internal landscaping
Diane etal
sort of a safe place inside. sounded like a good idea, because it didn't seem
like there was any. i don't have a complete sense for what it's like inside,
just little snatches here and there. and what others were reporting didn't
sound especially safe or happy or conducive to comfort. so i went along with
it. he suggested a house with a room for everybody, so that's what i went
with. not knowing much about internal landscaping (well, not knowing
-anything- about it), i figured that this was reasonable.
i had a really hard time with it. the walls to my rooms would never expand to
the size i wanted, corners were dark and foreboding, some doors wouldn't open.
the only room i know that got used was the conference room, and the only parts
of it i was satisfied with were the outside and the surrounding grounds.
nobody wanted to help create it, nobody wanted to go into their rooms. i hear
from some that it's fun to play -outside- the house, and that the area -is-
safe as compared to other places inside, but the house just doesn't work.
so lately there's been this major shift in me. i'd not really call it an
internal shift - it's more a change in the way i view my multiplicity. and
i've been thinking about the internal landscape the last couple of days and
wondering how i can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere that
feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way i view this is
"normal" within my world as a multiple, or if i'm really going out on a limb
here. i'd like to hear what others think.
we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my case, it's
fragmented, with places that are dangerous and lines that can't be crossed, and
places that are kept safe for certain ones. there are places i know nothing
about and probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the inside to
watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks about. there's not one safe
place, where all are allowed to gather.
that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea of a house, with
many rooms, where everyone can retreat to safety and not worry about being
disturbed there, satisfies the concern of bringing so many different ones
together. but a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our creation,
is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space and create
something - maybe something completely unrecognizable to people outside - that
is, for one, a community gathering place and, at the same time, a place where
each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels right.
i also don't want to step too close to the edge of sanity here. ;-) yes, you
read that right.
diane in Ravensong
SStuart416
For what is't worth, I never had any success creating a "place" inside - some
sort of landscape that people could go either. Sometimes I think this is some
singleton's solution to stuff which may or may not work with DIDs. I know some
people here have successfully done that. but I have heard that suggestion alot
for folks here, and I know that since I dissociate it should be possible, but
we have never found a place like that a trustworthy and safe place to go when
things get too scary. My best safe place is my bed which is not inside, but has
lots of pillows and stuffies and a duvet and a nice place to create a little
nest to curl up in. Unfortunately it's not portable like an inside place would
be.
Just my two cents worth.
Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it. It's not worth making yourself feel
bad because you can't.
ACESTAR
>Subject: internal landscaping
>From: dian...@aol.com (Diane etal)
>Date: 7/4/00 6:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time
>Message-id: <20000704094641...@ng-fh1.aol.com>
Diane etal
hi laura!
>if a house is not working...if it is feeling scarey to anyone .....which kind
>of defeats the purpose..
yeah, that's kinda what i thought!
>and you feel no one wants to go there...and you want
>a
>comfortable safe place...could you try someting other than a
>house...especially
>cos the house is triggering for you..maybe...uhhhh well this it what works
>here....like a beach..with different areas....
yes! i mean, it's ok to do what feels right and safe and comfortable, right?
>i am really losing track..cant explain what i mean
you explained it well...it's hard for me sometimes to understand what's ok and
what's not. sometimes i think that what i want or what i think is not ok if
it's not what someone else has told me to do, you know?
>oh well only trying to help
thanks. i appreciate the response!
diane
jan...@my-deja.com
I have not been able to find an internal safe place, either. It just
makes no sense to me. Maybe someday I will figure it out. I don't know
how to go about it.I have read of some who make a safe place in a
garden or outside somewhere nice. Maybe that would work better for you
than a house? jane
In article <20000704122326...@ng-mb1.aol.com>,
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
e
wrote:
snip
>so lately there's been this major shift in me. i'd not really call it an
>internal shift - it's more a change in the way i view my multiplicity. and
>i've been thinking about the internal landscape the last couple of days and
>wondering how i can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere that
>feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way i view this is
>"normal" within my world as a multiple, or if i'm really going out on a limb
>here. i'd like to hear what others think.
even singletons? <g>
>
>we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my case, it's
>fragmented, with places that are dangerous and lines that can't be crossed, and
>places that are kept safe for certain ones. there are places i know nothing
>about and probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the inside to
>watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks about. there's not one safe
>place, where all are allowed to gather.
maybe that's not possible yet but it sounds like a very good
goal.
>
>that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea of a house, with
>many rooms, where everyone can retreat to safety and not worry about being
>disturbed there, satisfies the concern of bringing so many different ones
>together. but a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our creation,
>is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space and create
>something - maybe something completely unrecognizable to people outside - that
>is, for one, a community gathering place and, at the same time, a place where
>each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
i think that's a good idea.
>
>i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels right.
do what feels right. ok, now you have ppl telling you to do what
feels right. will that work? ;)
>i also don't want to step too close to the edge of sanity here. ;-) yes, you
>read that right.
>
>diane in Ravensong
hi, diane. take this metaphor fwiw. i rescue feral cats. they're
mostly the offspring of cats that ppl have abandoned. i also have
4 cats and a dog of my own. most feral cats bite and scratch.
they're often afraid of other cats as well as all ppl and dogs.
they're often afraid of inside sights, smells, and noises.
they're often sick and have parasites. thus, it's not wise to
allow other animals to interact with the feral cats. nor is it
wise to allow feral cats from different colonies to interact. i
found this out the hard way last summer when someone brought by 8
kittens that were going to be put down. i had no where to put
them except one room that already had a mom and her two kittens
plus 5 other kittens. they all got very sick. several almost
died. one of my cats somehow got in the room and soon 2 of my
cats and some other relatively tamed feral cats that had the run
of the main part of the house got sick, too. it was awful. i had
to force feed them, give a few regular subcutaneous injections,
clean up diarrhea, etc. every hour or two for weeks.
anyway, when i bring in new cats, they need to have their own
space. it can be as small as a cage that i've made comfortable,
clean, etc. and that gives them room to move around as well as
hold their food, water, litter, and toys. preferably it's a large
cage in their own room. it usually takes the cats a while to feel
at home, esp the adults. many of them never feel at home and i
release them in a colony that gets fed or, if i can't find one,
in my yard (after neutering them, giving them shots, etc.). i
handle them every day and try to do things in their room without
disturbing them (e.g., read, sweep the floors). that way, they
get used to seeing ppl without feeling threatened. when they seem
ok with that and after i've made sure they aren't sick, i allow
my mellow cats in the room for supervised visits. if all the cats
are ok with that, i allow the cats in the room for unsupervised
visits. when i'm able to handle them without being scratched or
bitten, i let them out of the cage. when they seem settled in the
room, i allow any of their cat "friends" in the room, too.
when they seem comfortable with the room and my mellow cats, i
let them have the run of the main house. i watch at first to make
sure they aren't overwhelmed and that my other cats are ok with
them. one thing that's very important is to make sure that all
the cats have a place to go that's off-limits to other cats. it
can be a small box or cage. it can be a room. it can be on or
under a particular bed. even some of my always-tame cats have
"their" space where they regularly go when they want to be left
alone. i don't let ppl or other animals bother them while they're
there. most cats quickly learn which space is theirs, which space
is the other cats' or dog's, and which space is everyone's. some
cats never go in the common areas even though they could if they
wanted to. but i've seen them watch, sometimes for a long time,
so i think they feel connected, too. i like that.
good luck,
e
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e
wrote:
>diane,
>For what is't worth, I never had any success creating a "place" inside - some
>sort of landscape that people could go either. Sometimes I think this is some
>singleton's solution to stuff which may or may not work with DIDs.
Or singletons. ;) My one suggestion of a
step-in-the-right-direction appalled my T and created a big rift
between us.
>I know some
>people here have successfully done that. but I have heard that suggestion alot
>for folks here, and I know that since I dissociate it should be possible, but
>we have never found a place like that a trustworthy and safe place to go when
>things get too scary. My best safe place is my bed which is not inside, but has
>lots of pillows and stuffies and a duvet and a nice place to create a little
>nest to curl up in. Unfortunately it's not portable like an inside place would
>be.
Some ppl don't create a place, they do things like visualize a
particular color or have a song.
Other ppl can use self-hypnosis or relaxation techniques. Some
ppl like karate or tai-chi. It's not the same but it often serves
many of the same purposes.
>Just my two cents worth.
>Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it. It's not worth making yourself feel
>bad because you can't.
I agree.
Sonj...@webtv.net
I had the same problem, about trying to put each alter into seperate
room and it really
doesnt work. For instance, all the child alters
are too afraid to be alone in a room. So, Judy
who is 12 is always around. So we made a nursery and painted it within
to be cheerful
but not too bright as really bright colors hurt
some of their eyes. The smaller ones mostly stay there with Judy and
some of the older ones wanted somewhere "outside" to play sometimes so
we worked on a garden for the children to play in. This also worked well
for the adult alters who needed to relax and get away from chaotic
feelings by going to their own special garden that they created. The
conference room was created pretty easily, a big table that all of us
could sit around, and an area for the smaller ones to play with toys if
they get bored. The adult alters actually already have their own
"spaces". Nothing inside seems walled in , but each one is unique. Such
as one of the alters
domain reminds me of a cave, and another reminds me of a pit, and yet
another seems to be situated in a bright and sunny place. I dont ask
them to leave their space, but to try the gardens and nurseries to help
with interaction and communications with the others. When I call a
conference, once a week, I ask them all
to come regardless of age, and if their is a specific alter I need to
communicate with I find one of the gardens the best place to talk as it
is less formal.
hope this helps,
Sonja Etc
mouse
little white house. at first it was just the house and just some
rooms but mostly sc*rey ones. our t told us we could put locks
on the sc*rey rooms to keep us safe from going there or
something sc*rey from coming out. we made keys too so we could
go look when we were ready. our t told us to do that, just in
case, she said. when things were getting better we started
looking out the windows more and thats when we saw the meadow.
then we started going outside. its really pretty and theres lots
of sun shining down. theres a stream with rainbow colored fish
in it and sometimes baby dear and bunnys come out of the forest
to play with us. once we found a c*ve and we got really sc*red
and went back to the house. we told our t about it and how we
thought there was a m*nst*r there. she told us that even tho we
could board it but we should think about why its there. that
maybe one of the little ones got lost and maybe we would want to
try and find her and help her some day. we wont go into the c*ve
tho, but when she told us that we got an idea. so sometimes we
play outside of it close enough in case our t is right and a
little one is in there and can hear but far enough that we can
run back to our house. we sing songs and stuff like that. one
day we saw a little girl h*ding there in the d*rk peering out.
she looked really sc*red. we just kept playing and pretended we
didnt see her. every day she comes further out. she doesnt look
as sc*red as she did when we first saw her. we hope she comes to
play with us. sometimes in the forest, we dont go there either,
we see the d*rk ones. we're really sc*red of them. our t says
that they're just little kids like us and that they pretend to
be sc*rey cos there just really sc*red too. we sorta kinda
believe her, sometimes.
we dont know if this is what you mean by internal landscaping
but our t told us if we saw something here that we liked we
should write about it. cos that way we wont be always alone and
well find out that there are ppl who wont get m*d at us.
we dont know if well stay cos this place still seems kind of
sc*rey and we dont know why ppl are already m*d like the pom-pom
lady and why she thinks we dont think we were ab*sed. we know we
were. :(
we called our t yesterday and told her and she said at least try
for awhile cos we dont go outside and she says that this would
kinda be like taking baby steps and if we saw that it was safe
here we might go outside someday. we sorta kinda believe her,
sometimes.
dian...@aol.com (Diane etal) wrote:
> awhile back - a long while back - my t decided that i needed to
> create some sort of a safe place inside. sounded like a good
> idea, because it didn't seem like there was any. i don't have
> a complete sense for what it's like inside, just little
> snatches here and there. and what others were reporting didn't
> sound especially safe or happy or conducive to comfort. so i
> went along with it. he suggested a house with a room for
> everybody, so that's what i went with. not knowing much about
> internal landscaping (well, not knowing -anything- about it),
> i figured that this was reasonable.
>
> i had a really hard time with it. the walls to my rooms would
> never expand to the size i wanted, corners were dark and
> foreboding, some doors wouldn't open. the only room i know
> that got used was the conference room, and the only parts
> of it i was satisfied with were the outside and the
> surrounding grounds. nobody wanted to help create it, nobody
> wanted to go into their rooms. i hear from some that it's fun
> to play -outside- the house, and that the area -is- safe as
> compared to other places inside, but the house just doesn't
> work.
>
> so lately there's been this major shift in me. i'd not really
> call it an internal shift - it's more a change in the way i
> view my multiplicity. and i've been thinking about the
> internal landscape the last couple of days and wondering how i
> can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere that
> feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way
> i view this is "normal" within my world as a multiple, or if
> i'm really going out on a limb here. i'd like to hear what
> others think.
>
> we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my
> case, it's fragmented, with places that are dangerous and
> lines that can't be crossed, and places that are kept safe for
> certain ones. there are places i know nothing about and
> probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the
> inside to watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks
> about. there's not one safe place, where all are allowed to
> gather.
>
> that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea
> of a house, with many rooms, where everyone can retreat to
> safety and not worry about being disturbed there, satisfies
> the concern of bringing so many different ones together. but
> a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our creation,
> is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space
> and create something - maybe something completely
> unrecognizable to people outside - that is, for one, a
> community gathering place and, at the same time, a place where
> each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
>
> i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do
> what feels right. i also don't want to step too close to the
> edge of sanity here. ;-) yes, you read that right.
>
> diane in Ravensong
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SStuart416
tapes and bedtime stories on tape and keep a walkman with earphones and extra
batteries near my bed. If I have a nightmare or real bad flashback or there is
too much noise outside like tonight when tens of thousands of people will be
coming to my neighborhood to watch two consecutive fireworks shows and party, I
put on the headphones and it seems to comfort the littles quit a bit. We even
have a tape that has lullabys with one of our old T's taking us through a
relaxation exercise which is followed by some of that pookey-pookey-woo-woo
sleep inducing music. That is a last resort though because it often causes
Alice Anne to want to be with that T with whom she still feels a strong bond,
which can be a mixed bag of results. You can make your own tapes if you have a
tape deck that has the capability to do that and splice together your favorite
stuff whether it's sea waves, classical music, stories, kids songs - whatever
appeals and works for you.
ACESTAR
Nancewt
anyone else said to do. Internal landscaping works for some people and not
others, and when it does work, it can work in all kinds of different ways. For
me, a great big tree worked as a safe place, with lots and lots of great big
branches at different levels where selves could fit by themselves, and when
anyone wants to gather together, there is lots of space under the tree. When I
was little, I had a kind of spontaneous image of a tower inside myself, with
different selves in different rooms and dungeons and stuff, and the tower was
surrounded by water. It was scary inside and completely isolated. Over the
years, the water has receded so that there is a kind of meadow around the
tower, and that's where the tree grew. It has been important for me for
everyone inside the tower to be able to come out and be safe in the tree. I
think that whatever feels good, feels safe, and feels valuable to you is what's
right, regardless of what kind of directions anyone tries to give you. And
mouse, I hope the little girl hiding in the d*rk is able to come and play with
you soon. -Nancy
Diane etal
everybody surely has a lot to say about what it's like inside! we're so glad -
this helps us sooooooo much!
>our in between is really big. it has a meadow and a forest
so far we have a big forest and a meadow too. we -love- that.
>and a
>little white house. at first it was just the house and just some
>rooms but mostly sc*rey ones. our t told us we could put locks
>on the sc*rey rooms to keep us safe from going there or
>something sc*rey from coming out. we made keys too so we could
>go look when we were ready. our t told us to do that, just in
>case, she said. when things were getting better we started
>looking out the windows more and thats when we saw the meadow.
>then we started going outside. its really pretty and theres lots
>of sun shining down. theres a stream with rainbow colored fish
>in it and sometimes baby dear and bunnys come out of the forest
>to play with us.
that sounds wonderful! wonder if we have bunnies in our forest? we have lots
of birds - big birds - and hope we have bunnies.
>once we found a c*ve and we got really sc*red
>and went back to the house. we told our t about it and how we
>thought there was a m*nst*r there. she told us that even tho we
>could board it but we should think about why its there. that
>maybe one of the little ones got lost and maybe we would want to
>try and find her and help her some day. we wont go into the c*ve
>tho, but when she told us that we got an idea. so sometimes we
>play outside of it close enough in case our t is right and a
>little one is in there and can hear but far enough that we can
>run back to our house. we sing songs and stuff like that. one
>day we saw a little girl h*ding there in the d*rk peering out.
>she looked really sc*red. we just kept playing and pretended we
>didnt see her. every day she comes further out. she doesnt look
>as sc*red as she did when we first saw her. we hope she comes to
>play with us.
me, too! we have a cave just like that, only it's not near our safe place, and
i think there's a little girl in there, too, only she's asleep. nobody's
allowed to go near her or wake her up, but katy does anyway, and i think
someday she'll finally come out and play.
>sometimes in the forest, we dont go there either,
>we see the d*rk ones. we're really sc*red of them.
we have d*rk ones, too. they live down below, deep in the forest, near the
swamp. we don't go near them at all.
>our t says
>that they're just little kids like us and that they pretend to
>be sc*rey cos there just really sc*red too. we sorta kinda
>believe her, sometimes.
yeah, i think she's probably right. it's hard to not be sc*red sometimes when
ours act so mean though, you know?
>
>we dont know if this is what you mean by internal landscaping
>but our t told us if we saw something here that we liked we
>should write about it. cos that way we wont be always alone and
>well find out that there are ppl who wont get m*d at us.
we're -so- glad you wrote!!! we're not m*d, we -like- you!
>
>we dont know if well stay cos this place still seems kind of
>sc*rey
yeah, we've been here a long time and it still seems kinda sc*ry to us. but
everybody really is nice and helpful.
>and we dont know why ppl are already m*d like the pom-pom
>lady and why she thinks we dont think we were ab*sed.
hmm. we think maybe you may have misunderstood something she said. what makes
you think that?
> we know we
>were. :(
if you say you were, you were.
>
>we called our t yesterday and told her and she said at least try
>for awhile cos we dont go outside and she says that this would
>kinda be like taking baby steps and if we saw that it was safe
>here we might go outside someday. we sorta kinda believe her,
>sometimes.
<smile>
write some more, ok?
diane and others in Ravensong
Diane etal
>>i've been thinking about the internal landscape the last couple of days and
>>wondering how i can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere that
>>feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way i view this
>is
>>"normal" within my world as a multiple, or if i'm really going out on a limb
>>here. i'd like to hear what others think.
>
>even singletons? <g>
oh, absolutely! some of my best friends are singletons. <grin>
>>
>>we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my case, it's
>>fragmented, with places that are dangerous and lines that can't be crossed,
>and
>>places that are kept safe for certain ones. there are places i know nothing
>>about and probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the inside
>to
>>watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks about. there's not one
>safe
>>place, where all are allowed to gather.
>
>maybe that's not possible yet but it sounds like a very good
>goal.
>>
>>that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea of a house,
>with
>>many rooms, where everyone can retreat to safety and not worry about being
>>disturbed there, satisfies the concern of bringing so many different ones
>>together. but a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our
>creation,
>>is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space and create
>>something - maybe something completely unrecognizable to people outside -
>that
>>is, for one, a community gathering place and, at the same time, a place
>where
>>each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
>
>i think that's a good idea.
i'm hearing from a lot of people on this (thank you all -so- much, btw), and
everybody is pretty much saying that if you're going to do it, that's the way
to go about it.
>>
>>i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels
>right.
>
>do what feels right. ok, now you have ppl telling you to do what
>feels right. will that work? ;)
well, yes, actually. hmm. interesting how easy that was.
<snip of very relevant feral cat metaphor>
i hear you, e. yep.
off to create and allow for individuality.
thanks.
diane in Ravensong
Diane etal
>wrote:
>
>>diane,
>>For what is't worth, I never had any success creating a "place" inside -
>some
>>sort of landscape that people could go either. Sometimes I think this is
>some
>>singleton's solution to stuff which may or may not work with DIDs.
yeah, i sometimes get the impression that some of what i am encouraged to try
(although i'm actually encouraged to try very little) is stuff that some panel
concocted to test on us. that it worked for a few, and they decided it was
right for everybody.
e said:
>Or singletons. ;) My one suggestion of a
>step-in-the-right-direction appalled my T and created a big rift
>between us.
been there half-a-dozen times. :-(
>
>>I know some
>>people here have successfully done that. but I have heard that suggestion
>alot
>>for folks here, and I know that since I dissociate it should be possible,
>but
>>we have never found a place like that a trustworthy and safe place to go
>when
>>things get too scary. My best safe place is my bed which is not inside, but
>has
>>lots of pillows and stuffies and a duvet and a nice place to create a little
>>nest to curl up in. Unfortunately it's not portable like an inside place
>would
>>be.
we like the closet. or the corner. or curled up on the couch, or underneath
something. the bed is too triggery for us.
e said:
>Some ppl don't create a place, they do things like visualize a
>particular color or have a song.
yeah, i used to do that when i didn't realize i had parts. but i think, more
than anything, i just dissed - i went into that no-thinking, no-feeling place.
the visualizing never really worked for me because i couldn't hold it.
>
>Other ppl can use self-hypnosis or relaxation techniques. Some
>ppl like karate or tai-chi.
tai-chi was always good for me, as was some form of dance and simple martial
arts techniques (kung fu stances, practicing with w*ap*nry). i guess it's the
focusing that helped.
>It's not the same but it often serves
>many of the same purposes.
>
>>Just my two cents worth.
>
>>Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it. It's not worth making yourself
>feel
>>bad because you can't.
>
>I agree.
well, i'm not exactly b*ating myself up over it. i really think it's something
that would be beneficial to me and the others, and i'm pretty sure i can make
it work if i succeed in tearing down my preconceptions of how things are
-supposed- to be vs how things need to be and how i want them to be.
thanks for helping me work through this.
diane in Ravensong
halina
I have always had this place inside where I would go when meditating. It was
a very safe place, even though at the time I didn't know of the term "safe
place."
And I also learned a trick (from something I had read). It works very well
with managing the structure of the inside. Imagine yourself in a room,
opening a door, and stepping through it. If something is going on, like a
mental block, you won't be able to open the door, or the door will keep
closing, or you won't be able to pass thought the doorway.
What I figured out was by using this image I could "feel out" the boundaries
of the block and "slip" around it. For example, if a cieling in a room
wouldn't want to be eight feet high, then I would make it ten or six or make
it into a dome. Then if some piece of furniture or something was added, the
room would then allow the eight foot ceiling!
It takes a lot of practice to lean to "feel" how something resists, you. But
when you do start to feel it, changes inside become easier, and longer
lasting.
-clara
--
"One way or another. Even if it's only the lyrics to a stupid pop song.
We're going to right the world and live. I mean live our lives the way lives
were meant to be lived. With the throat and wrists. With rage and desire,
and joy and grief, and love till it hurts, maybe. But g'dd'mn, girl. Live."
-Bien Pretty, by Sandra Cisneros
Diane etal <dian...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000704094641...@ng-fh1.aol.com...
> i've been thinking about the internal landscape the last couple of days
and
> wondering how i can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere
that
> feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way i view this
is
> "normal" within my world as a multiple, or if i'm really going out on a
limb
> here. i'd like to hear what others think.
>
> we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my case, it's
> fragmented, with places that are dangerous and lines that can't be
crossed, and
> places that are kept safe for certain ones. there are places i know
nothing
> about and probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the inside
to
> watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks about. there's not one
safe
> place, where all are allowed to gather.
>
> that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea of a house,
with
> many rooms, where everyone can retreat to safety and not worry about being
> disturbed there, satisfies the concern of bringing so many different ones
> together. but a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our
creation,
> is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space and create
> something - maybe something completely unrecognizable to people outside -
that
> is, for one, a community gathering place and, at the same time, a place
where
> each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
>
> i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels
right.
mare
with 12 different nature tapes. It has a timer and can be set to run until
we go to sleep. It is very nice.
'night,
mare
Laura9375 <laur...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000704174510...@ng-ck1.aol.com...
> i m too tired to write a full response to this sorry but i just wanted to
say
> its a really goood idea and we do something similar
> bye
SStuart416
street to the local B&N bookstore and found a great book on tree houses. I
spent my whole lunch break looking at it - it really fueled the imagination. I
would love a tree house with a retractable staircare or ladder. It would feel
very safe.
ACESTAR
Safarigrl
What an interesting idea. I have a CD player next to my bed
and have a collection of nature sounds. (ie ocean, rain, forest)
which I listen to when I am having trouble sleeping. I never thought
about lullabies or bedtime stories. (I also have a walkman that
I can listen to at night if outside noises are too distracting.)
Thank you for sharing this. :o)
Safari
"SStuart416" <sstua...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000704162729...@ng-md1.aol.com...
Safarigrl
"Diane etal" <dian...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000704094641...@ng-fh1.aol.com...
> awhile back - a long while back - my t decided that i needed to create
some
> sort of a safe place inside. sounded like a good idea, because it didn't
seem
> like there was any. i don't have a complete sense for what it's like
inside,
> just little snatches here and there. and what others were reporting
didn't
> sound especially safe or happy or conducive to comfort. so i went along
with
> it. he suggested a house with a room for everybody, so that's what i went
> with. not knowing much about internal landscaping (well, not knowing
> -anything- about it), i figured that this was reasonable.
Doesn't it sound like a good idea? My T hasn't done this one yet, but
guided
visualization of picturing a very calming place where I can go in my mind
when
I am getting too stressed out. Although my T has often talked about
consider
me as a house & everyone has their own room etc. Also a big library, with
lots
of books. In each book is a memory. You can open the book, look at the
memory
and when you are done, close the book & put it back on the shelf. Much to
say
I haven't mastered the book & library thing.
>
> i had a really hard time with it. the walls to my rooms would never
expand to
> the size i wanted, corners were dark and foreboding, some doors wouldn't
open.
> the only room i know that got used was the conference room, and the only
parts
> of it i was satisfied with were the outside and the surrounding grounds.
> nobody wanted to help create it, nobody wanted to go into their rooms. i
hear
> from some that it's fun to play -outside- the house, and that the
area -is-
> safe as compared to other places inside, but the house just doesn't work.
Well my thoughts are if it doesn't work, move on to something that will
work?
I dunno, for my own experience since most of the ab*se happened in a house,
houses don't feel all that safe to me. A little OT here but it popped into
my head
as I was typing the house stuff? My own apartment however, is seen as a
refuge
from the world. I close & lock my doors & the outside world stays outside.
I realized a couple of months ago, I don't like people in my apartment
generally.
There are a couple of people I feel comfortable having them in my apt, but
for
the most part-- if someone is in it, I want them out. So much to the point
I don't
have people over to my apartment. Unless I feel really, really comfortable
with
a person-- I just don't invite them over. Which is a departure for me as in
years
past, I often had people stay at my house. They would fly in & I would put
them
up & play tour guide. Now I can't even imagine doing that? Sorry just got
a bit
OT there.. :o)
>
> so lately there's been this major shift in me. i'd not really call it an
> internal shift - it's more a change in the way i view my multiplicity.
and
> i've been thinking about the internal landscape the last couple of days
and
> wondering how i can redo it to make it safe for everybody and somewhere
that
> feels like a comfortable place to be. i don't know if the way i view this
is
> "normal" within my world as a multiple, or if i'm really going out on a
limb
> here. i'd like to hear what others think.
>
> we have created this world inside, out of necessity. in my case, it's
> fragmented, with places that are dangerous and lines that can't be
crossed, and
> places that are kept safe for certain ones. there are places i know
nothing
> about and probably never will. there are protectors that prowl the inside
to
> watch over all, and some unnamed ev*l that lurks about. there's not one
safe
> place, where all are allowed to gather.
I think what struck me about this is the the no safe place where all are
allowed
together. In my internal landscape (which I am only starting to get some
idea about)
no one seems to want to be in the same place? Even when I hear the voices,
they
come from a certain location. IE Stephi voice comes from the heart area, Mr
S.
comes from the right side of the head etc. That is how I know sometimes who
is
talking. They don't seem to move around or anything. So when my T talks
about
having a group meeting, I kind of laugh. Oh yeah and it isn't like they are
going to be in the same room. Unless of course I just consider my body one
big room?
So am not sure if it is possible to get them all in the same place or not.
If not, does it
mean I failed at intenal landscaping? I don't think so-- I guess it just
means as
everyone points out-- it works differently for everyone. So if you don't
have just
one safe place for everyone, may be that is because they don't want to be
all together?
I dunno-- I think I am rambling here.
>
> that scares me, everybody gathering together. maybe the idea of a house,
with
> many rooms, where everyone can retreat to safety and not worry about being
> disturbed there, satisfies the concern of bringing so many different ones
> together. but a house has so many bad memories for us. this is our
creation,
> is it not, and wouldn't it be just as logical to take a space and create
> something - maybe something completely unrecognizable to people outside -
that
> is, for one, a community gathering place and, at the same time, a place
where
> each of us has our own, self-created safe places?
So maybe instead of a house, each of them creates a safe place for
themselves
that they feel safe in. Doesn't have to be a room. I think what ever works
best
for you is what should be strived for.
>
> i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels
right.
> i also don't want to step too close to the edge of sanity here. ;-) yes,
you
> read that right.
>
> diane in Ravensong
I have no clue even if I made sense to myself/selves in this post. I want
to thank
you Diane for given me something to think about for myself. :o)
Safari
>
>
Safarigrl
Safari
"SStuart416" <sstua...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000705030009...@ng-cg1.aol.com...
Rainbow Colors
Laura9375 <laur...@aol.com> wrote:
>hi diane,
>comfortable safe place...could you try someting other than a house...especially
>cos the house is triggering for you..maybe...uhhhh well this it what works
>here....like a beach..with different areas....
>laura
We have a cave. In the middle of a very very tall cliff there is a
cave. THere is only one way in, by flying. Inside the cave is a fire,
always burning. The Grandmother lives there. We love sitting on the
edge of the cave and watching the birds flying around.
Rainbow Colors
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Diane etal
<lots of snippage>
>There are many places where people can be safe, have their own space, and
>places to gather. If the idea of a house raises fear, think of other places
>you've felt safe, and try to shape the internal space along those lines.
i'm amazed at all the wonderful ideas and suggestions people have. i guess i
have been constrained by my worries - that concern that i have to do it someone
else's way. it's great to get the reassurance from others that it's ok to
create as we need to!
>
>Since the space exists inside, you aren't constrained to just what you
>could build in the real world...
hmm. that sounds fun...and much more workable for some of those inside.
>It can be anything you want and feel
>safe with. Even many different places... When I was a child and having
>really bad times, I thought big, and created entire worlds, and to really
>hide, alternate realities.
>
>REALLY!!! (I was reading sci-fi before I hit 3rd grade...)
>
>You might want to try something a bit smaller. :)
yeeeessssss...something i can comfortably navigate in this lifetime. <grin> of
course, if i can create a world, no problem with transporter technology.
>
>>i'm fighting that need to do what others tell me to do vs do what feels
>right.
>>i also don't want to step too close to the edge of sanity here. ;-) yes,
>you
>>read that right.
>
>That sounds like my personal struggle as to whether I'm multiple or
>singleton.
>Maybe it's like you say, the way we view it...
*nodding*
>
>
>Anyway...
>
>Be creative as you want to be. Think laterally, diagnonally or even
>upside-downly to create what you need. If, after trying several and you
>can't think of any solutions, be honest and just say, "This shoe just
>doesn't fit." Take it off before it starts to hurt.
>
>Be yourself.
>
>I think an internal landscape can take any form, not just physical things.
>Music, for instance. Most of my guys have their favorite songs.
>Masks, too. I let everbody have a mask of their own, as it's something
>we've been comfortable with a long time. (Just be sure everybody knows
>whos got what kid of mask. One of mine chose a monster mask to scare
>away bad things, but also scared the rest of us for a long time...)
>
>Beyond that, I can't think of anything else.
thank you, jakob. lots to think about!
diane
trill
Nahanton and I talked about this sort of thing, deliberately
constructing safe places for us and our alters, and then I went
to thrpy today and asked the t, "Hey, why aren't we working on
this?"
"Because," he said, gently and kindly, "you still have a
difficult time even acknowledging the existence of your alters.
We'll get there."
Oh. And, well, er, DUH?!?!
But, here's another thing. I've already got this huge
interior geography that, as far as I know, I never deliberately
created, it just sort of came along with life. In that geography
there already exists a bunch of rooms where the kids and I go and
play. And, during the rare (except with the help of my t in his
office) occasions when I can deliberately switch, I go to the
train station (inside) and get on the train while someone else
gets off. I mean, this is how I do it with the t, too, but he
calls alters out of me. It always amazes me...
I keep riding that boat down de Nile.
trill
Diane etal
>> with. not knowing much about internal landscaping (well, not knowing
>> -anything- about it), i figured that this was reasonable.
>
>Doesn't it sound like a good idea?
yeah, it sounded great, it just didn't work for me. :-(
>Well my thoughts are if it doesn't work, move on to something that will
>work?
yep. that's what everybody's telling me. :-) and i think i'm liking it.
<grin>
>I dunno, for my own experience since most of the ab*se happened in a house,
>houses don't feel all that safe to me.
exactly. i think that's where my problem was coming in. i'd be -triggered- in
my house inside. and i'd think, "ok, so what's up with -this-?" not good...
<snip of apartment stuff>
i hate having people in my apartment. they have to be pretty darn special and
have a very good reason for me to let them in. i feel safe there, but i don't
feel at home there, if that makes any sense.
>In my internal landscape (which I am only starting to get some
>idea about)
>no one seems to want to be in the same place? Even when I hear the voices,
>they
>come from a certain location. IE Stephi voice comes from the heart area, Mr
>S.
>comes from the right side of the head etc. That is how I know sometimes who
>is
>talking. They don't seem to move around or anything.
hmm. that's interesting. i need to start paying more attention to that. i do
notice that i feel and hear lizzie in my chest and heart region and katy is
always in my head. probably as you gain more cooperation and understanding of
them, it will be easier to conceive of a "meeting" with them. i've never
really met with them, except individuals, and katy and lizzie. but i know that
they've had meetings about me. grrrrrrrrrrrr.
>So when my T talks
>about
>having a group meeting, I kind of laugh. Oh yeah and it isn't like they are
>going to be in the same room. Unless of course I just consider my body one
>big room?
>So am not sure if it is possible to get them all in the same place or not.
>If not, does it
>mean I failed at intenal landscaping?
no, no, no. never think of it as a failure. missed opportunity. always a
chance to do it again...
>I don't think so-- I guess it just
>means as
>everyone points out-- it works differently for everyone. So if you don't
>have just
>one safe place for everyone, may be that is because they don't want to be
>all together?
>I dunno-- I think I am rambling here.
ramble away girl, you make more sense than i do on my really good days!!!
diane in Ravensong
Safarigrl
Well if I thought my T had a clue about computers.
(she says about the only thing she knows is how to
retreive e-mail...LOL) I could swear she was reading
this thread. She asked if you could create anything
where would be a safe place you could create for youself
on the inside. A house with a lot of rooms, so everyone
has their space, etc. I almost busted out laughing. I think
Melissa was showing a bit of herself yesterday. She loves
playing d*vil's advocate. So my response was "what do
I create if I don't think a house is safe?" "What if everyone
doesn't want their own rooms, or what every one doesn't
want to be together in the same place?" She got this puzzled
look on her face & I finally had to give in & explain how
this had been a discussion on the NG this week. (once again
trying to explain to her what a NG is...LOL) She kind of smiled
and said "well that makes sense." I then explained at this point,
I am not sure what anyone wants on the inside & am not sure
if I want to create something without their imput. So guess that
is something I will be thinking of over the next few days. I just thought
it was funny it should come in session. :o)
Sort of OT but I think related...I was in a computer store yesterday.
They had this program that would allow you to create your deam
house on the PC, right down to the wallpaper, paint & furniture.
I thought it was kind of cool, as I sometimes have trouble visualizing
stuff-- and would find something like this helpful in creating a house
in my head. (if that is what I decided on doing.) Or it would be
great for creating my dream house that I will build after winning the
lottery. :o)
Safari
"Diane etal" <dian...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000705195825...@ng-fh1.aol.com...
> >he suggested a house with a room for everybody, so that's what i went
> >> with. not knowing much about internal landscaping (well, not knowing
> >> -anything- about it), i figured that this was reasonable.
> >
> >Doesn't it sound like a good idea?
>
> yeah, it sounded great, it just didn't work for me. :-(
>
> >Well my thoughts are if it doesn't work, move on to something that will
> >work?
>
> yep. that's what everybody's telling me. :-) and i think i'm liking it.
> <grin>
>
> >I dunno, for my own experience since most of the ab*se happened in a
house,
> >houses don't feel all that safe to me.
>
> exactly. i think that's where my problem was coming in. i'd
be -triggered- in
> my house inside. and i'd think, "ok, so what's up with -this-?" not
good...
>
> <snip of apartment stuff>
>
> i hate having people in my apartment. they have to be pretty darn special
and
> have a very good reason for me to let them in. i feel safe there, but i
don't
> feel at home there, if that makes any sense.
>
> >In my internal landscape (which I am only starting to get some
> >idea about)
> >no one seems to want to be in the same place? Even when I hear the
voices,
> >they
> >come from a certain location. IE Stephi voice comes from the heart area,
Mr
> >S.
> >comes from the right side of the head etc. That is how I know sometimes
who
> >is
> >talking. They don't seem to move around or anything.
>
> hmm. that's interesting. i need to start paying more attention to that.
i do
> notice that i feel and hear lizzie in my chest and heart region and katy
is
> always in my head. probably as you gain more cooperation and
understanding of
> them, it will be easier to conceive of a "meeting" with them. i've never
> really met with them, except individuals, and katy and lizzie. but i know
that
> they've had meetings about me. grrrrrrrrrrrr.
>
> >So when my T talks
> >about
> >having a group meeting, I kind of laugh. Oh yeah and it isn't like they
are
> >going to be in the same room. Unless of course I just consider my body
one
> >big room?
> >So am not sure if it is possible to get them all in the same place or
not.
> >If not, does it
> >mean I failed at intenal landscaping?
>
> no, no, no. never think of it as a failure. missed opportunity. always
a
> chance to do it again...
>
> >I don't think so-- I guess it just
> >means as
> >everyone points out-- it works differently for everyone. So if you don't
> >have just
> >one safe place for everyone, may be that is because they don't want to be
> >all together?
> >I dunno-- I think I am rambling here.
>
trill
ready tof ro for it yet. He said that I haeve to be able ot
sotop denying the existiance ovoiaedo of my alters before I can
tod do this. menahwhile, id o i do already have nearly an
entier nation inside and when i can be aaware of switching i go
to a specific paleclplace in it and send msosomeone esle out
front while i take off. but mostly i'm not aware of wswitching
and later etieeither the t ofo or one of the rare friends who
hgas met any of my alters telss mea about it. whata id liek is
suggestiong on how to more quidlkcyl tget to the point where i
can swithc dleibeartaqtely and with cosocnwiousnness. right now
i guess ild klllike to id liek to ge t more conge id I'd like to
getmor e controfdl of my body. m at llsaseasta my hands.
Diane etal
>(she says about the only thing she knows is how to
>retreive e-mail...LOL) I could swear she was reading
>this thread. She asked if you could create anything
>where would be a safe place you could create for youself
>on the inside. A house with a lot of rooms, so everyone
>has their space, etc. I almost busted out laughing.
LOL. and katy was talking to my t today and was really excited because "diane
says she's going to help us build a new safe place," and he responded with,
"what's wrong with the old one?" she was quick to tell him that she thinks
that there are a lot of stupid people in our lives and she sometimes thinks
he's pretty stupid, too. i l*ve "almost 4-year-olds" sometimes!
>I was in a computer store yesterday.
>They had this program that would allow you to create your deam
>house on the PC, right down to the wallpaper, paint & furniture.
yes, these are -very- cool! of course, the cheaper the program, the more
imaginative you have to be - think stick people vs almost like tv - but yes,
definitely a very worthwhile thing to have to plan if you have trouble
visualizing. they have them for all types of floor plans - offices, etc -
gardens, all sorts of things.
diane