morning, was stunned to not feel thorat
feeling infected anymore after all that time (what,. nearl a month now).
Voice is almost back to normal. Sounds normal...except when I sign by now:)
But I get mroe and more notes, vocal cords stretching at long last.
One day of this second antibio to go (a five or was it six days this new one was).
(Zitromax).
Supper time Su7nday, I was sure they were good for nothing. An hour later, I coudl not believe
the change -nor how sudden, within an hour.
Till, can not wait to e done with last antibio tomorrow morning, because they hurt tummy.
If mornings are still tough at waking up time, I have way more energy in the day and evenings
already:)
Yesterday evening, I managed the aquarium filter change and was, then laundry, then bird cage,
cat pans, gettign garbage out, recycling out, sweeping floors, doing dishes, refilling pails
of food for cats, look *a bit* at summer clothes, enoug to grab an old uuuugly pair of shorts
like 10 sizes too big for me:), that I would not wanna be seen in:), but that are okay in the
house untl I find soemthign else.
Hope the day was nice at your end, and that the sky smiled your way, to cheer your spirit up!
Do you like to listen to music?
What kind, if so?
%
May 6, 2013, 10:32:28 PM5/6/13
to
Eleonore Beaudoin
May 7, 2013, 10:41:50 PM5/7/13
to
Speakers are on Mac. I keep forgetting.
And I do not have this connection on the Mac, to try and keep it clean...
Say, never thought that Capt'n BeefHeart was so short.
He sems to be at the limit of 'small people".
connie rahim
May 9, 2013, 12:55:33 AM5/9/13
to
music?
yes, classical.
yes, classical.
Eleonore Beaudoin
May 12, 2013, 1:15:29 PM5/12/13
to
connie rahim (connie....@gmail.com) writes:
> music?
>
> yes, classical.
Ah.
Not much of a connaisseur myself, if you mean what is ''traditionally'' referred to as 'classical'
Any composer in particular?
> music?
>
> yes, classical.
Ah.
Not much of a connaisseur myself, if you mean what is ''traditionally'' referred to as 'classical'
Any composer in particular?
Levi443
May 21, 2013, 11:22:27 PM5/21/13
to
Any things from the 19th Century?
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