I have been told that a woman suffering from depression would not care enough about life or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital affair.
I have also been told that depressed women often seek to fall in love with someone new as a way out of their despondency. In fact, that depression is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
What do you think?
If you agree with the second statement, please tell about cases you have seen, and what was the outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
I think anyone who tries to explain human behavior is foolish. You can find reasons/explanations/excuses/rationalizations for anything. You will most likely find an equal number of cases to support either theory. Sorry, but I think that this is a dead end in finding any real answer. Each and every situation is different......
Denise
"frank wild" <wheat...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> What do you think?
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
>I have been told that a woman suffering from >depression would not care enough about life >or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital >affair.
>I have also been told that depressed women often >seek to fall in love with someone new as a way >out of their despondency. In fact, that depression >is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
>What do you think?
>If you agree with the second statement, please >tell about cases you have seen, and what was the >outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
It's not unheard of for someone suffering from a chronic depression to have an affair.
**********
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency.
That's seems no more unreasonable to me than the idea that someone with a broken leg might also seek whatever avenue they could to relieve their pain.
***********
> In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
I don't know if I'd go that far. But in as much as someone suffering from chronic depression might seek some happiness, I won't be surprised to learn there sometimes might be a connection between someone seeking some emotional happiness and that person even going against their own value system to engage in an affair.
********
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
I imagine that an affair would lift a depression about as much as gasoline thrown on a fire would put out the fire -- in all likelihood, the additions stress strain of leading a secret double life would simply add more stress to one's live and overall have a detrimental effect. So no, having an affair does not lift one out of their depression. At best, it simply offers temporary relief, but the complications it brings with it is sort of like jumping out of the frying pan and into directly into the fire, as it were.
Or to put it another way, having an affair is not something I would recommend unless a person's objective is to further aggrivate their already chronically depressed condition.
Your question is flawed from the outset. Why "women"? Do only women cheat? Do all women cheat? Do you distrust all women? When did you stop beating your wife? --Joe microbrew
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> What do you think?
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is responsible for their own actions. Think through our assorted relationships that have fallen apart because of infidelity. "you didn't love me enough" "you didn't give me the attention I needed" "you didn't give me enough sex" "insert lame excuse here"
If you aren't happy in a relationship have the courage to end it before you go find someone else.
This rant is now concluded.... thank you for your kind attention.
Scott
"frank wild" <wheat...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> What do you think?
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
PA-C_Man wrote: > I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning > all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a > cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting > responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched > too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is > responsible for their own actions.
NO!! Ya think??? It just can't be, can it? LOL. Well, at least the lawyers are enjoying it (laughing all the way to the bank, that is. Oh yeah, and the "victims").
Bill in CO wrote: > PA-C_Man wrote: >> I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning >> all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a >> cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting >> responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched >> too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is >> responsible for their own actions.
> NO!! Ya think??? It just can't be, can it? LOL. Well, at least the > lawyers are enjoying it (laughing all the way to the bank, that is. Oh yeah, > and the "victims").
Gee whiz I didn't even take a position and I get beat up for my question.
On Sat, 10 May 2003 10:05:35 -0400, Joe Microbrew wrote (in message <3EBD412E.4090...@yahoo.com>):
> Your question is flawed from the outset. Why "women"?
Oh fer chrissake, because I'm not interested in the question as it pertains to men. And that flaws the question? You're just messing with me, right? This is a troll, right?
Okay, let's hear it from the group: Would vertebrates in general who have alcoholic grandparents tend to prefer dark meat over light when Thanksgiving comes around? Sound off.
> cheat? Do all women cheat? Do you distrust all women? When did you stop > beating your wife? --Joe microbrew
> frank wild wrote: >> Hi all,
>> I have been told that a woman suffering from >> depression would not care enough about life >> or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital >> affair.
>> I have also been told that depressed women often >> seek to fall in love with someone new as a way >> out of their despondency. In fact, that depression >> is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
>> What do you think?
>> If you agree with the second statement, please >> tell about cases you have seen, and what was the >> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
Well my first reaction is "fair enough!" and my second reaction is "in that case, all psychology is an enormous hoax." Actually, my wife would completely agree with your position. And you may both be right as far as I know.
On Fri, 9 May 2003 22:34:40 -0400, Denise F. Hayden wrote (in message <JhZua.133$T4.6...@news.iquest.net>):
> I think anyone who tries to explain human behavior is foolish. You can find > reasons/explanations/excuses/rationalizations for anything. You will most > likely find an equal number of cases to support either theory. Sorry, but I > think that this is a dead end in finding any real answer. Each and every > situation is different......
>> I have been told that a woman suffering from >> depression would not care enough about life >> or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital >> affair.
>> I have also been told that depressed women often >> seek to fall in love with someone new as a way >> out of their despondency. In fact, that depression >> is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
>> What do you think?
>> If you agree with the second statement, please >> tell about cases you have seen, and what was the >> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
It seems as if you read too much into my question. NO WAY was I asking whether depression should be considered an excuse for cheating. In fact, I agree with everything you said here.
Proof? I had a standoff with my wife this week and finally got it off my chest: "You're a woman who is cheating on her husband, and the rest is crap." (The rest being lots of prevarication about it hasn't gotten physical yet and bleah bleah bleah...) And I am not looking to depression as a reason to forgive her. No no no.
frank
On Sat, 10 May 2003 12:55:20 -0400, PA-C_Man wrote (in message <3ebd2d84$1_4@newsfeed>):
> I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning > all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a > cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting > responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched > too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is > responsible for their own actions. Think through our assorted relationships > that have fallen apart because of infidelity. "you didn't love me enough" > "you didn't give me the attention I needed" "you didn't give me enough sex" > "insert lame excuse here"
> If you aren't happy in a relationship have the courage to end it before you > go find someone else.
> This rant is now concluded.... thank you for your kind attention.
>> I have been told that a woman suffering from >> depression would not care enough about life >> or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital >> affair.
>> I have also been told that depressed women often >> seek to fall in love with someone new as a way >> out of their despondency. In fact, that depression >> is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
>> What do you think?
>> If you agree with the second statement, please >> tell about cases you have seen, and what was the >> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
I don't think that pyschology is an enormous hoax. I don' think it is an exact science either. My only point was....you can always find a excuse and explanation. Believe me, in this divorce hell there is no shortage of theories and speculation. In the end, none of it matters. You still are where you are.
Denise
"frank wild" <wheat...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> Well my first reaction is "fair enough!" and my > second reaction is "in that case, all psychology > is an enormous hoax." Actually, my wife would > completely agree with your position. And you > may both be right as far as I know.
> On Fri, 9 May 2003 22:34:40 -0400, Denise F. Hayden wrote > (in message <JhZua.133$T4.6...@news.iquest.net>):
> > I think anyone who tries to explain human behavior is foolish. You can find > > reasons/explanations/excuses/rationalizations for anything. You will most > > likely find an equal number of cases to support either theory. Sorry, but I > > think that this is a dead end in finding any real answer. Each and every > > situation is different......
> >> I have been told that a woman suffering from > >> depression would not care enough about life > >> or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > >> affair.
> >> I have also been told that depressed women often > >> seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > >> out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > >> is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> >> What do you think?
> >> If you agree with the second statement, please > >> tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > >> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
> It seems as if you read too much into my question. > NO WAY was I asking whether depression should be > considered an excuse for cheating. In fact, I agree > with everything you said here.
> Proof? I had a standoff with my wife this week > and finally got it off my chest: > "You're a woman who is cheating on her husband, > and the rest is crap." (The rest being lots > of prevarication about it hasn't gotten physical > yet and bleah bleah bleah...) And I am not > looking to depression as a reason to forgive her. > No no no.
> frank
> On Sat, 10 May 2003 12:55:20 -0400, PA-C_Man wrote > (in message <3ebd2d84$1_4@newsfeed>):
> > I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning > > all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a > > cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting > > responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched > > too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is > > responsible for their own actions. Think through our assorted relationships > > that have fallen apart because of infidelity. "you didn't love me enough" > > "you didn't give me the attention I needed" "you didn't give me enough sex" > > "insert lame excuse here"
> > If you aren't happy in a relationship have the courage to end it before you > > go find someone else.
> > This rant is now concluded.... thank you for your kind attention.
> >> I have been told that a woman suffering from > >> depression would not care enough about life > >> or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > >> affair.
> >> I have also been told that depressed women often > >> seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > >> out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > >> is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> >> What do you think?
> >> If you agree with the second statement, please > >> tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > >> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
frank wild <wheat...@hotmail.com> writes: > Hi all,
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
I'm no expert on what depressed people do. I have a lot of experience seeing what one depressed person did, which is different. In my (one case) experience, depression decreased ability to feel anything, and decreased energy. So it made an affair still less likely than it otherwise would have been. The depressed person felt tired, unattractive, and incapable of enjoyment.
On the other hand, the person ate more. I think this was an attempt (subconsciously) to make up for lack of pleasure felt in almost all arenas by doing something that still provided _some_ pleasure, more.
It seems conceivable, that some depressed people might react in that way around sex/romance and want to have an affair. But the depression would have to _not_ have taken away any pleasure the felt around sex or romance (and I _think_ this is unusual, but haven't enough experience to say for sure) and they'd have to be able to have an affair without expending too much energy.
By contrast, people in the manic phase of bipolar disease are extremely likely to have affairs.
> snip
> outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
This outcome would seem incredibly unlikely from my experience, BUT, since most episodes of depression (not the one I was privy to witness, but again, this is what I've read) last 6-9 months, it could _coincide_ with the depression lifting.
My experience with depression is that living with someone who is a depressive for the long-term is basically unacceptable to me. When it happened I was too stupid to know what was going on, and spent year after year altering my behavior to try to recapture some of the emotional, physical and sexual intimacy which had disappeared from my marriage. This we were finally able to do, but only after the depression had been diagnosed and treated.
Again, based on my experience, the significant other is likely to bear the brunt of the depressive's dissatisfaction. And there is nothing that person can do to seem satisfactory to the the depressive.
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> What do you think?
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
> TIA
I think if the depression is caused by unhappiness in the marriage, then yes, a spouse might be prone to cheating.
I tend to think a lot of depression results when a person feels they have no control over aspects of their life. Being in a loveless marriage, and having no hope for its future, would be just such a depressing situation. Therefore, I could see how cheating might give a person back control, and lift the depression. As would many other forms of action -- going to a marriage counselor, asking for a divorce -- for example.
frank wild wrote: > Okay, let's hear it from the group: > Would vertebrates in general who have alcoholic > grandparents tend to prefer dark meat over light > when Thanksgiving comes around? Sound off.
Denise F. Hayden wrote: > I don't think that pyschology is an enormous hoax. I don' think it is > an exact science either. My only point was....you can always find a > excuse and explanation. Believe me, in this divorce hell there is no > shortage of theories and speculation. In the end, none of it matters. > You still are where you are.
You can also drive yourself stark raving mad as you try to justify (or de-justify) the excuse or find the explanation. In the end, it all comes down to a simple two word phrase.... sh*t happens. -- Jerry
> I have been told that a woman suffering from > depression would not care enough about life > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > affair.
> I have also been told that depressed women often > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> What do you think?
> If you agree with the second statement, please > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
If she has fallen in love with someone new, then I am done with her. Why would I care whether or not she was lifted out of depression? -- Jerry
shinypenny wrote: > frank wild <wheat...@hotmail.com> wrote in message > I tend to think a lot of depression results when a person feels they > have no control over aspects of their life. Being in a loveless > marriage, and having no hope for its future, would be just such a > depressing situation. Therefore, I could see how cheating might give a > person back control, and lift the depression. As would many other > forms of action -- going to a marriage counselor, asking for a divorce > -- for example.
But all of these actions are precisely the things a depressed person would avoid doing. The last thing a clinically depressed person wants to do is take action on anything. If anything, they want to lock themselves in, and get away from the world. At least that's been my experience. Of course, I am only one. But it sure seems clear to me, Jen.
> I am a bit of a hard ass in this regard... you're (metaphorically meaning > all of us) responsible for your behavior and actions. If you cheat you're a > cheater...period. I have long since been fed up with people not accepting > responsibility for their actions because they ate too much sugar or watched > too many cartoons or whatever. We have become a society where nobody is > responsible for their own actions. Think through our assorted relationships > that have fallen apart because of infidelity. "you didn't love me enough" > "you didn't give me the attention I needed" "you didn't give me enough sex" > "insert lame excuse here"
> If you aren't happy in a relationship have the courage to end it before you > go find someone else.
> This rant is now concluded.... thank you for your kind attention.
> > I have been told that a woman suffering from > > depression would not care enough about life > > or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital > > affair.
> > I have also been told that depressed women often > > seek to fall in love with someone new as a way > > out of their despondency. In fact, that depression > > is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
> > What do you think?
> > If you agree with the second statement, please > > tell about cases you have seen, and what was the > > outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
> shinypenny wrote: > > frank wild <wheat...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > I tend to think a lot of depression results when a person feels they > > have no control over aspects of their life. Being in a loveless > > marriage, and having no hope for its future, would be just such a > > depressing situation. Therefore, I could see how cheating might give a > > person back control, and lift the depression. As would many other > > forms of action -- going to a marriage counselor, asking for a divorce > > -- for example.
> But all of these actions are precisely the things a depressed person would > avoid doing. The last thing a clinically depressed person wants to do is take > action on anything. If anything, they want to lock themselves in, and get away > from the world. At least that's been my experience. Of course, I am only > one. But it sure seems clear to me, Jen.
What I've seen matches this. An unfortunate feature of depression is that while there _might_ be things the depressive could do which could lift the depression (emphasis on the might), the depressive feels unable and unwilling to do those things.
I have a friend whose unhappiness in her marriage was cause by depression --the inverse of what you mentioned here. She blamed her marriage for unhappiness that really came from less circumstancial causes, causes that her treatment has helped enormously. And now her marriage is better.
On Sun, 11 May 2003 10:35:30 -0400, shinypenny wrote (in message <c8cb5319.0305110635.2c571...@posting.google.com>):
Easy, Frank... You just sounded like one of these guys we find on Usenet who are trying to tell the world that all women are lying backstabbing scum...
My soon-to-be-ex fell in love with someone while she was married to me. She is/was probably depressed though not diagnosed (though I'm no longer informed of everything in her life, maybe she's in treatment now... dunno.)
But I have no opinion on women in general, or why women cheat, or why men cheat, or what depression does to anyone much less women in general. All I know is I won't be married to her anymore after several more months.
Sorry if that seemed like a beating. That's why I threw in "When did you stop beating your wife", it's an absurd and well-known logical trap with no answer.
frank wild wrote: > Gee whiz I didn't even take a position and > I get beat up for my question.
> On Sat, 10 May 2003 10:05:35 -0400, Joe Microbrew wrote > (in message <3EBD412E.4090...@yahoo.com>):
>>Your question is flawed from the outset. Why "women"?
> Oh fer chrissake, because I'm not interested in > the question as it pertains to men. And that > flaws the question? You're just messing with > me, right? This is a troll, right?
> Okay, let's hear it from the group: > Would vertebrates in general who have alcoholic > grandparents tend to prefer dark meat over light > when Thanksgiving comes around? Sound off.
> Do only women
>>cheat? Do all women cheat? Do you distrust all women? When did you stop >>beating your wife? --Joe microbrew
>>frank wild wrote:
>>>Hi all,
>>>I have been told that a woman suffering from >>>depression would not care enough about life >>>or have enough energy to pursue and extramarital >>>affair.
>>>I have also been told that depressed women often >>>seek to fall in love with someone new as a way >>>out of their despondency. In fact, that depression >>>is a number one cause of women cheating on husbands.
>>>What do you think?
>>>If you agree with the second statement, please >>>tell about cases you have seen, and what was the >>>outcome (did the affair lift her out of the depression?)
