Holiday Help - A bereaved parent's wish list
Daniel
newsletter? Anybody know? This one was posted by our dear Diana back
in the pre-9/11 days -- September 2, 2001. I re-post these at this
time of year in the hope that they may help someone.
: A Bereaved Parents Holiday Wish List
:
: 1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
:
: 2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived
: and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you
: also.
:
: 3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew
: that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my
: tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my
: grief. I thank you for both.
:
: 4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures,
: artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
:
: 5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy
: away from me. I need you now more than ever.
:
: 6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you
: to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let
: me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
:
: 7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
: child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things
: through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
:
: 8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first
: months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
: will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
:
: 9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand
: that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will
: always grieve that he is dead.
:
: 10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy."
: Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
:
: 11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me
: grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
:
: 12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable
: for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient
: with me as I am with you.
:
: 13. When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't
: "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
:
: 14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
: normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to
: be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable
: and cranky.
:
: 15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a
: day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand
: that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
:
: 16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the
: world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I
: wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
:
: 17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a
: big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child
: died, and I will never be that person again.
:
: 18. I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my
: grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that
: you will never understand.
:
:
: Author Unknown to me but if anyone else knows please feel free to give
: proper credit.
:
: Diana
--
Daniel ( deltae...@usa.net )
njb
understatement. Thanks.
