Conflicted interests..
Stavrogin
something else?
The part that goes to work for me... F. She comes out other times too,
but she is the worker bee. It's just cause I have to be so friendly
and social all the time and she's best at it. She's only like 14, she
shouldn't be working! :P
But, she wants vastly different things from me... and is totally
impractical. One problem is the little crush she has at work, which is
absolutely totally off limits for so many reasons...
And I've had other more serious issues with conflicts of interest,
with other parts... once having to go to great lengths to prevent any
stupid decisions being made. I'm not sure how to resolve this...
Sometimes one of them will do something... which just messes up
everything. I just want more agreement with myself.
astri
takes communication, cooperation and compromise
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Puddles
not to be mean or sarcastic but...... welcome to my world. when you
figure this one out, please let us know! we continue to do things off
limits and always make stupid decisions.
Puddles
easier said.... ;)
Stavrogin
Heh I know... how can you compromise with the impractical ones...
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Tue, 23 Sep 2008, Stavrogin wrote:
>>
>>> What do you do when one part wants one thing, and another wants
>>> something else?
>>>
>>> The part that goes to work for me... F. She comes out other times
>>> too, but she is the worker bee. It's just cause I have to be so
>>> friendly and social all the time and she's best at it. She's only
>>> like 14, she shouldn't be working! :P But, she wants vastly
>>> different things from me... and is totally impractical. One problem
>>> is the little crush she has at work, which is absolutely totally
>>> off limits for so many reasons...
>>>
>>> And I've had other more serious issues with conflicts of interest,
>>> with other parts... once having to go to great lengths to prevent
>>> any stupid decisions being made. I'm not sure how to resolve
>>> this...
>>>
>>> Sometimes one of them will do something... which just messes up
>>> everything. I just want more agreement with myself.
>>
>> takes communication, cooperation and compromise
>
of course
can do that well, you're 90% there
Stavrogin
So how have you appeased and compromised with yourself? I'm having
trouble saying anything but "No!" and these disagreements just make my
life so much harder sometimes, and everyone around me too.
gathring
is an ongoing task. means parts talking about what is most important to
them, and parts being willing to give up some things at least on a
temporary basis. means keeping promises that you make to selves, like
'if we do x today, i promise that on sunday we can do y'. means everyone
taking turns.
--
�There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.� -- Jeremy S. Anderson
astri
> On Sep 23, 7:14 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Tue, 23 Sep 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Tue, 23 Sep 2008, Stavrogin wrote:
>>
>>>>> What do you do when one part wants one thing, and another wants
>>>>> something else?
>>
>>>>> The part that goes to work for me... F. She comes out other times
>>>>> too, but she is the worker bee. It's just cause I have to be so
>>>>> friendly and social all the time and she's best at it. She's only
>>>>> like 14, she shouldn't be working! :P But, she wants vastly
>>>>> different things from me... and is totally impractical. One
>>>>> problem is the little crush she has at work, which is absolutely
>>>>> totally off limits for so many reasons...
>>
>>>>> And I've had other more serious issues with conflicts of
>>>>> interest, with other parts... once having to go to great lengths
>>>>> to prevent any stupid decisions being made. I'm not sure how to
>>>>> resolve this...
>>
>>>>> Sometimes one of them will do something... which just messes up
>>>>> everything. I just want more agreement with myself.
>>
>>>> takes communication, cooperation and compromise
>>
>>> easier said.... ;)
>>
>> of course
>>
>> can do that well, you're 90% there
>
> trouble saying anything but "No!" and these disagreements just make
> my life so much harder sometimes, and everyone around me too.
one example: little kids don't go to work. they get other time.
another example: i agreed not to eat less than 1000 calories. i set up
a meal plan that included an ice cream cone every day for keiki but
that also lets me lose weight (even tho i'm not losing weight as fast
as i'd like). she hasn't insisted on eating other things outside the
meal plan.
is always a work in progress.
need to learn to communicate first before cooperation and compromise
are possible.
Stavrogin
That is a good idea, and taking turns too...
but sometimes what they do is really destructive. I can't really allow
a lot of it, unless I'm willing to accept the sometimes VERY dire
circumstances. F as I mentioned would have me be disloyal to my
fiancee. What Stav wants is never a good idea. And then there's Em...
who has me waking up in hospitals.
Appeasing them in other ways may help however. I guess I just have to
figure out what they want that isn't going to cause us all trouble,
eh?
confused
stuff very similar to what we were posting not too long ago (and still
sometimes post).
think what's really important is communication. used to think that oscar was
only going to hurt us. know that isn't true now. oscar can still be rotten
but since he's been talking here and we've been talking he's changed. part
of it was learning why he was hurting us and trying to solve the reason why
instead of just trying to stop him
> Appeasing them in other ways may help however. I guess I just have to
> figure out what they want that isn't going to cause us all trouble,
> eh?
yes. exactly. and I'm not sure appeasing is the best word. you need to work
together as a team. maybe instead of appeasing you can work at cooperation?
--
"wolfie" of confused
gathring
it will take work and change of all parts of the system for this to
work. perhaps F could express desires/needs by becoming a romance
novelist. yous are very creative, the idea here is to learn to
communicate and find creative ways for all of you to have your needs met.
--
“There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.” -- Jeremy S. Anderson
astri
>
> but sometimes what they do is really destructive. I can't really
> allow a lot of it, unless I'm willing to accept the sometimes VERY
> dire circumstances. F as I mentioned would have me be disloyal to my
> fiancee. What Stav wants is never a good idea. And then there's Em...
> who has me waking up in hospitals.
>
> Appeasing them in other ways may help however. I guess I just have to
> figure out what they want that isn't going to cause us all trouble,
> eh?
yes
there need to be limits. really destructive things are not ok. need
to find other, more acceptable ways to fill those needs.
Stavrogin
wrote:
You're right of course, and I've only just started trying to
communicate more, so hopefully things will start to look better.
For a long time Stav was in control, or would make the others do what
he wanted... because every part of me was so unhappy. He'd say he knew
best etc. and made a lot of the others afraid to do anything. Finally
we had to stop that and do what we wanted... and every part is a lot
happier now and Stav has even relaxed a lot.
I don't know what he wants though...
Stavrogin
Heh, F doesn't seem like the type to write. D writes... called him
what we call him cause he reminds us of a character in a book who is
so expressive and writes etc.
F likes to be social and have fun, spend all my money shopping...
With my work schedule she's been really really bored. I work all the
weekend and on my days off my fiancee works. And when I do work I work
late, so I never have anyone to do anything with. So she makes friends
with co-workers and has more fun at work than home lately...
don't know what I can do about that.
Stavrogin
Yeah, absolutely need limits on destructive things... I think if they
were happier it wouldn't result in such destructive wants, so... I
just have to figure that out I guess/
gathring
as we healed, some of us had to learn new ways of expressing ourselves
and having our needs met. F may change as a result of the healing
process and surprise you.
> With my work schedule she's been really really bored. I work all the
> weekend and on my days off my fiancee works. And when I do work I work
> late, so I never have anyone to do anything with. So she makes friends
> with co-workers and has more fun at work than home lately...
> don't know what I can do about that.
that isn't necessarily a bad thing, so i'm not sure why you would need
to do something about it.
astri
> With my work schedule she's been really really bored. I work all the
> weekend and on my days off my fiancee works. And when I do work I
> work late, so I never have anyone to do anything with. So she makes
> friends with co-workers and has more fun at work than home lately...
> don't know what I can do about that.
is there any way to get work schedules adjusted so you have some time
with your fiance?
astri
> were happier it wouldn't result in such destructive wants, so... I
> just have to figure that out I guess/
which means communicating with each other on an ongoing basis
adi3...@yahoo.com
i dont think we will have a problem communicating - we have so many
ways to do it...
adi3...@yahoo.com
> not sure you should intervene...
>
> as it were ... ?
>
> freedom is the only release...
>
> if they want...
>
> they will return...
>
> is that not enough ?
>
> ...how about a custom made cell ?
when we finally get this figured out - can i have a new cell phone??
>
> ...maybe made of beeswax ?
> ...hexagonal
> ...six sides ?
> ////
>
> no... eight sides
>
> careful what you wish for...
confused
hope so. for us it's kind have gone in waves I guess. things get bettter and
then they seem worse. I guess because we are hearing each other and
realizing we are different and everyone wants to have their say. But then we
start to understand things and it gets better again.
>
> For a long time Stav was in control, or would make the others do what
> he wanted... because every part of me was so unhappy. He'd say he knew
> best etc. and made a lot of the others afraid to do anything. Finally
> we had to stop that and do what we wanted... and every part is a lot
> happier now and Stav has even relaxed a lot.
> I don't know what he wants though...
have you asked him?
--
"wolfie" of confused
Stavrogin
> as we healed, some of us had to learn new ways of expressing ourselves
> and having our needs met. F may change as a result of the healing
> process and surprise you.
Maybe so. I guess we'll see.
> that isn't necessarily a bad thing, so i'm not sure why you would need
> to do something about it.
No one seems to understand how important he is to me. Sometimes I
don't... and mess things up. I've never been more happy or more sad in
my life about anyone. If not for him I'd just give up.
Stavrogin
> is there any way to get work schedules adjusted so you have some time
> with your fiance?
I just got this job, and was on the basis that I'd be able to work
these hours (weekends, afternoons and evenings). His is 9 to 5, Mon -
Fri. What he does could easily be at any hour, but he's not able to do
that. Although in the future he may be getting a weekday off.
Stavrogin
wrote:
> hope so. for us it's kind have gone in waves I guess. things get bettter and
> then they seem worse. I guess because we are hearing each other and
> realizing we are different and everyone wants to have their say. But then we
> start to understand things and it gets better again.
Yeah, it goes back and forth... and thanks
> have you asked him?
Worth a try.
astri
blech
gathring
i just think its ok to have other friends, and if they are work friends
that is also not a bad thing. don't think any one person can meet 100%
of another persons needs.
Stavrogin
> Stavrogin wrote:
> > On Sep 26, 12:55 pm, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
> >> as we healed, some of us had to learn new ways of expressing ourselves
> >> and having our needs met. F may change as a result of the healing
> >> process and surprise you.
>
> > Maybe so. I guess we'll see.
>
> >> that isn't necessarily a bad thing, so i'm not sure why you would need
> >> to do something about it.
>
> > No one seems to understand how important he is to me. Sometimes I
> > don't... and mess things up. I've never been more happy or more sad in
> > my life about anyone. If not for him I'd just give up.
>
> i just think its ok to have other friends, and if they are work friends
> that is also not a bad thing. don't think any one person can meet 100%
> of another persons needs.
>
> --
People at work would be bad for me.
But you're probably right, only I have a hard time with more than one
person in my life.
And when we met we spent an entire 5-6 months without leaving the
others side for more than an hour at most at a time. And it just makes
me so unhappy that we'll now spend only... a few hours a day at most
with each other, tired from working all day.
That and I'm incredibly needy. >_>
gathring
> On Oct 1, 2:37 pm, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>> Stavrogin wrote:
>>> On Sep 26, 12:55 pm, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>>> as we healed, some of us had to learn new ways of expressing ourselves
>>>> and having our needs met. F may change as a result of the healing
>>>> process and surprise you.
>>> Maybe so. I guess we'll see.
>>>> that isn't necessarily a bad thing, so i'm not sure why you would need
>>>> to do something about it.
>>> No one seems to understand how important he is to me. Sometimes I
>>> don't... and mess things up. I've never been more happy or more sad in
>>> my life about anyone. If not for him I'd just give up.
>> i just think its ok to have other friends, and if they are work friends
>> that is also not a bad thing. don't think any one person can meet 100%
>> of another persons needs.
>>
>> --
>> There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
>> We don't believe this to be a coincidence. -- Jeremy S. Anderson
>
> People at work would be bad for me.
why?
> But you're probably right, only I have a hard time with more than one
> person in my life.
nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
> And when we met we spent an entire 5-6 months without leaving the
> others side for more than an hour at most at a time. And it just makes
> me so unhappy that we'll now spend only... a few hours a day at most
> with each other, tired from working all day.
>
> That and I'm incredibly needy. >_>
its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it out.
Stavrogin
> why?
I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
I've just never really done it before. I've always had one incredibly
important person in my life, and everyone else is an acquaintance. I
know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in agonising loneliness
when I lose that one person. It just takes so much effort to have more
than one friend...
> its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
> take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it out.
I'm just unfamiliar with it, and just finding people that would be...
that I could be myself with... that requires so much trust, and I
can't go doing that with everyone I've met.
gathring
> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> why?
>
> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
> hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
> They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
> shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
> actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I don't
get drunk.
>> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
>
> I've just never really done it before. I've always had one incredibly
> important person in my life, and everyone else is an acquaintance. I
> know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in agonising loneliness
> when I lose that one person. It just takes so much effort to have more
> than one friend...
It is a very difficult skill to learn, and one I am still working on.
>> its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
>> take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it out.
>
> I'm just unfamiliar with it, and just finding people that would be...
> that I could be myself with... that requires so much trust, and I
> can't go doing that with everyone I've met.
I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not having
them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who count me
as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if they do, they
find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse. When I hang out
with those people we have a great time, but we don't have deep
philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I seem to save
that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to talk about those
issues.
confused
> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> why?
>
> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
> hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
> They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
> shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
> actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
>
>> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
>
> I've just never really done it before. I've always had one incredibly
> important person in my life, and everyone else is an acquaintance. I
> know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in agonising loneliness
> when I lose that one person. It just takes so much effort to have more
> than one friend...
>
much anymore. seems like i have a pretty good circle of friends. no so
though and can't imagine having one
>> its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
>> take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it
>> out.
>
> I'm just unfamiliar with it, and just finding people that would be...
> that I could be myself with... that requires so much trust, and I
> can't go doing that with everyone I've met.
I think there are different levels of trust. doesn't have be all or nothing.
definitely gets easier over time
--
"wolfie" of confused
confused
> Stavrogin wrote:
>> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>
>>> why?
>>
>> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
>> hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
>> They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
>> shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
>> actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
>
> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
> thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
> drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
> what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
> longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I
> don't get drunk.
think this depends alot on the person
>
>>> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
>>
>> I've just never really done it before. I've always had one incredibly
>> important person in my life, and everyone else is an acquaintance. I
>> know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in agonising loneliness
>> when I lose that one person. It just takes so much effort to have
>> more than one friend...
>
> It is a very difficult skill to learn, and one I am still working on.
>
>>> its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
>>> take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it
>>> out.
>>
>> I'm just unfamiliar with it, and just finding people that would be...
>> that I could be myself with... that requires so much trust, and I
>> can't go doing that with everyone I've met.
>
> I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
> people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not
> having them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who
> count me as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if
> they do, they find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse.
> When I hang out with those people we have a great time, but we don't
> have deep philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I
> seem to save that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to
> talk about those issues.
takes trust of self though
--
"wolfie" of confused
gathring
> Stavrogin wrote:
>> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>
>>> why?
>> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
>> hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
>> They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
>> shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
>> actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
>>
>>> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
>> I've just never really done it before. I've always had one incredibly
>> important person in my life, and everyone else is an acquaintance. I
>> know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in agonising loneliness
>> when I lose that one person. It just takes so much effort to have more
>> than one friend...
>>
> this makes me realize how i've changed. used to be that way for me. not so
> much anymore. seems like i have a pretty good circle of friends. no so
> though and can't imagine having one
>
don't have to have one you know. have had people in my life that never
did have and still had good lives. contrary to what i was taught growing
up, you don't need another person to make you complete.
>>> its hard i know. you can find a routine that works for yous, it will
>>> take some effort, and it isn't 24/7, but i believe you can work it
>>> out.
>> I'm just unfamiliar with it, and just finding people that would be...
>> that I could be myself with... that requires so much trust, and I
>> can't go doing that with everyone I've met.
>
> I think there are different levels of trust. doesn't have be all or nothing.
> definitely gets easier over time
> --
> "wolfie" of confused
that is absolutely true.
gathring
> gathring wrote:
>> Stavrogin wrote:
>>> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>>
>>>> why?
>>> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical kitchen/
>>> hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free time.
>>> They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I probably
>>> shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past... but it's
>>> actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
>> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
>> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
>> thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
>> drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
>> what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
>> longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I
>> don't get drunk.
>
> think this depends alot on the person
true, but there are plenty of people who will tell you that if you ever
had a drinking problem you will always be an 'alcoholic' and i have a
problem with that mentality
i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to trust
ourselves.
--
“There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
astri
> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to
> trust ourselves.
another wonderful nugget
confused
> confused wrote:
>> Stavrogin wrote:
>>> On Oct 2, 11:09 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>>
>>>> why?
>>> I have fun with them at work... but they're kind of typical
>>> kitchen/ hospitality sort of people in what they do with their free
>>> time. They're fun people, but I can't partake in what they do. I
>>> probably shouldn't ever drink, with how I've been in the past...
>>> but it's actually part of my job now. I drink *at work*. <_<
>>>
>>>> nod, me too, but i realize its not very healthy to only have one
>>> I've just never really done it before. I've always had one
>>> incredibly important person in my life, and everyone else is an
>>> acquaintance. I know it's not healthy, and often leaves me in
>>> agonising loneliness when I lose that one person. It just takes so
>>> much effort to have more than one friend...
>>>
>> this makes me realize how i've changed. used to be that way for me.
>> not so much anymore. seems like i have a pretty good circle of
>> friends. no so though and can't imagine having one
>>
>
> don't have to have one you know. have had people in my life that never
> did have and still had good lives. contrary to what i was taught
> growing up, you don't need another person to make you complete.
yeah, we aren't worried about that. we have never felt much like had to have
an SO. never really wanted one. the older we get the more comfortable we are
with that
--
"wolfie" of confused.
gathring
you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
gathring
is cool. we still have parts that think its silly and limiting for us to
have SO. of course, they want to live like grizzly adams, and since the
rest of us will never agree to that, they mostly leave us alone, and
live like that in our inside place.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 4 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>
>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to
>>> trust ourselves.
>>
>> another wonderful nugget
>
no :)
gathring
bop! bop bop! now will you stopit?
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sat, 4 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to
>>>>> trust ourselves.
>>>>
>>>> another wonderful nugget
>>>
>>> you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
>>
>> no :)
>
confused
piping in with "me too me too!"
Wolfie of Confused
> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 4 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>
>>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to
>>>> trust ourselves.
>>>
>>> another wonderful nugget
>>
>> you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
>
> no :)
>
nu unh
no way!!
gathring
(pouting in the corner)
gathring
wonder if we could merge all the parts that wanna live like that into a
separate body?
gathring
(painting on blackface) hrmph. can't see now!
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Sat, 4 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning
>>>>>>> to trust ourselves.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> another wonderful nugget
>>>>>
>>>>> you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
>>>>
>>>> no :)
>>>
>>> bop! bop bop! now will you stopit?
>>
>> no :)
>
bop :)
gathring
can't make me stop. bop
bopbop
bop
Stavrogin
> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
> thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
> drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
> what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
> longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I don't
> get drunk.
A couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship and he cheated
on me with someone from work. We were unhappy and I can totally
understand, but he kept it a secret from me. Anyway... so it just
feels bad of me to even be friends with these guys. I know that's
weird, but I don't TRUST the part of me that goes to work!
About drinking... it's not that I was drinking all the time, but...
bad things used to happen when I did. I really don't trust myself in
many areas. It just loosens the control that I have over myself, which
is sometimes absolutely necessary.
> I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
> people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not having
> them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who count me
> as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if they do, they
> find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse. When I hang out
> with those people we have a great time, but we don't have deep
> philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I seem to save
> that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to talk about those
> issues.
There's a lot about me that I don't feel comfortable sharing with
other people. A lot of people have experiences which they can relate
to each other about, and I don't have a lot of those experiences for
some reason. I've also never had a great deal of interests or
hobbies... and what I do like isn't exactly popular within my age
group.
One thing that my last psychiatrist really nailed about me was the
statement, "you're not really like other people, and you don't really
relate well to others." I think that was as close to a diagnosis he
gave me...
I can get along with people, but I just don't have a lot I can say
without getting funny looks.
Triggers below
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A lot of people my age talk about their college years or high school
even. What can I say? Oh, I dropped out when I was 14. Why did I do
that? Well I was r*p*d and very depressed, and the people who did that
were friends with everyone I was friends with at school. I wanted to
k*ll myself and I didn't want to bother with school after that. And my
parents let me do that? Of course. My mother was for some reason
completely against the idea of the school system anyway, so she didn't
oppose, and also she didn't care what I did or what happened to me. My
father was in prison and he wasn't an issue. What? Yeah, all my
life... mostly for petty crimes.
And I can't mention this to people I work with obviously, because they
think I at least graduated high school.
Oh, and where did I work before this? I got my very first job about 6
months ago. Fortunately I'm fairly intelligent and competent enough to
fake that I've had YEARS of similar work experience. People I work
with can't know that either, and people I don't work with probably
would not think highly of me for lying so very much.
You know I really dislike lying.
How did I meet my fiancee? S**c*de pact. We decided against it in the
end. You know that sort of thing really brings two people together
<_<... I mean, I've never been more honest to anyone in my life and
probably the same for him.
Are you raising an eyebrow yet?
Did I mention that I'm ALREADY married? No, of course not. I'm 23 and
I'm in the middle of a divorce. Why would I do that? What's wrong with
me? I don't know!
And what did I do for the past 10 years? Oh I spent some time in a
psychiatric hospital once or twice... did I mention I actually died
once?
Most of the time was heavily sedated by antipsychotics... they
thought I was crazy, and I am... but that didn't help. When I wasn't
sleeping all day, I'd usually hole myself up in my room and read,
watch movies, or play videogames.
So how did I get married the first time anyway? How did I meet anyone
if I never went out? He was a penpal. Why did I marry him...at 17?! I
don't really know why I did that... but probably it looked like a way
out of my miserable life... and my mother was going to kick me out on
the street once I turned 18. I figured I'd just end up dead anyway, so
what the hell... eh? And then I moved overseas, and had such severe
anxiety I'd barely leave the house. What did I do for fun? Same as
before, only now with alcohol and pharmaceuticals. A nice evening
ended with me blacking out.
But I'm all better now I promise.
I'm sure you all have a fairly strange image in your head as to the
person I am...
an unkept, unhinged weirdo!
...but I'm really very well mannered, very put together, and people
seem to think I'm intelligent.. and attractive! They don't know that
I'm covered in scars of course... I used to cut myself and also I
suffer from dermatillomania, and have tiny little scars all over from
digging at my skin with my fingernails, which I've done since I was 6.
So what else can I talk about... my interests? I like to read...
classic literature mostly, also I like reading about history. My
favorite kind of music is classical, followed by glam rock. <_< And I
like black and white horror movies. I love going to see orchestral
performances. I'm also interested in learning a new language, and
travelling more when I have the money. And what do my peers say they
enjoy? Drinking, gangster rap, indie rock, watching sports, comedies,
tv shows, shopping...
I sound so pretentious... I'm really not. I am very socially
immature... or stunted I guess, given I spent most of my time alone. I
don't take myself very seriously at all. I don't have the kind of
personality that people who have my interests tend to have.
I've found very few people who are even remotely similar to me...
where are they? Dead already or holed up in their homes, or maybe like
me they lie to everyone about everything?? I don't know.
Anyway, that was a ramble. That probably should have been a post of
it's own.
I'll stop here.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 6 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>>> On Sat, 4 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about
>>>>>>>>> learning to trust ourselves.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> another wonderful nugget
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> no :)
>>>>>
>>>>> bop! bop bop! now will you stopit?
>>>>
>>>> no :)
>>>
>>> (pouting in the corner)
>>
>> bop :)
>
> bopbop
> bop
<astri hides under pillows>
gathring
> On Oct 3, 11:52 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
>> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
>> thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
>> drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
>> what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
>> longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I don't
>> get drunk.
>
> A couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship and he cheated
> on me with someone from work. We were unhappy and I can totally
> understand, but he kept it a secret from me. Anyway... so it just
> feels bad of me to even be friends with these guys. I know that's
> weird, but I don't TRUST the part of me that goes to work!
this is one of those issues that you will (as a system) have to work out
eventually.
> About drinking... it's not that I was drinking all the time, but...
> bad things used to happen when I did. I really don't trust myself in
> many areas. It just loosens the control that I have over myself, which
> is sometimes absolutely necessary.
it is possible to choose not to drink. and it doesn't even mean you
can't have fun with people that are drinking.
>> I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
>> people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not having
>> them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who count me
>> as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if they do, they
>> find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse. When I hang out
>> with those people we have a great time, but we don't have deep
>> philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I seem to save
>> that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to talk about those
>> issues.
>
> There's a lot about me that I don't feel comfortable sharing with
> other people. A lot of people have experiences which they can relate
> to each other about, and I don't have a lot of those experiences for
> some reason. I've also never had a great deal of interests or
> hobbies... and what I do like isn't exactly popular within my age
> group.
might be the opportunity for you to gain new experiences, and find new
interests?
> One thing that my last psychiatrist really nailed about me was the
> statement, "you're not really like other people, and you don't really
> relate well to others." I think that was as close to a diagnosis he
> gave me...
sounds familiar
> I can get along with people, but I just don't have a lot I can say
> without getting funny looks.
> Triggers below
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> A lot of people my age talk about their college years or high school
> even. What can I say? Oh, I dropped out when I was 14. Why did I do
> that? Well I was r*p*d and very depressed, and the people who did that
> were friends with everyone I was friends with at school. I wanted to
> k*ll myself and I didn't want to bother with school after that. And my
> parents let me do that? Of course. My mother was for some reason
> completely against the idea of the school system anyway, so she didn't
> oppose, and also she didn't care what I did or what happened to me. My
> father was in prison and he wasn't an issue. What? Yeah, all my
> life... mostly for petty crimes.
> And I can't mention this to people I work with obviously, because they
> think I at least graduated high school.
> Oh, and where did I work before this? I got my very first job about 6
> months ago. Fortunately I'm fairly intelligent and competent enough to
> fake that I've had YEARS of similar work experience. People I work
> with can't know that either, and people I don't work with probably
> would not think highly of me for lying so very much.
friendships you form with people at work are most likely to be
superficial. that means talking about superficial stuff.
> You know I really dislike lying.
me too. i hate keeping track for one thing. i also don't tolerate people
who won't accept me at face value very well.
> How did I meet my fiancee? S**c*de pact. We decided against it in the
> end. You know that sort of thing really brings two people together
> <_<... I mean, I've never been more honest to anyone in my life and
> probably the same for him.
pretty tough circumstances
> Are you raising an eyebrow yet?
no
> Did I mention that I'm ALREADY married? No, of course not. I'm 23 and
> I'm in the middle of a divorce. Why would I do that? What's wrong with
> me? I don't know!
we all have our ways of coping and escaping. i joined the military.
doesn't work for everyone.
> And what did I do for the past 10 years? Oh I spent some time in a
> psychiatric hospital once or twice... did I mention I actually died
> once?
> Most of the time was heavily sedated by antipsychotics... they
> thought I was crazy, and I am... but that didn't help. When I wasn't
> sleeping all day, I'd usually hole myself up in my room and read,
> watch movies, or play videogames.
> So how did I get married the first time anyway? How did I meet anyone
> if I never went out? He was a penpal. Why did I marry him...at 17?! I
> don't really know why I did that... but probably it looked like a way
> out of my miserable life... and my mother was going to kick me out on
> the street once I turned 18. I figured I'd just end up dead anyway, so
> what the hell... eh? And then I moved overseas, and had such severe
> anxiety I'd barely leave the house. What did I do for fun? Same as
> before, only now with alcohol and pharmaceuticals. A nice evening
> ended with me blacking out.
but you aren't there anymore, and you seem to be interested in growing
and changing. i have no room to lay judgments on people for screwing up
in the past, i did plenty of that myself.
> But I'm all better now I promise.
>
> I'm sure you all have a fairly strange image in your head as to the
> person I am...
>
> an unkept, unhinged weirdo!
>
> ....but I'm really very well mannered, very put together, and people
> seem to think I'm intelligent.. and attractive! They don't know that
> I'm covered in scars of course... I used to cut myself and also I
> suffer from dermatillomania, and have tiny little scars all over from
> digging at my skin with my fingernails, which I've done since I was 6.
>
> So what else can I talk about... my interests? I like to read...
> classic literature mostly, also I like reading about history. My
> favorite kind of music is classical, followed by glam rock. <_< And I
> like black and white horror movies. I love going to see orchestral
> performances. I'm also interested in learning a new language, and
> travelling more when I have the money. And what do my peers say they
> enjoy? Drinking, gangster rap, indie rock, watching sports, comedies,
> tv shows, shopping...
as an adult, you no longer have to hang out with your 'peers'. you can
find people with similar interests and hang out with them. join a book
club, a historical organization, a classic film lovers group. get season
tickets to the local orchestra and become a classical music groupie.
join a 'heritage' group and learn to speak the language of your
ancestors while learning the customs. i actually wonder how many of your
peers 'like' that stuff because its the 'cool' thing to do.
> I sound so pretentious... I'm really not. I am very socially
> immature... or stunted I guess, given I spent most of my time alone. I
> don't take myself very seriously at all. I don't have the kind of
> personality that people who have my interests tend to have.
> I've found very few people who are even remotely similar to me...
> where are they? Dead already or holed up in their homes, or maybe like
> me they lie to everyone about everything?? I don't know.
i've found very few as well, i just hang out with different groups for
different reasons.
> Anyway, that was a ramble. That probably should have been a post of
> it's own.
>
> I'll stop here.
no worries, ramble any time.
--
“There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
gathring
me looks about the room, trying to find astri to bop some more.
astri
> On Oct 3, 11:52 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
>> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never
>> drinking thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I
>> had a drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with
>> who and what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that,
>> drinking was no longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when
>> I do drink, I don't get drunk.
>
> A couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship and he cheated
> on me with someone from work. We were unhappy and I can totally
> understand, but he kept it a secret from me. Anyway... so it just
> feels bad of me to even be friends with these guys. I know that's
> weird, but I don't TRUST the part of me that goes to work!
why is that wierd?
> About drinking... it's not that I was drinking all the time, but...
> bad things used to happen when I did. I really don't trust myself in
> many areas. It just loosens the control that I have over myself, which
> is sometimes absolutely necessary.
sigh
seems like learning better communication skills would be good
>> I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
>> people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not
>> having them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who
>> count me as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if
>> they do, they find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse.
>> When I hang out with those people we have a great time, but we don't
>> have deep philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I
>> seem to save that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to
>> talk about those issues.
>
> There's a lot about me that I don't feel comfortable sharing with
> other people. A lot of people have experiences which they can relate
> to each other about, and I don't have a lot of those experiences for
> some reason. I've also never had a great deal of interests or
> hobbies... and what I do like isn't exactly popular within my age
> group.
can relate to that
sigh
yeah
can you develop a cover story?
> Oh, and where did I work before this? I got my very first job about 6
> months ago. Fortunately I'm fairly intelligent and competent enough to
> fake that I've had YEARS of similar work experience. People I work
> with can't know that either, and people I don't work with probably
> would not think highly of me for lying so very much.
>
> You know I really dislike lying.
understand.
when we finally decided to go to work after years of not much else
besides tpy, we just said that the blank in our resume was due to
family obligations (didn't have to say that the "family" was insiders).
> How did I meet my fiancee? S**c*de pact. We decided against it in the
> end. You know that sort of thing really brings two people together
> <_<... I mean, I've never been more honest to anyone in my life and
> probably the same for him.
>
> Are you raising an eyebrow yet?
>
> Did I mention that I'm ALREADY married? No, of course not. I'm 23 and
> I'm in the middle of a divorce. Why would I do that? What's wrong with
> me? I don't know!
why would you do what? get married? get divorced?
> And what did I do for the past 10 years? Oh I spent some time in a
> psychiatric hospital once or twice... did I mention I actually died
> once?
> Most of the time was heavily sedated by antipsychotics... they
> thought I was crazy, and I am... but that didn't help. When I wasn't
> sleeping all day, I'd usually hole myself up in my room and read,
> watch movies, or play videogames.
sigh
> So how did I get married the first time anyway? How did I meet anyone
> if I never went out? He was a penpal. Why did I marry him...at 17?! I
> don't really know why I did that... but probably it looked like a way
> out of my miserable life... and my mother was going to kick me out on
> the street once I turned 18. I figured I'd just end up dead anyway, so
> what the hell... eh? And then I moved overseas, and had such severe
> anxiety I'd barely leave the house. What did I do for fun? Same as
> before, only now with alcohol and pharmaceuticals. A nice evening
> ended with me blacking out.
>
> But I'm all better now I promise.
actually, you sound kind of bitter.
> I'm sure you all have a fairly strange image in your head as to the
> person I am...
>
> an unkept, unhinged weirdo!
so are we all, you know.
in our inside views of ourselves
at least the ones we started with
because they were the ones given to us
> ...but I'm really very well mannered, very put together, and people
> seem to think I'm intelligent.. and attractive! They don't know that
> I'm covered in scars of course... I used to cut myself and also I
> suffer from dermatillomania, and have tiny little scars all over from
> digging at my skin with my fingernails, which I've done since I was 6.
secrets are probably the single most shared universal here at asd
> So what else can I talk about... my interests? I like to read...
> classic literature mostly, also I like reading about history. My
> favorite kind of music is classical, followed by glam rock. <_< And I
> like black and white horror movies. I love going to see orchestral
> performances. I'm also interested in learning a new language, and
> travelling more when I have the money. And what do my peers say they
> enjoy? Drinking, gangster rap, indie rock, watching sports, comedies,
> tv shows, shopping...
> I sound so pretentious... I'm really not. I am very socially
> immature... or stunted I guess, given I spent most of my time alone. I
> don't take myself very seriously at all. I don't have the kind of
> personality that people who have my interests tend to have.
> I've found very few people who are even remotely similar to me...
> where are they? Dead already or holed up in their homes, or maybe like
> me they lie to everyone about everything?? I don't know.
or they're here :/
> Anyway, that was a ramble. That probably should have been a post of
> it's own.
>
> I'll stop here.
ok
Stavrogin
> it is possible to choose not to drink. and it doesn't even mean you
> can't have fun with people that are drinking.
Seems like the most common shared interest I have with other people.
> might be the opportunity for you to gain new experiences, and find new
> interests?
Yeah, I've been trying...
> friendships you form with people at work are most likely to be
> superficial. that means talking about superficial stuff.
The people I work with aren't like the superficial office clones.
They're all very gregarious and tend to be blunt about their
misadventures and their lives. Of course we all have to act extremely
professional with the clientele, but it's otherwise a very relaxed and
friendly atmosphere. They've all tried really hard to be nice to me
and get to know me and I haven't reciprocated that much.
> me too. i hate keeping track for one thing. i also don't tolerate people
> who won't accept me at face value very well.
Whereas I'd like people to accept me for who I am... I also don't want
them to know what a lunatic I am!
> pretty tough circumstances
I guess.
> we all have our ways of coping and escaping. i joined the military.
> doesn't work for everyone.
I wasted and rotted away for almost 5 years... somehow I managed to
find a life just like the one I was trying to escape. It really didn't
work.
> but you aren't there anymore, and you seem to be interested in growing
> and changing. i have no room to lay judgments on people for screwing up
> in the past, i did plenty of that myself.
Not everyone can accept my actions so easily though, or even
understand how radically people can change.
> as an adult, you no longer have to hang out with your 'peers'. you can
> find people with similar interests and hang out with them. join a book
> club, a historical organization, a classic film lovers group. get season
> tickets to the local orchestra and become a classical music groupie.
> join a 'heritage' group and learn to speak the language of your
> ancestors while learning the customs. i actually wonder how many of your
> peers 'like' that stuff because its the 'cool' thing to do.
I've looked into that sort of thing...
I'd LOVE to get season tickets to the symphony and ballet, but that's
too pricey for me :( but over the summer I went to go see a few
outdoor performances with my fiancee and he wants to take me at least
to one show this winter.
As for just going myself... about 80% of the crowd is over 50... and
whereas I have a common interest, and I have no problem with people
who are older than me, I still have more in common socially with
people near my age.
On other fronts, I haven't found any book clubs that read what I like
to read, or groups that sound like a fit for me.
> no worries, ramble any time.
ty
Stavrogin
> why is that wierd?
I don't expect other people to understand my reasoning. ;)
> sigh
>
> seems like learning better communication skills would be good
Yeah, that's an area I do need to work on...
> sigh
>
> yeah
>
> can you develop a cover story?
A lie of why I did that? Sometimes I tell people I was homeschooled,
other times I tell people I graduated and blah blah blah... endless
lies...
when I tell the "truth" I omit the unpleasant details.
For me, it's not hard to lie... I hate it! but it's not hard...
because NONE OF IT HAPPENED TO ME ANYWAY! When I tell the truth about
my past, it's not my past... it's like I'm describing the plot of a
movie.
So why does the truth even matter? I have no idea.
> understand.
>
> when we finally decided to go to work after years of not much else
> besides tpy, we just said that the blank in our resume was due to
> family obligations (didn't have to say that the "family" was insiders).
I tried at first getting a job with mostly the truth and some
exaggeration of the tiny amount of experience I did have... didn't go
so well.
The job I have now, I walked in to my interview... I was practically
hired on the spot before saying anything, because of my "impeccable
resume". Of course it is! It's all lies! :| And I feel bad about
that... considering that other people who may have applied had better
real qualifications. Though any idiot could do my job, they just
needed someone who could smile and be professional.
> why would you do what? get married? get divorced?
Yeah, that's what I meant. I can't give much explanation.
astri
> On Oct 6, 2:21 pm, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> it is possible to choose not to drink. and it doesn't even mean you
>> can't have fun with people that are drinking.
>
> Seems like the most common shared interest I have with other people.
:P
>> might be the opportunity for you to gain new experiences, and find
>> new interests?
>
> Yeah, I've been trying...
>
>> friendships you form with people at work are most likely to be
>> superficial. that means talking about superficial stuff.
>
> The people I work with aren't like the superficial office clones.
> They're all very gregarious and tend to be blunt about their
> misadventures and their lives. Of course we all have to act extremely
> professional with the clientele, but it's otherwise a very relaxed and
> friendly atmosphere. They've all tried really hard to be nice to me
> and get to know me and I haven't reciprocated that much.
is hard to reciprocate with so many secrets. we don't advocate
revealing the secrets. just recognizing how difficult and isolating
that makes it.
>> me too. i hate keeping track for one thing. i also don't tolerate
>> people who won't accept me at face value very well.
>
> Whereas I'd like people to accept me for who I am... I also don't
> want them to know what a lunatic I am!
understand that
>> pretty tough circumstances
>
> I guess.
>
>> we all have our ways of coping and escaping. i joined the military.
>> doesn't work for everyone.
>
> I wasted and rotted away for almost 5 years... somehow I managed to
> find a life just like the one I was trying to escape. It really
> didn't work.
sigh
>> but you aren't there anymore, and you seem to be interested in
>> growing and changing. i have no room to lay judgments on people for
>> screwing up in the past, i did plenty of that myself.
>
> Not everyone can accept my actions so easily though, or even
> understand how radically people can change.
that's what this place is so good for
most of us are in pretty much the same position wrt that
astri
>
>> why is that wierd?
>
> I don't expect other people to understand my reasoning. ;)
heh
you're at asd now
those expectations get to change
>> sigh
>>
>> seems like learning better communication skills would be good
>
> Yeah, that's an area I do need to work on...
easier said than done, of course
takes lots of practice and stumbling around
>> sigh
>>
>> yeah
>>
>> can you develop a cover story?
>
> A lie of why I did that? Sometimes I tell people I was homeschooled,
> other times I tell people I graduated and blah blah blah... endless
> lies... when I tell the "truth" I omit the unpleasant details.
>
> For me, it's not hard to lie... I hate it! but it's not hard...
> because NONE OF IT HAPPENED TO ME ANYWAY! When I tell the truth about
> my past, it's not my past... it's like I'm describing the plot of a
> movie. So why does the truth even matter? I have no idea.
mhm
but would make it easier for you to have a single, consistent story to
tell folks. sometimes pragmatics must rule.
>> understand.
>>
>> when we finally decided to go to work after years of not much else
>> besides tpy, we just said that the blank in our resume was due to
>> family obligations (didn't have to say that the "family" was
>> insiders).
>
> I tried at first getting a job with mostly the truth and some
> exaggeration of the tiny amount of experience I did have... didn't go
> so well.
sigh
> The job I have now, I walked in to my interview... I was practically
> hired on the spot before saying anything, because of my "impeccable
> resume". Of course it is! It's all lies! :| And I feel bad about
> that... considering that other people who may have applied had better
> real qualifications. Though any idiot could do my job, they just
> needed someone who could smile and be professional.
pragmatics
now you're building a real resume, however.
you're smart. have you thought about getting your ged?
>> why would you do what? get married? get divorced?
>
> Yeah, that's what I meant. I can't give much explanation.
ok
Puddles
This post caught my eye later down the line. Wow, we have A LOT in
common. Except for the military, you sounds exactly like me.
dropped out in 7th grade
my dad was always in prison the last time San Quenton (he was a safe
cracker) but died when i was lil.
i am in recovery after a 10 year spell.17 years in recovery now.
I ran away at 13
I was married at 17 and left the country, lived in England (waited on
the divorce till I was 27 even though we split up when i was 19.
I was raped :(
and we died before too.
The neat thing is we were half way through our Bachelors before someone
in the school administration decided to 'make me' get my GED.
We are 'dealing' with the other stuff. (or at least trying). We had
'jacked up' our resume too to get into the field. Addiction was all I
knew so that is where I went to apply.
Finished school, got a t and here i am. ;)
we will have to talk more, soon.
C of Confused
> On Oct 3, 11:52 am, gathring <s...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>
>> So they aren't your bosom buddies, but its still ok to have fun with
>> them while you're at work. I also don't totally buy the never drinking
>> thing for people who have had problems in the past. When I had a
>> drinking problem, I was drinking because I couldn't deal with who and
>> what I was. Once I became more comfortable with that, drinking was no
>> longer an issue. Now, I drink occasionally, and when I do drink, I don't
>> get drunk.
>
> A couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship and he cheated
> on me with someone from work. We were unhappy and I can totally
> understand, but he kept it a secret from me. Anyway... so it just
> feels bad of me to even be friends with these guys. I know that's
> weird, but I don't TRUST the part of me that goes to work!
>
> About drinking... it's not that I was drinking all the time, but...
> bad things used to happen when I did. I really don't trust myself in
> many areas. It just loosens the control that I have over myself, which
> is sometimes absolutely necessary.
It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that too. It
makes things hard.
>
>> I've actually found that it doesn't require a lot of trust to have
>> people in my life that I can be myself with, but it does mean not having
>> them understand why I am the way I am. Many of the people who count me
>> as friends don't know anything about my abuse issue, or if they do, they
>> find me "admirable" for using it to fight child abuse. When I hang out
>> with those people we have a great time, but we don't have deep
>> philosophical discussions, or talk about my problems. I seem to save
>> that for my friends here, with whom it feels safe to talk about those
>> issues.
>
> There's a lot about me that I don't feel comfortable sharing with
> other people. A lot of people have experiences which they can relate
> to each other about, and I don't have a lot of those experiences for
> some reason. I've also never had a great deal of interests or
> hobbies... and what I do like isn't exactly popular within my age
> group.
You can make friends with people who are different ages. We have.
> One thing that my last psychiatrist really nailed about me was the
> statement, "you're not really like other people, and you don't really
> relate well to others." I think that was as close to a diagnosis he
> gave me...
>
It doesn't seem very helpful.
> I can get along with people, but I just don't have a lot I can say
> without getting funny looks.
> Triggers below
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> A lot of people my age talk about their college years or high school
> even. What can I say? Oh, I dropped out when I was 14. Why did I do
> that? Well I was r*p*d and very depressed, and the people who did that
> were friends with everyone I was friends with at school. I wanted to
> k*ll myself and I didn't want to bother with school after that. And my
> parents let me do that? Of course. My mother was for some reason
> completely against the idea of the school system anyway, so she didn't
> oppose, and also she didn't care what I did or what happened to me. My
> father was in prison and he wasn't an issue. What? Yeah, all my
> life... mostly for petty crimes.
Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't get it.
It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they sort of hear
what they want. When we are in situations where we don't want to reveal
our story we do a lot of listening. We ask questions. And maybe
sometimes say some small tidbit and people seem to think it's great that
we are such a great listener. They don't even realize what we are really
doing is hiding.
> And I can't mention this to people I work with obviously, because they
> think I at least graduated high school.
Oh, that makes it hard!
> Oh, and where did I work before this? I got my very first job about 6
> months ago. Fortunately I'm fairly intelligent and competent enough to
> fake that I've had YEARS of similar work experience. People I work
> with can't know that either, and people I don't work with probably
> would not think highly of me for lying so very much.
>
> You know I really dislike lying.
>
Maybe in time things will change. You'll have more to talk about from
current times, like the job you have now.
> How did I meet my fiancee? S**c*de pact. We decided against it in the
> end. You know that sort of thing really brings two people together
> <_<... I mean, I've never been more honest to anyone in my life and
> probably the same for him.
>
> Are you raising an eyebrow yet?
>
Do you want us too?
> Did I mention that I'm ALREADY married? No, of course not. I'm 23 and
> I'm in the middle of a divorce. Why would I do that? What's wrong with
> me? I don't know!
>
Actually, you don't sound that unique. Sorry, don't mean that as an insult
> And what did I do for the past 10 years? Oh I spent some time in a
> psychiatric hospital once or twice... did I mention I actually died
> once?
> Most of the time was heavily sedated by antipsychotics... they
> thought I was crazy, and I am... but that didn't help. When I wasn't
> sleeping all day, I'd usually hole myself up in my room and read,
> watch movies, or play videogames.
> So how did I get married the first time anyway? How did I meet anyone
> if I never went out? He was a penpal. Why did I marry him...at 17?! I
> don't really know why I did that... but probably it looked like a way
> out of my miserable life... and my mother was going to kick me out on
> the street once I turned 18. I figured I'd just end up dead anyway, so
> what the hell... eh? And then I moved overseas, and had such severe
> anxiety I'd barely leave the house. What did I do for fun? Same as
> before, only now with alcohol and pharmaceuticals. A nice evening
> ended with me blacking out.
>
This is what I mean by you not being that unique. You've been through
awful stuff. You got married so you could find a way out. Many others
have done that. I bet you'll find here at ASD, that there's lots of us
who understand and people who have similar stories.
> But I'm all better now I promise.
>
> I'm sure you all have a fairly strange image in your head as to the
> person I am...
>
No, why would we?
> an unkept, unhinged weirdo!
>
It seems like that's the image you have in your head.
> ...but I'm really very well mannered, very put together, and people
> seem to think I'm intelligent.. and attractive! They don't know that
> I'm covered in scars of course... I used to cut myself and also I
> suffer from dermatillomania, and have tiny little scars all over from
> digging at my skin with my fingernails, which I've done since I was 6.
>
People see what they want to see.
As far as the scars go, well so are we. So are lots of people here at ASD.
And the amazing, wonderful thing is there are people in this world that
don't care. T kept telling us that. We didn't believe him but somehow in
the last few years we've ended up with a group of friends. Some of them
have seen our scars or seen us when we couldn't hide how messed up we
are and they are still our friends. I think maybe, what seems
all-consuming to us, is just a small part of what they see. I don't
really understand it, but I know it's possible
> So what else can I talk about... my interests? I like to read...
> classic literature mostly, also I like reading about history. My
> favorite kind of music is classical, followed by glam rock. <_< And I
> like black and white horror movies. I love going to see orchestral
> performances. I'm also interested in learning a new language, and
> travelling more when I have the money. And what do my peers say they
> enjoy? Drinking, gangster rap, indie rock, watching sports, comedies,
> tv shows, shopping...
So find different people. And you keep saying your peers. You don't have
to hang out with people your age. One of our closest friends is about 20
years older then us.
> I sound so pretentious... I'm really not. I am very socially
> immature... or stunted I guess, given I spent most of my time alone. I
> don't take myself very seriously at all. I don't have the kind of
> personality that people who have my interests tend to have.
> I've found very few people who are even remotely similar to me...
> where are they? Dead already or holed up in their homes, or maybe like
> me they lie to everyone about everything?? I don't know.
>
Not dead. There are people out there.
> Anyway, that was a ramble. That probably should have been a post of
> it's own.
>
> I'll stop here.
>
We are glad you posted
astri
> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that too.
> It makes things hard.
yup
we frequently don't, either
> Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't get
> it. It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they sort of
> hear what they want. When we are in situations where we don't want
> to reveal our story we do a lot of listening. We ask questions. And
> maybe sometimes say some small tidbit and people seem to think it's
> great that we are such a great listener. They don't even realize what
> we are really doing is hiding.
heh
we do exactly that, too
(but never end up feeling connected, really)
Wolfie of Confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, C of Confused wrote:
>
>> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that too.
>> It makes things hard.
>
> yup
>
> we frequently don't, either
>
>> Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't get
>> it. It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they sort of
>> hear what they want. When we are in situations where we don't want
>> to reveal our story we do a lot of listening. We ask questions. And
>> maybe sometimes say some small tidbit and people seem to think it's
>> great that we are such a great listener. They don't even realize what
>> we are really doing is hiding.
>
> heh
>
> we do exactly that, too
> (but never end up feeling connected, really)
>
<sigh> that's true
Puddles
yes, i am a good listener too.
astri
not sure there's another way to do it
gathring
have begun to see that i purposely keep myself disconnected because it
feels safer.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, C of Confused wrote:
>>
>>> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that
>>> too. It makes things hard.
>>
>> yup
>>
>> we frequently don't, either
>>
>>> Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't
>>> get it. It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they
>>> sort of hear what they want. When we are in situations where we
>>> don't want to reveal our story we do a lot of listening. We ask
>>> questions. And maybe sometimes say some small tidbit and people
>>> seem to think it's great that we are such a great listener. They
>>> don't even realize what we are really doing is hiding.
>>
>> heh
>>
>> we do exactly that, too
>> (but never end up feeling connected, really)
>
> it feels safer.
sometimes it actually is.
sometimes it actually isn't.
gathring
so the question than becomes are there any real advantages to being
connected? and if there are, how do you tell when its safe and when it
isn't.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, C of Confused wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that
>>>>> too. It makes things hard.
>>>>
>>>> yup
>>>>
>>>> we frequently don't, either
>>>>
>>>>> Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't
>>>>> get it. It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they
>>>>> sort of hear what they want. When we are in situations where we
>>>>> don't want to reveal our story we do a lot of listening. We ask
>>>>> questions. And maybe sometimes say some small tidbit and people
>>>>> seem to think it's great that we are such a great listener. They
>>>>> don't even realize what we are really doing is hiding.
>>>>
>>>> heh
>>>>
>>>> we do exactly that, too
>>>> (but never end up feeling connected, really)
>>>
>>> have begun to see that i purposely keep myself disconnected because
>>> it feels safer.
>>
>> sometimes it actually is.
>> sometimes it actually isn't.
>
> connected? and if there are, how do you tell when its safe and when
> it isn't.
backing up, first task is connecting to self :P
but wrt connecting to others, think the safety depends on who it is.
for us, c deserves connection. so does sir lala.
gathring
usually am. not much today. may be coming down with something. may have
beginning of quarter blues. may have corporation sucks blues. definitely
not feeling like connecting.
astri
:P
jill
I am discovering that life is more 'full' while connected. Kind of
like seeing a movie in 3D or HD. Or not wearing glasses and then
putting them on and looking around.
At first, until I got used to it more, there were risks of doing it
too fast or too intensely and freaking myself out, sort of like over
eating or over exercising or sleeping too much or anything else. Over
doing _anything_ can be negative. Eventually, with lots of practice, I
figured out how to sort of balance it so that it isn't too much and
it isn't too little. I am not the most engaged person in school for
example. I am sort of aloof in a friendly, distant way. I am ok with
this. I think this is just 'me'. Maybe I would like to be different
but the risk/benefit issue kicks in and I realize that to be different
in this way make me feel unbalanced so I back off. Kind of like maybe
I'd _like_ curly hair but the effort involved in getting it isn't
worth it in the long run.
Plus, the more it is practiced the smoother it gets so that it really
doesn't feel all that strange eventually. Like learning to read. At
first it is a struggle and difficult and is it really worth it!?!
And then it gets to be second nature and you just _do_ it. Maybe you
find a level you are comfortable at and you stay there and never
figure out how to read grad level textbooks in latin *grin*. You
decide that that level is just too high to be worth working toward.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Puddles
you mean connected to yourself and all others? or, just connected to
life in general?
Kind of
> like seeing a movie in 3D or HD. Or not wearing glasses and then
> putting them on and looking around.
not sure what you mean.
>
> At first, until I got used to it more, there were risks of doing it
> too fast or too intensely and freaking myself out, sort of like over
> eating or over exercising or sleeping too much or anything else. Over
> doing _anything_ can be negative.
so you mean over doing connection?
Eventually, with lots of practice, I
> figured out how to sort of balance it so that it isn't too much and
> it isn't too little. I am not the most engaged person in school for
> example. I am sort of aloof in a friendly, distant way. I am ok with
> this. I think this is just 'me'.
no, maybe not. school was the only thing i could connect to. but only
because learning is not another human. school is a process.
Maybe I would like to be different
> but the risk/benefit issue kicks in and I realize that to be different
> in this way make me feel unbalanced so I back off. Kind of like maybe
> I'd _like_ curly hair but the effort involved in getting it isn't
> worth it in the long run.
hmmm.
>
> Plus, the more it is practiced the smoother it gets so that it really
> doesn't feel all that strange eventually. Like learning to read. At
> first it is a struggle and difficult and is it really worth it!?!
> And then it gets to be second nature and you just _do_ it. Maybe you
> find a level you are comfortable at and you stay there and never
> figure out how to read grad level textbooks in latin *grin*. You
> decide that that level is just too high to be worth working toward.
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
where do you start?
Stavrogin
when I have more time.
On Oct 7, 12:43 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
> heh
>
> you're at asd now
> those expectations get to change
That's a tough transition! People understanding me?? Heh
> easier said than done, of course
> takes lots of practice and stumbling around
I think it's just I've gone so long without... trying to communicate
with myself... that I function, albeit miserably, without any sort of
understanding within myself.
> mhm
>
> but would make it easier for you to have a single, consistent story to
> tell folks. sometimes pragmatics must rule.
Each part would rather explain my life in their own way ;).
Most of them either deny it all or can't remember it.
> pragmatics
>
> now you're building a real resume, however.
>
> you're smart. have you thought about getting your ged?
Hopefully I'm actually capable of lasting in a job for more than 6
months. Hopefully I'm not so impulsive and easily offended that I walk
out of every job! I feel okay with what I'm doing right now... no big
issues, although I have poor hearing and have to answer the phone
which is kind of a problem. >_>
I need to get my ged if I want to study anything and do something more
interesting with my life. I just have to figure out what that is first
before I go to that effort.
astri
> Been busy lately, meant to reply to all of you earlier... and will
> try when I have more time.
>
> On Oct 7, 12:43 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>
>> heh
>>
>> you're at asd now
>> those expectations get to change
>
> That's a tough transition! People understanding me?? Heh
:)
>> easier said than done, of course
>> takes lots of practice and stumbling around
>
> I think it's just I've gone so long without... trying to communicate
> with myself... that I function, albeit miserably, without any sort of
> understanding within myself.
of course.
>> mhm
>>
>> but would make it easier for you to have a single, consistent story
>> to tell folks. sometimes pragmatics must rule.
>
> Each part would rather explain my life in their own way ;).
well, yes. but that doesn't necessarily work in the larger world.
> Most of them either deny it all or can't remember it.
>
>> pragmatics
>>
>> now you're building a real resume, however.
>>
>> you're smart. have you thought about getting your ged?
>
> Hopefully I'm actually capable of lasting in a job for more than 6
> months. Hopefully I'm not so impulsive and easily offended that I
> walk out of every job! I feel okay with what I'm doing right now...
> no big issues, although I have poor hearing and have to answer the
> phone which is kind of a problem. >_>
>
> I need to get my ged if I want to study anything and do something
> more interesting with my life. I just have to figure out what that is
> first before I go to that effort.
ok
btw, you can get self-study books for the ged and then just go take the
test.
Puddles
we bought book think it was about 20 bucks but that was 12 years ago.
was the only way we could figure out what kind of questions were on the
test. They have lots of them now (self help books).
didn't you get a book for aa astri? They have lots and lots of practice
stuff and explain each step of everything that you need to know for the
test.
jill
Definitely life in general. This happens to most often include people
though.
> Kind of
>> like seeing a movie in 3D or HD. Or not wearing glasses and then
>> putting them on and looking around.
>
>not sure what you mean.
Where you live your life and not realize what it's like in a different
version of reality and then that version of reality is available to
you and WOW, things are so... clear/different. Hmm, ok, think of
some food you never had before and then (as an adult) you got to
try it for the first time and you thought 'man, this is GOOD! Why
didn't I know about this before?'
>> At first, until I got used to it more, there were risks of doing it
>> too fast or too intensely and freaking myself out, sort of like over
>> eating or over exercising or sleeping too much or anything else. Over
>> doing _anything_ can be negative.
>
>so you mean over doing connection?
Yes, like I would get stuck and couldn't back out when it was too
overwhelming. Or I couldn't turn it 'on' and connect when I wanted to.
> Eventually, with lots of practice, I
>> figured out how to sort of balance it so that it isn't too much and
>> it isn't too little. I am not the most engaged person in school for
>> example. I am sort of aloof in a friendly, distant way. I am ok with
>> this. I think this is just 'me'.
>
>no, maybe not. school was the only thing i could connect to. but only
>because learning is not another human. school is a process.
But here connection doesn't have to mean with people. Think of
connecting to a baby taking it's first steps, or realizing the animal
in your lap loves you or...
>Maybe I would like to be different
>> but the risk/benefit issue kicks in and I realize that to be different
>> in this way make me feel unbalanced so I back off. Kind of like maybe
>> I'd _like_ curly hair but the effort involved in getting it isn't
>> worth it in the long run.
>
>hmmm.
>
>>
>> Plus, the more it is practiced the smoother it gets so that it really
>> doesn't feel all that strange eventually. Like learning to read. At
>> first it is a struggle and difficult and is it really worth it!?!
>> And then it gets to be second nature and you just _do_ it. Maybe you
>> find a level you are comfortable at and you stay there and never
>> figure out how to read grad level textbooks in latin *grin*. You
>> decide that that level is just too high to be worth working toward.
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
>where do you start?
We started in t'py with a t'pist who was just very genuine and with
us as we took the journey. He just modeled where we might go some day
and waited patiently for us to take some steps.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 12 Oct 2008, Stavrogin wrote:
>>> On Oct 7, 12:43 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>>>
>>>> you're smart. have you thought about getting your ged?
>>>
>>> Hopefully I'm actually capable of lasting in a job for more than 6
>>> months. Hopefully I'm not so impulsive and easily offended that I
>>> walk out of every job! I feel okay with what I'm doing right now...
>>> no big issues, although I have poor hearing and have to answer the
>>> phone which is kind of a problem. >_>
>>>
>>> I need to get my ged if I want to study anything and do something
>>> more interesting with my life. I just have to figure out what that
>>> is first before I go to that effort.
>>
>> ok
>>
>> btw, you can get self-study books for the ged and then just go take
>> the test.
>
> was the only way we could figure out what kind of questions were on
> the test. They have lots of them now (self help books).
>
> didn't you get a book for aa astri? They have lots and lots of
> practice stuff and explain each step of everything that you need to
> know for the test.
yup. she used a couple of the books and also signed up for online
study via adult community school (that was free).
Puddles
how is aa??
astri
> how is aa??
moods are bothersome sometimes
but she's doing relatively well with it
and has grown a whole lot
is sitting on the living room couch right now doing math homework
and asking us to check it periodically
Stavrogin
> This post caught my eye later down the line. Wow, we have A LOT in
> common. Except for the military, you sounds exactly like me.
>
> dropped out in 7th grade
> my dad was always in prison the last time San Quenton (he was a safe
> cracker) but died when i was lil.
> i am in recovery after a 10 year spell.17 years in recovery now.
> I ran away at 13
> I was married at 17 and left the country, lived in England (waited on
> the divorce till I was 27 even though we split up when i was 19.
> I was raped :(
> and we died before too.
>
> The neat thing is we were half way through our Bachelors before someone
> in the school administration decided to 'make me' get my GED.
>
> We are 'dealing' with the other stuff. (or at least trying). We had
> 'jacked up' our resume too to get into the field. Addiction was all I
> knew so that is where I went to apply.
>
> Finished school, got a t and here i am. ;)
>
> we will have to talk more, soon.
We definitely do have a lot in common!
It was gathring who joined the military though, not me :P
I never ran away but I definitely considered it many times. The first
time I tried I was 5! I just hid in the bushes outside my house
because I didn't know where to go.
When I was a little older I thought about taking a greyhound bus
somewhere... but I knew I'd end up all alone still, and at least at
home I could lock myself in my room and be safe.
I can't get a divorce yet, but we've been separated a year and a half
now... and if I could have left sooner than that I would have. I just
don't have the extra cash right now for the fees (why is it so
expensive?) just to change my marriage status.
Did you stay in England or did you go back home?
I felt basically trapped where I was... with nowhere to go back to...
I wouldn't have made it if I just came back all alone. I'm a little
too dependant on other people I realize.
I made it back though (not home, but at least my country of origin)
and I'm happier here.
I've looked into getting my ged, and I'll end up doing that at some
point but I need to get settled first. I can't deal with too many
things at one time. Very easily stressed.
So what do you mean about only knowing addiction so that's where you
applied? I don't quiet follow...
Stavrogin
wrote:
> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that too. It
> makes things hard.
I really don't.
> You can make friends with people who are different ages. We have.
I have trouble making friends of any age :P but I'm not sure how much
I'll find in common with people who are at such a different station in
life than I am. I get along with people just fine, whatever age they
are, but I rarely make more than an acquaintance of anyone. And I feel
that I need more than a common interest, but a similarity and the
ability to relate to them in order to actually make a friend. I'm not
ruling people out just because they are older, but I feel that I will
have more similarities with people closer to my age.
> Maybe in time things will change. You'll have more to talk about from
> current times, like the job you have now.
Yeah.
> Actually, you don't sound that unique. Sorry, don't mean that as an insult
I wouldn't consider myself unique, or even very unusual, but I'm not
exactly ordinary... and the vast majority of people I deal with are a
lot more ordinary than I am.
> It seems like that's the image you have in your head.
I have no idea what I am.
> People see what they want to see.
>
> As far as the scars go, well so are we. So are lots of people here at ASD.
>
> And the amazing, wonderful thing is there are people in this world that
> don't care. T kept telling us that. We didn't believe him but somehow in
> the last few years we've ended up with a group of friends. Some of them
> have seen our scars or seen us when we couldn't hide how messed up we
> are and they are still our friends. I think maybe, what seems
> all-consuming to us, is just a small part of what they see. I don't
> really understand it, but I know it's possible
This is true, and I don't give people much of a chance. I think part
of it is that I don't WANT people to know the real me, as desperate as
I feel to be honest about myself... I don't like myself. Why would I
want people to know the things about me that I hate? Ah...
astri
> This is true, and I don't give people much of a chance. I think part
> of it is that I don't WANT people to know the real me, as desperate
> as I feel to be honest about myself... I don't like myself. Why would
> I want people to know the things about me that I hate? Ah...
making friends is really really difficult if you've got a lot to hide.
we've had that problem. we still don't show most people who we really
are. in fact, the only folks who know who we really are are folks
we've met here in asd (or in t). otherwise, there's prolly only one
person who really knew us, but she's de*d now (diabetes).
Puddles
wow, night and day differences! You have done well with her! Not
sleeping in her room all day? Actually doing something for herself?
That is absolutely great!! You must have the patience of a saint.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 12 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> how is aa??
>>
>> moods are bothersome sometimes
>> but she's doing relatively well with it
>> and has grown a whole lot
>>
>> is sitting on the living room couch right now doing math homework
>> and asking us to check it periodically
>
> sleeping in her room all day? Actually doing something for herself?
> That is absolutely great!! You must have the patience of a saint.
heh
she's done a lot of the work
we've just been stubborn
Puddles
ok, i guess i can accept that adjective too. :)
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 13 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sun, 12 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> how is aa??
>>>>
>>>> moods are bothersome sometimes
>>>> but she's doing relatively well with it
>>>> and has grown a whole lot
>>>>
>>>> is sitting on the living room couch right now doing math homework
>>>> and asking us to check it periodically
>>>
>>> wow, night and day differences! You have done well with her! Not
>>> sleeping in her room all day? Actually doing something for herself?
>>> That is absolutely great!! You must have the patience of a saint.
>>
>> heh
>>
>> she's done a lot of the work
>> we've just been stubborn
>
:P
(finished report this morning, btw)
(yay)
Puddles
> On Oct 7, 9:07 pm, Puddles <allthepudd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> This post caught my eye later down the line. Wow, we have A LOT in
>> common. Except for the military, you sounds exactly like me.
>>
>> dropped out in 7th grade
>> my dad was always in prison the last time San Quenton (he was a safe
>> cracker) but died when i was lil.
>> i am in recovery after a 10 year spell.17 years in recovery now.
>> I ran away at 13
>> I was married at 17 and left the country, lived in England (waited on
>> the divorce till I was 27 even though we split up when i was 19.
>> I was raped :(
>> and we died before too.
>>
>> The neat thing is we were half way through our Bachelors before someone
>> in the school administration decided to 'make me' get my GED.
>>
>> We are 'dealing' with the other stuff. (or at least trying). We had
>> 'jacked up' our resume too to get into the field. Addiction was all I
>> knew so that is where I went to apply.
>>
>> Finished school, got a t and here i am. ;)
>>
>> we will have to talk more, soon.
>
> We definitely do have a lot in common!
> It was gathring who joined the military though, not me :P
oooh, ok cause we were not in military either.
>
> I never ran away but I definitely considered it many times.
hey,. well, we did run away many times. :))
The first
> time I tried I was 5! I just hid in the bushes outside my house
> because I didn't know where to go.
aawww
> When I was a little older I thought about taking a greyhound bus
> somewhere... but I knew I'd end up all alone still, and at least at
> home I could lock myself in my room and be safe.
good thing, that sounds like a really scary thing to do.
>
> I can't get a divorce yet, but we've been separated a year and a half
> now... and if I could have left sooner than that I would have.
how come?
I just
> don't have the extra cash right now for the fees (why is it so
> expensive?) just to change my marriage status.
i know, my in-laws finally paid for our divorce.
>
> Did you stay in England or did you go back home?
i went home. they got really upset with me when i left (in customs) too
because i had dual citizenship but never applied to remain in the country.
> I felt basically trapped where I was... with nowhere to go back to...
> I wouldn't have made it if I just came back all alone. I'm a little
> too dependant on other people I realize.
:(
> I made it back though (not home, but at least my country of origin)
> and I'm happier here.
Yes, it's hard living in a different country. never feels as safe as home.
>
> I've looked into getting my ged, and I'll end up doing that at some
> point but I need to get settled first. I can't deal with too many
> things at one time. Very easily stressed.
good plan.
>
> So what do you mean about only knowing addiction so that's where you
> applied? I don't quiet follow...
well, i didn't have any talent, knowledge really of anything or
experience when looking at what I was going to do for a living.
so, i thought to myself, what do i know?
addiction!
so, i went trudging off to treatment centers and inquired on the
requirements of working there. I took what i did know and used
appropriate terminology on my resume to get in the door and wall la. I
was great at it!
Addicts know more about addiction then anything they could ever teach in
school. However, getting in the door, they offered to help pay for the
schooling. There are also state certs for addiction counselors, no hs
diploma and no degree required. They started doing that specifically for
ppl in recovery to be able to work in the field with ppl currently in
addiction as long as they are supervised. they found the recovering
counselor had higher success rates which pushed the movement for the cert.
use your experience to your advantage; even if your skill was
manipulation, use it now but in a positive way. Experience brings
knowledge and passion. Don't let anyone tell you that being an addict is
the worst thing that could have happen to you, think about all you
learned from it. Sounds odd I know, but its true.
Puddles
:) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :)
:) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :)
A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :)
three happy faces ( one is you, one is c and one is sirlala)
3 A+ cause it matches the happy faces and you deserve the +
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 13 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Mon, 13 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Sun, 12 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> how is aa??
>>>>>>
>>>>>> moods are bothersome sometimes
>>>>>> but she's doing relatively well with it
>>>>>> and has grown a whole lot
>>>>>>
>>>>>> is sitting on the living room couch right now doing math
>>>>>> homework and asking us to check it periodically
>>>>>
>>>>> wow, night and day differences! You have done well with her! Not
>>>>> sleeping in her room all day? Actually doing something for
>>>>> herself? That is absolutely great!! You must have the patience of
>>>>> a saint.
>>>>
>>>> heh
>>>>
>>>> she's done a lot of the work
>>>> we've just been stubborn
>>>
>>> ok, i guess i can accept that adjective too. :)
>>
>> :P
>>
>> (finished report this morning, btw)
>> (yay)
>
> :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+
> A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :)
> :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :)
>
> three happy faces ( one is you, one is c and one is sirlala)
>
> 3 A+ cause it matches the happy faces and you deserve the +
heh
Puddles
they came out all crooked!
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 13 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>>
>>>> (finished report this morning, btw)
>>>> (yay)
>>>
>>> :) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:)
>>> :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :)
>>> A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+
>>> A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :) A+ A+ A+:) :) :)
>>>
>>> three happy faces ( one is you, one is c and one is sirlala)
>>>
>>> 3 A+ cause it matches the happy faces and you deserve the +
>>
>> heh
>
oh well
Wolfie of Confused
> On Mon, 13 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sun, 12 Oct 2008, Puddles wrote:
>>>
>>>> how is aa??
>>>
>>> moods are bothersome sometimes
>>> but she's doing relatively well with it
>>> and has grown a whole lot
>>>
>>> is sitting on the living room couch right now doing math homework
>>> and asking us to check it periodically
>>
>> wow, night and day differences! You have done well with her! Not
>> sleeping in her room all day? Actually doing something for herself?
>> That is absolutely great!! You must have the patience of a saint.
>
> heh
>
> she's done a lot of the work
:)
> we've just been stubborn
>
stubbornness can be a very good quality
astri
heh
confused
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, gathring wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> i'm beginning to understand that life is mostly about learning to
>>>>>>> trust ourselves.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> another wonderful nugget
>>>>>
>>>>> you guys are making me blush, stoppit!
>>>>
>>>> no :)
>>>
>>> bop! bop bop! now will you stopit?
>>
>> no :)
>>
>> -- astri
>>
>> ======================
>> to email send to astri
>> ======================
>> at volcano dot org
>> ======================
>>
>
>
:(
Shay of Confused
me! i rote!
gathring
> In article <Pine.BSI.4.64.08...@malasada.lava.net>,
> astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> It sounds like you don't trust yourself much. We feel like that
>>>>>>> too. It makes things hard.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> we frequently don't, either
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Ok, understand that you can't say all of that. Most people don't
>>>>>>> get it. It's not all or nothing though. People are funny, they
>>>>>>> sort of hear what they want. When we are in situations where we
>>>>>>> don't want to reveal our story we do a lot of listening. We ask
>>>>>>> questions. And maybe sometimes say some small tidbit and people
>>>>>>> seem to think it's great that we are such a great listener. They
>>>>>>> don't even realize what we are really doing is hiding.
>>>>>> heh
>>>>>>
>>>>>> we do exactly that, too
>>>>>> (but never end up feeling connected, really)
>>>>> have begun to see that i purposely keep myself disconnected because
>>>>> it feels safer.
>>>> sometimes it actually is.
>>>> sometimes it actually isn't.
>>> so the question than becomes are there any real advantages to being
>>> connected? and if there are, how do you tell when its safe and when
>>> it isn't.
>> backing up, first task is connecting to self :P
>>
>> but wrt connecting to others, think the safety depends on who it is.
>> for us, c deserves connection. so does sir lala.
>>
>> -- astri
>
> like seeing a movie in 3D or HD. Or not wearing glasses and then
> putting them on and looking around.
>
> too fast or too intensely and freaking myself out, sort of like over
> eating or over exercising or sleeping too much or anything else. Over
> figured out how to sort of balance it so that it isn't too much and
> it isn't too little. I am not the most engaged person in school for
> example. I am sort of aloof in a friendly, distant way. I am ok with
> but the risk/benefit issue kicks in and I realize that to be different
> in this way make me feel unbalanced so I back off. Kind of like maybe
> I'd _like_ curly hair but the effort involved in getting it isn't
> worth it in the long run.
>
> doesn't feel all that strange eventually. Like learning to read. At
> first it is a struggle and difficult and is it really worth it!?!
> And then it gets to be second nature and you just _do_ it. Maybe you
> find a level you are comfortable at and you stay there and never
> figure out how to read grad level textbooks in latin *grin*. You
> decide that that level is just too high to be worth working toward.
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Dunno. Am connected to self, but not ... ummmm ... assertive enough
about self needs. Am connected to community, but sometimes resent the
demand that puts on my time. Am connected to my foc, but again,
sometimes resent the demand that puts on my time. Try to balance, but
don't seem able to enforce boundaries, esp. when it comes to family. Too
many things I'd like to spend time on, not enough time. Can't figure out
how to provide needs of family and get what I need too. Sigh.
--
“There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.” -- Jeremy S. Anderson
Puddles
i can't 'hear' this. trying, it just doesn't want to register. Maybe I
need a registrar to keep track of the posts I want to understand, but can't.