> shut up
:(
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
sorry
what's wrong?
cant think
is the only thing we can agree on
"shutup"
no one gonna let anyone say anything
what you shutting up?
that's pretty extreme
regrets
what's the loop?
sometimes you get past that by making it an experiment
sometimes by saying or doing and stating the opposite at the same time
is ok to do/undo
better than stuck looping
stop deleting!
sounds like someone deleting the thoughts?
k
what were you fighting about?
this splatting is going to drive me crazy.
spoiler talk of SI, anger and self-hate type stuff and cursing
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its always the same old crap. she decides its too much and wants to die.
we reminder that's not an option and she decides she wants to escape and
plans on taking too muchc benedryl. they wont let the body eat.
charlie is in full blown martyr mode. shes the one censoring now
god dammit dont censor me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shay wanted to ask for help but that wasn't allowed.
wolfie said the more we fought the tireder we got and the more likely we
were to do something really harmful
I wanted to harm the body too but they don't let me do that anymore
they don't want scars. whatever
:( That sounds very scary for you Shay. Seems like nobody agrees on much
in there.
They are liars. We never actually hurt ourself
And even if we did, big deal!!!!!!!!! So what. We get some small injury.
That's not what matters. That's not the horrible stuff out there. People
d*e of awful stuff. People suffer horrible diseases or injuries and we
have the gall to act like this stupid stuff matters
Go ahead and call me names Oscar I don't care. You can come here and act
like you're all helpful but you are the one who's been calling names and
wanting to hurt us. You are the one who is totally unreasonable about
Ester.
i dont no how to make it bettur
and thay git mad win i say stuf
is it bad to tel?
It's hard when you don't know how to fix things.
> and thay git mad win i say stuf
> is it bad to tel?
It's not bad. Nobody here will get mad at you for telling. Unfortunately
I can't make any promises about the others inside with you, because they
seem to get mad a lot. But nobody here will get mad at you.
> They are liars. We never actually hurt ourself
>
And you call me a liar??? you are nuts. you're the one that hates the
scar on our body.
> And even if we did, big deal!!!!!!!!! So what. We get some small injury.
> That's not what matters. That's not the horrible stuff out there. People
> d*e of awful stuff. People suffer horrible diseases or injuries and we
> have the gall to act like this stupid stuff matters
>
meh, I don't know how to talk to you
> Go ahead and call me names Oscar I don't care. You can come here and act
> like you're all helpful but you are the one who's been calling names and
> wanting to hurt us. You are the one who is totally unreasonable about
> Ester.
>
alright fine. I haven't helped. if ester will say away I;m willing to
call a truce. what about you miss high and mighty?
well wait, a truce on one condition. shay gets to eat *something*
ouch.
that doesn't work long-term.
eventually that same old gets a bit tired and winds down
seems maybe you get this way when something difficult is going on and
different folks feel pulled to do different (and contradictory) things
about it and then others get pulled into the strong feelings and
everyone responds with their own thing.
think they should listen to you on this!
think we are calming down
at least, wolfie is
how come fuzzy never wants to d*e?
>
> seems maybe you get this way when something difficult is going on and
> different folks feel pulled to do different (and contradictory) things
> about it and then others get pulled into the strong feelings and
> everyone responds with their own thing.
>
meh
> This is exactly what I mean. This is total nonsense. We never do
> anything. We are fine. We are always fine. This isn't about us
> actually doing anything, it's about us wanting drama. Like there's
> not enough hurt and problems around. We have to act like some huge
> drama queen and we totally ignore what really matters. We ignore
> people who have real problems and just sit here feeling sorry for
> ourself
you matter
> They are liars. We never actually hurt ourself
>
> And even if we did, big deal!!!!!!!!! So what. We get some small
> injury. That's not what matters. That's not the horrible stuff out
> there. People d*e of awful stuff. People suffer horrible diseases or
> injuries and we have the gall to act like this stupid stuff matters
you matter
> Go ahead and call me names Oscar I don't care. You can come here and
> act like you're all helpful but you are the one who's been calling
> names and wanting to hurt us. You are the one who is totally
> unreasonable about Ester.
you all matter
> i dont no how to make it bettur
> and thay git mad win i say stuf
> is it bad to tel?
isn't bad to tell if you tell the right people
yous have t tomorrow?
would be good if you could tell t about this stuff
I agree with astri!
I wouldn't let those things happen
>> and im hungry
>> and i wanna go bed but no pink pills
I didn't let that happen either
>> and everybudy is mad and scared :(
>
> think they should listen to you on this!
>
sometimes I can hear her now
well, she split off from wolfie
maybe she didn't get that part
>> seems maybe you get this way when something difficult is going on and
>> different folks feel pulled to do different (and contradictory) things
>> about it and then others get pulled into the strong feelings and
>> everyone responds with their own thing.
>>
> meh
yeah
I'm not sure how much I could help. I can't stop them from freaking out
but maybe I could help us stay coherent.
but wolfie would have to be willing to go hide for that to work.
otherwise, with her and everyone else freaking out I can't do anything
but watch
seems to us fuzzy gets a lot less... desperate? not sure what the word
we want is. but like she has less overwhelming feelings? could jstu be
she doesn't post about them :P
and EB, know you been having a hard time. we have all sorts of posts
saved to reply to. just haven't been able to manage. wanted you to know
we care though
k. oscar isnt mad at me. he says. and he says maybe i can help him and
we cood eet sumthing
ya
> would be good if you could tell t about this stuff
>
she dusnt no abowt me yet
i dunno. if i tell thay mite git rilly mad
cood t keep them from gitting mad
wood it rilly help if i tel?
k :)
its rilly late now. thay always git way mad if we eat late. we were
gonna eet salad but i dont think we will now. thats too hard
wood it be bad if we ate yogert and granola. i like that
Glad :) Hope you and Oscar can manage to eat something and it helps
everyone feel better - I know I get kind of.... exacerbated? do you know
that word? I can't think of a better one - when I don't feed the body
for too long. Makes things harder when the body isn't okay.
Glad he wouldn't let them.
fuzzy gonna help too maybe!
i dont no exacerbatd.
we bin eeting more and r hare dusnt fall owt anymore and we dont got
cramps. i like that. i dont wanna go back to before win we felt all bad
something to work on
> I'm not sure how much I could help. I can't stop them from freaking
> out but maybe I could help us stay coherent.
>
> but wolfie would have to be willing to go hide for that to work.
> otherwise, with her and everyone else freaking out I can't do
> anything but watch
she might be greatful to be able to go hide? might be a relief?
Would Oscar be willing to help you talk to her?
> cood t keep them from gitting mad
t could probably talk to them about how it's okay to let everyone talk.
> wood it rilly help if i tel?
She might be able to help make things better and everyone less mad and
scared all the time. It is harder for her to help when she doesn't know
all the details.
Yogurt and granola is very tasty! I like that too :) Don't think it
would be bad at all to eat that.
Yay :)
>
> i dont no exacerbatd.
Hm. I'll try and define it for you then :) Exacerbated means....
exaggerated, sort of. Everything made bigger. Does that make sense?
>
> we bin eeting more and r hare dusnt fall owt anymore and we dont got
> cramps. i like that. i dont wanna go back to before win we felt all bad
I'm glad you guys are feeling better! Hope it can be kept up, it sounds
like it felt yucky before.
that sounds hard. :(
not bad to tell.
they are fighting some hard battles and it's not about you being bad
or good.
glad you talk here; that is very brave to speak up in the midst of so
much turmoil and yelling.
you matter.
can you go to safe place inside when they're fighting?
seems like lots for little girl to be in middle of.
ya maybe oscar can talk to her
we eeting that now :) and we had sum dride apricots to. cuz herman sez
froot is good
she did :)
>>
>> i dont no exacerbatd.
>
> Hm. I'll try and define it for you then :) Exacerbated means....
> exaggerated, sort of. Everything made bigger. Does that make sense?
ya
how do us say it?
>>
>> we bin eeting more and r hare dusnt fall owt anymore and we dont got
>> cramps. i like that. i dont wanna go back to before win we felt all bad
>
> I'm glad you guys are feeling better! Hope it can be kept up, it sounds
> like it felt yucky before.
lots yucky and it waz scaree and thay never wanted me to say even tho i
suposed to help with the body
> k. oscar isnt mad at me. he says. and he says maybe i can help him
> and we cood eet sumthing
good idea
it was lots scaree :(
but now its better :) and we are eeting and pup wants sum too :)
Dried apricots are yummy! Herman's right, fruit is tasty :) Or did he
mean good as in healthy? He's right either way :P
Pronounced? eck-sah-sir-bait-ed.
>>>
>>> we bin eeting more and r hare dusnt fall owt anymore and we dont got
>>> cramps. i like that. i dont wanna go back to before win we felt all bad
>>
>> I'm glad you guys are feeling better! Hope it can be kept up, it
>> sounds like it felt yucky before.
>
> lots yucky and it waz scaree and thay never wanted me to say even tho i
> suposed to help with the body
Sounds like they're listening to you a bit more now?
maybe she could help them with the feelings
> wood it rilly help if i tel?
think it could lead to lots of helping
might not help totally right away
but would definitely be helpful
k
> they are fighting some hard battles and it's not about you being bad
> or good.
> glad you talk here; that is very brave to speak up in the midst of so
> much turmoil and yelling.
i wish thay didnt git mad and stuff
> you matter.
> can you go to safe place inside when they're fighting?
> seems like lots for little girl to be in middle of.
i mostly hide but thay wanted to smoosh the finger and it alredy hurts
lot and i got scared cuz we alredy went to the doctor for that once.
but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
we lots tierd
we gotta work tomorroe to.
herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his name
is bob
wouldn't be bad
that's healthy
and if they don't want to eat late, then they should make sure the body
eats *enough* earlier
It's scary, huh? Would be lots easier in there if everybody could
cooperate I bet!
>
>> you matter.
>> can you go to safe place inside when they're fighting?
>> seems like lots for little girl to be in middle of.
>
> i mostly hide but thay wanted to smoosh the finger and it alredy hurts
> lot and i got scared cuz we alredy went to the doctor for that once.
Think it was a big brave thing of you to stand up about that.
>
> but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
> like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
> story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
you can just call them rhinos and then it's easier :) I'm not sure how
to spell it either! rhinocerous maybe. but I think I still have an extra
letter or two.
>
> we lots tierd
> we gotta work tomorroe to.
sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
makes things bigger and harder too.
>
> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his name
> is bob
:)
fruit is *always* good :)
lots of vitamins
totally with you on this one
get it all the time
t says that best way to get past is to say, "ok, there are lots of
different people here and they all want to say/ do different things.
they are all individuals so they are all *entitled* to do/say/think
what they want, but personal freedom *has* to be met with collective
responsibility - that is, an understanding that there is only *one*
body and what *one* of you do will affect *everybody else* so you all
need to sit down and hash it out. when you come to some kind of
compromise you will all feel a bit better."
does that help?
sometimes it makes us angry because we can't be bothered with the
argument. is too much and everyoe gets all passionate and stuff about
*their right to a life*
We liked venting. We each got to say/do whatever we needed to say/do
in that moment. So a post might be: shut up, keep talking, I want
cookies, you are dumb, I hate myself, this isn't real I must be crazy,
etc.
That way everyone got to say what they wanted to say, no one deleted
or refused to let someone say something.
_We_ thought those posts were unreadable. Other people in asd
disagreed.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
> totally with you on this one
> get it all the time
> t says that best way to get past is to say, "ok, there are lots of
> different people here and they all want to say/ do different things.
> they are all individuals so they are all *entitled* to do/say/think
> what they want, but personal freedom *has* to be met with collective
> responsibility - that is, an understanding that there is only *one*
> body and what *one* of you do will affect *everybody else* so you all
> need to sit down and hash it out. when you come to some kind of
> compromise you will all feel a bit better."
> does that help?
> sometimes it makes us angry because we can't be bothered with the
> argument. is too much and everyoe gets all passionate and stuff about
> *their right to a life*
is like getting angry that the sky isn't green
like the idea of collective responsibility
will think about this
> sometimes it makes us angry because we can't be bothered with the
> argument. is too much and everyoe gets all passionate and stuff about
> *their right to a life*
yes
hmm... I have feelings but the pass through?
I think the way wolfie and I process things is different. she gets
overwhelmed by stuff more then I do
maybe it's because when I ... was created? what the heck do you call it?
... we already knew we were many. people already had names and were
posting at asd. I've never had the job of hiding things or seeming like
one. for me, being many isn't scary.
I can try
>
>> I'm not sure how much I could help. I can't stop them from freaking
>> out but maybe I could help us stay coherent.
>>
>> but wolfie would have to be willing to go hide for that to work.
>> otherwise, with her and everyone else freaking out I can't do
>> anything but watch
>
> she might be greatful to be able to go hide? might be a relief?
>
think it might be a relief
a bit scary too. means I won't know what's happening. means trusting the
others
true
nods
it helps when arguing sometimes
especially stuff that affects the body because it is everyone's (well,
kind of)
k :)
>>>>
>>>> we bin eeting more and r hare dusnt fall owt anymore and we dont got
>>>> cramps. i like that. i dont wanna go back to before win we felt all bad
>>>
>>> I'm glad you guys are feeling better! Hope it can be kept up, it
>>> sounds like it felt yucky before.
>>
>> lots yucky and it waz scaree and thay never wanted me to say even tho
>> i suposed to help with the body
>
> Sounds like they're listening to you a bit more now?
ya
maybe herman cood talk to t furst
ya
>>
>>> you matter.
>>> can you go to safe place inside when they're fighting?
>>> seems like lots for little girl to be in middle of.
>>
>> i mostly hide but thay wanted to smoosh the finger and it alredy hurts
>> lot and i got scared cuz we alredy went to the doctor for that once.
>
> Think it was a big brave thing of you to stand up about that.
i was scaird
>>
>> but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
>> like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
>> story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
>
> you can just call them rhinos and then it's easier :) I'm not sure how
> to spell it either! rhinocerous maybe. but I think I still have an extra
> letter or two.
its a funny word
so is hipopotomus. my frend nos a song about hipopotomuses
>>
>> we lots tierd
>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>
> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
> makes things bigger and harder too.
we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
>>
>> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his name
>> is bob
>
> :)
the rinos name was bob and he needed glasses and herman was in the
storee too
Yep ;-P
I like fruit.
And after all, you hear songs and sayings about fruit
tell me this, have you ever heard anyone say "you are the broccoli of my
eye"?
fruit is so special it's got it's own underwear... hmm... well...
alright, that might not be the highest recommendation
bet he could
> fruit is so special it's got it's own underwear... hmm... well...
> alright, that might not be the highest recommendation
underwear?
heeeeeeeeee oh my this is fun:
http://ndnforum.com/blogs//index.php/2009/08/20/the-world-s-silliest-blog-post?blog=5
:P
Glad :)
I'll tell you a secret, most of the time when people are being brave?
They're actually scared inside. Being brave isn't much of a big deal if
it's easy and you're not scared - it's when you're scared that being
brave is hard and it counts more.
>>>
>>> but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
>>> like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
>>> story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
>>
>> you can just call them rhinos and then it's easier :) I'm not sure how
>> to spell it either! rhinocerous maybe. but I think I still have an
>> extra letter or two.
>
> its a funny word
> so is hipopotomus. my frend nos a song about hipopotomuses
:) hippopotomous (dunno how to spell that one either!) is a pretty funny
word
>>>
>>> we lots tierd
>>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>>
>> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
>> makes things bigger and harder too.
>
> we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
Feel better after getting lots of sleep?
>>>
>>> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his
>>> name is bob
>>
>> :)
> the rinos name was bob and he needed glasses and herman was in the
> storee too
:)
I want a hippopotomus for christmas. Only a hippopotomus will do...
Now it's stuck in my head :)
>>> we lots tierd
>>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>>
>> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
>> makes things bigger and harder too.
>
>we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
>>>
>>> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his name
>>> is bob
>>
>> :)
> the rinos name was bob and he needed glasses and herman was in the
>storee too
Does herman wear glasses? Maybe _he's_ a rhino! *ducking and running*
what!?!?!?!
I am most certainly not a rhino
<rummaging through hat>
<chicken pops out>
<hamsters pop out>
<pin wheels pop out>
<a tamborine falls out>
aha!!!!!
here it is
<tosses a banana cream pie at jill>
gotcha!
I think being scared is a part of being brave. I think in order to be
brave you have to be in a situation where you feel afraid but do the
task anyway.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>>>> but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
>>>> like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
>>>> story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
>>>
>>> you can just call them rhinos and then it's easier :) I'm not sure how
>>> to spell it either! rhinocerous maybe. but I think I still have an
>>> extra letter or two.
>>
>> its a funny word
>> so is hipopotomus. my frend nos a song about hipopotomuses
>
>:) hippopotomous (dunno how to spell that one either!) is a pretty funny
>word
>>>>
>>>> we lots tierd
>>>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>>>
>>> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
>>> makes things bigger and harder too.
>>
>> we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
>
>Feel better after getting lots of sleep?
>>>>
>>>> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his
>>>> name is bob
>>>
>>> :)
>> the rinos name was bob and he needed glasses and herman was in the
>> storee too
>
>:)
Right! *grabs a glob of banana cream pie and snarfs it for energy*
Game on! *dons appropriate clothing and aims the newest in food
fighting tools, a marshmellow shooting cross bow thingee!!!!*
POW! *the air is full of flying marshmellows, some of which are
sticking to the pie on my head*
Rainbow Colors (Jill, trying to lick off pie drips while dodging and
firing)
k
>>>>
>>>> but now they r all hidng or quiet and herman sez its bedtime. i dont
>>>> like bed time but we r rilly rilly tierd. herman sez heel tell me a
>>>> story abowt rinoseruses. i dunno how to spel it
>>>
>>> you can just call them rhinos and then it's easier :) I'm not sure
>>> how to spell it either! rhinocerous maybe. but I think I still have
>>> an extra letter or two.
>>
>> its a funny word
>> so is hipopotomus. my frend nos a song about hipopotomuses
>
> :) hippopotomous (dunno how to spell that one either!) is a pretty funny
> word
ya
>>>>
>>>> we lots tierd
>>>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>>>
>>> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
>>> makes things bigger and harder too.
>>
>> we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
>
> Feel better after getting lots of sleep?
dunno
we tierd lots
pup dont fil good
r finger hurts
i dont like it
>>>> we lots tierd
>>>> we gotta work tomorroe to.
>>> sounds like sleep is probably a good idea then. Sometimes being tired
>>> makes things bigger and harder too.
>> we slept lots and lots and lots last nite
>>>> herman sez it will be funy story and the rino has glasses and his name
>>>> is bob
>>> :)
>> the rinos name was bob and he needed glasses and herman was in the
>> storee too
>
> Does herman wear glasses? Maybe _he's_ a rhino! *ducking and running*
>
herman wares hats
> herman wares hats
maybe he should wear glasses too
then he can have lots of noses
like the pretend glasses that got noses and fase hair?
yup
no no no that was me
> POW! *the air is full of flying marshmellows, some of which are
> sticking to the pie on my head*
>
woo hoo
let's see, I need more ammo
<grabs hat>
hmmm...
<slinkies fall out>
<another chicken>
oh! there we go, perfect for the vegetarian
<peppers and gaucomole splatter into the banana cream pie and
marshmallow covered jill>
woot
> Rainbow Colors (Jill, trying to lick off pie drips while dodging and
> firing)
oh.. hmm... well then, toss some of the pie back here, that looks tasty
> <peppers and gaucomole splatter into the banana cream pie and
> marshmallow covered jill>
ewwwwwwwwww
That's _exactly_ what I said too! I'm a vegetarian, not nuts *grin*
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
well yes, but *I* am nuts
mixed nuts in fact :)