stupid ramblings
EB
i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at therapeutic
community, and three of the women there are in a clique that is cold/
mean to me. they have a leader of the clique and she said something
nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for me.
no one likes me.
i'm in this new place. and that's good. but i think people maybe even
people on the group are mad that i'm not in school right now and don't
have a job. sometimes i just can't function. it's hard to get out of
bed. and i think it's allowed for some people to struggle but i'm not
allowed cuz i'm not good and i'm not liked.
sorry this is stupid feelings but they're here.
Juniper
<81686fab-80ac-4c72...@m11g2000yqh.googlegroups.com>,
EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote:
OK. For what it's worth, I'm delighted you managed to get your own
space and think that's a huge accomplishment that I wish you could relax
and enjoy. There'll be time for school later.
Do you have enough kitchen stuff to be able to cook and eat in a
civilized fashion? Civilized = enough folks and plates, not a pasta
machine. ;-)
Juniper, feeling her maternal stuff coming out
--
Hearts cannot be bound to orthodoxy.
astri
> i don't think anyone likes me.
isn't true
> i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at therapeutic
> community, and three of the women there are in a clique that is cold/
> mean to me. they have a leader of the clique and she said something
> nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for me. no one likes me.
seems j likes you
that was a rotten community anyway
> i'm in this new place. and that's good. but i think people maybe even
> people on the group are mad that i'm not in school right now and
> don't have a job. sometimes i just can't function. it's hard to get
> out of bed. and i think it's allowed for some people to struggle but
> i'm not allowed cuz i'm not good and i'm not liked.
not mad
you're allowed to take it slow
> sorry this is stupid feelings but they're here.
is hard feeling them
understand
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
jill
I think your definition of civilized is different from mine *grin* A
pasta machine (manual, not electric!) is required for 'civilized',
otherwise it is in the category of 'not barbaric'.
Rainbow Colors (Jill, who has a very civilized kitchen but can
function in a 'not barbaric' one as well:)
EB
> In article
> <81686fab-80ac-4c72-a8bf-9f65f5c6b...@m11g2000yqh.googlegroups.com>,
heh. um. well, J. brought a couple plates and basic silverware.
EB
> On Tue, 7 Jul 2009, EB wrote:
> > i don't think anyone likes me.
>
> isn't true
>
> > i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at therapeutic
> > community, and three of the women there are in a clique that is cold/
> > mean to me. they have a leader of the clique and she said something
> > nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for me. no one likes me.
>
> seems j likes you
> that was a rotten community anyway
why are groups so rotten sometimes? why do cliques be mean to me?
>
> > i'm in this new place. and that's good. but i think people maybe even
> > people on the group are mad that i'm not in school right now and
> > don't have a job. sometimes i just can't function. it's hard to get
> > out of bed. and i think it's allowed for some people to struggle but
> > i'm not allowed cuz i'm not good and i'm not liked.
>
> not mad
> you're allowed to take it slow
>
> > sorry this is stupid feelings but they're here.
>
> is hard feeling them
> understand
k
thanks
astri
> On Jul 8, 12:23 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Tue, 7 Jul 2009, EB wrote:
>>> i don't think anyone likes me.
>>
>> isn't true
>>
>>> i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at
>>> therapeutic community, and three of the women there are in a clique
>>> that is cold/ mean to me. they have a leader of the clique and she
>>> said something nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for me. no one
>>> likes me.
>>
>> seems j likes you
>> that was a rotten community anyway
>
> why are groups so rotten sometimes? why do cliques be mean to me?
think groups don't like different
we're always different
Emerging Butterfly
yeah. i have the weirdest mix of power/intuition and woundedness that
shows in my eyes. the power/insight intimidates. the woundedness makes
it okay to attack and scorn me. it's a sucky combination. :(
astri
> On Jul 8, 11:19 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Jul 2009, EB wrote:
>>> On Jul 8, 12:23 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>>>> On Tue, 7 Jul 2009, EB wrote:
>>>>> i don't think anyone likes me.
>>
>>>> isn't true
>>
>>>>> i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at
>>>>> therapeutic community, and three of the women there are in a
>>>>> clique that is cold/ mean to me. they have a leader of the clique
>>>>> and she said something nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for
>>>>> me. no one likes me.
>>
>>>> seems j likes you
>>>> that was a rotten community anyway
>>
>>> why are groups so rotten sometimes? why do cliques be mean to me?
>>
>> think groups don't like different
>> we're always different
>
> shows in my eyes. the power/insight intimidates. the woundedness
> makes it okay to attack and scorn me. it's a sucky combination. :(
:(
fuzzy
> i don't think anyone likes me.
> i went to the "focus group" for people who used to be at therapeutic
> community, and three of the women there are in a clique that is cold/
> mean to me. they have a leader of the clique and she said something
> nasty about me to J., but J. stood up for me.
> no one likes me.
J likes you. dave likes you
people at asd like you
>
> i'm in this new place. and that's good. but i think people maybe even
> people on the group are mad that i'm not in school right now and don't
> have a job. sometimes i just can't function. it's hard to get out of
> bed. and i think it's allowed for some people to struggle but i'm not
> allowed cuz i'm not good and i'm not liked.
>
no, don't think you should be in schcol. not even a teeny bit mad
> sorry this is stupid feelings but they're here.
>
not stupid
fuzzy
EB
thank you, this helps.
and yeah....so a clique doesn't like me. people who matter to me like
the people here and J. and Dave do like me.
That matters more than pleasing some group of adults that want to act
like preteens and exclude people together. it just makes me mad that
it's in a "healing community" and that nobody confronts or stops the
mean passive aggressiveness at meetings. here are these people making
it yucky for others (J felt terrible afterward too) and they are like,
revered as people who have really "healed" when it's obvious they're
exclusive and mean. sometimes i hate how the world and society
functions, the incivility we allow and even create. the therapeutic
community created a perfect atmosphere for such a coalition as these
women made, because it's a community that bites people and scapegoats
and judges, all in the name of healing. the more of a bully you are,
the more advanced you must be.
sorry.....soapbox moment.
we talked with our t. about this and she said that the atmosphere at
the school the community takes interns and graduates from is very very
mean. she said it's a very competitive school and program and very
bullying. she said she would never attend that school, she's never
seen an unhappier set of undergrads, and that it doesn't teach
substance so much as the art of bullying in the name of psychology.
ick.
i think i might keep going to meetings to try to figure out how to
face mean cattiness without losing myself.
maybe that's a bad idea. but this happens *a lot* in my life, so i may
as well figure out how to deal.
others have ideas? how do you deal with catty passive-aggressive
people who are always giving veiled insults and trying to weaken you?
astri
> others have ideas? how do you deal with catty passive-aggressive
> people who are always giving veiled insults and trying to weaken you?
don't notice it until it is really obvious and then withdraw
EB
maybe i can learn to act more assertive and people won't routinely
assess me as having weakness.
it was cool that J. and I attended this class together -- the night we
went was a lot of discussion. And I was noticing that the people I was
drawn to were the know-it-alls in the class. J. said she found it
interesting that some high school know it all was putting down
something i said that was actually very accurate, and that i was drawn
to her as an actual expert rather than someone acting like a superior
so-and-so.
interesting.
jill
Well, way back when someone bought me an electric pasta machine. It's
a lot like an electric bread machine. You dump in pre-measured flour
and water and oil and push the button and viola eventually you are
allegedly going to get pasta. We never got real pasta that way
though:P
Then one day last fall we were once _again_ trying to get the dang
machine to work and it went BANG and something inside broke (probly
a clutch) and that was that. So I went to the store and bought a
manual pasta machine. You mix the ingredients (usually water, flour,
sometimes egg, sometimes oil, and if you want spinach or tomato or
some such) and then put some in the top and turn the crank and a flat
sheet of already rolled out dough comes out (think really dry pizza
crust) and then you adjust the rollers and do it again and again
until it is as thin as you want and _then_ you roll it through with
the cutter blade attachment and then you have perfectly made pasta
all over the place *huge grin*
Rainbow Colors (Jill, who had tortellinis last night thanks to the SO)
jill
EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote:
Bet I can guess the school :P Probly the same one I went to to get
my MA in special ed and yeah, it's a terrible atmosphere and an
even more terrible program. A complete waste of money and time!
I know that what _I_ got out of the program was useless. I imagine the
other programs are just as useless.
>i think i might keep going to meetings to try to figure out how to
>face mean cattiness without losing myself.
>maybe that's a bad idea. but this happens *a lot* in my life, so i may
>as well figure out how to deal.
As long as you know at the beginning that this is your goal and you
never mislead yourself into thinking you are going to get anything
positive out of it!
>others have ideas? how do you deal with catty passive-aggressive
>people who are always giving veiled insults and trying to weaken you?
I am too direct and tactless to tolerate this for long. I usually end
up in their face telling them they are an sob and a jerk and they look
all shocked and injured like how _dare_ I talke to them that way. Then
I leave. But I don't think you are the type of person to be able to
do this.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)