Slashes and Pull the Trigger

[Morgoth Abrigon]

Do not worry, I am sharing these as a sacrifice to my old life. I am
feeling better, and even almost happy. I write to let things out and
to review and know and then work on things..

I share my poems in a major part to deal with dead friends, friends
who in my ignorant and fear, did not know how to help them fully and
in the end they died. Leaving me with a feeling of loss, but also
guilt, but also put myself through hell, and I am tired of punishing
myself for things I could have done in the past, but the whole "What
if" is truely deadly, it can lead to a life of self destruction and
self hate.

So please do not wallow in the pity and things of "What if", sadly
they are dead, now what? Will you be another victim of their selfish
act? Anyone you hate enough to leave with all I know can come from
hating one self for not acting, or not doing enough? Or so you think
it was not enough.

Well, live if anything for those now gone and ... forgive yourself if
you feel guilt. Things happen.. Some you could not not know, or worse
you was too naive and ignorant, but ...

Mike

P-Slashes (editing)

One slash
two slash
three slash
more
four slash
five slash
six slash
done

One Slash
Two Slash
Three Slash
More Marks on
wrists deep and
bloody

One, two, three
why can't I die
What keeps me here
Up down, side to side
razor, knife, can
or other object
sharp will do

I am numb
please make it stop
the pain
what pain
not the slashed deep
or superficial
but the pain behind
that I wish to show
to bring out
dig out
and let out
NOW!

Mike Adams
2005
(Edited 06/04/05)

(for a friend who likes to slash her wrists)
----
P-Pull the Trigger

Pull the trigger,
pull it now
pull it hard
pull it fast
pull it NOW
I must die,
I have to die
the pain
must end it
why do I go on
what keeps me here
but the pain
the unknown
lingering numbness
the cry for help
but have none
who cares for
my pain

So I sit, here
with this gun in my
hand, someone pull this
damn trigger.
pull is fast, pull it hard
you piece of shit
you worthly pile of crap
who looks like you
or just me?

Mike
2005

For me and several friends, I tried pils, will see how it is when I am
older and the effect?