evl
Puddles
breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
treated like that!
Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can do
what I want on the puter now. :)
Sonata
> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
hope you feel lots better soon.
>
> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
> treated like that!
Right, and powerful. Glad you've done what's right for you and put your
foot down about how you deserve to be treated :)
>
> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can do
> what I want on the puter now. :)
:) glad to see you back.
cometz
good for you! very strong. also very right. also very very good for
children to see you stand up for selves, and ultimately for them. is
respecting yourself.
yay yay.
betsy
confuzzled
> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
>
believed that one day you will make him leave and stay gone
> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
> treated like that!
isn't your fault. not at all. he makes his choices. and you are not
responsible for him. he gotta take care of yourself.
and will be hard and you'll feel lonely and scared and wonder if you did
the right thing but it will get easier, k. and you can come to asd and
we will remind you and we can just be silly if you need that instead
>
> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can do
> what I want on the puter now. :)
yea!!!!!! some come post moooooooooooooooooooooore
astri
> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
> gone.
wow!
wanna spoiler and say what happened?
> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
> treated like that!
correct
not your fault
you don't make him do that
you don't deserve to be treated like that
> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can
> do what I want on the puter now. :)
not stupid
glad you be back
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
russiandolly
> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
> > is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
> > breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
> > gone.
>
> wow!
>
> wanna spoiler and say what happened?
>
we also curious if you want to tell.
we just left bf for not being right.
know it's a little bit different for you (a *lot* harder we thinking,
'cos of kins and length of relationship etc)
Puddles
Hi! Day two as single mom. LIKE IT! :)
Puddles
(waving at betsy) hi hi hi hi hi!!! Yes, think we are doing good thing.
Was hard to keep littles from freaking out but we did good! :)
jill
Wow, brave and big step :)
You do NOT make him do what he does. You do NOT deserve to be treated
like that! Two very powerful truths!!!!!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Puddles
> Puddles wrote:
>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
>>
> am really glad you did it. understand it is way hard. we have always
> believed that one day you will make him leave and stay gone
HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since for
years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out that
only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots of
financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and now
and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
>
>> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
>> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
>> treated like that!
>
> isn't your fault. not at all. he makes his choices. and you are not
> responsible for him. he gotta take care of yourself.
> and will be hard and you'll feel lonely and scared and wonder if you did
> the right thing but it will get easier, k. and you can come to asd and
> we will remind you and we can just be silly if you need that instead
>>
yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t says
i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will be
harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions? Will
it not make me not happy no mores?
>> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can
>> do what I want on the puter now. :)
>
> yea!!!!!! some come post moooooooooooooooooooooore
I working on it. I am getting better. I had a breakdown wolfie. I had a
part that broke real bad and we got so far real bad we was seeing things
and hearing things and not not not ok.
She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t didn't
want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a really big
weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
sometimes slow is bad though. sometimes slowing down and surpressing is
not good thing.
evl and i have been having really bad times. and i couldn't be on puter
unless he watched me or can't be late coming back from store and lots of
things. he got so controlling, i think he made the part break. and then
the rest said ENOUGH!
It feels funny being able to write here, it feels weird being able to
talk to ppl. I am here and I am FREEEEEEE
Its late tonight and i have been real busy last couple days trying to
stay ahead of the game. evl is very vindictive and I am trying to cover
my basis so he not can hurt us no more.
:) I so much like you!!! I so much do. :)
Thank you for replys!
Its time for bed but we made it on before we go to beds. nite! xoxo
Puddles
> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>
>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
>> gone.
>
> wow!
>
> wanna spoiler and say what happened?
Not yet. Cant yet because protecting some of the littles. But will soon.
Was a big day and it just happen. I not did cry or anything. It just
said time for him to get away no matter what the cost.
i can't believe i did it. after all these years... 12
i finally did it.
sigh
feels like a ton of bricks off me.
feels like i can breath.
>
>> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
>> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
>> treated like that!
>
> correct
> not your fault
> you don't make him do that
> you don't deserve to be treated like that
thas what t say too. might take awhile to get that brain wash out of the
head because i keep going back and forth on it being my fault for the
things he did to me.
but, somehow i found a stronger pieces that doesn't seem to care who's
fault it is, she said we were going no where fast and if we want to get
more better, then getting away from evl was the next step. and then she
did it!
>
>> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can
>> do what I want on the puter now. :)
>
> not stupid
> glad you be back
>
> -- astri
>
hmmm, i think i is stupid but thats ok. I am crzy too and that doesn't
seem to bother me much right now either. giggles....
nite astri. xoxo
Puddles
> On Nov 16, 6:03 am, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
>>> gone.
>> wow!
>>
>> wanna spoiler and say what happened?
>>
>
> we also curious if you want to tell.
> we just left bf for not being right.
> know it's a little bit different for you (a *lot* harder we thinking,
> 'cos of kins and length of relationship etc)
we can't tell yet. but was so bad evl admitted he was going to try to
k*ll me.
we can't tell cause of littles, they are still very very close to
surface and are very scared and getting used to this. But as always, i
will tell with great big spoiler.
what happen with you bf?
Sonata
:)
astri
> HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since for
> years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out
> that only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots
> of financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and
> now and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
is a good way to start off
> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t
> says i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will
> be harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
maybe this much happy is relief?
big relief
> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
you prolly not be so big big happy
maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
like finances
but still can be happy about being free
even if it makes some things like finances harder
> I working on it. I am getting better. I had a breakdown wolfie. I had
> a part that broke real bad and we got so far real bad we was seeing
> things and hearing things and not not not ok.
:(
> She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t
> didn't want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a
> really big weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
>
> sometimes slow is bad though. sometimes slowing down and surpressing
> is not good thing.
like maybe the progress gets lost?
> evl and i have been having really bad times. and i couldn't be on
> puter unless he watched me or can't be late coming back from store
> and lots of things. he got so controlling, i think he made the part
> break. and then the rest said ENOUGH!
glad they did
that wasn't nice of him at all
not ok for him to do
> It feels funny being able to write here, it feels weird being able to
> talk to ppl. I am here and I am FREEEEEEE
yay
> Its late tonight and i have been real busy last couple days trying to
> stay ahead of the game. evl is very vindictive and I am trying to
> cover my basis so he not can hurt us no more.
good for you
astri
>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
>>> gone.
>>
>> wow!
>>
>> wanna spoiler and say what happened?
>
> Not yet. Cant yet because protecting some of the littles. But will
> soon. Was a big day and it just happen. I not did cry or anything. It
> just said time for him to get away no matter what the cost.
k
> i can't believe i did it. after all these years... 12
>
> i finally did it.
>
> sigh
>
> feels like a ton of bricks off me.
>
> feels like i can breath.
yay!!!
>>> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
>>> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
>>> treated like that!
>>
>> correct
>> not your fault
>> you don't make him do that
>> you don't deserve to be treated like that
>
> thas what t say too. might take awhile to get that brain wash out of
> the head because i keep going back and forth on it being my fault for
> the things he did to me.
>
> but, somehow i found a stronger pieces that doesn't seem to care
> who's fault it is, she said we were going no where fast and if we
> want to get more better, then getting away from evl was the next
> step. and then she did it!
good for her
>>> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I
>>> can do what I want on the puter now. :)
>>
>> not stupid
>> glad you be back
>
> hmmm, i think i is stupid but thats ok. I am crzy too and that
> doesn't seem to bother me much right now either. giggles....
hmmm
> nite astri. xoxo
g'ni
russiandolly
> russiandolly wrote:
> > On Nov 16, 6:03 am, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
> >> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
> >>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
> >>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is
> >>> gone.
> >> wow!
>
> >> wanna spoiler and say what happened?
>
> > we also curious if you want to tell.
> > we just left bf for not being right.
> > know it's a little bit different for you (a *lot* harder we thinking,
> > 'cos of kins and length of relationship etc)
>
> we can't tell yet. but was so bad evl admitted he was going to try to
> k*ll me.
>
our ex said "if i cant have you then no one can" and that scared us
he talks a lot saying "i'd k*ll him without a second thought"
and "i'd k*ll and not feel bad about it"
scared of those bits of him
> we can't tell cause of littles, they are still very very close to
> surface and are very scared and getting used to this. But as always, i
> will tell with great big spoiler.
>
we are so happy for you we are crying!!!
(in a good way)
freedom, beautiful, wonderful, brilliant freedom
f-r-e-e-d-o-m
f--r--e--e--d--o--m
so happy for you :)
> what happen with you bf?
>
we realised he a little bit scary
that littles were with him because he like d*d, and that not a good
relationship
he got issues of his own
control. possesiveness. jealousy. paranoia. and a bit of a nasty
streak that likes fighting
:(
russiandolly
we had to let things get pretty bad with some insiders before we
realised that we should try and get out
sounds like you had a real difficult time puddles. glad you ok.
> She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t didn't
> want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a really big
> weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
>
can give broken part some tlc?
Puddles
> In article <7mbpfkF...@mid.individual.net>,
> Puddles <allthe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
>>
>> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
>> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
>> treated like that!
>>
>> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can do
>> what I want on the puter now. :)
>
> Wow, brave and big step :)
>
> You do NOT make him do what he does. You do NOT deserve to be treated
> like that! Two very powerful truths!!!!!
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Perfect timing, i go through doubt. i was just doubting myself thinking
maybe there is something wrong with me that causes him to react. Then, i
thought about asd.
perfect timing, perfect Jill. ty, i need to keep the pieces straight,
some know this now, some maybe still do not. I am trying.....
Puddles
Day three.... Overwhelmed at work and spots of depression but i don't
think its related to evl, think its just overwhelm. kids seem more
active then usualy tonight but nice to see them all together laughing in
one room. usually when evl is home, they scatter. was a nice night, im
just tired i think.
confuzzled
hi
Puddles
> On Mon, 16 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>
>> HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since for
>> years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out
>> that only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots
>> of financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and
>> now and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
>
> is a good way to start off
I hope so for now. I thought of some things I can do to help with
finances to keep us afloat for awhile, so maybe panic is not as intense.
I figure if I don't start off this way, I will feel like I 'need' him,
and i don't. even if i did, i dont.
>
>> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t
>> says i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will
>> be harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
>
> maybe this much happy is relief?
> big relief
yes yes yes. feels like calm on the outside. no walking on egg shells.
no worry about what mood he will be in when i come home. but...
i do worry about him coming in without notice, when i am here or when i
am not here.
he left some small groceries on the patio last night. when i woke up I
saw he had been here. it scared me. makes me feel like he is watching
me. not sure, maybe he is just ... dunno. dunno what to think of it.
>
>> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
>> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
>
> you prolly not be so big big happy
> maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
> like finances
> but still can be happy about being free
> even if it makes some things like finances harder
you think i am doing the right thing? do you think? What if I fail? What
if I actually cant do this and i lose everything. I don't want to do
that to the kids but i don't want him to come back either. just worry i
guess. is normal right?
>
>> I working on it. I am getting better. I had a breakdown wolfie. I had
>> a part that broke real bad and we got so far real bad we was seeing
>> things and hearing things and not not not ok.
>
> :(
>
>> She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t
>> didn't want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a
>> really big weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
>>
>> sometimes slow is bad though. sometimes slowing down and surpressing
>> is not good thing.
>
> like maybe the progress gets lost?
hmmm. i am not sure a breakdown has progress in it. t says is
consequence of progress. but breakdown is still there, she is a whisper
though and being respectful of what i have to take care of in outside
world, but she still whispers. I still have to take a second look to
make sure I didn't see what I thought i saw out of the corner of my eye.
I have to listen and not panic when they are not my voices in the middle
of the night. I have to try to stop trying to find the other side of the
fire.
>
>> evl and i have been having really bad times. and i couldn't be on
>> puter unless he watched me or can't be late coming back from store
>> and lots of things. he got so controlling, i think he made the part
>> break. and then the rest said ENOUGH!
>
> glad they did
> that wasn't nice of him at all
> not ok for him to do
>
and the other pieces finally could 'see' what he was doing without
erasing it.
>> It feels funny being able to write here, it feels weird being able to
>> talk to ppl. I am here and I am FREEEEEEE
>
> yay
>
:)
>> Its late tonight and i have been real busy last couple days trying to
>> stay ahead of the game. evl is very vindictive and I am trying to
>> cover my basis so he not can hurt us no more.
>
> good for you
>
> -- astri
>
ty astri. :)
Puddles
he sound just like evl. and our littles didnt want him to leave because
that is how they felt safe. i took away their 'safe'.
evl has said stuff like that to me too. but, maybe when it gets to the
point where risking d*ath is worth it, you know everything will be ok
because you found strength. :)
astri
> jill wrote:
>>
>> Wow, brave and big step :)
>> You do NOT make him do what he does. You do NOT deserve to be treated
>> like that! Two very powerful truths!!!!!
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
> Perfect timing, i go through doubt. i was just doubting myself
> thinking maybe there is something wrong with me that causes him to
> react. Then, i thought about asd.
>
> perfect timing, perfect Jill. ty, i need to keep the pieces straight,
> some know this now, some maybe still do not. I am trying.....
keep trying
keep coming to asd
we remind you
Puddles
i dont think so. I describe her to t as a symptomatic borderline,
schizophrenic in a deep psychotic state. I think he believed me after
the session when she came out a little bit. i could tell t was worried.
I don't know what to do with her. I cant tell if she is getting any
better. we thought about increasing meds but the rest of us don't need
to do that. not sure what to do????
Puddles
hi! you ok?
Puddles
I don't have anyone 'watching' me so much about what i do on the puter.
he thought i have affair or something.
i had written a week or two ago and he ran up really quick and read some
of it. scared me. he asked some but i cried and said is my depression
group. he said was not ok to talk to ppl online no more. i knew he was
against it for past few months, but i tried.
now, i still feel paranoid about coming here. I am sure it will get
easier, right?
confuzzled
cant stay big tonight
cant think much
we ok :P
glad you away from evl. regrets the overwhelm
wish we had more words to help
astri
>> On Mon, 16 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since
>>> for years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured
>>> out that only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and
>>> lots of financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the
>>> here and now and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
>>
>> is a good way to start off
>
> I hope so for now. I thought of some things I can do to help with
> finances to keep us afloat for awhile, so maybe panic is not as
> intense. I figure if I don't start off this way, I will feel like I
> 'need' him, and i don't. even if i did, i dont.
yup
you don't
>>> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t
>>> says i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will
>>> be harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
>>
>> maybe this much happy is relief?
>> big relief
>
> yes yes yes. feels like calm on the outside. no walking on egg
> shells. no worry about what mood he will be in when i come home.
whew
> but...
yeah
> i do worry about him coming in without notice, when i am here or when
> i am not here.
can you change locks?
> he left some small groceries on the patio last night. when i woke up
> I saw he had been here. it scared me. makes me feel like he is
> watching me. not sure, maybe he is just ... dunno. dunno what to
> think of it.
maybe he trying same pattern
dv pattern
this is the be nice and get forgiven phase
he's trying to pull you in again
you don't need to play the dv game with him any more
(nasty game, that)
>>> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
>>> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
>>
>> you prolly not be so big big happy
>> maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
>> like finances
>> but still can be happy about being free
>> even if it makes some things like finances harder
>
> you think i am doing the right thing? do you think? What if I fail?
> What if I actually cant do this and i lose everything. I don't want
> to do that to the kids but i don't want him to come back either. just
> worry i guess. is normal right?
yes, think you doing right thing
losing things difficult but not mean losing everything
losing everything would mean losing boys
not losing things
>>> I working on it. I am getting better. I had a breakdown wolfie. I
>>> had a part that broke real bad and we got so far real bad we was
>>> seeing things and hearing things and not not not ok.
>>
>> :(
>>
>>> She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t
>>> didn't want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a
>>> really big weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
>>>
>>> sometimes slow is bad though. sometimes slowing down and
>>> surpressing is not good thing.
>>
>> like maybe the progress gets lost?
>
> hmmm. i am not sure a breakdown has progress in it. t says is
> consequence of progress. but breakdown is still there, she is a
> whisper though and being respectful of what i have to take care of in
> outside world, but she still whispers. I still have to take a second
> look to make sure I didn't see what I thought i saw out of the corner
> of my eye. I have to listen and not panic when they are not my voices
> in the middle of the night. I have to try to stop trying to find the
> other side of the fire.
but you can do those things
you know isn't there now
>>> evl and i have been having really bad times. and i couldn't be on
>>> puter unless he watched me or can't be late coming back from store
>>> and lots of things. he got so controlling, i think he made the part
>>> break. and then the rest said ENOUGH!
>>
>> glad they did
>> that wasn't nice of him at all
>> not ok for him to do
>>
>
> and the other pieces finally could 'see' what he was doing without
> erasing it.
good!
>>> It feels funny being able to write here, it feels weird being able
>>> to talk to ppl. I am here and I am FREEEEEEE
>>
>> yay
>>
>
> :)
>
>>> Its late tonight and i have been real busy last couple days trying
>>> to stay ahead of the game. evl is very vindictive and I am trying
>>> to cover my basis so he not can hurt us no more.
>>
>> good for you
>
> ty astri. :)
yw
welcome back
astri
> i dont think so. I describe her to t as a symptomatic borderline,
> schizophrenic in a deep psychotic state. I think he believed me after
> the session when she came out a little bit. i could tell t was
> worried. I don't know what to do with her. I cant tell if she is
> getting any better. we thought about increasing meds but the rest of
> us don't need to do that. not sure what to do????
make a safe inside space she can stay and rest?
Shiyiya
Get enough rest and take care of you too, k? :)
Shiyiya
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 16 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since for
>>> years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out
>>> that only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots
>>> of financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and
>>> now and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
>>
>> is a good way to start off
>
> I hope so for now. I thought of some things I can do to help with
> finances to keep us afloat for awhile, so maybe panic is not as intense.
> I figure if I don't start off this way, I will feel like I 'need' him,
> and i don't. even if i did, i dont.
:) strong.
>
>>
>>> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t
>>> says i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will
>>> be harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
>>
>> maybe this much happy is relief?
>> big relief
>
> yes yes yes. feels like calm on the outside. no walking on egg shells.
> no worry about what mood he will be in when i come home. but...
>
> i do worry about him coming in without notice, when i am here or when i
> am not here.
>
> he left some small groceries on the patio last night. when i woke up I
> saw he had been here. it scared me. makes me feel like he is watching
> me. not sure, maybe he is just ... dunno. dunno what to think of it.
Have you changed the locks so he doesn't have a key can't get in?
>
>>
>>> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
>>> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
>>
>> you prolly not be so big big happy
>> maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
>> like finances
>> but still can be happy about being free
>> even if it makes some things like finances harder
>
> you think i am doing the right thing? do you think? What if I fail? What
> if I actually cant do this and i lose everything. I don't want to do
> that to the kids but i don't want him to come back either. just worry i
> guess. is normal right?
Think you are very much doing the right thing.
Shiyiya
ugh, that big messed up controlling. glad you got away from that.
>
> now, i still feel paranoid about coming here. I am sure it will get
> easier, right?
yep, bet so.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Tue, 17 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>> jill wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Wow, brave and big step :) You do NOT make him do what he does.
>>>> You do NOT deserve to be treated like that! Two very powerful
>>>> truths!!!!!
>>>
>>> thinking maybe there is something wrong with me that causes him to
>>> react. Then, i thought about asd.
>>>
>>> perfect timing, perfect Jill. ty, i need to keep the pieces straight,
>>> some know this now, some maybe still do not. I am trying.....
>>
>> keep trying
>> keep coming to asd
>>
>> we remind you
>
> puter. he thought i have affair or something.
:P
> i had written a week or two ago and he ran up really quick and read
> some of it. scared me. he asked some but i cried and said is my
> depression group. he said was not ok to talk to ppl online no more. i
> knew he was against it for past few months, but i tried.
:(
he was mean
> now, i still feel paranoid about coming here. I am sure it will get
> easier, right?
yes
jill
Ok, time to figure out a 'big picture' or 'long term' goal now.
Set your sights on something that you want from this 'less stress
in the house', 'calmness', 'a sense of safety', whatever it seems
that everyone inside can agree on or at least not disagree on.
Then, when/if there is doubt, you can pull up your goal and remind
everyone inside 'we want x'. This goal can be quite simple btw.
It can be something you may never actually reach or something you
will be able to get in a matter of days. It's just a matter of not
allowing floundering and doubt.
If you want x then you have to stay strong and focused and accept that
you are not to blame and you did a brave thing. It will help everyone
inside find a goal to work toward and you can use past reminders to
point out why evl will just keep you from getting to that goal. Or
why you can get to this goal without him.
jill
Puddles <allthe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>astri wrote:
>> On Tue, 17 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>> jill wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Wow, brave and big step :) You do NOT make him do what he does. You
>>>> do NOT deserve to be treated
>>>> like that! Two very powerful truths!!!!!
>>>>
>>>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>>>
>>> Perfect timing, i go through doubt. i was just doubting myself
>>> thinking maybe there is something wrong with me that causes him to
>>> react. Then, i thought about asd.
>>>
>>> perfect timing, perfect Jill. ty, i need to keep the pieces straight,
>>> some know this now, some maybe still do not. I am trying.....
>>
>> keep trying
>> keep coming to asd
>>
>> we remind you
>>
>> -- astri
>
>he thought i have affair or something.
>
>i had written a week or two ago and he ran up really quick and read some
>of it. scared me. he asked some but i cried and said is my depression
>group. he said was not ok to talk to ppl online no more. i knew he was
>against it for past few months, but i tried.
>
>now, i still feel paranoid about coming here. I am sure it will get
>easier, right?
You were doing nothing wrong. It was his insecurity that was getting
in his way. He we so worried you would leave him he ended up pushing
you away. Had he been able to let you 'go' and have external
connections to people there would have been less stress/friction about
computer interactions and one less thing for him to control.
You are absolutely right in coming here as you need to. Connecting to
asd is good and healthy for you because it gives you support and
understanding. Once you can accept this internally for real and not
give him power over you any more it will get a lot easier.
Baby steps. Just breathe. See, you already know these skills *grin*
Puddles
Ok, I think I am doing this with most of the pieces. Focus is feeling
like a family and goal is the ease of the household.
When the naive pieces begin to think about 'my fault' it is more of a
feeling sorry for him, that I am the one ruining everyone's lives
because I am not a good person and I am blaming him.
These are the things those pieces are stuggling with. So to see the
calmness as a goal seems to get wiped out by being my fault.
What do you suggest?
Puddles
I have big smiles. I am happy. I have been happy and its day 4. I like
it and I am cleaning up the house and calling creditors to arrange bills
and it feels pretty damn good. Its even nice having to budget the
grocery and figure out how to make least expensive meals. Sounds nuts,
but I love it!
confuzzled
> confuzzled wrote:
>> Puddles wrote:
>>> is gone. we put him out yesterday. he was behind the reason i am
>>> breakdown. still in breakdown but getting better now that he is gone.
>>>
>> believed that one day you will make him leave and stay gone
>
> years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out that
> only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots of
> financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and now
ja
>
>>
>>> filing for support tomorrow. NOT letting him come back. It's not my
>>> fault. I don't make him do the things he does. I dont deserve to be
>>> treated like that!
>>
>> isn't your fault. not at all. he makes his choices. and you are not
>> responsible for him. he gotta take care of yourself.
>> and will be hard and you'll feel lonely and scared and wonder if you
>> did the right thing but it will get easier, k. and you can come to asd
>> and we will remind you and we can just be silly if you need that instead
>>>
>
> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t says
> i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will be
> harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
>
> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions? Will
> it not make me not happy no mores?
>
dunno when
the scared and questions don't last. you'll be happy again.
is what happens with big changes. the changes outside make changes
inside so sometimes is sad, sometimes happy, sometimes both. but
eventually it settles down and if is a good change the sad and scared
don't last
>>> Stupid. I will be back here, he cant control me not to anymore! I can
>>> do what I want on the puter now. :)
>>
>> yea!!!!!! some come post moooooooooooooooooooooore
>
> I working on it. I am getting better. I had a breakdown wolfie. I had a
> part that broke real bad and we got so far real bad we was seeing things
> and hearing things and not not not ok.
sounds like really hard times. :(
>
> She is still pretty broken but its getting a little better now. t didn't
> want to talk about broken part today cause he knows we had a really big
> weekend and maybe is trying to get us to slow down.
>
> sometimes slow is bad though. sometimes slowing down and surpressing is
> not good thing.
>
> evl and i have been having really bad times. and i couldn't be on puter
> unless he watched me or can't be late coming back from store and lots of
> things. he got so controlling, i think he made the part break. and then
> the rest said ENOUGH!
good
>
> It feels funny being able to write here, it feels weird being able to
> talk to ppl. I am here and I am FREEEEEEE
>
:)
confuzzled
is what abusers do
make nice. apologize. so then you start thinking they nice and then
start feeling bad and like is your fault maybe and then they have a
lever and they stay nice for a while so that they can get a hold on you
again.
jill
That's cause you are free! :) So, divorce plans in the works? He will
be providing child support, of course.
jill
They need more work about the past. The 'it's your fault' stuff comes
with ab*se. They need to be given information about the past _and_
the present but you are going to have to accept that in the short
term they are just not going to get it very well. To them _everything_
is the system's fault. It gives control and safety to think 'if only
I...' rather than 'there is absolutely NOTHING I could have done
about...'
russiandolly
could be nervous energy. did they know stuff was difficult... guessing
so, judging that you said they scatter.
russiandolly
> astri wrote:
> > On Mon, 16 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>
> >> HEY! That is what t said too. t said we been not liking evl since for
> >> years! Was a surprise, i thought we was happy. Maybe figured out
> >> that only littles were happy cause they felt safe. Is lots and lots
> >> of financial issues to worry about but we are staying in the here and
> >> now and trying not to panic what i can't control. :)
>
> > is a good way to start off
>
> I hope so for now. I thought of some things I can do to help with
> finances to keep us afloat for awhile, so maybe panic is not as intense.
> I figure if I don't start off this way, I will feel like I 'need' him,
that's good forward planning.
we did a bit of that, knowing our tendency to panic and go running
back b*gging
> and i don't. even if i did, i dont.
>
:)
>
>
> >> yae! k. t said that too. t said not my fault what evl did to me. t
> >> says i am happy now but he said what you just said. he said it will
> >> be harder. Co-workers say i am too happy too.
>
> > maybe this much happy is relief?
> > big relief
>
> yes yes yes. feels like calm on the outside. no walking on egg shells.
> no worry about what mood he will be in when i come home. but...
>
> i do worry about him coming in without notice, when i am here or when i
> am not here.
>
> he left some small groceries on the patio last night. when i woke up I
> saw he had been here. it scared me. makes me feel like he is watching
> me. not sure, maybe he is just ... dunno. dunno what to think of it.
>
>
that would make us feel a little uneasy.
stay strong though.
how did he find out where you were?
perhaps he sorry... actually, scratch that... bit late for sorries we
think
>
> >> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
> >> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
>
> > you prolly not be so big big happy
> > maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
> > like finances
> > but still can be happy about being free
> > even if it makes some things like finances harder
>
> you think i am doing the right thing? do you think? What if I fail?
you won't fail
you'll find some way of getting through
you've come *this* far :)
russiandolly
> he sound just like evl.
we didn't want to let things progress in the direction they were
heading.
he not doing so good right now but... dunno... is difficult
keep getting confused - if he nice then we've been rather callous and
cold-hearted - he's been in tears with us, proper sobbing, but also,
when we see the other side of him, well, we're glad we're not 'his'
anymore (*not*that*we*ever*were*)
>and our littles didnt want him to leave because
> that is how they felt safe. i took away their 'safe'.
>
> evl has said stuff like that to me too. but, maybe when it gets to the
> point where risking d*ath is worth it, you know everything will be ok
> because you found strength. :)
>
suddenly becomes very frightening when realise that the risk is a
serious one, but yeah, *knowing* that you have that inner strength,
and that you can access it when the going gets tough, really helps.
we feel good that we are looking after and being true to our selves
too - all of them
astri
> Ok, I think I am doing this with most of the pieces. Focus is feeling
> like a family and goal is the ease of the household.
is good
and boys can help
> When the naive pieces begin to think about 'my fault' it is more of a
> feeling sorry for him, that I am the one ruining everyone's lives
> because I am not a good person and I am blaming him.
they incorrect
is his fault
> These are the things those pieces are stuggling with. So to see the
> calmness as a goal seems to get wiped out by being my fault.
isn't your fault
> What do you suggest?
tell them asd and astri say not your fault
astri
> I have big smiles. I am happy. I have been happy and its day 4. I
> like it and I am cleaning up the house and calling creditors to
> arrange bills and it feels pretty damn good. Its even nice having to
> budget the grocery and figure out how to make least expensive meals.
> Sounds nuts, but I love it!
and boys can help
confuzzled
when that triggers can you think about your boys? is better for them to
grow up in an atmosphere without violence. you are teaching them how to
be better men and how to take care of selves.
Puddles
have to remember, have to not erase. parts stopped erasing and now i
don't want to forget all the things he did. I don't want to go back to
that life.
Puddles
Actually not yet. t says maybe a good idea to wait. Would be an
'offensive move' rather then defense and evl is VERY vindictive. Since I
haven't spoken or seen him in 6 days, I think by Monday I will have an
excuse to file for child support maybe but.... dunno. its complicated. sigh
Puddles
hmmm, ok. takes thought.
Puddles
nervous energy. There is a lot to be said about that term. I think you
put your finger on something else I was trying to figure out.
nervousness makes sense in some other things i am doing. ty
Puddles
Is 'our' house. all his big stuff here. he took all his clothes but all
his 'stuff' everywhere.
> perhaps he sorry... actually, scratch that... bit late for sorries we
> think
>
>>>> but i AM happy! When will it be scared and question my decisions?
>>>> Will it not make me not happy no mores?
>>> you prolly not be so big big happy
>>> maybe get some harder when you gotta deal with hard stuff
>>> like finances
>>> but still can be happy about being free
>>> even if it makes some things like finances harder
>> you think i am doing the right thing? do you think? What if I fail?
>
> you won't fail
> you'll find some way of getting through
> you've come *this* far :)
i sure do hope so hon. i get worried easily. think its the nervous
energy. :)
Puddles
:P~~~~ help to make more to do. :))))) one in drama, two in wrestling,
two in academics club, three in orchestra........
Puddles
maybe, but i always find the flip side. that if he came back, i wouldn't
have to be so limited financially with the boys.
sigh. i always have a flip side. lots of black and white stuff.
confuzzled
so you trying to not make him too mad?
confuzzled
busy!
confuzzled
of safety for all and learning how to be good men is way more important
then being limited financially.
> sigh. i always have a flip side. lots of black and white stuff.
understand that. when we were younger we thought of it as "the other
hand'. you know, "on one hand ... but on the other hand...."
astri
> Puddles wrote:
>>
>> maybe, but i always find the flip side. that if he came back, i
>> wouldn't have to be so limited financially with the boys.
>>
> umm... but... think that the boys having calmness and living in a
> place of safety for all and learning how to be good men is way more
> important then being limited financially.
and also good for them to learn planning and responsibility and sharing
Puddles
well deserved. :)
only took me 12 years to figure that one out! :)
but, i made it.
i got through it and im still here,
still time for life............
a@a.a wrote:
> gurls wos talkin'...
>
>
> bout oversight
>
> isnt that a good thing ?
>
> huh ?
>
>
>
> contrats on feeling so good about your new found freedom ?
>
> it gives the group a lift when someone is *happy* : ))
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [aw sweet...]
Puddles
were trying, is all still *new*, but we are getting there. I got one of
my creditors to let me skip payment next month.. :) But i still havn't
contacted non essential bills to terminate.
so i guess planning and responsibility needs to apply to me to. :)
Puddles
giggles, we do that.
Puddles
this morning was big giggles. evl took the van and suv not working so i
only have my little car. had to fit all 5 boys in car- 3 in front and 3
of us in back to make doctor appt for 15yo, give rides to school and
make it to work on time. looked like a clown car.
love it, its not frustrating, its fun!
Puddles
yes. think i got him figured out. this is his 'nice' part. where he
makes me feel guilty and like all this is my fault.
but soon... very soon... this will all change.
he is extremely vindictive man.
long time ago when we tried to leave he broke all the windows out of our
van in the middle of winter and the heater didn't work while we were at
work. he didn't care i had to tote little guys around. then, he broke in
house and turned off all gas valves and water main. we didn't know how
to find them all and restart heater/water heater. it was 10 degrees
outside. he did lots of things. then he kept calling police at 3am and
tell them i was s*icidal so they would wake me up pounding on the door
and waking kids up. it was awful. and we only were apart 1 week. :/
have to try to not piss him off. have to be good for awhile.
Puddles
> Puddles wrote:
>
> when that triggers can you think about your boys? is better for them to
> grow up in an atmosphere without violence. you are teaching them how to
> be better men and how to take care of selves.
this is email i wrote t on sat:
t guess what? something good happen, guess what?
I went to store this morning to pick up my crzy pills from pharmacy and
I saw my van parked in the parking lot.
I knew it was Evl. All of my pieces got frozen inside and no one said
anything.
I had Thing two with me and I wasn't quit sure what to do. But, I
haven't seen or talked to Evl in a week so I guess I was curious what
his attitude would be like.
So, I went in.
And I saw him at the service counter as soon as I walked in.
He looked over at me and held up whatever he was buying and I told Thing
two to go say hi to his dad.
I walked over and let Evl know I was on my way to Thing two's eye
appointment.
We talked for a minute and he was really nice to me. He asked if he
could go with me and Thing two and I said yes but I had to fill my
script first.
At the pharmacy in the store, Evl noticed I wasn't wearing my wedding
ring and suddenly was very angry but wouldn't say anything (panic
protect pieces got scared). Then, he just turned around and walked away.
I followed with Thing two following me and I asked if he was still going
to eye appointment.
He said, No. he was mad and he has always done this silent walk away
when he is trying to get me to chase him implying/reinforcing my fault
stuff.
But instead of chasing.... I said ok then see ya later. and didn't
flinch. i went straight to the check out ( I told scared pieces to
remember, to remember the erase that was shared and how much nicer it is
at home)
about 2 minutes later, evl comes back in the store and stands next to
the check out waiting for me. He hands me some money (not much, but at
least it was something). Then he said, I will meet you in the parking
lot (then it got scared again but little was scared and it was loud).
In the parking lot, I told him he can still go with me to take Thing two
to doc. (My pieces, as a whole, were getting worried because maybe I
should not be doing this, maybe I needed more space to let my pieces
organize in behavior stuff. i wasn't understanding why a part re-invited
him)
He said ok he would go with us and we went. we (evl and I) didn't say
much in the eye appointment except he asked about my ring again. I feel
bad because i lied to Evl (but I didn't want to let anger piece out
again because maybe she not learned reserve because she yelled at him at
the bar and i was scared she would be mad in front of ppl again and I
was scared for scared pieces too) I told him I had put lotion on this
morning and I sometimes take it off in the mornings if it is slippery
but i was in a hurry and left without it (I wish i could have told him
truth that I just don't want to wear it for what it represents).
we both pretty much focused on Thing two's exam and then we went home
and Evl looked around a little bit. I asked Evl to go pick up two of the
boys for me (so I could get my skills very clear on what my goal is). He
picked up the kids and came back and was watching me work in the office.
Finally I said "look, I am not doing anything, I am not filing or doing
anything I just want to get more time away from each other first". He
said it will be too hard financially and I told him its hard financially
anyway.
I wasn't letting him corner me into any reasonings as to why I want to
stay separate. I think he was doing the some of the 'groom' stuff you
were talking about that is part of the cycle. Then he asked if he could
stay because he worked all night.
I said no.
:)
I told him he could come over and see the kids for Thanksgiving but i
had work to do today and he had to go.
He tried to be overly nice to me but inside, I wasn't buying it. I
stayed consistent. So, he left. :)
I did good t! My pieces all have different perspectives but they were
able to formulate a way to stay focused on my goals and what I want.
I am so proud of myself.
I just had to tell you about it.
:)
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>>
>>>> maybe, but i always find the flip side. that if he came back, i
>>>> wouldn't have to be so limited financially with the boys.
>>>>
>>> umm... but... think that the boys having calmness and living in a
>>> place of safety for all and learning how to be good men is way more
>>> important then being limited financially.
>>
>> and also good for them to learn planning and responsibility and
>> sharing
>
> of my creditors to let me skip payment next month.. :) But i still
> havn't contacted non essential bills to terminate.
>
> so i guess planning and responsibility needs to apply to me to. :)
yup
and would be especially helpful to older boys if you shared with them
what you're doing and how and why
astri
> yes. think i got him figured out. this is his 'nice' part. where he
> makes me feel guilty and like all this is my fault.
>
> but soon... very soon... this will all change.
>
> he is extremely vindictive man.
>
> long time ago when we tried to leave he broke all the windows out of
> our van in the middle of winter and the heater didn't work while we
> were at work. he didn't care i had to tote little guys around. then,
> he broke in house and turned off all gas valves and water main. we
> didn't know how to find them all and restart heater/water heater. it
> was 10 degrees outside. he did lots of things. then he kept calling
> police at 3am and tell them i was s*icidal so they would wake me up
> pounding on the door and waking kids up. it was awful. and we only
> were apart 1 week. :/
:(
> have to try to not piss him off. have to be good for awhile.
sigh
astri
> this is email i wrote t on sat:
>
> t guess what? something good happen, guess what?
>
> I went to store this morning to pick up my crzy pills from pharmacy
> and I saw my van parked in the parking lot. I knew it was Evl. All of
> my pieces got frozen inside and no one said anything.
[...]
> But instead of chasing.... I said ok then see ya later. and didn't
> flinch. i went straight to the check out ( I told scared pieces to
> remember, to remember the erase that was shared and how much nicer it
> is at home)
[...]
> I wasn't letting him corner me into any reasonings as to why I want
> to stay separate. I think he was doing the some of the 'groom' stuff
> you were talking about that is part of the cycle. Then he asked if he
> could stay because he worked all night.
>
> I said no.
[...]
> I did good t! My pieces all have different perspectives but they were
> able to formulate a way to stay focused on my goals and what I want.
>
> I am so proud of myself.
>
> I just had to tell you about it.
>
> :)
excellent!
Shiyiya
Can you get a restraining order based on his behaviour before and call
the police if he does anything?
ubiquity
> Puddles wrote:
>> yes. think i got him figured out. this is his 'nice' part. where he
>> makes me feel guilty and like all this is my fault.
>>
>> but soon... very soon... this will all change.
>>
>> he is extremely vindictive man.
>>
>> long time ago when we tried to leave he broke all the windows out of our
>> van in the middle of winter and the heater didn't work while we were at
>> work. he didn't care i had to tote little guys around. then, he broke in
>> house and turned off all gas valves and water main. we didn't know how
>> to find them all and restart heater/water heater. it was 10 degrees
>> outside. he did lots of things. then he kept calling police at 3am and
>> tell them i was s*icidal so they would wake me up pounding on the door
>> and waking kids up. it was awful. and we only were apart 1 week. :/
>>
>>
>> have to try to not piss him off. have to be good for awhile.
>
> Can you get a restraining order based on his behaviour before and call
> the police if he does anything?
Restraining order doesn't do much. Not very enforcable. A protective
order is more appropriate. In violation of that, they can take him to
jail.
--
-ubiquity
confuzzled
this post made us :)
how you doing?
confuzzled
hope it goes ok
we worry about you
confuzzled
Puddles
thinking i will wait until after big holiday in dec. is especially hard
right now. invited evl over to eat with boys yestereday. showed up 4
hours late. only stayed an hour. boys were asking about him. is hard.
Puddles
dont think im am doing very good job of it. he wanted to take my puter
with him yesterday. i said no. is why he left early. was my fault. but i
don't want to give him puter. has all my pictures and school work and
lots of important stuff in there. he got real mad. i feel bad.
Puddles
still doing well. still have no intentions of going back to the person i
was before. :)
Puddles
i have done that about 4 or 5 times in the past. courts not happy with me.
Puddles
and maybe make it even harder for the kids, but it would be nice to feel
like he cant come in here anytime he feels like it. i would change the
locks like someone suggested here but... would make him too mad.
astri
> thinking i will wait until after big holiday in dec. is especially
> hard right now. invited evl over to eat with boys yestereday. showed
> up 4 hours late. only stayed an hour. boys were asking about him. is
> hard.
sigh
astri
> dont think im am doing very good job of it. he wanted to take my
> puter with him yesterday. i said no. is why he left early. was my
> fault. but i don't want to give him puter. has all my pictures and
> school work and lots of important stuff in there. he got real mad. i
> feel bad.
he doesn't get your puter
not ok
you not make him mad
he just be mad
and prolly if he think you doing sneaky things on puter that's why he
wants to take it but he doesn't have right to
you keep your puter
astri
> still doing well. still have no intentions of going back to the
> person i was before. :)
k
Puddles
was doing better, its harder when he visted and got mad. makes me feel
like everything my fault and i am bad person. don't like this feeling.
financial is really starting to sink in. but....
I am still smiling more then i have in years and sing to myself and
dance to songs and kids see me more happy, so even though its hard, its
still better. :)
Saw t today. don't think he like seeing me. found out i am his longest
client ever. sigh. he came in to see me even though he had today off.
came in just for me. makes me feel like i am manipulating him or
something. is bad feeling too.
sorry all depression yuk reports, how you been? you say earlier you had
lots of words! :) lets hear em! :)
Puddles
No worries, is for the best in the long run. right?
Puddles
:) ty astri. being really depressed tonight. to top this all off, it
feels like one of my littles is disolving. t said he didn't think so. t
argued.
sigh. just not having a good nite. maybe better if we just stay quiet.
astri
> was doing better, its harder when he visted and got mad. makes me
> feel like everything my fault and i am bad person. don't like this
> feeling. financial is really starting to sink in. but....
his mad not your fault
his mad his fault
> I am still smiling more then i have in years and sing to myself and
> dance to songs and kids see me more happy, so even though its hard,
> its still better.
> :)
good
> Saw t today. don't think he like seeing me. found out i am his
> longest client ever. sigh. he came in to see me even though he had
> today off. came in just for me. makes me feel like i am manipulating
> him or something. is bad feeling too.
t comes in special for us sometimes
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Fri, 27 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> dont think im am doing very good job of it. he wanted to take my
>>> puter with him yesterday. i said no. is why he left early. was my
>>> fault. but i don't want to give him puter. has all my pictures and
>>> school work and lots of important stuff in there. he got real mad. i
>>> feel bad.
>>
>> he doesn't get your puter
>> not ok
>> you not make him mad
>> he just be mad
>>
>> and prolly if he think you doing sneaky things on puter that's why
>> he wants to take it but he doesn't have right to
>>
>> you keep your puter
>
> feels like one of my littles is disolving. t said he didn't think so.
> t argued.
hmmm
> sigh. just not having a good nite. maybe better if we just stay quiet.
or come to asd sooner
Shiyiya
don't see any reason for you to feel bad. is your computer. why did he
want it? was perfectly reasonable of you to say no.
Puddles
can read but no words. u is rite. should hhalf came sooner. seems like
too much running away from stuff....
nite astri.
Puddles
he didn't say why. maybe to see what was inside.
Shiyiya
seems to me like he probably wanted it to cut you off from support from
asd and maybe from the school stuff you needed too.
Catkejan
> confuzzled wrote:
> > Puddles wrote:
> >> jill wrote:
> makes me feel guilty and like all this is my fault.
>
> but soon... very soon... this will all change.
If it's OK to say, I think it's really smart and good that you've
analyzed this and are acting on it. I've read a few other posts where
you were doing this. Even when one realizes one needs to make changes,
those insights don't always come--us, for example, right now.
> he is extremely vindictive man.
>
> long time ago when we tried to leave he broke all the windows out of our
> van in the middle of winter and the heater didn't work while we were at
> work. he didn't care i had to tote little guys around. then, he broke in
> house and turned off all gas valves and water main. we didn't know how
> to find them all and restart heater/water heater. it was 10 degrees
> outside. he did lots of things. then he kept calling police at 3am and
> tell them i was s*icidal so they would wake me up pounding on the door
> and waking kids up. it was awful. and we only were apart 1 week. :/
>
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Fri, 27 Nov 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> sigh. just not having a good nite. maybe better if we just stay
>>> quiet.
>>
>> or come to asd sooner
>
> like too much running away from stuff....
hi
astri
>>
>> don't see any reason for you to feel bad. is your computer. why did
>> he want it? was perfectly reasonable of you to say no.
>
> he didn't say why. maybe to see what was inside.
he can't have it
confuzzled
is because it's important to you
is a way to isolate you
wonderin how you doing. you haven't posted in a bit