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Welcome back to me! :)
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Tiggybeep
Feb 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/13/00
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Hi all!
Susan here.. same Susan who used to post a year or three back, and who's
popped in every once in a while. I'm still in new-aol-member shock, :-), but
I'm figuring this is pseudo-anon enough that I can just post straight out
without needing a remailer. Whee! I'm here! ;)
I'm still having a hard time with having left medical school. While I know
intellectually and even on some levels emotionally it was what I needed to do,
both for sanity's sake and in terms of getting a life and finding some more
inner sense of self, it's hard giving up a life's dream (however skewed that
dream was). I'm far enough away that part of me feels safe to start feeling
some of the hurt of leaving. But hurt hurts!! (that'd be why they call it
"hurt". heh.) (see? I didn't get into med school for nothing! ;)
I've been spending my time taking fun classes :) :) :) -- a drawing
class, an oil painting class, two flower arranging classes.. still doing a bit
of an outpatient program at ye local outpatient program place, and lots of time
with the gymnastics team.
I also seem to be living at the health club (I'm not, it just feels that
way -- I'm up to 50 min of cardio 4-5 times per week, go me!!!! :) :) :) --
this from someone who'd gotten totally and completely out of shape and size and
body and and and.. *pants.* I'm working twice a week with a personal trainer
(taking advantage of a benefit to mom's belief that everyone should be thin :P,
but hey, if it works...!) (she's paying ;) -- and he's kicking my butt!! but
it's for my own good or something. I'm proud of myself :)
I'm also seeing a nutritionist and actually have been following a meal
plan for the last three weeks or so (shudder-hide!!). (wow-this-is-scary!)
(good!! but scary!) I've been doing the exercise bit for a couple months now,
the adding in the nutritionist/meal plan bit is pretty recent. Starting with
both at the same time would have been too much for me. I'm still kind of
teeter-tottering, and am amazed that I'm actually balancing both -- mostly
quietly amazed, cause shhh if I say it out loud maybe it wont be true or
something. (?) No jinxxing!
Right now I need to make some serious changes to my anti-depressants, as
they're flat out not working. I've been trying everything I can and then some,
but still have been feeling pretty badly the vast majority of the time.
Hopefully the docs will come up with something, cause this right now really
sucks. :P
Parents willing (seeing how they're kinda the financial support source
right now), I'm thinking of sticking with another set of fun-type "classes" for
next mini-semester (they're through a city arts center and a city garden
center, and run for about 8 weeks each) -- up next would be 2 more flower
arranging classes (fun!! :), a learn-how-to-draw-plants-and-flowers class, and
a learn-how-to-watercolor-flowers class. (I'm big into flowers, it's what I
want to be able to draw, and am totally excited that there are actually classes
offered specific to that!).
I need to get my depression/suicidality (not a here-and-now suicidality,
but more of a my cat who I'm *very* close with was diagnosed with a heart
condition, and doesn't have a very good prognosis (year or so?), and a when he
dies I'm dying type, unless I get convinced otherwise for the in between) under
better control, before starting a job of some sort. In the intermediate future
(not *right* now, but not too far from now), I'd like to get a job doing some
sort of psych tech equivalent type work with kids, probably more in an
outpatient type setting though.
At some point I need to suck it up and study for the GREs because my
long term goal (aside from the whole suicidal craziness) is to apply to some
PhD programs in clinical psych this December.
I think I probably told you some of this already the last time I sort of
came back. Shell shock is interesting. Not recommended. Not a good thing.
But definately different. It's okay, I wont be the first senile old fart at
the grand age of 25. ;) Good thing I didn't stay in for another year before
getting out, huh? If I'm this traumatized *now*, imagine what another year
would have done!! (I'll leave that to you, my mind hurts enough as it is.)
Okay, enough babbleage for one note :)
I think I'm actually back this time. I suppose if not this time, then
next time, or the time after that. I do feel a bit more here right now. It's
been a really really long couple of months. :(
*hugs* to all who want them,
--Susan
Susan here.. same Susan who used to post a year or three back, and who's
popped in every once in a while. I'm still in new-aol-member shock, :-), but
I'm figuring this is pseudo-anon enough that I can just post straight out
without needing a remailer. Whee! I'm here! ;)
I'm still having a hard time with having left medical school. While I know
intellectually and even on some levels emotionally it was what I needed to do,
both for sanity's sake and in terms of getting a life and finding some more
inner sense of self, it's hard giving up a life's dream (however skewed that
dream was). I'm far enough away that part of me feels safe to start feeling
some of the hurt of leaving. But hurt hurts!! (that'd be why they call it
"hurt". heh.) (see? I didn't get into med school for nothing! ;)
I've been spending my time taking fun classes :) :) :) -- a drawing
class, an oil painting class, two flower arranging classes.. still doing a bit
of an outpatient program at ye local outpatient program place, and lots of time
with the gymnastics team.
I also seem to be living at the health club (I'm not, it just feels that
way -- I'm up to 50 min of cardio 4-5 times per week, go me!!!! :) :) :) --
this from someone who'd gotten totally and completely out of shape and size and
body and and and.. *pants.* I'm working twice a week with a personal trainer
(taking advantage of a benefit to mom's belief that everyone should be thin :P,
but hey, if it works...!) (she's paying ;) -- and he's kicking my butt!! but
it's for my own good or something. I'm proud of myself :)
I'm also seeing a nutritionist and actually have been following a meal
plan for the last three weeks or so (shudder-hide!!). (wow-this-is-scary!)
(good!! but scary!) I've been doing the exercise bit for a couple months now,
the adding in the nutritionist/meal plan bit is pretty recent. Starting with
both at the same time would have been too much for me. I'm still kind of
teeter-tottering, and am amazed that I'm actually balancing both -- mostly
quietly amazed, cause shhh if I say it out loud maybe it wont be true or
something. (?) No jinxxing!
Right now I need to make some serious changes to my anti-depressants, as
they're flat out not working. I've been trying everything I can and then some,
but still have been feeling pretty badly the vast majority of the time.
Hopefully the docs will come up with something, cause this right now really
sucks. :P
Parents willing (seeing how they're kinda the financial support source
right now), I'm thinking of sticking with another set of fun-type "classes" for
next mini-semester (they're through a city arts center and a city garden
center, and run for about 8 weeks each) -- up next would be 2 more flower
arranging classes (fun!! :), a learn-how-to-draw-plants-and-flowers class, and
a learn-how-to-watercolor-flowers class. (I'm big into flowers, it's what I
want to be able to draw, and am totally excited that there are actually classes
offered specific to that!).
I need to get my depression/suicidality (not a here-and-now suicidality,
but more of a my cat who I'm *very* close with was diagnosed with a heart
condition, and doesn't have a very good prognosis (year or so?), and a when he
dies I'm dying type, unless I get convinced otherwise for the in between) under
better control, before starting a job of some sort. In the intermediate future
(not *right* now, but not too far from now), I'd like to get a job doing some
sort of psych tech equivalent type work with kids, probably more in an
outpatient type setting though.
At some point I need to suck it up and study for the GREs because my
long term goal (aside from the whole suicidal craziness) is to apply to some
PhD programs in clinical psych this December.
I think I probably told you some of this already the last time I sort of
came back. Shell shock is interesting. Not recommended. Not a good thing.
But definately different. It's okay, I wont be the first senile old fart at
the grand age of 25. ;) Good thing I didn't stay in for another year before
getting out, huh? If I'm this traumatized *now*, imagine what another year
would have done!! (I'll leave that to you, my mind hurts enough as it is.)
Okay, enough babbleage for one note :)
I think I'm actually back this time. I suppose if not this time, then
next time, or the time after that. I do feel a bit more here right now. It's
been a really really long couple of months. :(
*hugs* to all who want them,
--Susan
emerging
Feb 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/13/00
to
Hi Suan.
Just saying welcome back and that you have been missed.
I'm glad to see you back and that things are going fairly well for you. THat's
so awesome for you!
anyway, I'm currently not in a good space so I don't really have any
contributions, but I did want you to know that you've been missed.
Hugs back,
Kerri (who desperately needed a hug)
"and I fear. my fear is greater than my faith but I walk the missionary way.
you always felt like suede." ~~Tori Amos Suede
Butterflies
Feb 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/13/00
to
Susan!
I give you a very hearty "welcome back." I had been wondering where you were.
Keep posting, okay?
Love,
Butterflies
dw...@prodigy.net
EARS WlTH FEET
Feb 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/13/00
to
(((Susan)))! Welcome back to ASED! I'm so glad that you are here!!! :O)
}:}i{:{
Ears
Healing takes courage and we all have courage,
even if we have to dig a little to find it.
-Tori Amos
Tiggybeep
Feb 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/14/00
to
Hi Kerri,
{{{{{{{{Kerri}}}}}}}}
I missed you too!
I read your other note -- have you been able to call your therapist yet?
If not, would you be able to try right now? You are worthy of her time.
Sending positive energy,
--Susan
{{{{{{{{Kerri}}}}}}}}
I missed you too!
I read your other note -- have you been able to call your therapist yet?
If not, would you be able to try right now? You are worthy of her time.
Sending positive energy,
--Susan
Tiggybeep
Feb 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/14/00
to
Hi Butterflies!
Thanks for the welcome back. :) Hopefully this go-around will last a bit
longer than my last try.
How are you doing?
--Susan
Thanks for the welcome back. :) Hopefully this go-around will last a bit
longer than my last try.
How are you doing?
--Susan
ClixPix
Feb 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/14/00
to
Wow, Susan, it sure sounds as though you've made some major changes, and
GOOD ones, which will have a profound impact on your whole life. Way to go,
girl! Welcome back to ASED!
GOOD ones, which will have a profound impact on your whole life. Way to go,
girl! Welcome back to ASED!
--Connie
--
"Starving the flesh wastes the spirit."
--Kandis Elliot
Robyn
Feb 17, 2000, 3:00:00 AM2/17/00
to
Welcome back Susan. I have missed you popping in between rotations.
I know how adjusting to a "new" life can be. Sounds like you are pretty
level-headed about the whole thing. Keeping busy can be helpful for the
shell-shock. As long as the busyness isn't an avoidance.
All things considered, you actually sound well, and I am glad that you are
around again.
Robyn
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