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   INDIANAPOLIS (Rueters) -- Fox
News, which never tells a lie, is
now reporting that Super Bowl
XLVI is very, very close to being
cancelled.
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   Well, not really! But it does look like
there will be NO God Bless America,
NO coin toss, NO kickoff, NO nifty
pass receptions, NO sacks, NO
touchdowns and NO head coach
getting a final-moments shower
with ice-cold, sticky Gatorade.
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You see, the Patriots are extremely
frightened of what can happen to
them and their fans during the game,
based on what already has been
happening to them over the past
few days.
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    In fact, the Patriots may not even
show up for the Super Bowl and the
winning two points -- for their 2-0
loss by forfeit -- may well be delivered
to the New York Giants by one of those
daredevil messenger boys on bicycle.
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   "We just don't want to take any
chance of a possible catastrophe
if we play the game," said Billy
Belechick. "We know what we're
up against -- Joe Paterno -- and,
since his death, he has proven
he still wields a helluva lot of power."
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    "In fact, the way things have been
going for us lately, it wouldn't surprise
me a bit if we played the game and
had a tsunami -- but only on our side
of the field."

    Paterno, who knew a thing or two
about football, passed away a week
ago and some screwball in Brooklyn --
believing an erroneous rumor that the
Vatican had proclaimed him a saint
 -- asked Joe to use his influence with
The Man Upstairs to make sure the
super-underdog New York Giants
performed the impossible and won
the Super Bowl.
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   As everyone close to football now
knows, all sorts of zany unexplainable
spooky things have been happening
to the Patriots that makes one wonder
if the prayer for Paterno's assistance
is indeed being answered  in spades
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    A spokesman for the Vatican had
no comment.
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    SEE EARLIER STORIES IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME
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http://groups.google.com/group/dc.smithsonian/browse_thread/thread/f1...
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<       SOME SUPER BOWL RECORDS
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LONGEST LINE WAITING TO TO USE TOILET AT HALFTIME -- 134
Super Bowl XXXIX -- Alltell Stadium, Jacksonville
New England Patriots 24, Philadelphia Eagles 21
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MUGGINGS IN THE PARKING LOT -- 12
Super Bowl XXIII -- Orange Bowl, Miami
Pittsburgh Steelers 35, Dallas Cowboys 31
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MOST POCKETS PICKED DURING  HALFTIME --17
Super Bowl XLI -- Dolphin Stadium
Indianapolis Colts 29, Chicago Bears 17

MOST EXPENSIVE HOT DOG -- $8.50 *
Super Bowl XLIV -- Sun Life Stadium, Miami
New Orleans Saints, 31, Indianapolis Colts 17
* Onions and/or relish extra
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LONGEST AVERAGE WAIT GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT
   -- 3 Hours, 26 Minutes
Super Bowl XXI -- Rose Bowl, Pasadena
New York Giants 39, Denver Broncos 20
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