Some thoughts
Hannibal
clear from them is that we were very angry. There is so much anger in
my past that it helps me to understand why we performed so poorly in
social and professional situations. We once spoke of our time in eng
sci in very negative terms. To be objective, I must say that the
problem was not with the professors, or the other students, or with
eng sci itself. The problem was with me. I did no know how to react
to people who have great self esteem. My own self esteem was very
poor. Today, I do not believe there was any plan to "trigger" me.
That was something in my own imagination. I am not paranoid as such.
But I am suspicious of other people and I do over-analyze. That is
probably related to the PTSD.
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
astri
yes, does sound like ptsd
is good you've got more insight now
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Hannibal
>
> yes, does sound like ptsd
> is good you've got more insight now
>
> -- astri
>
> ======================
> to email send to astri
> ======================
> at volcano dot org
> ======================
Hi astri,
Dealing with all this stuff is so hard.
Goblins
jill
Extreme anxiety can do things to brain chemicals. Unbalanced chemistry
can mean paranoia, physical problems, and lots of other things. Now
that your brain is getting re-balanced and back in order it is easier
to see how the past might not have been what you thought as it
happened. PTSD is extreme anxiety to the max, so it makes sense that
your perceptions would get mixed up.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
astri
>>
>> yes, does sound like ptsd
>> is good you've got more insight now
>
>
> Dealing with all this stuff is so hard.
>
> Goblins
yes
confuzzled
them the benefit of the doubt but at thee same time we having troubles
trusting and then we get all tangled up
Hannibal
wrote:
>
> > Peter,
> > Hal107,
> > Goblins
>
> we over analyze too. think we always try hard to trust everyone and give
> them the benefit of the doubt but at thee same time we having troubles
> trusting and then we get all tangled up
Hi Confuzzled,
Your point about trust is well taken. I have been thinking about one
of the worst times in my life (back in 2002-2003). I over-analysed
things to the point of paranoia. I think that was part of the reason
I had such difficulties with doctors. I felt intimidated by them and
I feared them; all because of my anxiety. There was a doctor I really
trusted; and when she felt that she could not help me anymore, I was
very deeply hurt. It made me very distrusting of doctors and at one
point I began to believe that the doctors might have been gossiping
about me in the office. Of course that is nonsense. Very very few
doctors would ever do that. But my mind just went off into some
ridiculous paranoid state. At that time, I made some angry posts
about doctors in general. And today, it makes me feel ashamed of
myself.
My psychologist has helped me to understand that my anxiety makes me
overreact to things. And that is something I certainly would do. I
really hope I never go through paranoia like that again. Now I try to
practice restraint. If only for my own peace of mind. And the good
thing is that this behaviour is now reinforcing itself.
Best wishes,
Peter
Hannibal
>
> Extreme anxiety can do things to brain chemicals. Unbalanced chemistry
> can mean paranoia, physical problems, and lots of other things. Now
> that your brain is getting re-balanced and back in order it is easier
> to see how the past might not have been what you thought as it
> happened. PTSD is extreme anxiety to the max, so it makes sense that
> your perceptions would get mixed up.
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
> --
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
> we are becoming white light.
Hi Jill,
One thing I am glad about is that I finally found a psychologist to
help me. My PDoc is great. But he specializes in the drug therapy.
The psychologist I am now seeing has experience treating chronic pain
and PTSD. That makes me very optimistic.
Best wishes,
Peter
confuzzled
> On Dec 23, 1:01 pm, confuzzled <nospamsometimesknownas...@gmail.com>
> wrote:
>>> Peter,
>>> Hal107,
>>> Goblins
>> we over analyze too. think we always try hard to trust everyone and give
>> them the benefit of the doubt but at thee same time we having troubles
>> trusting and then we get all tangled up
>
> Hi Confuzzled,
>
> Your point about trust is well taken. I have been thinking about one
> of the worst times in my life (back in 2002-2003). I over-analysed
> things to the point of paranoia. I think that was part of the reason
> I had such difficulties with doctors. I felt intimidated by them and
> I feared them; all because of my anxiety. There was a doctor I really
> trusted; and when she felt that she could not help me anymore, I was
> very deeply hurt. It made me very distrusting of doctors and at one
> point I began to believe that the doctors might have been gossiping
> about me in the office. Of course that is nonsense. Very very few
> doctors would ever do that. But my mind just went off into some
> ridiculous paranoid state. At that time, I made some angry posts
> about doctors in general. And today, it makes me feel ashamed of
> myself.
understand but don't think you need to feel shame. especially if it was
you coming online and making posts. your feelings at the time were real
and painful, but you chose to act out on them in a way that wouldn't
harm the doctors. so you managed your reaction
>
> My psychologist has helped me to understand that my anxiety makes me
> overreact to things. And that is something I certainly would do. I
> really hope I never go through paranoia like that again. Now I try to
> practice restraint. If only for my own peace of mind. And the good
> thing is that this behaviour is now reinforcing itself.
>
sounds like the paranoia was awful. glad your psychologitst is helping
> Best wishes,
>
> Peter
>
>
>
Hannibal
wrote:
>
> understand but don't think you need to feel shame. especially if it was
> you coming online and making posts. your feelings at the time were real
> and painful, but you chose to act out on them in a way that wouldn't
> harm the doctors. so you managed your reaction
>
>
>
Hi confuzzled,
Thanks for the reassurance. I hope in time the upset will go away.
Best wishes,
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
Hannibal
I am beginning to realise that all these thoughts about being mocked
and gossiped about were originating from within my own mind. Looking
back, the problem was that I had developed a very low self-esteem.
And that in turn created the notion that people would be against me,
including doctors.
Hannibal
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my posts. It really means a
lot to me and it is helping me very much.
jill
I could say the same in reverse, thanks for taking the time to _post_
your posts. Gives me stuff to read and lets me feel connected :)
Thinking about a reply you just made to one of my posts: at the
moment I'm not sure I'm having a 'fun day' before school starts.
We have a guest for the night and they (my two kids and that one)
are supposedly decorating a gingerbread house. Yeah, right. My
biggest hope is that no one gets frosting in their hair. The kids,
however, are having a blast! :)
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.