too much
Sandee
its better to spoiler incase. talk about t*rminal illness and
d*sclosure of ab*se
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been struggling big time and totally overwhelmed since the lead up to
end of october. over the weekend itself my partner took me away
somewhere nice by the sea because the sea makes me calm and feel safer
and with her support and my T on the phone daily made it through that
weekend. lots of "new" parts woke. chaotic.
things barely had a chance to begin to calm down any and i got a call
from my brother to say that he had a call from the d*d to say he was
ill, really ill. Said he had been in intensive care for 2 weeks and
had major surgery but that they could do no more for him. that his
major organs were failing. my brother asked him why and he said that
"it was a mystery". so even now he cant admit the damage the alcohol
has done. my brother wants me to go with him to visit the d*d. i cant.
it was so hard to get away. i cant risk it. i dont want to see him. my
brother said he was going sooner rather than later because it sounded
like the d*d was very sick and who knows how long he will live for
now. made it sound like the d*d is dying soon. caused chaos inside. T
is helping me to deal with the feelings its stirred up, but its hard.
really scary. some are terrfied at the thought of having any sort of
contact with him at all. my brother said he wouldnt pressure me to go,
that he understood that i have no contact with the d*d, said he doesnt
like him either but would go "be the bigger man" and forgive him for
groping his partner at their last visit. the d*d has asked to see his
baby granddaughter (my brother's baby). Before she was born made sure
that my brother wasnt going to be letting him have contact. my brother
called the d*d a pervert and his partner said it wouldnt happen.
now last night my mum is speaking ot me about the d*d. she has had
nothing ot do with him for 6 years or more and told me she wont be
attending his funeral. she wanted to know why i wouldnt go with my
brother to visit, didnt want me to "regret" it. Then she asked me
outright - did he hurt you, did he interfere with you sexually? i told
her i wasnt prepared to answer her questions or talk to her about it
at just now. and she really went off on one. how it must be "yes" if i
wouldnt answer her. how i had let her down by not telling her. by not
going to her with the problem.
am in such a mess.
then my mum and my brother texting me asking to know for sure because
the d*d has asked to see the baby. I already told my brother that he
shouldn't let the d*d hold her and he already told me that he wasnt
going to even if he wasnt too drunk. but now its all these questions.
what did he do? and i cant answer. i cant handle it. i cant go there.
not with them. not now.
barely coping already and this, with the news that the d*d is dying is
just too much. and yet the d*d might go back to work, so he cant be
that ill can he? im so confused.
everything is so chaotic and all i can hear is screaming and crying
inside from those who are so so scared. and i am not coping.
sandee
scattered
:(
Sounds like you are going through an unusually hard time right now.
Don't know what to say. I understand not wanting to see the d*d.
Forgiveness sounds like a nice ideal, but you don't have to have it
extorted from you just because he is ill.
-scattered
astri
regrets
but goo you have partner and t to support
> things barely had a chance to begin to calm down any and i got a call
> from my brother to say that he had a call from the d*d to say he was
> ill, really ill. Said he had been in intensive care for 2 weeks and
> had major surgery but that they could do no more for him. that his
> major organs were failing. my brother asked him why and he said that
> "it was a mystery". so even now he cant admit the damage the alcohol
> has done. my brother wants me to go with him to visit the d*d. i cant.
you don't have to
> it was so hard to get away. i cant risk it. i dont want to see him. my
> brother said he was going sooner rather than later because it sounded
> like the d*d was very sick and who knows how long he will live for
> now. made it sound like the d*d is dying soon. caused chaos inside. T
> is helping me to deal with the feelings its stirred up, but its hard.
yes
> really scary. some are terrfied at the thought of having any sort of
> contact with him at all. my brother said he wouldnt pressure me to go,
> that he understood that i have no contact with the d*d, said he doesnt
> like him either but would go "be the bigger man" and forgive him for
> groping his partner at their last visit.
gah
> the d*d has asked to see his baby granddaughter (my brother's baby).
> Before she was born made sure that my brother wasnt going to be
> letting him have contact. my brother called the d*d a pervert and his
> partner said it wouldnt happen.
just hope not
> now last night my mum is speaking ot me about the d*d. she has had
> nothing ot do with him for 6 years or more and told me she wont be
> attending his funeral. she wanted to know why i wouldnt go with my
> brother to visit, didnt want me to "regret" it.
you don't have to go
> Then she asked me outright - did he hurt you, did he interfere with
> you sexually? i told her i wasnt prepared to answer her questions or
> talk to her about it at just now. and she really went off on one. how
> it must be "yes" if i wouldnt answer her. how i had let her down by
> not telling her. by not going to her with the problem.
not a very helpful response
she made it all about her
no wonder you couldn't go to her
> am in such a mess. then my mum and my brother texting me asking to
> know for sure because the d*d has asked to see the baby. I already
> told my brother that he shouldn't let the d*d hold her and he already
> told me that he wasnt going to even if he wasnt too drunk. but now
> its all these questions. what did he do? and i cant answer. i cant
> handle it. i cant go there. not with them. not now.
you don't need to tell them
> barely coping already and this, with the news that the d*d is dying
> is just too much. and yet the d*d might go back to work, so he cant
> be that ill can he? im so confused. everything is so chaotic and all
> i can hear is screaming and crying inside from those who are so so
> scared. and i am not coping. sandee
they don't have to see him ever again
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Sandee
yes partner understands and is being supportive and t is excellent.
she helped me write text messages to mum and brother at t session
today.
>
> > things barely had a chance to begin to calm down any and i got a call
> > from my brother to say that he had a call from the d*d to say he was
> > ill, really ill. Said he had been in intensive care for 2 weeks and
> > had major surgery but that they could do no more for him. that his
> > major organs were failing. my brother asked him why and he said that
> > "it was a mystery". so even now he cant admit the damage the alcohol
> > has done. my brother wants me to go with him to visit the d*d. i cant.
>
> you don't have to
just have to get this "i can choose" into a belief thing because still
feeling like i "have to".
>
> > it was so hard to get away. i cant risk it. i dont want to see him. my
> > brother said he was going sooner rather than later because it sounded
> > like the d*d was very sick and who knows how long he will live for
> > now. made it sound like the d*d is dying soon. caused chaos inside. T
> > is helping me to deal with the feelings its stirred up, but its hard.
>
> yes
>
> > really scary. some are terrfied at the thought of having any sort of
> > contact with him at all. my brother said he wouldnt pressure me to go,
> > that he understood that i have no contact with the d*d, said he doesnt
> > like him either but would go "be the bigger man" and forgive him for
> > groping his partner at their last visit.
>
> gah
yeh my thoughts too. he knows what kind of man he is simply from how
he groped his partner and grabbed her inappropriate places last time
they were there.
>
> > the d*d has asked to see his baby granddaughter (my brother's baby).
> > Before she was born made sure that my brother wasnt going to be
> > letting him have contact. my brother called the d*d a pervert and his
> > partner said it wouldnt happen.
>
> just hope not
no, they wont. they both said they wont allow him to hold the baby no
matter what.
>
> > now last night my mum is speaking ot me about the d*d. she has had
> > nothing ot do with him for 6 years or more and told me she wont be
> > attending his funeral. she wanted to know why i wouldnt go with my
> > brother to visit, didnt want me to "regret" it.
>
> you don't have to go
no, i guess not. there is still a strong pull. parts who think they
should. who think there willbe punishement if not.
>
> > Then she asked me outright - did he hurt you, did he interfere with
> > you sexually? i told her i wasnt prepared to answer her questions or
> > talk to her about it at just now. and she really went off on one. how
> > it must be "yes" if i wouldnt answer her. how i had let her down by
> > not telling her. by not going to her with the problem.
>
> not a very helpful response
> she made it all about her
> no wonder you couldn't go to her
yes she did, turned it round and made it about her, she always makes
everything about her.
>
> > am in such a mess. then my mum and my brother texting me asking to
> > know for sure because the d*d has asked to see the baby. I already
> > told my brother that he shouldn't let the d*d hold her and he already
> > told me that he wasnt going to even if he wasnt too drunk. but now
> > its all these questions. what did he do? and i cant answer. i cant
> > handle it. i cant go there. not with them. not now.
>
> you don't need to tell them
no, and tonight my T helped me write texts to my mum and my brother
saying that i am not in a place to discuss it with them, that i would
like them to respect my wishes not to raise the subject and to give me
some space for this week.
>
> > barely coping already and this, with the news that the d*d is dying
> > is just too much. and yet the d*d might go back to work, so he cant
> > be that ill can he? im so confused. everything is so chaotic and all
> > i can hear is screaming and crying inside from those who are so so
> > scared. and i am not coping. sandee
>
> they don't have to see him ever again
no, they dont and i need to keep saying that. some are also scared
because they were told he can and will be able to come back after he
is dead and they willnever escape him. they believe him. they are
terrified. T is working with some on this. is so hard.
Sandee
Sandee
thankyou for replying.
it is a crazy hard time right now. hope it eases soon
astri
good
>>> things barely had a chance to begin to calm down any and i got a
>>> call from my brother to say that he had a call from the d*d to say
>>> he was ill, really ill. Said he had been in intensive care for 2
>>> weeks and had major surgery but that they could do no more for him.
>>> that his major organs were failing. my brother asked him why and he
>>> said that "it was a mystery". so even now he cant admit the damage
>>> the alcohol has done. my brother wants me to go with him to visit
>>> the d*d. i cant.
>>
>> you don't have to
>
> just have to get this "i can choose" into a belief thing because still
> feeling like i "have to".
don't have to
>>> it was so hard to get away. i cant risk it. i dont want to see him.
>>> my brother said he was going sooner rather than later because it
>>> sounded like the d*d was very sick and who knows how long he will
>>> live for now. made it sound like the d*d is dying soon. caused
>>> chaos inside. T is helping me to deal with the feelings its stirred
>>> up, but its hard.
>>
>> yes
>>
>>> really scary. some are terrfied at the thought of having any sort
>>> of contact with him at all. my brother said he wouldnt pressure me
>>> to go, that he understood that i have no contact with the d*d, said
>>> he doesnt like him either but would go "be the bigger man" and
>>> forgive him for groping his partner at their last visit.
>>
>> gah
>
> yeh my thoughts too. he knows what kind of man he is simply from how
> he groped his partner and grabbed her inappropriate places last time
> they were there.
mhm
>>> the d*d has asked to see his baby granddaughter (my brother's
>>> baby). Before she was born made sure that my brother wasnt going to
>>> be letting him have contact. my brother called the d*d a pervert
>>> and his partner said it wouldnt happen.
>>
>> just hope not
>
> no, they wont. they both said they wont allow him to hold the baby no
> matter what.
k
>>> now last night my mum is speaking ot me about the d*d. she has had
>>> nothing ot do with him for 6 years or more and told me she wont be
>>> attending his funeral. she wanted to know why i wouldnt go with my
>>> brother to visit, didnt want me to "regret" it.
>>
>> you don't have to go
> no, i guess not. there is still a strong pull. parts who think they
> should. who think there willbe punishement if not.
no punishment
you don't have to go
>>> Then she asked me outright - did he hurt you, did he interfere with
>>> you sexually? i told her i wasnt prepared to answer her questions
>>> or talk to her about it at just now. and she really went off on
>>> one. how it must be "yes" if i wouldnt answer her. how i had let
>>> her down by not telling her. by not going to her with the problem.
>>
>> not a very helpful response
>> she made it all about her
>> no wonder you couldn't go to her
>
> yes she did, turned it round and made it about her, she always makes
> everything about her.
:P
>>> am in such a mess. then my mum and my brother texting me asking to
>>> know for sure because the d*d has asked to see the baby. I already
>>> told my brother that he shouldn't let the d*d hold her and he
>>> already told me that he wasnt going to even if he wasnt too drunk.
>>> but now its all these questions. what did he do? and i cant answer.
>>> i cant handle it. i cant go there. not with them. not now.
>>
>> you don't need to tell them
> no, and tonight my T helped me write texts to my mum and my brother
> saying that i am not in a place to discuss it with them, that i would
> like them to respect my wishes not to raise the subject and to give me
> some space for this week.
hope they do
>>> barely coping already and this, with the news that the d*d is dying
>>> is just too much. and yet the d*d might go back to work, so he cant
>>> be that ill can he? im so confused. everything is so chaotic and
>>> all i can hear is screaming and crying inside from those who are so
>>> so scared. and i am not coping. sandee
>>
>> they don't have to see him ever again
> no, they dont and i need to keep saying that. some are also scared
> because they were told he can and will be able to come back after he
> is dead and they willnever escape him. they believe him. they are
> terrified. T is working with some on this. is so hard.
he won't come back
ever
Sandee
yes, i realise that i am very lucky to have a T who is so experienced
in working with DID, SRA, programming etc. and to have a partner who
is so understanding.
>
> >>> things barely had a chance to begin to calm down any and i got a
> >>> call from my brother to say that he had a call from the d*d to say
> >>> he was ill, really ill. Said he had been in intensive care for 2
> >>> weeks and had major surgery but that they could do no more for him.
> >>> that his major organs were failing. my brother asked him why and he
> >>> said that "it was a mystery". so even now he cant admit the damage
> >>> the alcohol has done. my brother wants me to go with him to visit
> >>> the d*d. i cant.
>
> >> you don't have to
>
> > just have to get this "i can choose" into a belief thing because still
> > feeling like i "have to".
>
> don't have to
no, i dont think i do. it gets so jumbled up and i end up not know
what i should do.
>
>
>
> >>> it was so hard to get away. i cant risk it. i dont want to see him.
> >>> my brother said he was going sooner rather than later because it
> >>> sounded like the d*d was very sick and who knows how long he will
> >>> live for now. made it sound like the d*d is dying soon. caused
> >>> chaos inside. T is helping me to deal with the feelings its stirred
> >>> up, but its hard.
>
> >> yes
>
> >>> really scary. some are terrfied at the thought of having any sort
> >>> of contact with him at all. my brother said he wouldnt pressure me
> >>> to go, that he understood that i have no contact with the d*d, said
> >>> he doesnt like him either but would go "be the bigger man" and
> >>> forgive him for groping his partner at their last visit.
>
> >> gah
>
> > yeh my thoughts too. he knows what kind of man he is simply from how
> > he groped his partner and grabbed her inappropriate places last time
> > they were there.
>
> mhm
my brother is pressuring me with text messages. emotional blackmail to
answer his questions. i cant.
>
> >>> the d*d has asked to see his baby granddaughter (my brother's
> >>> baby). Before she was born made sure that my brother wasnt going to
> >>> be letting him have contact. my brother called the d*d a pervert
> >>> and his partner said it wouldnt happen.
>
> >> just hope not
>
> > no, they wont. they both said they wont allow him to hold the baby no
> > matter what.
>
> k
my brother is pressurising me today via text to answer his questions.
making me feel like its all my fault. and said that no matter what has
happened he thinks that i should tell mum it didnt happen to save her
being upset about it.
>
> >>> now last night my mum is speaking ot me about the d*d. she has had
> >>> nothing ot do with him for 6 years or more and told me she wont be
> >>> attending his funeral. she wanted to know why i wouldnt go with my
> >>> brother to visit, didnt want me to "regret" it.
>
> >> you don't have to go
> > no, i guess not. there is still a strong pull. parts who think they
> > should. who think there willbe punishement if not.
>
> no punishment
> you don't have to go
>
some just dont understand this at all... they assume there willbe a
punishment.
> >>> Then she asked me outright - did he hurt you, did he interfere with
> >>> you sexually? i told her i wasnt prepared to answer her questions
> >>> or talk to her about it at just now. and she really went off on
> >>> one. how it must be "yes" if i wouldnt answer her. how i had let
> >>> her down by not telling her. by not going to her with the problem.
>
> >> not a very helpful response
> >> she made it all about her
> >> no wonder you couldn't go to her
>
> > yes she did, turned it round and made it about her, she always makes
> > everything about her.
>
> :P
>
> >>> am in such a mess. then my mum and my brother texting me asking to
> >>> know for sure because the d*d has asked to see the baby. I already
> >>> told my brother that he shouldn't let the d*d hold her and he
> >>> already told me that he wasnt going to even if he wasnt too drunk.
> >>> but now its all these questions. what did he do? and i cant answer.
> >>> i cant handle it. i cant go there. not with them. not now.
>
> >> you don't need to tell them
> > no, and tonight my T helped me write texts to my mum and my brother
> > saying that i am not in a place to discuss it with them, that i would
> > like them to respect my wishes not to raise the subject and to give me
> > some space for this week.
>
> hope they do
my mum replied and said that she would respect that i couldnt talk
about it and wouldnt raise the subject and would wait for me to be
able to talk. my brother is being more difficult. i expected it the
other way around.
>
> >>> barely coping already and this, with the news that the d*d is dying
> >>> is just too much. and yet the d*d might go back to work, so he cant
> >>> be that ill can he? im so confused. everything is so chaotic and
> >>> all i can hear is screaming and crying inside from those who are so
> >>> so scared. and i am not coping. sandee
>
> >> they don't have to see him ever again
> > no, they dont and i need to keep saying that. some are also scared
> > because they were told he can and will be able to come back after he
> > is dead and they willnever escape him. they believe him. they are
> > terrified. T is working with some on this. is so hard.
>
> he won't come back
> ever
they believe what he said. and what the grandfather said. and the
others. and they believe he can harm them.
T is working on undoing this.
Sandee
astri
> On Nov 24, 4:42 am, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>>
> yes, i realise that i am very lucky to have a T who is so experienced
> in working with DID, SRA, programming etc. and to have a partner who
> is so understanding.
:)
>> don't have to
>
> no, i dont think i do. it gets so jumbled up and i end up not know
> what i should do.
write it down so you can look at it: "we don't have to go"
> my brother is pressurising me today via text to answer his questions.
> making me feel like its all my fault. and said that no matter what
> has happened he thinks that i should tell mum it didnt happen to save
> her being upset about it.
:(
can you filter out his number for a while? text him and tell him if he
doesn't stop, you'll filter his number?
>> no punishment
>> you don't have to go
>>
> some just dont understand this at all... they assume there willbe a
> punishment.
there won't
> my mum replied and said that she would respect that i couldnt talk
> about it and wouldnt raise the subject and would wait for me to be
> able to talk. my brother is being more difficult. i expected it the
> other way around.
:/
>> he won't come back
>> ever
>
> they believe what he said. and what the grandfather said. and the
> others. and they believe he can harm them.
> T is working on undoing this.
k
confuzzled
> spoilering this because i dont know if it might trig and so i reckon
> its better to spoiler incase. talk about t*rminal illness and
> d*sclosure of ab*se
>
regrets you are having a hard time
hope you can take care of self(ves)