Message left on the ASI website for anonymous posting to the newsgroup. Please reply to the newsgroup and not to Fred.
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Date: 09 Aug 2000 22:44:19 -0500
In April of this year my 38 year old husband of 16 years was diagnosed with prostate cancer. After researching all options we decided on radical prostatectomy for a cure instead of treatment due to his age and type of cancer. So far recovery has been great and things are improving daily. I thank God for letting us find the cancer in an early stage before it reached the lymphnodes. I love my husband dearly and would stand by him through anything. Now my questions begin though and I have no where to turn for answers but here and would appreciate any help I can get to try to understand what we are going through. Without a nerve sparing procedure the doc told him he could try viagra and penis injections which should work. First we had no luck with the viagra but the doc wanted him to continue to use it daily 100 mg. and said "USE IT OR LOSE IT". That got expensive with no help from insurance. Then we began the shots Edex which were costly too and seemed to hurt my husband alot.The shots produce an erection we are able to have intercourse with but not rock hard. We did not believe the doc. when he said my husband would be able to reach an orgasm without an erection but found this to be true. The doc told him if I was not around go to the bathroom and do it himself but to use it daily. He is able to take the viagra and reach an orgasm without an erection. But when he takes the Edex and tries to have intercourse he can not reach one. The pain from the shots come afterwards so its not the pain keeping him from reaching one. This is the hard part for me. Is it me? I know he has went through a major change and things will never be the same but it's hard for me as a woman to understand. It makes me feel there is something wrong with me. The doc. gave him a precription for ppp or trimix which should be less painful afterwards and cheaper.Soon we will try them. I realize these men that go through this have been through alot but seldom do people know how much the wives go through. Being so young I was always use to my husban <<message ends >>
(Anoymous)
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-Fred-
Visit the Alt.Support.Impotence website at http://www.alt-support-impotence.org/ Answers to Frequently Asked Questions and links to impotence information on the web
I guess I haven't been sympathetic to my wife's having to go through my low t-level thing as I should be. I'm really sorry to hear about your husband's problems. They make mine seem tiny in compairison.
I'm not sure what in female terms the sort of surgery your husband had would be like. The ability to have an erection and the pleasure a man gets from it goes deep into our image of what being a man is about. It goes back to early adolescence. Many men don't understand how devistating it is to a woman to have her breasts removed because after all she wasn't going to nurse a baby with them anyway and he still loves her anyway. But it goes to her image of herself as a woman. If you also added other changes which made intercourse difficult and painful, you'd be real close to where your husband is now.
Nothing is wrong with you. It is the physical and resulting psychological changes in your husband as a result of his surgery. I'd encourage you both to keep trying and don't give up but realize that things aren't going to be like they were. Hopefully others hear will have gone through what your husband has and will have more specific advise. mike71646
-Fred- wrote: > Message left on the ASI website for anonymous posting to the > newsgroup. Please reply to the newsgroup and not to Fred.
> ====================================
> Date: 09 Aug 2000 22:44:19 -0500
> In April of this year my 38 year old husband of 16 years was diagnosed > with prostate cancer. After researching all options we decided on > radical prostatectomy for a cure instead of treatment due to his age > and type of cancer. So far recovery has been great and things are > improving daily. I thank God for letting us find the cancer in an > early stage before it reached the lymphnodes. I love my husband dearly > and would stand by him through anything. Now my questions begin though > and I have no where to turn for answers but here and would appreciate > any help I can get to try to understand what we are going through. > Without a nerve sparing procedure the doc told him he could try viagra > and penis injections which should work. First we had no luck with the > viagra but the doc wanted him to continue to use it daily 100 mg. and > said "USE IT OR LOSE IT". That got expensive with no help from > insurance. Then we began the shots Edex which were costly too and > seemed to hurt my husband alot.The shots produce an erection we are > able to have intercourse with but not rock hard. We did not believe > the doc. when he said my husband would be able to reach an orgasm > without an erection but found this to be true. The doc told him if I > was not around go to the bathroom and do it himself but to use it > daily. He is able to take the viagra and reach an orgasm without an > erection. But when he takes the Edex and tries to have intercourse he > can not reach one. The pain from the shots come afterwards so its not > the pain keeping him from reaching one. This is the hard part for me. > Is it me? I know he has went through a major change and things will > never be the same but it's hard for me as a woman to understand. It > makes me feel there is something wrong with me. The doc. gave him a > precription for ppp or trimix which should be less painful afterwards > and cheaper.Soon we will try them. I realize these men that go through > this have been through alot but seldom do people know how much the > wives go through. Being so young I was always use to my husban > <<message ends >>
> (Anoymous)
> ===============================
> -Fred-
> Visit the Alt.Support.Impotence website at > http://www.alt-support-impotence.org/ > Answers to Frequently Asked Questions and > links to impotence information on the web
Something that may help for your husband in the "use it or lose it" category, is a regimen of using a quality penis pump to keep the blood circulating through his penis. Along with the PPP shots this might help some. Using a cock ring with the shots may also help. Like some of us have already said, to you and to our wives, "it isn't you". I know it is difficult to understand that, because it is difficult for man to explain it properly. Sometimes we can't find the right words, because the feelings aren't understood by us. Don't give up hope. Keep loving each other, and work on the problem together. The solution will come eventually.
> I guess I haven't been sympathetic to my wife's having to go through my > low t-level thing as I should be. I'm really sorry to hear about your > husband's problems. They make mine seem tiny in compairison.
> I'm not sure what in female terms the sort of surgery your husband had > would be like. The ability to have an erection and the pleasure a man > gets from it goes deep into our image of what being a man is about. It > goes back to early adolescence. Many men don't understand how devistating > it is to a woman to have her breasts removed because after all she wasn't > going to nurse a baby with them anyway and he still loves her anyway. But > it goes to her image of herself as a woman. If you also added other > changes which made intercourse difficult and painful, you'd be real close > to where your husband is now.
> Nothing is wrong with you. It is the physical and resulting psychological > changes in your husband as a result of his surgery. I'd encourage you both > to keep trying and don't give up but realize that things aren't going to > be like they were. Hopefully others hear will have gone through what your > husband has and will have more specific advise. > mike71646
> -Fred- wrote:
> > Message left on the ASI website for anonymous posting to the > > newsgroup. Please reply to the newsgroup and not to Fred.
> > ====================================
> > Date: 09 Aug 2000 22:44:19 -0500
> > In April of this year my 38 year old husband of 16 years was diagnosed > > with prostate cancer. After researching all options we decided on > > radical prostatectomy for a cure instead of treatment due to his age > > and type of cancer. So far recovery has been great and things are > > improving daily. I thank God for letting us find the cancer in an > > early stage before it reached the lymphnodes. I love my husband dearly > > and would stand by him through anything. Now my questions begin though > > and I have no where to turn for answers but here and would appreciate > > any help I can get to try to understand what we are going through. > > Without a nerve sparing procedure the doc told him he could try viagra > > and penis injections which should work. First we had no luck with the > > viagra but the doc wanted him to continue to use it daily 100 mg. and > > said "USE IT OR LOSE IT". That got expensive with no help from > > insurance. Then we began the shots Edex which were costly too and > > seemed to hurt my husband alot.The shots produce an erection we are > > able to have intercourse with but not rock hard. We did not believe > > the doc. when he said my husband would be able to reach an orgasm > > without an erection but found this to be true. The doc told him if I > > was not around go to the bathroom and do it himself but to use it > > daily. He is able to take the viagra and reach an orgasm without an > > erection. But when he takes the Edex and tries to have intercourse he > > can not reach one. The pain from the shots come afterwards so its not > > the pain keeping him from reaching one. This is the hard part for me. > > Is it me? I know he has went through a major change and things will > > never be the same but it's hard for me as a woman to understand. It > > makes me feel there is something wrong with me. The doc. gave him a > > precription for ppp or trimix which should be less painful afterwards > > and cheaper.Soon we will try them. I realize these men that go through > > this have been through alot but seldom do people know how much the > > wives go through. Being so young I was always use to my husban > > <<message ends >>
> > (Anoymous)
> > ===============================
> > -Fred-
> > Visit the Alt.Support.Impotence website at > > http://www.alt-support-impotence.org/ > > Answers to Frequently Asked Questions and > > links to impotence information on the web
-Fred- wrote: > Message left on the ASI website for anonymous posting to the > newsgroup. Please reply to the newsgroup and not to Fred.
> ====================================
> Date: 09 Aug 2000 22:44:19 -0500
> In April of this year my 38 year old husband of 16 years was diagnosed > with prostate cancer. After researching all options we decided on > radical prostatectomy for a cure instead of treatment due to his age > and type of cancer. So far recovery has been great and things are > improving daily. I thank God for letting us find the cancer in an > early stage before it reached the lymphnodes. I love my husband dearly > and would stand by him through anything. Now my questions begin though > and I have no where to turn for answers but here and would appreciate > any help I can get to try to understand what we are going through. > (snip)
Glad your husbands recovery is going well.
This newsgroup and the alt.support.impotence web page are both great sources of information.
There are also two support groups for partners of men with ED. Recommend that you visit both of them.
P.S. to the newsgroup: Realize that this post is likely to attract flames, and am honestly sorry for that. The last thing I want to do is start trouble in this very helpful and informative group. This woman's words touched me, and since she posted anonymously, the only place to communicate with her is here. I hope that those who consider my post an intrusion will forgive it in this case.
You are to be comended on sticking by your man, this ED thing is a real bitch to weather on your own.
I use Tri-mix injections of 1cc or 1.1cc. to achieve erection for about 25 minutes and usually orgasm also.
Originally the Urologist gave me different injectables, some hurt, some did not work very well, but the Tri-mix works pretty well. Also, do not use the diabetic style syringes, the needles are too short, and sometimes you end up injecting the medicine into the tissue not into the corpus cavernosum.
I now use 3cc syringes, and change the needles from the 1.5" 25 guage to a 1/2" 30 guage. I can hardly feel the 30's and then it's off to the play ground :-)
>P.S. to the newsgroup: >Realize that this post is likely to attract flames, and am honestly sorry >for that. The last thing I want to do is start trouble in this very >helpful and informative group. This woman's words touched me, and since >she posted anonymously, the only place to communicate with her is here. I >hope that those who consider my post an intrusion will forgive it in this >case.
Why would we consider it an intrusion? Your message was very supportive and helpful! We only get ticked off when women start this you-men-can-never-understand-how-we-feel .....
Now the flame probably will begin ... but I do have one question: Why do you get ticked off when a woman says that the man will never understand how she feels? Most women are more than willing to be supportive partners ... no matter how difficult the situation. It's the rejection and the blame and the denial that cause the marriage to suffer the most; NOT the ED!!!!! Men are so focused on the penis that they completely discard the wife. And IMO, the wife would probably be the most supportive and helpful friend the penis could possibly have IF the man would just cast his eyes and his attention in her direction. Talk about an inability to communicate .... let's all keep the man's secret ... and, guess what ... I've been married to the same man for 34 years and have lived with total rejection and I AM an EXPERT in knowing how it feels and YOU would NEVER understand even though understanding might be helpful to both you and your beloved penis. And that's why I never post here .... but you did just happen to "tick me off."
I'm a 62 yo gay man with ED and have not had a steady sexual partner for a few years.
I tend to be "zen-like" in that I BELIEVE in DIRECT EXPERIENCE!!! I cannot feel what you are going through presently but your post comes across very clear as from a caring, loving and very supportive wife!
I would second T Knowles suggestion about a cock pump. I've learned from this news group that the function of nocturnal/morning erections is to circulate oxygnated blood through the cock and to remove metabolic wastes, keeping cock tissues healthy.
A very reputable supplier of high quality cock pumps is
Don't be put off by the razz ma tazz on first page "Penis enlargement" (ain't going to happen :-)); although regular use may result in increased circumference! I use my cock pump several times daily--as my nocturnal/morning erections have diminished.
An ensemble--pumping cylinder, pump, constriction bands and instructional video will cost ummm $ ~130. Although I did not buy my ensemble directly from this supplier, looking at their photo images sugggest to me that they were supplier to vendor from whom I purchased mine. I've had my ensemble for 11 years and it's still in perfect condition.
This poses a good question--after a radical procedure such as your husband has gone through will a cock pump work well to establish a usable erection?
The fact that your husband can achieve orgasm without a full erection is a good sign. And most likely you and your husband have already gone to the higher level of understanding that sex is more than penetrative sex--it begins with intimacy! Intimacy can be expressed in many ways--beginning with making oneself vunerable and proceeding from there.
An Anoymous Wife wrote: > Without a nerve sparing procedure the > doc told him he could try viagra and > penis injections which should work. First > we had no luck with the viagra but the > doc wanted him to continue to use it > daily 100 mg. and said "USE IT OR > LOSE IT". That got expensive with no > help from insurance. Then we began the > shots Edex which were costly too and > seemed to hurt my husband alot.The > shots produce an erection we are able > to have intercourse with but not rock > hard. We did not believe the doc. when > he said my husband would be able to > reach an orgasm without an erection but > found this to be true. The doc told him if > I was not around go to the bathroom and > do it himself but to use it daily. He is > able to take the viagra and reach an > orgasm without an erection. But when > he takes the Edex and tries to have > intercourse he can not reach one. The > pain from the shots come afterwards so > its not the pain keeping him from > reaching one.
Why not use the shots and Viagra at the same time? The shots for the erection, the Viagra for the orgasm.
> The doc. gave him a precription for ppp > or trimix which should be less painful > afterwards and cheaper.Soon we will try > them.
And if that doesn't work, there is always the inflatable penile implant.
Consider using a prescription grade vacuum erection device. Most of the cost can be covered by insurance. There are some non-prescription ones, but they just are not as good. You might want to do a search on "vacuum erection device" and "erecaid" for more info. I would be available to answer your E-mail questions if any.
And for others-until that magic pill comes along that restores our vim and vigor withpout the potental side effect of killing us, do consider these devices. They ALWAYS work and women are very accepting of their use .
NO, I do not sell these things. I am just a happy user.
jkras...@san.rr.com (Courageous) wrote: > Why not use the shots and Viagra at the > same time? The shots for the erection, > the Viagra for the orgasm. > Viagra doesn't help with orgasms.
As for erections, the Anonymous wife wrote:
The shots produce an erection we are able to have intercourse with but not rock hard.
As for orgasms, the Anonymous wife wrote:
He is able to take the viagra and reach an orgasm without an erection. But when he takes the Edex and tries to have intercourse he can not reach one.
> However, combining -- with the doctor's > approval -- might not be such a bad > idea. The two together may be more > effective than either one alone.
If all else fails, there is always the inflatable penile implant. I have heard nothing but good things about them.
