more rambles
EB
suddenly, the player doesn't work. or the dvds don't work. we try
another player....they don't work there either. right okay. so how did
all the dvd's get broken without me knowing about it? what is going
on? i mean, okay, i didn't test all of em, but like 3 of em that
worked fine before. weird.
mental health center manager called today. he was nice and all but not
real helpful. he at least pretended to listen to my rant. he said they
do want to be collaborative with treatment and i said that i find it
disturbing no one there has ever asked me what works for me treatment
wise and i get no suggestions besides dbt. in the end, of course, he
recommended dbt. :P same story every time.
he also said, though, that he recommends really that i just stay with
my outside therapist and find an outside d*ctor, that i don't seem to
be a good fit for their treatment since what they suggest isn't what i
want.
no one has ever actually sat with me to try to find out what's really
going on with me from this center.
is something wrong with me that i keep getting the same crap from
them?
i was assertive today cuz....cuz well, i was a guy today a lot. J.
even was tellin me i talked and acted like a guy. weird.
anyway. i wasn't super nice to the manager.
i said i feel i've fallen through the cracks a lot with their center.
i said it was better when i just got meds there. i said i find it
coercive that they are telling me it's near impossible to find a
psych. who takes medicaid but then prohibit me from getting meds there
if i'm seeing an outside therapist, and they won't give me the therapy
i feel i need.
i said a lot of stuff. no swearing or anything. but some definite
anger there.
ugh.
why is my stuff broken? how did this happen??
and also.....spent time with J. today going to and from self-defense
class. she said it really had an impact on her just seeing us when we
were staying with her after Steven got a little scary at his house.
um. she said we have seemed real dissociated from what really happened
with him, and she suspects it's more than we've remembered. she said
we don't seem coaware when around him especially and that seeing us
after he got scary....it looked kinda dramatic. like something really
wrong maybe happened? and she said she thinks from how we talk about
it and what we say and don't say that there's maybe a bit more to the
story....like more bad stuff.
and i think maybe that triggered some of the rage last night at her
and at everything? and just remembered today in talking to her that it
was after we brought up what she'd said with Dave and he agreed that
we kinda split inside and went into rage but it was like at her and at
Dave and at everything but Steven.
he really didn't do anything to us though.
he didn't.
so i don't get why she and dave are saying there's likely more to it.
i don't know.
Juniper
<de699a1c-6a0c-47fc...@n11g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote:
> in current weirdness......we have a dvd player. and netflix. and
> suddenly, the player doesn't work. or the dvds don't work. we try
> another player....they don't work there either. right okay. so how did
> all the dvd's get broken without me knowing about it? what is going
> on? i mean, okay, i didn't test all of em, but like 3 of em that
> worked fine before. weird.
OK, I've got my diagnostician hat on.
What do you mean: "the dvds don't work?" Static? Nothing? Mangled
signal?
Is the DVD player hooked up to a TV or is it an all-in-one? The other
player you tried, was it hooked up the same way? Is there anything new
(to you) in the hardware set-up? Can you describe the set-up to me?
I would be surprised if a lot of DVDs were suddenly not playing because
of something about them unless they'd all been in a group and gotten
damaged. Were they packed together? Did they all go through some
traumatic even together?
I'm often pretty good at this (figuring out where the problem is), so
maybe I can be of help.
Juniper
--
Hearts cannot be bound to orthodoxy.
EB
> In article
> <de699a1c-6a0c-47fc-9a83-34e90c425...@n11g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
um, i'm not very technical, but i'll try to explain.
um, no, they weren't all packed together. some were in cases and some
were not.
the players have two different modes of hook up to the television. and
what happens is, the dvd is put into the playter, and then it acts
really strange. one player just say s loading and then says "stop" and
won't play anything. or it freezes in a weird place on the dvd. just
freezes and refuses to do anything.
the other player loads the dvd and sometimes just refuses to play it
and more often plays it with lots of skips.
weird, huh?
i returned the netflix movies i had and will be getting new ones
tomorrow, so i can investigate more then.
also, the one player.....it did something weird, like something was
caught up in the player. something was like, in there, some sticky
thing, and i took it out, but i think i maybe broke the player? it's
acting just...weird.
whatcha think, Juni?
Juniper
<918b0e4b-3df1-4fb5...@n11g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote:
I saw in another post that you think maybe someone put something sticky
in there? Any possibility someone broke both players? Did both players
used to work? Are the DVDs clean? I've washed Netflix DVDs sometimes
when they had visible stuff on them. Sometimes that solved all the
playing problems.
Juniper, always with the questions!
EB
> In article
> <918b0e4b-3df1-4fb5-888a-0968d0efc...@n11g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
hey there - yeah, i know someone put something sticky in there. i took
it out once i saw it. J. said maybe the sticky something is really
toxic to any disk it touched and that maybe ended up affecting both
players if the sticky stuff was on a dvd that i then tried in both
players.
one is very broken - J. tried fixing it. no go.
the other appears to be working okay now.
sometimes it seems like whoever does this stuff to things of mine
knows electronics better than i do. they seem to know not only how to
break things but sometimes how to fix them too, cuz something will
break and then later be fixed.
weird.
scary to me.
astri
> in current weirdness......we have a dvd player. and netflix. and
> suddenly, the player doesn't work. or the dvds don't work. we try
> another player....they don't work there either. right okay. so how
> did all the dvd's get broken without me knowing about it? what is
> going on? i mean, okay, i didn't test all of em, but like 3 of em
> that worked fine before. weird.
:P
> mental health center manager called today. he was nice and all but
> not real helpful. he at least pretended to listen to my rant. he said
> they do want to be collaborative with treatment and i said that i
> find it disturbing no one there has ever asked me what works for me
> treatment wise and i get no suggestions besides dbt. in the end, of
> course, he recommended dbt. :P same story every time. he also said,
> though, that he recommends really that i just stay with my outside
> therapist and find an outside d*ctor, that i don't seem to be a good
> fit for their treatment since what they suggest isn't what i want.
>
> no one has ever actually sat with me to try to find out what's really
> going on with me from this center. is something wrong with me that i
> keep getting the same crap from them? i was assertive today
> cuz....cuz well, i was a guy today a lot. J. even was tellin me i
> talked and acted like a guy. weird. anyway. i wasn't super nice to
> the manager. i said i feel i've fallen through the cracks a lot with
> their center. i said it was better when i just got meds there. i said
> i find it coercive that they are telling me it's near impossible to
> find a psych. who takes medicaid but then prohibit me from getting
> meds there if i'm seeing an outside therapist, and they won't give me
> the therapy i feel i need.
you said right
> i said a lot of stuff. no swearing or anything. but some definite
> anger there.
> ugh.
is stuff to be angry at
> why is my stuff broken? how did this happen??
>
> and also.....spent time with J. today going to and from self-defense
> class. she said it really had an impact on her just seeing us when we
> were staying with her after Steven got a little scary at his house.
> um. she said we have seemed real dissociated from what really
> happened with him, and she suspects it's more than we've remembered.
> she said we don't seem coaware when around him especially and that
> seeing us after he got scary....it looked kinda dramatic. like
> something really wrong maybe happened? and she said she thinks from
> how we talk about it and what we say and don't say that there's maybe
> a bit more to the story....like more bad stuff.
>
> and i think maybe that triggered some of the rage last night at her
> and at everything? and just remembered today in talking to her that
> it was after we brought up what she'd said with Dave and he agreed
> that we kinda split inside and went into rage but it was like at her
> and at Dave and at everything but Steven.
>
> he really didn't do anything to us though.
> he didn't.
> so i don't get why she and dave are saying there's likely more to it.
> i don't know.
sigh
maybe you don't need to figure it out right now?
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
EB
thanks.
helps to hear.
>
> > i said a lot of stuff. no swearing or anything. but some definite
> > anger there.
> > ugh.
>
> is stuff to be angry at
yeah!
>
>
>
> > why is my stuff broken? how did this happen??
>
> > and also.....spent time with J. today going to and from self-defense
> > class. she said it really had an impact on her just seeing us when we
> > were staying with her after Steven got a little scary at his house.
> > um. she said we have seemed real dissociated from what really
> > happened with him, and she suspects it's more than we've remembered.
> > she said we don't seem coaware when around him especially and that
> > seeing us after he got scary....it looked kinda dramatic. like
> > something really wrong maybe happened? and she said she thinks from
> > how we talk about it and what we say and don't say that there's maybe
> > a bit more to the story....like more bad stuff.
>
> > and i think maybe that triggered some of the rage last night at her
> > and at everything? and just remembered today in talking to her that
> > it was after we brought up what she'd said with Dave and he agreed
> > that we kinda split inside and went into rage but it was like at her
> > and at Dave and at everything but Steven.
>
> > he really didn't do anything to us though.
> > he didn't.
> > so i don't get why she and dave are saying there's likely more to it.
> > i don't know.
>
> sigh
> maybe you don't need to figure it out right now?
it just has already opened things up.
astri
> On Jul 8, 10:04 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Jul 2009, EB wrote:
>>
>>> no one has ever actually sat with me to try to find out what's
>>> really going on with me from this center. is something wrong with
>>> me that i keep getting the same crap from them? i was assertive
>>> today cuz....cuz well, i was a guy today a lot. J. even was tellin
>>> me i talked and acted like a guy. weird. anyway. i wasn't super
>>> nice to the manager. i said i feel i've fallen through the cracks a
>>> lot with their center. i said it was better when i just got meds
>>> there. i said i find it coercive that they are telling me it's near
>>> impossible to find a psych. who takes medicaid but then prohibit me
>>> from getting meds there if i'm seeing an outside therapist, and
>>> they won't give me the therapy i feel i need.
>>
>> you said right
>
> thanks.
> helps to hear.
yw
>>> i said a lot of stuff. no swearing or anything. but some definite
>>> anger there.
>>> ugh.
>>
>> is stuff to be angry at
>
> yeah!
sigh
>>> he really didn't do anything to us though.
>>> he didn't.
>>> so i don't get why she and dave are saying there's likely more to it.
>>> i don't know.
>>
>> sigh
>> maybe you don't need to figure it out right now?
>
> it just has already opened things up.
:(
Emerging Butterfly
it's okay. i'm not doing it all now or anything or demanding any
answers from within. although one of me is very loud and insistent
that she knows everything that happened and nothing real bad happened
with him beyond what we already know.
it's just....J. knows us better than anyone right now cuz she has seen
us so much and we've spent so much time together. people on asd know
me very well too, but she knows the current me -- and she suspects
stuff.
Juniper
<e77a4179-2588-429d...@h18g2000yqj.googlegroups.com>,
EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote:
> > I saw in another post that you think maybe someone put something sticky
> > in there? �Any possibility someone broke both players? �Did both players
> > used to work? �Are the DVDs clean? �I've washed Netflix DVDs sometimes
> > when they had visible stuff on them. �Sometimes that solved all the
> > playing problems.
> >
> > Juniper, always with the questions!
>
> hey there - yeah, i know someone put something sticky in there. i took
> it out once i saw it. J. said maybe the sticky something is really
> toxic to any disk it touched and that maybe ended up affecting both
> players if the sticky stuff was on a dvd that i then tried in both
> players.
> one is very broken - J. tried fixing it. no go.
> the other appears to be working okay now.
> sometimes it seems like whoever does this stuff to things of mine
> knows electronics better than i do. they seem to know not only how to
> break things but sometimes how to fix them too, cuz something will
> break and then later be fixed.
> weird.
> scary to me.
I'd find that scary, too. I hate for something to be out of my control.
Juniper
Emerging Butterfly
yeah. and out of my control and something from the inside....it's
eery.
i am clinging to the belief that an alter didn't do this, that i
just....i don't know, i did it by accident and didn't notice.
slunky
> yeah. and out of my control and something from the inside....it's
> eery.
> i am clinging to the belief that an alter didn't do this, that i
> just....i don't know, i did it by accident and didn't notice.
I tend to do that. When something turns up somewhere I know I didn't set
it, or like yesterday when six sodas were missing from the box and I'm
sure we only drank one.
--
-slunky
EBs
> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
yeah. i just try to gloss over that stuff.
it's harder when a friend like J. is around to point it out.
but i don't believe her.
i'm co aware.
slunky
> On Jul 9, 1:43?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>> > yeah. and out of my control and something from the inside....it's
>> > eery.
>> > i am clinging to the belief that an alter didn't do this, that i
>> > just....i don't know, i did it by accident and didn't notice.
>>
>> I tend to do that. When something turns up somewhere I know I didn't set
>> it, or like yesterday when six sodas were missing from the box and I'm
>> sure we only drank one.
>
> it's harder when a friend like J. is around to point it out.
> but i don't believe her.
> i'm co aware.
Wife says we will have done something or said something and I don't
remember it at all. One morning, she said we had been really funny the
night before and fun to be around. I felt kind of bad because it wasn't
me.
--
-slunky
EBs
> _/ EBs <creativel...@live.com> wrote \_
ugh. yeah. J. keeps telling me stuff I said and the one who's out
won't remember it, but someone inside will. but now it's like maybe
there's stuff nobody knows -- like who put something sticky in the dvd
player.
slunky
> On Jul 9, 3:20?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> Wife says we will have done something or said something and I don't
>> remember it at all. One morning, she said we had been really funny the
>> night before and fun to be around. I felt kind of bad because it wasn't
>> me.
>
> won't remember it, but someone inside will. but now it's like maybe
> there's stuff nobody knows -- like who put something sticky in the dvd
> player.
We are finding lots of this stuff out in thrpy. Things that happen when
I'm not around. T tells us what others said. T is worried there is
reporting happening and things like that too, but nobody will give a
clear answer.
--
-slunky
fuzzy
<...>
> and also.....spent time with J. today going to and from self-defense
> class. she said it really had an impact on her just seeing us when we
> were staying with her after Steven got a little scary at his house.
> um. she said we have seemed real dissociated from what really happened
> with him, and she suspects it's more than we've remembered. she said
> we don't seem coaware when around him especially and that seeing us
> after he got scary....it looked kinda dramatic. like something really
> wrong maybe happened? and she said she thinks from how we talk about
> it and what we say and don't say that there's maybe a bit more to the
> story....like more bad stuff.
>
> and i think maybe that triggered some of the rage last night at her
> and at everything? and just remembered today in talking to her that it
> was after we brought up what she'd said with Dave and he agreed that
> we kinda split inside and went into rage but it was like at her and at
> Dave and at everything but Steven.
>
> he really didn't do anything to us though.
> he didn't.
> so i don't get why she and dave are saying there's likely more to it.
> i don't know.
seems like they care about you
EB
>
> seems like they care about you
it's obvious they do.
fuzzy
joke and said he was our imaginary friend. that we didn't have an
imaginary friend as a kid and so I was having one now. everyone liked
herman but then me. they'd ask for herman. so then we told everyone
herman had got hit by a bus
fuzzy
EB
> slunky wrote:
> > _/ EBs <creativel...@live.com> wrote \_
wow.
EB
spoilered for brief explanation of reporting and a little of how it
works that could well trigger, careful --
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
it happens sometimes when someone's been h*rt by occ*lt stuff. it's a
way ab*sers can train an alter sometimes to stay in touch with them
and report on stuff. it's a way they try to keep control. sometimes
they will intentionally create an alter for the express purpose of
staying split from others inside and continuing to report to the scary
people.
slunky
Yes, that's what our t was explaining. She said some of our strange
happenings might be because of that. She said we will find out.
--
-slunky
EB
> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
what's weird is, i think we explained that without anyone actually
really telling us how it works. we know too much about this. :(
slunky
> really telling us how it works. we know too much about this. :(
T explained how some perps know dissociation, especially well-connected
groups of them, and they know how to pr*gram vulnerable alters to
activate and deactivate. Scared us.
--
-slunky
EB
yeah. our perps knew that stuff.
scares us too very much.
slunky
>> > really telling us how it works. we know too much about this. :(
>>
>> T explained how some perps know dissociation, especially well-connected
>> groups of them, and they know how to pr*gram vulnerable alters to
>> activate and deactivate. Scared us.
>
> scares us too very much.
We started to shut down when she was telling us, so she changed the
subject and said we would discuss it more another time.
--
-slunky
fuzzy
wow?
but we made ourself believe herman really was made up
but he kept coming back and we couldn't really kill him
fuzzy
wasn't occ*lt stuff with us. wasn't as deep of programming but thinking
maybe something somewhat like that happened with us
or maybe we just making that up too
fuzzy
jill
Sounds to me like it is more and more with you like it was with us.
Our perps just accidentally stumbled on stuff like
this and found it worked to their advantage but it wasn't an organized
type thing at all. Kind of like someone who convinces a kid they
are useless and a not person so the kid never wants to leave home
and lives there forever. That adult isn't necessarily doing it
on purpose but it suits their needs so they do it.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
slunky
Hope it's ok to reply to this post again.
In session today, t asked some questions, and she said she has to ask
them real carefully to not "lead" us. After she asked the questions she
said she is sure some of the things are t*rt*re and r*t*al ab*se.
Someone was telling her about not believing in stuff that happened.
That's when she asked the questions. Then she said she believes they
happened even if we don't. She said she has heard the same things too
similar from other people for them to just be "false memories". She said
we can tell her anything whether we believe it or not so she can help
sort it out.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
yes. we're sure of that in my case as well. too many things that don't
go with anything else, and i was very sure not to research anything so
the memories could come organically. last therapist used to talk with
an occ*lt expert and she was always able to corroborate what i was
saying and explain it to the therapist. there are so many
commonalities in all these cases.
>
> Someone was telling her about not believing in stuff that happened.
we have at least one alter like that.
> That's when she asked the questions. Then she said she believes they
> happened even if we don't. She said she has heard the same things too
> similar from other people for them to just be "false memories". She said
> we can tell her anything whether we believe it or not so she can help
> sort it out.
yup. good idea.
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
>> them real carefully to not "lead" us. After she asked the questions she
>> said she is sure some of the things are t*rt*re and r*t*al ab*se.
>
> yes. we're sure of that in my case as well. too many things that don't
> go with anything else, and i was very sure not to research anything so
> the memories could come organically. last therapist used to talk with
> an occ*lt expert and she was always able to corroborate what i was
> saying and explain it to the therapist. there are so many
> commonalities in all these cases.
T said at the time we were being h*rt, there was a massive ring in Utah.
She was sharing the office with the other thrpst we saw who refered us
to her, and told us lots of what we were saying is almost identical to
what happened when the FBI broke into the ring and started procecuting
perps.
>> Someone was telling her about not believing in stuff that happened.
>
> we have at least one alter like that.
She challenged them a lot and used big clinical terms. She doesn't talk
like that to me or the littles.
>> That's when she asked the questions. Then she said she believes they
>> happened even if we don't. She said she has heard the same things too
>> similar from other people for them to just be "false memories". She said
>> we can tell her anything whether we believe it or not so she can help
>> sort it out.
>
> yup. good idea.
She said maybe some of the unbelieveable things (she asked for examples,
and we wouldn't give any) could've been caused by dr*gging and
hallucinations, but she said when we're ready to tell her, she'll help
us figure out what is and what isn't.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
heh. so you've got a very smart one who is tr*ined to disbelieve.
>
> >> That's when she asked the questions. Then she said she believes they
> >> happened even if we don't. She said she has heard the same things too
> >> similar from other people for them to just be "false memories". She said
> >> we can tell her anything whether we believe it or not so she can help
> >> sort it out.
>
> > yup. good idea.
>
> She said maybe some of the unbelieveable things (she asked for examples,
> and we wouldn't give any) could've been caused by dr*gging and
> hallucinations, but she said when we're ready to tell her, she'll help
> us figure out what is and what isn't.
yeah. that's the thing with r*tual ab*se -- it's always a combination
of real bad stuff happening and big mind f*cks to make you feel crazy
and see and feel things happening that aren't. it's all part of the
game.
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
> On Jul 10, 3:30?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>> >> > *
>>
>> and we wouldn't give any) could've been caused by dr*gging and
>> hallucinations, but she said when we're ready to tell her, she'll help
>> us figure out what is and what isn't.
>
> yeah. that's the thing with r*tual ab*se -- it's always a combination
> of real bad stuff happening and big mind f*cks to make you feel crazy
> and see and feel things happening that aren't. it's all part of the
> game.
It is so crazy making. Is it ok to talk about the sl**p*vers here? Is it
safe?
--
-slunky
jill
I have no doubt that some of what happened was t*rt*re :(
>Someone was telling her about not believing in stuff that happened.
>That's when she asked the questions. Then she said she believes they
>happened even if we don't. She said she has heard the same things too
>similar from other people for them to just be "false memories". She said
>we can tell her anything whether we believe it or not so she can help
>sort it out.
>
>--
> -slunky
Yeah, _what_ happened is going to end up being much
less important to your healing than how it affected you. Your
emotional response and how you changed your life because of it is
what needs to be looked at. Details like the color of the wallpaper
might _feel_ important because that is what you paid attention then
or that is all you have to hang onto to make it feel real (or make
it feel fake, both things people do), but in the long run most of
the details aren't going to be what you use to heal from it.
And bottom line. No one would make this stuff up! That makes no
sense.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
jill
Also remember, you were a little kid. Little kids come up with some
wild stuff even in _good_ situations! I know, I have two of them :)
So, you might have come up with explanations at the time that made
sense to you at that age, but in reality (as an adult) they are
unrealistic. Kids have to have ways to make sense of things and they
have to fit it into their version of reality. If the adults around
them are not validating reality or are messing with it, I can imagine
that the memories would be quite screwed up!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
slunky
:(
> Yeah, _what_ happened is going to end up being much
> less important to your healing than how it affected you. Your
> emotional response and how you changed your life because of it is
> what needs to be looked at. Details like the color of the wallpaper
> might _feel_ important because that is what you paid attention then
> or that is all you have to hang onto to make it feel real (or make
> it feel fake, both things people do), but in the long run most of
> the details aren't going to be what you use to heal from it.
We talked about the basement today to her. About how we know every
detail of the drywall because we would go into the drywall.
> And bottom line. No one would make this stuff up! That makes no
> sense.
Yeah.
--
-slunky
slunky
> slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> > spoilered for brief explanation of reporting and a little of how it
>>>> > works that could well trigger, careful --
>>>>
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>> > *
>>>>
>>
>>and we wouldn't give any) could've been caused by dr*gging and
>>hallucinations, but she said when we're ready to tell her, she'll help
>>us figure out what is and what isn't.
>
> wild stuff even in _good_ situations! I know, I have two of them :)
> So, you might have come up with explanations at the time that made
> sense to you at that age, but in reality (as an adult) they are
> unrealistic. Kids have to have ways to make sense of things and they
> have to fit it into their version of reality. If the adults around
> them are not validating reality or are messing with it, I can imagine
> that the memories would be quite screwed up!
Ok.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
yup, absolutely. it is safe to talk about it here.
>
> --
> -slunky
Emerging Butterfly
> In article <slrnh5f8fe.1f4.slu...@evo.zero>,
>
>
>
> slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
> >_/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
with us too?
slunky
From what we know, we would say yes.
--
-slunky
slunky
> On Jul 10, 5:23?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>>
>>
>> > On Jul 10, 3:30?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> >> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>> >> >> > *
>>
>> safe?
>
> yup, absolutely. it is safe to talk about it here.
Thinking about it. (We've only told our t about them. Told agency thrpst
once, but she shifted it to skills really quick.)
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
Listening.
slunky
Sorry. Trying to figure out what's ok to say first. Maybe we will just
say we don't like them, and maybe post about it later.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
well, there's a ton in them not to like. they weren't okay and that
stuff shouldn't have happened to you, to any of you.
what age did the sleepovers start?
slunky
> On Jul 10, 10:44?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>>
>>
>> > On Jul 10, 9:59?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> >> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> > *
>>
>> say we don't like them, and maybe post about it later.
>
> stuff shouldn't have happened to you, to any of you.
> what age did the sleepovers start?
Someone calling themself Vicki said it was first grade, but we weren't
eight in first grade so not sure. So confusing. Sable says it didn't
start at eight either. We don't know what to believe.
--
-slunky
EB
t's okay to not be sure.
hi Vicki.
And hi Sable.
okay for everyone to tell their story here as they feel safe to.
slunky
> hi Vicki.
> And hi Sable.
> okay for everyone to tell their story here as they feel safe to.
Vicki says hi. Sable might read this later.
Vicki is new to my knowledge and might post, and so far, Vicki has spent
the most front time with t. T brought a matchbox firetruck for her to
keep today because Vicki has been calling her for help. (We have it
right now. For some reason, it's a gold firetruck.)
--
-slunky
EB
> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
*waves to Vicki*
Sable might read this later.
okay.
>
> Vicki is new to my knowledge and might post, and so far, Vicki has spent
> the most front time with t.
Wow. so Vicki has lots of knowledge, prolly.
T brought a matchbox firetruck for her to
> keep today because Vicki has been calling her for help.
:)
astri
>>>
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>>>> *
>>>
>
> it safe?
is ok to talk about it with spoilers
is safe for us if you do that
hope it's safe for you
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
slunky
> On Jul 10, 11:28?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> > *
>>
>> > hi Vicki.
>> > And hi Sable.
>> > okay for everyone to tell their story here as they feel safe to.
>>
>> Vicki says hi.
>
> *waves to Vicki*
:)
>> Sable might read this later.
>
> okay.
>
>> Vicki is new to my knowledge and might post, and so far, Vicki has spent
>> the most front time with t.
>
> Wow. so Vicki has lots of knowledge, prolly.
Well, t has asked for her the last two sessions when I've been unwilling
to give anything but vague answers to tr*uma questions. So she knows
things, and t told me Vicki doesn't seemed to be worried about what
people will think of her about what happened.
>> T brought a matchbox firetruck for her to
>> keep today because Vicki has been calling her for help.
>
> :)
We have been carrying it around most of the day.
--
-slunky
slunky
Ok, we were planning on it.
> hope it's safe for you
Yeah, that's what we're worried about.
--
-slunky
astri
>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>
>
> Someone calling themself Vicki said it was first grade, but we
> weren't eight in first grade so not sure. So confusing. Sable says it
> didn't start at eight either. We don't know what to believe.
maybe you knew about stuff at 8 but others knew about other stuff?
slunky
Guess it's possible. (That makes us very sad.)
--
-slunky
astri
regrets
slunky
I hardly remember anything from first or second grade.
--
-slunky
jill
Neither do I. And what I remember... let's just say that most all of
it is something I would prefer to skip over.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
slunky
> slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>
>
> it is something I would prefer to skip over.
Do you think I just skipped over it?
--
-slunky
EB
> _/ jill <j...@tuells.org> wrote \_
>
>
>
> > In article <slrnh5i83s.1f4.slu...@evo.zero>,
seems maybe others inside you lived those years and have that
information.
i know this is hard and sad -- but one thing to keep in mind. You are
already okay and you've survived all of it. You've made it past those
years. The remembering will be horrible, but your life will never be
that bad again.
You've made it.
slunky
>> _/ jill <j...@tuells.org> wrote \_
>> > In article <slrnh5i83s.1f4.slu...@evo.zero>,
> information.
Is that ok?
> i know this is hard and sad -- but one thing to keep in mind. You are
> already okay and you've survived all of it. You've made it past those
> years. The remembering will be horrible, but your life will never be
> that bad again.
> You've made it.
Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
--
-slunky
EB
> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
yup. brilliant and exactly what you needed to do at the time.
very smart.
>
> > i know this is hard and sad -- but one thing to keep in mind. You are
> > already okay and you've survived all of it. You've made it past those
> > years. The remembering will be horrible, but your life will never be
> > that bad again.
> > You've made it.
>
> Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
pr*gramming. they make you think that progress is a horrible thing so
you don't progress.
too bad people like you and me stil do. :P Evidence that even the
most powerful pr*gramming won't break some people.
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
> On Jul 11, 8:27?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>
> yup. brilliant and exactly what you needed to do at the time.
> very smart.
Not wrong? Agency thrpst would say it's not very mindful.
>> Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
>
> pr*gramming. they make you think that progress is a horrible thing so
> you don't progress.
> too bad people like you and me stil do. :P Evidence that even the
> most powerful pr*gramming won't break some people.
but we did bad things then to survive.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
you were a child doing what you needed to do to survive. mindfulness
woulda meant insanity or d*ath at that time. p*rps train kids *not* to
be mindful.
>
> >> Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
>
> > pr*gramming. they make you think that progress is a horrible thing so
> > you don't progress.
> > too bad people like you and me stil do. :P Evidence that even the
> > most powerful pr*gramming won't break some people.
>
> but we did bad things then to survive.
so did we. it's survival. we feel real guilty about some of it now.
but we didn't know.
now we're out and we don't do those bad things anymore.
we only h*rt ourselves.
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
> On Jul 11, 8:47?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ EB <hopecent...@live.com> wrote \_
>>
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>
> you were a child doing what you needed to do to survive. mindfulness
> woulda meant insanity or d*ath at that time. p*rps train kids *not* to
> be mindful.
Do we have to be mindful now? Can we just be us?
>> but we did bad things then to survive.
>
> so did we. it's survival. we feel real guilty about some of it now.
> but we didn't know.
> now we're out and we don't do those bad things anymore.
> we only h*rt ourselves.
Don't like it. We don't like the reality of it. We don't like how agency
thrpst played everything down like saying the man would've destroyed the
tapes or never showed anyone or he's too old to h*rt kids now. Our t now
is saying different. She said other people probably have the tapes and
they are probably on CD now. She said we shouldn't worry about being
recognised though. She said the people who buy the tapes don't realize
the kids in them have grown up.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
doesn't sound like being "mindful" helps. better to work on
communication between you all.
"just be us" -- that's exactly how we felt leaving dbt. it's the
difference between being forced to kinda dehumanize ourselves and live
some terminology and just being. just being is freer but scarier.
parts of us wanted dbt to work.
i think dbt as we've seen it practiced has an underlying cynicism
about people -- that we're not okay the way we are, that we need these
"skills" to quit presenting "issues" -- that we won't heal organically
with work and time. it's a bandaid in fear of looking at the true
pain.
short answer -- no, you don't have to be "mindful" now.
>
> >> but we did bad things then to survive.
>
> > so did we. it's survival. we feel real guilty about some of it now.
> > but we didn't know.
> > now we're out and we don't do those bad things anymore.
> > we only h*rt ourselves.
>
> Don't like it. We don't like the reality of it.
it's an utterly horrifying reality we both lived.
We don't like how agency
> thrpst played everything down like saying the man would've destroyed the
> tapes or never showed anyone or he's too old to h*rt kids now.
no kidding. she was too scared i think to see the true impact.
almost like she didn't want to believe it.
that's the nice thing about dbt for fearful clinicians -- it's a way
to minimize everything.
Our t now
> is saying different. She said other people probably have the tapes and
> they are probably on CD now. She said we shouldn't worry about being
> recognised though. She said the people who buy the tapes don't realize
> the kids in them have grown up.
wow. okay.
glad you're getting validation.
know it's terrifying, but do think this is the true road to healing.
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
> On Jul 11, 9:27?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>>
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>
> doesn't sound like being "mindful" helps. better to work on
> communication between you all.
Ok.
> "just be us" -- that's exactly how we felt leaving dbt. it's the
> difference between being forced to kinda dehumanize ourselves and live
> some terminology and just being. just being is freer but scarier.
> parts of us wanted dbt to work.
We did too. Agnecy thrpst always would say "but you asked to do dbt". We
did because we read about the skills and the modules and wanted to learn
them. We knew nothing about how thrpst turn into an enforcer.
> i think dbt as we've seen it practiced has an underlying cynicism
> about people -- that we're not okay the way we are, that we need these
> "skills" to quit presenting "issues" -- that we won't heal organically
> with work and time. it's a bandaid in fear of looking at the true
> pain.
> short answer -- no, you don't have to be "mindful" now.
Ok. Agency thrpst said switching was not mindful.
>> Don't like it. We don't like the reality of it.
>
> it's an utterly horrifying reality we both lived.
We want to hide. Someone in another group talking about something else
said they don't believe there are any evil people. We are glad they
never met any and can think that.
>> We don't like how agency thrpst played everything down like saying
>> the man would've destroyed the tapes or never showed anyone or he's
>> too old to h*rt kids now.
>
> no kidding. she was too scared i think to see the true impact.
> almost like she didn't want to believe it.
> that's the nice thing about dbt for fearful clinicians -- it's a way
> to minimize everything.
She didn't like to hear about it, and she would "check reality" and say
these things.
>> Our t now is saying different. She said other people probably have
>> the tapes and they are probably on CD now. She said we shouldn't
>> worry about being recognised though. She said the people who buy the
>> tapes don't realize the kids in them have grown up.
>
> wow. okay.
> glad you're getting validation.
> know it's terrifying, but do think this is the true road to healing.
T said we never have to be in movies ever again. She said she wished
there was no statute of limitations because we are already past it. She
said she hopes someday he will be caught and put in prison if he still
does it so we can get some justice.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
yup.
>
> > i think dbt as we've seen it practiced has an underlying cynicism
> > about people -- that we're not okay the way we are, that we need these
> > "skills" to quit presenting "issues" -- that we won't heal organically
> > with work and time. it's a bandaid in fear of looking at the true
> > pain.
> > short answer -- no, you don't have to be "mindful" now.
>
> Ok. Agency thrpst said switching was not mindful.
agency therapist was frightened and cowed by terrible supervision.
switching is life -- we're multiple.
whenever i try to act not multiple, i lose more time and stuff.
condemning the other alters doesn't work.
>
> >> Don't like it. We don't like the reality of it.
>
> > it's an utterly horrifying reality we both lived.
>
> We want to hide.
:(
you can hide now, for short time periods. no one is after you.
Someone in another group talking about something else
> said they don't believe there are any evil people. We are glad they
> never met any and can think that.
heh. yeah, understand that. i never want to believe in evil, hence my
trying to "help" so many people like C., who are in retrospect, evil.
i still struggle with that though, still want to see the good.
>
> >> We don't like how agency thrpst played everything down like saying
> >> the man would've destroyed the tapes or never showed anyone or he's
> >> too old to h*rt kids now.
>
> > no kidding. she was too scared i think to see the true impact.
> > almost like she didn't want to believe it.
> > that's the nice thing about dbt for fearful clinicians -- it's a way
> > to minimize everything.
>
> She didn't like to hear about it, and she would "check reality" and say
> these things.
yeah. she was terrified to sit with it.
(not very mindful of her, eh?)
>
> >> Our t now is saying different. She said other people probably have
> >> the tapes and they are probably on CD now. She said we shouldn't
> >> worry about being recognised though. She said the people who buy the
> >> tapes don't realize the kids in them have grown up.
>
> > wow. okay.
> > glad you're getting validation.
> > know it's terrifying, but do think this is the true road to healing.
>
> T said we never have to be in movies ever again.
you don't.
She said she wished
> there was no statute of limitations because we are already past it. She
> said she hopes someday he will be caught and put in prison if he still
> does it so we can get some justice.
yes! :)
>
> --
> -slunky
slunky
> On Jul 11, 9:52?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
>>
>>
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>> did because we read about the skills and the modules and wanted to learn
>> them. We knew nothing about how thrpst turn into an enforcer.
>
> yup.
We told her "We want a thrpst, not a skills coach."
>> Ok. Agency thrpst said switching was not mindful.
>
> agency therapist was frightened and cowed by terrible supervision.
> switching is life -- we're multiple.
> whenever i try to act not multiple, i lose more time and stuff.
> condemning the other alters doesn't work.
She didn't seem to understand at all.
>> We want to hide.
>
> :(
> you can hide now, for short time periods. no one is after you.
We might go hide then for a while in bed if it's not too hot.
>> Someone in another group talking about something else said they don't
>> believe there are any evil people. We are glad they never met any and
>> can think that.
>
> heh. yeah, understand that. i never want to believe in evil, hence my
> trying to "help" so many people like C., who are in retrospect, evil.
> i still struggle with that though, still want to see the good.
We know there is evil. We just don't understand it.
>> She didn't like to hear about it, and she would "check reality" and say
>> these things.
>
> yeah. she was terrified to sit with it.
> (not very mindful of her, eh?)
She said we were paranoid. Our t now said our fear is mostly valid.
>> T said we never have to be in movies ever again.
>
> you don't.
Good. We really don't want to. Not ever again. They h*rt and gross.
>> She said she wished there was no statute of limitations because we
>> are already past it. She said she hopes someday he will be caught and
>> put in prison if he still does it so we can get some justice.
>
> yes! :)
When we were explaining that we were the man's at sl**p*vers and the
other kids were other grownups, she said sounds like he was our
"handler" we don't know what that means. She said grownups never own
kids.
--
-slunky
jill
It's hard to know from this side of the screen. For _me_ by 2nd grade
(probly 1st as well) things were so out of control that the only way
to survive was to hide inside. We were a zombie by then :( Even things
that would normally be neutral we hid from just to be on the safe
side. Plus, there was so much craziness by then that it was hard to
keep it all separate.
I don't hear that in your history when you talk about your foo, but
then you also don't talk about it much...
And you have to keep in mind that I am pretty sure the bad stuff
started happening here in infancy so that is just how I developed. I
never had a time of childhood where things were 'normal' and _then_
got bad. Life s*cked for me pretty much from birth :(
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
jill
You took child development in school? Remember, little kids _always_
think stuff is their fault. Even normal healthy kids in normal healthy
situations will do this. It is part of being human. My kids do this
all the time, try to figure out what THEY did wrong in a situation.
Kids are too egocentric to understand that the external world is
powerful and doesn't always pay attention to the individual. And my
kids are healthy and sane and living in a healthy and sane
environment!
Now, think of your life. You were being told it was your fault. You
were in a very unhealthy, crazy making environment and external
reality was trying to convince you that it was your fault. I'm
surprised you are as sane as you are!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
jill
1. she's wrong
2. you were a KID! Kids aren't very mindful. I'm not sure they can be.
>>> Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
>>
>> pr*gramming. they make you think that progress is a horrible thing so
>> you don't progress.
>> too bad people like you and me stil do. :P Evidence that even the
>> most powerful pr*gramming won't break some people.
>
>but we did bad things then to survive.
>
> -slunky
Yeah, and that was very smart and good! Think of someone in a plane
wreck in the middle of nowhere. They have to eat bugs and worms and
drink dirty water to survive. They might, in the long run, have
dysentary or giardia or whatever because of this. But they get to have
a 'in the long run' cause they survived it! People in those situations
who say 'oh, I can't eat bugs' or 'that water is dirty' die.
You survived. That is what is most important to keep in mind. You
were a CHILD and you did what you had to do to live through it. That
isn't bad, that is very very smart!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
slunky
> (probly 1st as well) things were so out of control that the only way
> to survive was to hide inside. We were a zombie by then :( Even things
> that would normally be neutral we hid from just to be on the safe
> side. Plus, there was so much craziness by then that it was hard to
> keep it all separate.
>
> I don't hear that in your history when you talk about your foo, but
> then you also don't talk about it much...
>
> And you have to keep in mind that I am pretty sure the bad stuff
> started happening here in infancy so that is just how I developed. I
> never had a time of childhood where things were 'normal' and _then_
> got bad. Life s*cked for me pretty much from birth :(
:(
--
-slunky
slunky
> slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>>_/ EB <hopec...@live.com> wrote \_
>>>>
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>>> already okay and you've survived all of it. You've made it past those
>>> years. The remembering will be horrible, but your life will never be
>>> that bad again.
>>> You've made it.
>>
>>Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
>
> think stuff is their fault. Even normal healthy kids in normal healthy
> situations will do this. It is part of being human. My kids do this
> all the time, try to figure out what THEY did wrong in a situation.
> Kids are too egocentric to understand that the external world is
> powerful and doesn't always pay attention to the individual. And my
> kids are healthy and sane and living in a healthy and sane
> environment!
>
> Now, think of your life. You were being told it was your fault. You
> were in a very unhealthy, crazy making environment and external
> reality was trying to convince you that it was your fault. I'm
> surprised you are as sane as you are!
We are just us.
--
-slunky
slunky
Confusing.
>>>> Don't feel like made it. Feel like we did bad.
>>>
>>> pr*gramming. they make you think that progress is a horrible thing so
>>> you don't progress.
>>> too bad people like you and me stil do. :P Evidence that even the
>>> most powerful pr*gramming won't break some people.
>>
>>but we did bad things then to survive.
>
> Yeah, and that was very smart and good! Think of someone in a plane
> wreck in the middle of nowhere. They have to eat bugs and worms and
> drink dirty water to survive. They might, in the long run, have
> dysentary or giardia or whatever because of this. But they get to have
> a 'in the long run' cause they survived it! People in those situations
> who say 'oh, I can't eat bugs' or 'that water is dirty' die.
We don't think eating dirty bugs and drinking dirty water is bad though.
> You survived. That is what is most important to keep in mind. You
> were a CHILD and you did what you had to do to live through it. That
> isn't bad, that is very very smart!
No, it was gross and bad and we are yucky.
--
-slunky
astri
spoiler for early early stuff
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>
>
> And you have to keep in mind that I am pretty sure the bad stuff
> started happening here in infancy so that is just how I developed. I
> never had a time of childhood where things were 'normal' and _then_
> got bad. Life s*cked for me pretty much from birth :(
that's what we think prolly. but different from you (of course).
suspect he started grooming her very very very young.
fuzzy
I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held back cuz
we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and nothing from 2nd grade.
I remember some from before school. when we lived on the army base
wolfie of confuzzled
we've started to write and then delete on this post several times. And
think over the next week we mostly not going to go below spoilers.
but we went below this one and the firs reaction that happened was
someone saying "no no no no". don't like that word grooming. don't like
that thought
(and our hand feels dirty)
do you think it's possible that happened to us? that... well... that we
were groomed. but then, see... that implies so much. could it have
really started when we were very little?
ok, some of the others don't like or agree with this but is mostly just
questions.
astri
> I don't remember much from before 3rd grade.
>
> I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held back
> cuz we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and nothing from
> 2nd grade.
you *not* dumb
you anything but dumb!
you have learning disabilities
> I remember some from before school. when we lived on the army base
k
astri
do what you need to to take care of you. that's important.
> but we went below this one and the firs reaction that happened was
> someone saying "no no no no". don't like that word grooming. don't
> like that thought
>
> (and our hand feels dirty)
:(
> do you think it's possible that happened to us? that... well... that
> we were groomed. but then, see... that implies so much. could it have
> really started when we were very little?
could have. can't say what happened to you.
mostly, when folks are many, stuff started early, like before 5 or so.
> ok, some of the others don't like or agree with this but is mostly
> just questions.
k
Shay of confuzzled
> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, fuzzy wrote:
>
>> I don't remember much from before 3rd grade.
>>
>> I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held back
>> cuz we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and nothing from
>> 2nd grade.
>
> you *not* dumb
> you anything but dumb!
> you have learning disabilities
>
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, fuzzy wrote:
>>
>>> I don't remember much from before 3rd grade.
>>>
>>> I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held
>>> back cuz we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and
>>> nothing from 2nd grade.
>>
>> you *not* dumb
>> you anything but dumb!
>> you have learning disabilities
>>
> i dunno. its called flunking and its what happens to dum kids
you not dumb
Shay of confuzzled
> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, Shay of confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, fuzzy wrote:
>>>
>>>> I don't remember much from before 3rd grade.
>>>>
>>>> I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held
>>>> back cuz we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and
>>>> nothing from 2nd grade.
>>>
>>> you *not* dumb
>>> you anything but dumb!
>>> you have learning disabilities
>>>
>> i dunno. its called flunking and its what happens to dum kids
>
> you not dumb
>
astri
they wrong
Shay of confuzzled
> On Mon, 13 Jul 2009, Shay of confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, Shay of confuzzled wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sun, 12 Jul 2009, fuzzy wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> I don't remember much from before 3rd grade.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I remember some bits of first grade the first time. we got held
>>>>>> back cuz we d*mb. I don't remember any from the 2nd time and
>>>>>> nothing from 2nd grade.
>>>>>
>>>>> you *not* dumb
>>>>> you anything but dumb!
>>>>> you have learning disabilities
>>>>>
>>>> i dunno. its called flunking and its what happens to dum kids
>>>
>>> you not dumb
>>>
>> but how come people say we dumb?
>
> they wrong
>
Emerging Butterfly
> _/EmergingButterfly<emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_> >> _/EmergingButterfly<emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
> >> these things.
>
> > yeah. she was terrified to sit with it.
> > (not very mindful of her, eh?)
>
> She said we were paranoid. Our t now said our fear is mostly valid.
>
> >> T said we never have to be in movies ever again.
>
> > you don't.
>
> Good. We really don't want to. Not ever again. They h*rt and gross.
>
> >> She said she wished there was no statute of limitations because we
> >> are already past it. She said she hopes someday he will be caught and
> >> put in prison if he still does it so we can get some justice.
>
> > yes! :)
>
> When we were explaining that we were the man's at sl**p*vers and the
> other kids were other grownups, she said sounds like he was our
> "handler" we don't know what that means. She said grownups never own
> kids.
>
> --
> -slunky
i don't understand what she means there either.
slunky
> On Jul 11, 10:14?pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>> >> >> >> >> >> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>> other kids were other grownups, she said sounds like he was our
>> "handler" we don't know what that means. She said grownups never own
>> kids.
>
We will find out someday later maybe.
--
-slunky
Emerging Butterfly
> _/ Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote \_
yeah. maybe not ready to know yet.
slunky
Yeah.
--
-slunky
astri
> On Jul 11, 10:14 pm, slunky <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote:
>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> *
>>
>> other kids were other grownups, she said sounds like he was our
>> "handler" we don't know what that means. She said grownups never own
>> kids.
>
is usually a term used regarding animals. someone who brings an animal
to an event and then stays with it and makes sure it does its part is a
handler. :(
slunky
Ok, then she is right, but yuck yuck yuck.
--
-slunky