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VATICAN CITY (Rueters) -- The
Catholic Church has finally entered into
the Computer Age with a new "fast track"
method of confessing your sins.
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Beginning Feb. 14 -- coincidentally
the Feast of St. Valentine -- sinners can
cleanse their soul swiftly via Hotmail.
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"We realized it will save time, money
and trouble for folks who live a distance
from church," said Father Guido Sarducci,
a Brooklyn boy now a spokesman for the
Vatican.
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Sarducci said both mortal and venial
sins can be removed in no time at all
and indicated with a show of hands just
how big the mortal sins can be.
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http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
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There is no limit to the sins you can
confess and, even when you admit
the worse ones, you'll never receive
a reply, "HOLY SHIT!"
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The Vatican's Confessional Reform
Act has met with favorable reaction
worldwide.
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Ed Conrad, a hardcore sinner from
Mahanoy City, Pa., praised the church
for getting its head out of the sand and
into the Computer Age.
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Charles Manson, who lives in Corcoran,
Calif, called it it the "best thing that
could possibly happen, with the possible
exception of finding a file in your gift
Apple Pie."
As of Feb. 14, confessions will be
accepted via hotmail from 7 a.m.
to 4 p.m. Vatican time (except Sundays,
its Day of Rest).
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The hotmail address for Confession
Express is sins-r-us...@vaticancity.net
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In another breakthrough, the Vatican
announced that, instead of the Age-Old
practice of dealing out penances -- like,
say, three Hail Marys and three Our
Fathers -- sinners will be required to read
the following blogs.
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However, if yo were really bad -- you'd be
required to read them two or three times
-- up 'til 10 -- then pass a brief quiz about
what you've learned.
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http://www.edconrad.org
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If you were really, REALLY bad, you may
be required to read the following articles
a few times as well.
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Some who have had to do so have said
it's a punishment worse than hell.
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http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.ed-conrad/msg/522305f02e955b66
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http://www.edconrad.com
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