words for a friend

[donna]

we graduated high school in 1967; she was the class beauty, i was the
funny, witty one. she married my brother and although it ended in
divorce, she and i remained close for years. there was a lot of
alcohol involved in our relationship when we were young ... hours on
the tennis courts or by the pool followed by more hours drinking
wine. i left the alcohol behind as years wore on, she did not. i had
to gradually distance myself from her because of the drinking.
occasionally she'd phone and we'd chat. she'd repeat herself, forget
entire conversations, slur her speech. i would try to talk to her
about her drinking and she would excitedly deny it.

i spoke to her twice after savannah died. the first time was right
after the death, the second and last time i ever talked with her was a
couple of months later when she called me. she said she'd called many
times but was unable to get an answer. she was lying. what she did
not realize was that my rules of engagement, with every person, had
altered forever when my daughter died. i was no longer willing to
pretend to believe her when she pretended she was not drunk. 'no' i
said, 'you did not try to call. i have caller i.d. you drink too
much and you always have. good luck, god bless you, but i'm
finished'.

i just found out that she died this year. drank herself to death at
age 59.

i loved her and i'm sorry she's gone and sorry for the way she died.
sad, sad, sad.

[Daniel]

On Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:00:35 -0700 (PDT), donna <donn...@hotmail.com> wrote:

>we graduated high school in 1967; she was the class beauty . . .
> . . .

>i just found out that she died this year. drank herself to death at
>age 59.
>
>i loved her and i'm sorry she's gone and sorry for the way she died.
>sad, sad, sad.

Donna, I am sorry about your loss of your friend. You know already (but I'll
say it anyway) there's nothing you could have done. When we say we're powerless
over alcohol, unfortunately it also means we're for the most part powerless over
the alcohol around us, that friends and loved ones are still ingesting. I'm
sorry. Yes, sad, sad, sad.

Peace,
--
Daniel ( deltae...@usa.net )

[donna]

> Donna, I am sorry about your loss of your friend.  You know already (but I'll
> say it anyway) there's nothing you could have done.  When we say we're powerless
> over alcohol, unfortunately it also means we're for the most part powerless over
> the alcohol around us, that friends and loved ones are still ingesting.  I'm
> sorry.  Yes, sad, sad, sad.  
>
> Peace,
> --

> Daniel  ( deltaechom...@usa.net )
***********************************************
dear daniel,

thanks for your thoughtful reply. there was a time, before savannah
died, when i probably would have disagreed with you. i would have
felt guilt; believing i had not done enough to change or help my
friend. now, sadly, i know that love and good intentions are not
enough. sometimes the most tragic things can happen and we have no
control over the outcome of events.

best,

donna