Global Apology..may be lengthy
Exray
You haven't asked for my advice, and I've said the same things before, but
here goes.
The most supportive thing your Ex could do, other than providing you with a
stipend, would be to go away and never bother you again. In fact that is
the only support you need from him. However good, loving, wise, and any
other attributes you may find in him he is, he is not good for you, not
loving to you, and he surely lacks wisdom. There is nothing he adds to your
life, much that he takes away.
If he gets in touch with you between now and Monday, tell him to stay where
he is, that you know his presence will just hurt you more. That would be
the truth. Again, it's easy for somebody from way outside to see that he is
damaging to your inner soul, but perhaps you need that perspective which is
so hard to gain from as close to the situation as you are. If he shows up,
don't see him. Easier said than done, but it is what you must do to regain
your autonomy and some peace of mind.
Regarding abortion, once again he and his opinions and his tantrums should
play no role in your decision. Your needs, present and future, are
paramount. Among those are the needs your kids have for whatever you might
do for them while they remain small. You know that it is not a choice to be
taken lightly, and you aren't taking it lightly. But it is YOUR choice, to
be made for YOUR reasons, NOT HIS. (sorry for yelling).
There's nobody here who does not wish you the best and fails to understand
the pain you're in. Our hearts go out to you.
Joelle wrote:
| | Well, obviously I am back...well sort of.
| |
| | I needed to make some apologies, it was weighing heavily upon me,
| | and I know myself, and the simple truth of without admitting my
| | inappropriate behavior and reactions, and apologizing, I would not
| | rest .....damn conscience! *S*
| |
| | I guess the bottom line is, I'm not as "ok" as I am pretending to
| | be. The pregnancy has caused me to turn into the hormonal shewolf
| | from hell. But, not only that, it's caused me to think ...something
| | I have been trying to avoid as of late.
| |
| | My personal attack on Inky, was not as personal as it may seem.
| | Every post just brought back horribly painful memories of what I
| | went through less than a year ago.....watching my own mom, who I
| | absolutely adored, respected and trusted beyond what I ever thought
| | possible - change from a vibrant, successful 54 yr old woman who
| | had more energy than I will ever have, into a complete invalid in
| | a matter of two months - until she passed away. With everything
| | going on in my life right now, I would offer just about anything to
| | have her back and have her able to offer advice and guidance.
| | Having said that, it's not an excuse for my behavior - I am sorry
| | Inky.
| |
| | Things are just a mess. I am confused - and should mention
| | violently ill - and hurting like hell.
| |
| | My ex is coming up on Monday to be "supportive" - but, I can't help
| | but think he is coming for no other reason than to clear his
| | conscience. It certainly has not concerned him to the point he is
| | cancelling his trip to california on the 15th for an annual
| | business vacation....I know it's important to him politically,
| | but......i dunno ....I really question my thoughts and emotions on
| | any subject lately, it seems I am turning into a selfish, cynical
| | "bitch".
| |
| | I am assuming lots of you have used the "killify" option and won't
| | get to read my apology, but, the important thing is taking
| | responsibility for ones own behavior ( well, if counselling taught
| | me anything..that would be it)
| |
| | I haven't spoke to my ex since tuesday, when he was very
| | supportive, worried and attentive.....throwing the carrot in front
| | of me ..making comments such as " maybe this is all providence's
| | way of telling us something " ...yada, yada, yada..........and
| | poof, haven't heard from him since, and am fighting the urge to
| | send him a message simply saying I "need" him right now, because I
| | do..........but, I'm not sure why....I just can't.
| |
| | For those of you who know details of the pregnancy .....Mike,
| | Suzanne, Casey, Lori - the second ultrasound confirmed the second
| | fetus..but, they were unable to get a heartbeat for the second baby
| | .....he said concerning, but not entirely unusual for this stage -
| | they are repeating it on monday.
| |
| | Anyway, to all I have offended, I am sorry.....especially Inky
| | .....I guess i was envious of your ability to express your grief
| | and frustration the way I was never able to do ....I'm truly sorry,
| | my pettiness was not what you needed at this point.
| |
| | Joelle