is this part of the process
confuzzled
one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think it
started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder. dunno
haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't face
serious posts.
this time we planned a "mental health" day for today. we knew it was a
hard week. we thought that would mean going out and hiking or playing in
the snow. we are trying to believe that we just chose to hang out by the
computer instead. this is becoming to familiar.
oscar hates it. oscar starts ranting about l*zy.
is that it?
russiandolly
wrote:
wouldn't say lazy
internal processing takes time and is hard work
often not aware of it most of the time, if it wasn't for the physical
signs
is ok to let other things take a back seat sometimes, especially if
you can pick up again pretty easily and don't let things slide too
much. doesn't sound like you would.
so yeah, think it is part of the process
astri
> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think
> it started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder.
> dunno
before new t
> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't face
> serious posts.
have had days like that
> this time we planned a "mental health" day for today. we knew it was
> a hard week. we thought that would mean going out and hiking or
> playing in the snow. we are trying to believe that we just chose to
> hang out by the computer instead. this is becoming to familiar.
>
> oscar hates it. oscar starts ranting about l*zy.
> is that it?
no
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Juniper
confuzzled <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm starting to
think I need them every once in a while.
I was having a hard time last week, ended up in my bi-monthly meeting
with the [r*ligious leader figure] I see, in tears. [He's a good guy,
so that was OK. I said tearfully I was turning into a cliche, in tears
in my pr*est's office, and he laughed and said I was about as far from a
cliche as one could be. Made me laugh too, while blowing my nose.]
Anyway, felt really emotionally fragile and emailed in sick instead of
going on to work and spent afternoon on couch with fake fur throws and
cats, just huddling and snoozing. Next day felt a LOT better. May
actually get some needed work done here today.
Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
Juniper
confuzzled
> In article <7m8lqiF...@mid.individual.net>,
> confuzzled <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at least
>> one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think it
>> started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder. dunno
>>
>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't face
>> serious posts.
>>
>> this time we planned a "mental health" day for today. we knew it was a
>> hard week. we thought that would mean going out and hiking or playing in
>> the snow. we are trying to believe that we just chose to hang out by the
>> computer instead. this is becoming to familiar.
>>
>> oscar hates it. oscar starts ranting about l*zy.
>> is that it?
>
> I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm starting to
> think I need them every once in a while.
ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
>
> I was having a hard time last week, ended up in my bi-monthly meeting
> with the [r*ligious leader figure] I see, in tears. [He's a good guy,
> so that was OK. I said tearfully I was turning into a cliche, in tears
> in my pr*est's office, and he laughed and said I was about as far from a
> cliche as one could be. Made me laugh too, while blowing my nose.]
>
that's how you get snot bubbles
(sorry, couldn't resist)
> Anyway, felt really emotionally fragile and emailed in sick instead of
> going on to work and spent afternoon on couch with fake fur throws and
> cats, just huddling and snoozing. Next day felt a LOT better. May
> actually get some needed work done here today.
>
glad you could take care of yourself. regrets that you were having a
hard time
> Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
>
maybe
but we stuck
and we feel like we need to apologize
for being stuck
for posting too much
<sigh>
and we are just fine really
but someone was maybe going to say we need to apologize for not being ok
then that got deleted and deleted again
because we are fine
so we sorry for sounding like we not fine.
astri
> Juniper wrote:
>>
>> I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm
>> starting to think I need them every once in a while.
>
> ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
> that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
means there's something inside overwhelming that needs taking care of
and ignoring it isn't helping and may be adding.
>> I was having a hard time last week, ended up in my bi-monthly
>> meeting with the [r*ligious leader figure] I see, in tears. [He's a
>> good guy, so that was OK. I said tearfully I was turning into a
>> cliche, in tears in my pr*est's office, and he laughed and said I
>> was about as far from a cliche as one could be. Made me laugh too,
>> while blowing my nose.]
>>
> that's how you get snot bubbles
> (sorry, couldn't resist)
:P
>> Anyway, felt really emotionally fragile and emailed in sick instead
>> of going on to work and spent afternoon on couch with fake fur
>> throws and cats, just huddling and snoozing. Next day felt a LOT
>> better. May actually get some needed work done here today.
>>
> glad you could take care of yourself. regrets that you were having a
> hard time
is too bad you have a hard time allowing you to take care of you
>> Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
>>
> maybe
> but we stuck
> and we feel like we need to apologize
> for being stuck
> for posting too much
understand
> <sigh>
>
> and we are just fine really
> but someone was maybe going to say we need to apologize for not being ok
> then that got deleted and deleted again
> because we are fine
>
> so we sorry for sounding like we not fine.
but you are sounding exceedingly *fine* :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
confuzzled
> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> Juniper wrote:
>>>
>>> I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm
>>> starting to think I need them every once in a while.
>>
>> ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
>> that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
>
> means there's something inside overwhelming that needs taking care of
> and ignoring it isn't helping and may be adding.
>
we sent t an email. heh, we started it off by saying "First of all let
me say I am completely and utterly fine. Anything that comes after is
drama and not necessarily real or true."
heh.
then we said some of what charlie thinks
then we said what oscar thinks and that thanksgiving is a problem
because of the d*d and that the get together for the br*thers birthday
is a trigger because of something the d*d did a few years ago. then we
said nothing bad really happned
was a nutso email. and really hard to right because kept editing out
"we" and was silly to do that because we kept saying we in last session.
and of course we didn't say charlie or oscar's names. talked about parts
was only way the email would get sent and not deleted.
<sigh> we really are nuts
<...>
>>> Anyway, felt really emotionally fragile and emailed in sick instead
>>> of going on to work and spent afternoon on couch with fake fur
>>> throws and cats, just huddling and snoozing. Next day felt a LOT
>>> better. May actually get some needed work done here today.
>>>
>> glad you could take care of yourself. regrets that you were having a
>> hard time
>
> is too bad you have a hard time allowing you to take care of you
>
:P
>>> Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
>>>
>> maybe
>> but we stuck
>> and we feel like we need to apologize
>> for being stuck
>> for posting too much
>
> understand
>
we done some chores. and oscar being less awful then usual
now we going out in a very cold rain for walk
>> <sigh>
>>
>> and we are just fine really
>> but someone was maybe going to say we need to apologize for not being ok
>> then that got deleted and deleted again
>> because we are fine
>>
>> so we sorry for sounding like we not fine.
>
> but you are sounding exceedingly *fine* :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
heh!
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>> Juniper wrote:
>>>>
>>>> I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm
>>>> starting to think I need them every once in a while.
>>>
>>> ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
>>> that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
>>
>> means there's something inside overwhelming that needs taking care of
>> and ignoring it isn't helping and may be adding.
>>
> <sigh>
>
> we sent t an email. heh, we started it off by saying "First of all
> let me say I am completely and utterly fine. Anything that comes
> after is drama and not necessarily real or true."
>
> heh.
good for you for sending
> then we said some of what charlie thinks
> then we said what oscar thinks and that thanksgiving is a problem
> because of the d*d and that the get together for the br*thers
> birthday is a trigger because of something the d*d did a few years
> ago. then we said nothing bad really happned
she'll understand
> was a nutso email. and really hard to right because kept editing out
> "we" and was silly to do that because we kept saying we in last
> session.
hmmm
> and of course we didn't say charlie or oscar's names. talked about
> parts was only way the email would get sent and not deleted.
k
> <sigh> we really are nuts
about as nuts as we are, prolly
> <...>
>>>> Anyway, felt really emotionally fragile and emailed in sick instead
>>>> of going on to work and spent afternoon on couch with fake fur
>>>> throws and cats, just huddling and snoozing. Next day felt a LOT
>>>> better. May actually get some needed work done here today.
>>>>
>>> glad you could take care of yourself. regrets that you were having a
>>> hard time
>>
>> is too bad you have a hard time allowing you to take care of you
>>
> :P
yup
>>>> Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
>>>>
>>> maybe
>>> but we stuck
>>> and we feel like we need to apologize
>>> for being stuck
>>> for posting too much
>>
>> understand
>>
> we done some chores. and oscar being less awful then usual
yay
> now we going out in a very cold rain for walk
:P
>>> so we sorry for sounding like we not fine.
>>
>> but you are sounding exceedingly *fine* :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
> heh!
:/
confuzzled
well we ended up going for a bit of a hike. that felt good
then we went to the grocery store and bought food and it wasn't big
fights over what we allowed to eat.
then... well it took hours. much planning, confusion, changing plans,
etc. But n and I have planned out a camping trip for early april. maybe
i don't get to go down there for th*nksgiving but I've got something to
look forward :)
confuzzled
everything else the first time
we tired
astri wrote:
> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>> Juniper wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm
>>>>> starting to think I need them every once in a while.
>>>>
>>>> ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
>>>> that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
>>>
>>> means there's something inside overwhelming that needs taking care of
>>> and ignoring it isn't helping and may be adding.
>>>
>> <sigh>
>>
>> we sent t an email. heh, we started it off by saying "First of all
>> let me say I am completely and utterly fine. Anything that comes
>> after is drama and not necessarily real or true."
>>
>> heh.
>
> good for you for sending
guess so
>
>> then we said some of what charlie thinks
>
>> then we said what oscar thinks and that thanksgiving is a problem
>> because of the d*d and that the get together for the br*thers
>> birthday is a trigger because of something the d*d did a few years
>> ago. then we said nothing bad really happned
>
> she'll understand
>
probably so. <sigh>
guess now some really hard work begins
>> was a nutso email. and really hard to right because kept editing out
>> "we" and was silly to do that because we kept saying we in last
>> session.
>
> hmmm
>
just... don't really want to be a "we". :P
>> and of course we didn't say charlie or oscar's names. talked about
>> parts was only way the email would get sent and not deleted.
>
> k
names is more real. names isn't parts, names mean people
>
>> <sigh> we really are nuts
>
> about as nuts as we are, prolly
>
hmm...
<...>
>>>>> Sometimes we need to huddle and snooze. That's just the way it is.
>>>>>
>>>> maybe
>>>> but we stuck
>>>> and we feel like we need to apologize
>>>> for being stuck
>>>> for posting too much
>>>
>>> understand
>>>
>> we done some chores. and oscar being less awful then usual
>
> yay
>
>> now we going out in a very cold rain for walk
>
> :P
>
was a wet wet walk. cold rain. was ok. was quiet hike and rain just made
it a bit of adventure.
astri
> well we ended up going for a bit of a hike. that felt good
:)
> then we went to the grocery store and bought food and it wasn't big
> fights over what we allowed to eat.
good
> then... well it took hours. much planning, confusion, changing plans,
> etc. But n and I have planned out a camping trip for early april.
> maybe i don't get to go down there for th*nksgiving but I've got
> something to look forward :)
yay
astri
> doh!!!! ummm... we replied already to the end of this. somehow
> skipped everything else the first time we tired
heh
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>>
>>> we sent t an email. heh, we started it off by saying "First of all
>>> let me say I am completely and utterly fine. Anything that comes
>>> after is drama and not necessarily real or true."
>>>
>>> heh.
>>
>> good for you for sending
>
> guess so
first one with content?
>>> then we said some of what charlie thinks
>>
>>> then we said what oscar thinks and that thanksgiving is a problem
>>> because of the d*d and that the get together for the br*thers
>>> birthday is a trigger because of something the d*d did a few years
>>> ago. then we said nothing bad really happned
>>
>> she'll understand
>>
> probably so. <sigh>
> guess now some really hard work begins
yeah
>>> was a nutso email. and really hard to right because kept editing out
>>> "we" and was silly to do that because we kept saying we in last
>>> session.
>>
>> hmmm
>>
> just... don't really want to be a "we". :P
mhm
(is it a choice?)
>>> and of course we didn't say charlie or oscar's names. talked about
>>> parts was only way the email would get sent and not deleted.
>>
>> k
>
> names is more real. names isn't parts, names mean people
true
>>> <sigh> we really are nuts
>>
>> about as nuts as we are, prolly
>>
> hmm...
heh
^ ^
@_@
>>> now we going out in a very cold rain for walk
>>
>> :P
>>
> was a wet wet walk. cold rain. was ok. was quiet hike and rain just
> made it a bit of adventure.
k
russiandolly
wrote:
> Juniper wrote:
> > In article <7m8lqiF3gna9...@mid.individual.net>,
> > confuzzled <nospamsometimesknownas...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at least
> >> one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think it
> >> started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder. dunno
>
> >> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't face
> >> serious posts.
>
> >> this time we planned a "mental health" day for today. we knew it was a
> >> hard week. we thought that would mean going out and hiking or playing in
> >> the snow. we are trying to believe that we just chose to hang out by the
> >> computer instead. this is becoming to familiar.
>
> >> oscar hates it. oscar starts ranting about l*zy.
> >> is that it?
>
> > I used to beat myself up for having "collapse" days, but I'm starting to
> > think I need them every once in a while.
>
> ok, oscar says the problem is we are having "collapse" days too much.
> that we haven't accomplished anything this weekend
>
perhaps the body needs a lot of collapse days right now.
maybe has built up a rather large collapse-day debt.
(like the body builds up an oxygen debt when doing lots of anaerobic
exercise)
perhaps you not allowing for enough collapsing on these collapse days?
you still trying to accomplish things even though you kind of *know*
that maybe you should be letting yourself lounge on sofa or whatever?
confuzzled
> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>
>> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
>> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think
>> it started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder.
>> dunno
>
> before new t
<sigh>
>
>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
>> face serious posts.
>
> have had days like that
>
we seem to be having lot of them
being hard to be at asd
think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad stuff
coming. is close to turkey day and walls getting bigger. maybe we need
to learn to not wall off everything
and is everyone busy inside lately. makes it hard to type and think.
saving that for work
so we trying to be here a bit. because if we go away too much the walls
just get bigger. then we think we don't belong and not wanted
and they back to worrying about it being too much me stuff. then stuff
loud in our head. think maybe if we can stay here some will better know
we not a problem?
confuzzled
<..>
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>> we sent t an email. heh, we started it off by saying "First of all
>>>> let me say I am completely and utterly fine. Anything that comes
>>>> after is drama and not necessarily real or true."
>>>>
>>>> heh.
>>>
>>> good for you for sending
>>
>> guess so
>
> first one with content?
>
>>>> then we said some of what charlie thinks
>>>
>>>> then we said what oscar thinks and that thanksgiving is a problem
>>>> because of the d*d and that the get together for the br*thers
>>>> birthday is a trigger because of something the d*d did a few years
>>>> ago. then we said nothing bad really happned
>>>
>>> she'll understand
>>>
>> probably so. <sigh>
>> guess now some really hard work begins
>
> yeah
>
:P
<...>
>>>> and of course we didn't say charlie or oscar's names. talked about
>>>> parts was only way the email would get sent and not deleted.
>>>
>>> k
>>
>> names is more real. names isn't parts, names mean people
>
> true
>
>>>> <sigh> we really are nuts
>>>
>>> about as nuts as we are, prolly
>>>
>> hmm...
>
> heh
>
> ^ ^
> @_@
>
shay thinks that's the best face ever
confuzzled
<sigh>
>
> perhaps you not allowing for enough collapsing on these collapse days?
> you still trying to accomplish things even though you kind of *know*
> that maybe you should be letting yourself lounge on sofa or whatever?
>
well... heh... you might have us there. we usually manage to get going
and do "the essentials"
russiandolly
wrote:
> astri wrote:
> > On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>
> >> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
> >> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think
> >> it started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder.
> >> dunno
>
> > before new t
>
> <sigh>
>
> >> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
> >> face serious posts.
>
> > have had days like that
>
> we seem to be having lot of them
>
> being hard to be at asd
>
> think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad stuff
> coming.
know that one very well.
the more we're struggling, or about to struggle, the more we push
everyone away.
put up huge walls of 'i'm fine' and big big happy face
feel bad for doing so, cos the peopl who care have to just watch us
struggle, (they can see through it) and like you said, it's hard to
get back to where you were with people after that
russiandolly
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>
>>> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
>>> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think
>>> it started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder.
>>> dunno
>>
>> before new t
>
> <sigh>
yah
>>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
>>> face serious posts.
>>
>> have had days like that
>>
> we seem to be having lot of them
>
> being hard to be at asd
but you still here
> think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad stuff
> coming. is close to turkey day and walls getting bigger. maybe we
> need to learn to not wall off everything
maybe learn to wall off the bad stuff not everything
(hard to do)
> and is everyone busy inside lately. makes it hard to type and think.
> saving that for work
>
> so we trying to be here a bit. because if we go away too much the
> walls just get bigger. then we think we don't belong and not wanted
and you do and you are
> and they back to worrying about it being too much me stuff. then
> stuff loud in our head. think maybe if we can stay here some will
> better know we not a problem?
you not a problem
astri
:)
astri
>>
>> perhaps you not allowing for enough collapsing on these collapse
>> days? you still trying to accomplish things even though you kind of
>> *know* that maybe you should be letting yourself lounge on sofa or
>> whatever?
>>
> well... heh... you might have us there. we usually manage to get
> going and do "the essentials"
what are the essentials?
astri
> know that one very well.
> the more we're struggling, or about to struggle, the more we push
> everyone away.
yah
> put up huge walls of 'i'm fine' and big big happy face
everything feels fake anyway
> feel bad for doing so, cos the peopl who care have to just watch us
> struggle, (they can see through it) and like you said, it's hard to
> get back to where you were with people after that
:(
confuzzled
> On Wed, 18 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>
>>>> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
>>>> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day. think
>>>> it started around the time we found new t? or when life got harder.
>>>> dunno
>>>
>>> before new t
>>
>> <sigh>
>
> yah
then probably since august
>
>>>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
>>>> face serious posts.
>>>
>>> have had days like that
>>>
>> we seem to be having lot of them
>>
>> being hard to be at asd
>
> but you still here
>
was able to be here more
now far away
>> think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad stuff
>> coming. is close to turkey day and walls getting bigger. maybe we
>> need to learn to not wall off everything
>
> maybe learn to wall off the bad stuff not everything
> (hard to do)
>
pdoc t used to say that maybe
>> and is everyone busy inside lately. makes it hard to type and think.
>> saving that for work
>>
>> so we trying to be here a bit. because if we go away too much the
>> walls just get bigger. then we think we don't belong and not wanted
>
> and you do and you are
>
hmmm...
>> and they back to worrying about it being too much me stuff. then
>> stuff loud in our head. think maybe if we can stay here some will
>> better know we not a problem?
>
> you not a problem
>
hope not
confuzzled
> On Wed, 18 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> russiandolly wrote:
>>>
>>> perhaps you not allowing for enough collapsing on these collapse
>>> days? you still trying to accomplish things even though you kind of
>>> *know* that maybe you should be letting yourself lounge on sofa or
>>> whatever?
>>>
>> well... heh... you might have us there. we usually manage to get
>> going and do "the essentials"
>
> what are the essentials?
oscar has a list
but then he always adds more on
(k, so far this weekend he hasnt)
confuzzled
> On Thu, 19 Nov 2009, russiandolly wrote:
>
>> know that one very well.
>> the more we're struggling, or about to struggle, the more we push
>> everyone away.
>
> yah
>
>> put up huge walls of 'i'm fine' and big big happy face
>
> everything feels fake anyway
>
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 18 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> it seems like lately when our days off from work come we have at
>>>>> least one utter collapse day. sometimes it's not just one day.
>>>>> think it started around the time we found new t? or when life got
>>>>> harder. dunno
>>>>
>>>> before new t
>>>
>>> <sigh>
>>
>> yah
>
> then probably since august
>>
>>>>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
>>>>> face serious posts.
>>>>
>>>> have had days like that
>>>>
>>> we seem to be having lot of them
>>>
>>> being hard to be at asd
>>
>> but you still here
>>
> was able to be here more
> now far away
:/
>>> think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad
>>> stuff coming. is close to turkey day and walls getting bigger.
>>> maybe we need to learn to not wall off everything
>>
>> maybe learn to wall off the bad stuff not everything
>> (hard to do)
>>
> pdoc t used to say that maybe
yah
>>> and is everyone busy inside lately. makes it hard to type and
>>> think. saving that for work
>>>
>>> so we trying to be here a bit. because if we go away too much the
>>> walls just get bigger. then we think we don't belong and not wanted
>>
>> and you do and you are
>>
> hmmm...
>
>>> and they back to worrying about it being too much me stuff. then
>>> stuff loud in our head. think maybe if we can stay here some will
>>> better know we not a problem?
>>
>> you not a problem
>>
> hope not
not
astri
that's not fake
sir lala not fake
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 18 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> haven't even managed to brush our teeth. not gotten dressed. can't
>>>>>> face serious posts.
>>>>>
>>>>> have had days like that
>>>>>
>>>> we seem to be having lot of them
>>>>
>>>> being hard to be at asd
>>>
>>> but you still here
>>>
>> was able to be here more
>> now far away
>
> :/
>
but then we go to the old forum we used to be at. way back. and think
that's probably trouble.
don't know why we are going there
can't really say why it's probably trouble
>>>> think is... think partly we wall ourself off when we think bad
>>>> stuff coming. is close to turkey day and walls getting bigger.
>>>> maybe we need to learn to not wall off everything
>>>
>>> maybe learn to wall off the bad stuff not everything
>>> (hard to do)
>>>
>> pdoc t used to say that maybe
>
> yah
>
have to know what the bad stuff is to wall it off
astri
> but then we go to the old forum we used to be at. way back. and think
> that's probably trouble.
what forum?
> don't know why we are going there
> can't really say why it's probably trouble
k
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>
>> but then we go to the old forum we used to be at. way back. and think
>> that's probably trouble.
>
> what forum?
>
except not sure it was me... not sure who was there
was where we met b. we posted about her once
was good and not good place for us maybe
dunno
doesn't matter
>> don't know why we are going there
>> can't really say why it's probably trouble
>
> k
>
doesn't matter
astri
> doesn't matter
you matter
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>
>> doesn't matter
>
> you matter
>
I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Thu, 19 Nov 2009, russiandolly wrote:
>>>
>>>> know that one very well.
>>>> the more we're struggling, or about to struggle, the more we push
>>>> everyone away.
>>>
>>> yah
>>>
>>>> put up huge walls of 'i'm fine' and big big happy face
>>>
>>> everything feels fake anyway
>>>
>> what about when you cuddle with sir lala?
>
> that's not fake
> sir lala not fake
>
and what you feel for sir lala not fake
and the person you are with him is not fake
astri
me too
astri
but dunno how to say
not sustained
Shiyiya
being fine doesn't preclude mattering
confuzzled
hard to think
was different people maybe
deleting
cant think!
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>
>>>> doesn't matter
>>>
>>> you matter
>>>
>> no
>>
>> I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> me too
>
sorry
astri
> Shiyiya wrote:
>> confuzzled wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> doesn't matter
>>>>
>>>> you matter
>>>>
>>> no
>>>
>>> I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
>> being fine doesn't preclude mattering
>
> hard to think
>
> was different people maybe
>
> deleting
>
> cant think!
regrets
astri
oh well
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> Shiyiya wrote:
>>> confuzzled wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> doesn't matter
>>>>>
>>>>> you matter
>>>>>
>>>> no
>>>>
>>>> I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>
>>> being fine doesn't preclude mattering
>>
>> hard to think
>>
>> was different people maybe
>>
>> deleting
>>
>> cant think!
>
> regrets
>
would maybe help if charlie would post
or if she won't, then she needs to let us post
hmmm... but at the moment, we not so blocked
t got her stirred up maybe. think t told charlie she matters. we were
talking about charlie, she wasn't up front but guess t was talking to
her and guess she listened. we mostly don't remember.
but charlie seems to be really mad at t. mad at every one and everything
maybe. don't get it.
heh. ok, got out that much but deleting is happening again
we trying really hard to work better together. at least most of us.
charlie doing her own thing. maybe she trying too but she not talking to
any of us so don't know. is hard to work together.
you sure t is helping us. seems like is making chaos and ... feelings.
guess the feelings probably not coming from t, is feeling we already have?
would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not when
sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just go to
sleep and sleep?
sorry for this ramble
srry
confuzzled
<...>
> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not when
> sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just go to
> sleep and sleep?
>
k. sorry for replying to own post
umm... maybe we could take sleep med? if you guys don't wanna do that
cuz of earlier, is ok. i didn't do anything. I promise I wont. promise.
just one pill
> sorry for this ramble
> srry
all me me me sorry
sorry for sorries too
heh!!!!!!!!!!
Shiyiya
is probably feelings that were supressed. remember metaphor I said about
shaken up soda bottle?
>
> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not when
> sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just go to
> sleep and sleep?
Can you ask everyone else if it can be agreed to let sleep just be rest?
>
> sorry for this ramble
> srry
is okay
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>> Shiyiya wrote:
>>>> confuzzled wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> doesn't matter
>>>>>>
>>>>>> you matter
>>>>>>
>>>>> no
>>>>>
>>>>> I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>
>>>> being fine doesn't preclude mattering
>>>
>>> hard to think
>>>
>>> was different people maybe
>>>
>>> deleting
>>>
>>> cant think!
>>
>> regrets
>>
> really tired now
> would maybe help if charlie would post
hi charlie
> or if she won't, then she needs to let us post
>
> hmmm... but at the moment, we not so blocked
>
> t got her stirred up maybe. think t told charlie she matters. we were
> talking about charlie, she wasn't up front but guess t was talking to
> her and guess she listened. we mostly don't remember.
>
> but charlie seems to be really mad at t. mad at every one and
> everything maybe. don't get it.
she said a few things some days ago about how nobody listening to her
and feeling like if you don't do things for others you're selfish and
stuff. is it that stuff or something else too?
> heh. ok, got out that much but deleting is happening again
>
> we trying really hard to work better together. at least most of us.
> charlie doing her own thing. maybe she trying too but she not talking
> to any of us so don't know. is hard to work together.
yes, is
> you sure t is helping us. seems like is making chaos and ...
> feelings. guess the feelings probably not coming from t, is feeling
> we already have?
prolly already there
t can't make feelings
(want t to make feelings go away)
(she keeps saying they pass through)
:(
> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not
> when sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just
> go to sleep and sleep?
would be nice
> sorry for this ramble
> srry
k
good ramble anyway
astri
>
> <...>
>> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not
>> when sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just
>> go to sleep and sleep?
>>
> k. sorry for replying to own post
is k to do
> umm... maybe we could take sleep med? if you guys don't wanna do that
> cuz of earlier, is ok. i didn't do anything. I promise I wont.
> promise. just one pill
did you?
>> sorry for this ramble
>> srry
>
> all me me me sorry
> sorry for sorries too
> heh!!!!!!!!!!
understand
confuzzled
> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Thu, 19 Nov 2009, russiandolly wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> know that one very well.
>>>>>> the more we're struggling, or about to struggle, the more we push
>>>>>> everyone away.
>>>>>
>>>>> yah
>>>>>
>>>>>> put up huge walls of 'i'm fine' and big big happy face
>>>>>
>>>>> everything feels fake anyway
>>>>>
>>>> what about when you cuddle with sir lala?
>>>
>>> that's not fake
>>> sir lala not fake
>>>
>> yes
>> and what you feel for sir lala not fake
>> and the person you are with him is not fake
>
> but dunno how to say
> not sustained
>
astri
the person?
fuzzy
> On Sun, 22 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>> Shiyiya wrote:
>>>>> confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>>>
>> really tired now
>> would maybe help if charlie would post
>
> hi charlie
>
>> or if she won't, then she needs to let us post
>>
>> hmmm... but at the moment, we not so blocked
>>
>> t got her stirred up maybe. think t told charlie she matters. we were
>> talking about charlie, she wasn't up front but guess t was talking to
>> her and guess she listened. we mostly don't remember.
>>
>> but charlie seems to be really mad at t. mad at every one and
>> everything maybe. don't get it.
>
> she said a few things some days ago about how nobody listening to her
> and feeling like if you don't do things for others you're selfish and
> stuff. is it that stuff or something else too?
maybe. well, she already was upset over that stuff. upset that we don't
want to spend t-day with the foo. upset that t is giving us suggestions
on saying no
then t said something to her. wasn't about that. was about caretaking.
neither wolfie or I can remember that part, except I don't think it was bad.
>
>> heh. ok, got out that much but deleting is happening again
>>
>> we trying really hard to work better together. at least most of us.
>> charlie doing her own thing. maybe she trying too but she not talking
>> to any of us so don't know. is hard to work together.
>
> yes, is
>
how do you... how do you work together if no one is really in charge?
>> you sure t is helping us. seems like is making chaos and ...
>> feelings. guess the feelings probably not coming from t, is feeling
>> we already have?
>
> prolly already there
> t can't make feelings
<sigh>
> (want t to make feelings go away)
> (she keeps saying they pass through)
>
> :(
>
sometimes they do
but to pass through, seems like you have to feel them
you ever able to have them pass through?
>> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not
>> when sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just
>> go to sleep and sleep?
>
> would be nice
>
think it sort of worked
tried an experiment. everyone sort of said goodnight inside. well,
charlie didn't but think she was listening. (this is all so weird). took
turns. so, was sort of making a point of this is sleep time and we all
agreeing to that.
>> sorry for this ramble
>> srry
>
> k
>
> good ramble anyway
>
all seems so crazy
fuzzy
> On Sun, 22 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> confuzzled wrote:
>>
>> <...>
>>> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not
>>> when sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please just
>>> go to sleep and sleep?
>>>
>> k. sorry for replying to own post
>
> is k to do
>
>> umm... maybe we could take sleep med? if you guys don't wanna do that
>> cuz of earlier, is ok. i didn't do anything. I promise I wont.
>> promise. just one pill
>
> did you?
>
we did
and we slept on the couch and actually slept
>>> sorry for this ramble
>>> srry
>>
>> all me me me sorry
>> sorry for sorries too
>> heh!!!!!!!!!!
>
> understand
it gets kind of endless
astri
giving you permission to find something else to do
> then t said something to her. wasn't about that. was about
> caretaking. neither wolfie or I can remember that part, except I
> don't think it was bad.
oh
>>> heh. ok, got out that much but deleting is happening again
>>>
>>> we trying really hard to work better together. at least most of us.
>>> charlie doing her own thing. maybe she trying too but she not
>>> talking to any of us so don't know. is hard to work together.
>>
>> yes, is
>>
> how do you... how do you work together if no one is really in charge?
not sure
guess we just kind of fell into an agreement that no one would sabotage
the job or the basic hiding
other than that, we kind of each do certain things
(or not)
maybe is kind of how clifton and we run the household
each does preferred jobs
for nonpreferred not really essential jobs then whoever gets sick of
something first takes care of it
nonpreferred but essential jobs we take turns (like litter boxes)
>>> you sure t is helping us. seems like is making chaos and ...
>>> feelings. guess the feelings probably not coming from t, is feeling
>>> we already have?
>>
>> prolly already there
>> t can't make feelings
>
> <sigh>
yeah
>> (want t to make feelings go away)
>> (she keeps saying they pass through)
>>
>> :(
>>
> sometimes they do
> but to pass through, seems like you have to feel them
> you ever able to have them pass through?
dunno
can't remember
>>> would be nice if we could agree to talk/fight/etc when we awake not
>>> when sleeping. gets exhausting. could we do that? can we please
>>> just go to sleep and sleep?
>>
>> would be nice
>>
> think it sort of worked
>
> tried an experiment. everyone sort of said goodnight inside. well,
> charlie didn't but think she was listening. (this is all so weird).
> took turns. so, was sort of making a point of this is sleep time and
> we all agreeing to that.
and it worked
huh
>>> sorry for this ramble
>>> srry
>>
>> k
>>
>> good ramble anyway
>>
> all seems so crazy
well, yeah
astri
wrote out a name
please ignore it and allow it to disappear
confuzzled
> oops
>
> wrote out a name
> please ignore it and allow it to disappear
>
astri
sigh
Shay of confuzzled
> On Wed, 18 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sun, 15 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>
>>>>>> <sigh> we really are nuts
>>>>>
>>>>> about as nuts as we are, prolly
>>>>>
>>>> hmm...
>>>
>>> heh
>>>
>>> ^ ^
>>> @_@
>>>
>> shay thinks that's the best face ever
>
> :)
>
^ ^
@ @
O
confuzzled
resisting
and maybe we should take sleep med but we resisting that too
and we ate a bunch of banana chips a while ago and don't like that.
wanna exercise that off
sorry isnt anything we need to be posting
astri
we go bed too
confuzzled
> On Wed, 25 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>
>> i guess maybe we should go bed
>> resisting
>> and maybe we should take sleep med but we resisting that too
>> and we ate a bunch of banana chips a while ago and don't like that.
>> wanna exercise that off
>> sorry isnt anything we need to be posting
>
> we go bed too
>
we did
astri
> astri wrote:
>>
>>
> did you sleep
> we did
yah
keiki
# #
= =
*
"
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr%[
Charlie of Confuzzled
> On Sun, 22 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>> Shiyiya wrote:
>>>>> confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>> On Sat, 21 Nov 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> doesn't matter
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> you matter
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> no
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I am FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>
>>>>> being fine doesn't preclude mattering
>>>>
>>>> hard to think
>>>>
>>>> was different people maybe
>>>>
>>>> deleting
>>>>
>>>> cant think!
>>>
>>> regrets
>>>
>> really tired now
>> would maybe help if charlie would post
>
> hi charlie
Hi
You all don't really want to post. I've posted and now everyone will
gang up and tell me how wrong I am.
>
>> or if she won't, then she needs to let us post
>>
>> hmmm... but at the moment, we not so blocked
>>
>> t got her stirred up maybe. think t told charlie she matters. we were
>> talking about charlie, she wasn't up front but guess t was talking to
>> her and guess she listened. we mostly don't remember.
>>
>> but charlie seems to be really mad at t. mad at every one and
>> everything maybe. don't get it.
>
> she said a few things some days ago about how nobody listening to her
> and feeling like if you don't do things for others you're selfish and
> stuff. is it that stuff or something else too?
T tells lies. I hate her.
>
>> heh. ok, got out that much but deleting is happening again
>>
>> we trying really hard to work better together. at least most of us.
>> charlie doing her own thing. maybe she trying too but she not talking
>> to any of us so don't know. is hard to work together.
>
> yes, is
>
They aren't trying to work with me
>> you sure t is helping us. seems like is making chaos and ...
>> feelings. guess the feelings probably not coming from t, is feeling
>> we already have?
>
> prolly already there
> t can't make feelings
She can lie and twist things
astri
> astri wrote:
>>
>> hi charlie
>
> Hi
hi
> You all don't really want to post. I've posted and now everyone will
> gang up and tell me how wrong I am.
don't think you're totally wrong
don't think they're totally wrong
think the truth ends up somewhere between
> T tells lies. I hate her.
is she making things up or just believing what others tell her?
> They aren't trying to work with me
:(
needs compromise on both ends
Charlie of Confuzzled
I read what everyone said. I don't want to be argumentative and I really
need to think. I appreciate what you all said and what T said
astri
> Maybe I can start over? I think I've made people mad here. I'm sorry.
k
starting over ok
we not got mad tho
> I read what everyone said. I don't want to be argumentative and I
> really need to think. I appreciate what you all said and what T said
k
jill
I am not mad at you. I'm glad to read you are open to 'listening'
and processing.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Charlie of Confuzzled
> On Fri, 11 Dec 2009, Charlie of Confuzzled wrote:
>
>> Maybe I can start over? I think I've made people mad here. I'm sorry.
>
> k
>
> starting over ok
Okay
>
> we not got mad tho
>
Are you sure. I think I've been really difficult here :/
confuzzled
oooo thats neet
% %
+
>===<
Shay of confuzzled
aand now thay say i gotta go bed
i dont like bed time
astri
but we don't think so
and we not got mad
keiki
heeeee
+ +
^
~
Shay of confuzzled
thats the best!!!!
i wanna do that
+ +
^
~
i did it
* *
]
~