Memorial Service ideas for future mother-in-law?
tiffany...@gmail.com
I'm finding myself experiencing things I've never been through
recently, and need some guidance. My boyfriend (future fiance) lost
his mother yesterday morning - while it was somewhat expected after a
9 month illness, we truly expected a few more months, not later the
night we had visited her. He's an only child, dad is remarried and
lives far away, and it was always him and his mom, they were best
buddies - we had even talked about her being his "best man". I'm 27
and he's 31, and this is a first for either of us. Right now he's
feeling very alone and I understand, I'm not upset or offended by
those feelings, I loved her like my own mother, but I respect how
close their relationship is. He's putting on a brave face with
extended family and friends, but once things quiet down and it's just
the two of us, he often breaks down. I know he feels very adrift,
feels like he didn't get to ask her all the questions he had, etc.
She was a very private person and didn't want a lot of show - very
simple wishes to be creamated and buried at a family plot. No funeral,
no service, no obituary. So most of the "closure" had to come the same
day she passed at home, when she was taken from the house. The one
thing she wanted was a memorial dinner or gathering. She wasn't
religious, she was rough around the edges, but once you were on her
good side, she'd give you the shirt off of her back. She wasn't much
for flowers and fluffy things, she was very matter of fact.
And now my questions - I'm taking care of most of the planning for the
memorial dinner. We have a location, we're probably going to have a
main dish (barbecue, etc) catered, then do covered dishes, as many
people have naturally offered to cook. I'm planning to get some large
index cards and pens for each table, asking for everyone's favorite
memories to compile for her son (my boyfriend). There are very few
recent photos, but I've put in calls to family for favorites to
display. There will be 5 kids there between the ages of 6 and 12, who
have very few photos of their great aunt, but as her son is their
favorite "uncle", I'd like to find a kid friendly way outlet for them
to offer "Uncle John" condolences, as they don't have many memories to
write of.
I know it isn't all about activities like a shower or something, but
any suggestions of nice tributes would be appreciated. She wanted a
great deal of her money going to charities and enjoyed nature, so I'm
considering giving out packets of seeds with a photo and poem attached
to each attendant.
Any other suggestions or guidance or words of wisdom to help be there
for him would be greatly appreciated. This is a first in either of our
families, so watching him go through this agony is so painful to me.
I'm the planning sort, who appreciates having a project right now,
when we're not together to mourn. Thanks for all of your input in
advance and thanks for listening.
Please email me at tiffany...@yahoo.com
Thank you,
Tiffany
Crystal's mom
>
> Thank you,
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> Tiffany
Tiffany, my daughter was a nurse at a pediatrics clinic and when she
died, the clinic set up a table for the kids to either write to her or
about her in a book and paper and crayons for them to draw pictures.
We have some very heart warming pictures that these little kids
drew. It meant a lot later down the road to be able to open all of
it and see my daughter through these childrens eyes.
The adults (parents and co-workers) did memories in a different
one. It still gives me comfort looking at these stories.
This year, a friend who had lost her son, gave me a website to
check out. I saw the memorial she had made for her son and I
contacted them, got an envelope and had them make one for Crystal and
Sam. They take an original picture and engrave it on black granite
along with a poem or whatever you want written on it. It is
GetEtched.com
I truly hope the memorial goes well.
Amanda...Crystal's mom