Emerging Butterfly Hospitalized
joseeinw...@hotmail.com
I'm Josee, EB's best friend. She had to be hospitalized last night and
asked me to write here to let you know what happened. I will be
checking back with this thread and can pass on anything you want to
say to her. I'm not sure if the following account of what happened
needs to be spoilered, so I'll just go the safe route and spoiler it.
Spoiler
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She was dealing with some really heavy programming. The same system
that was out last week before her birthday was very active seeking
people in the BDSM world to maintain the programming. She went to stay
at Steven's again. She called me to tell me she was going there, but
was unable to pull out of it enough to stop those alters from going
with him. C contacted her when she was over at his house and
encouraged her to commit suicide. She actually used language of
programming that she knew EB had been through to try to activate the
programming and get her to kill herself. It was awful stuff she said.
A lot of EB's parts were extremely activated with the programming and
determined to be "brave enough" to commit suicide. I'm really mad she
would do something so heartless and cruel. EB had the presence of mind
to ask for my help to take her to the hospital. So she got Steven to
bring her to my apartment and we walked to the emergency room. Her
programmed alters were extremely determined to act on the programming
and were really looking for ways to hurt themselves. But EB was just
as determined not to let them destroy themselves. She did calm down
some at the emergency room as we processed what C had done. She was
able to break the spell on some with talking it out, but there's still
some parts that are very heavily programmed and couldn't be reasoned
with.
So they took her to a psychiatric hospital and our plan is for her to
stay there until Wednesday when she will see a therapist she's seen
before. She may have posted about it recently. This woman has a lot of
knowledge about cult abuse and is really good with deprogramming. I'm
planning on getting her from the hospital right before the appointment
and going with her on it, if the hospital will agree with it. She told
them that I'm her adoptive sister, which is true, and listed me as the
next of kin. She's going to sign a release for me to talk to the staff
there so I can advocate on her behalf. Hospitals are so rarely
understanding about dissociation, so I hate for her to be there. But
at this point, it's better than her attempting suicide or being locked
up at Steven's. I'll be visiting her this evening and probably
Tuesday, so I can pass on any encouragement or well wishes you would
like to give her.
Thanks,
joseeinwonderland
confuzzled
thank you for letting us know
tell EB we are thinking about her and not mad and we believe her
(is maybe more to say but i all jumbled up)
cometz
we are sososo glad you are her friend. huge relief to know she has a
friend who is truly a friend. if not too weird we say thank you for
getting her to safety.
please tell EB that all of cometz is thinking caring stuff, not angry
stuff. (some get angry when she is in trouble and tho we say truth is
harsh some cause of who does the talking) want her to know that all of
us are caring about her. we think she is very very worthwhile to be
alive. we think she will be able to live a very fine life so is
important to stay here. there are children who need her to be around
to help them. that is the truth.
alla us
ubiquity
> Hello everyone,
>
> I'm Josee, EB's best friend. She had to be hospitalized last night and
> asked me to write here to let you know what happened. I will be
> checking back with this thread and can pass on anything you want to
> say to her. I'm not sure if the following account of what happened
> needs to be spoilered, so I'll just go the safe route and spoiler it.
Can tell her all of ubiquity looking forward to EB's return and hopes
she fares the hsptl well.
--
-ubiquity
Juniper
<4b85219e-3e27-4c7a...@o10g2000yqa.googlegroups.com>,
joseeinw...@hotmail.com wrote:
> I'm Josee, EB's best friend.
I'm so glad she has you in her life. Sounds like you got her to some
kind of safety.
Please tell her I'm thinking about her and am glad she's taking care of
herself. I want her to be around for a good long time.
Juniper
astri
> Hello everyone,
hi
bah
> C contacted her when she was over at his house and
> encouraged her to commit suicide. She actually used language of
> programming that she knew EB had been through to try to activate the
> programming and get her to kill herself. It was awful stuff she said.
this is so disgusting
and so typical of her
> A lot of EB's parts were extremely activated with the programming and
> determined to be "brave enough" to commit suicide. I'm really mad she
> would do something so heartless and cruel. EB had the presence of mind
> to ask for my help to take her to the hospital. So she got Steven to
> bring her to my apartment and we walked to the emergency room.
good for eb!
> Her programmed alters were extremely determined to act on the
> programming and were really looking for ways to hurt themselves. But
> EB was just as determined not to let them destroy themselves.
at least she didn't lose complete control to them this time
> She did calm down some at the emergency room as we processed what C
> had done. She was able to break the spell on some with talking it
> out, but there's still some parts that are very heavily programmed
> and couldn't be reasoned with.
>
> So they took her to a psychiatric hospital and our plan is for her to
> stay there until Wednesday when she will see a therapist she's seen
> before.
so she was still suicidal enough to be admitted :(
> She may have posted about it recently. This woman has a lot of
> knowledge about cult abuse and is really good with deprogramming. I'm
> planning on getting her from the hospital right before the appointment
> and going with her on it, if the hospital will agree with it.
would be good
hope she's stable enough
can you call that t and inform her what is going on?
> She told them that I'm her adoptive sister, which is true, and listed
> me as the next of kin. She's going to sign a release for me to talk
> to the staff there so I can advocate on her behalf. Hospitals are so
> rarely understanding about dissociation, so I hate for her to be
> there. But at this point, it's better than her attempting suicide or
> being locked up at Steven's.
yes!
> I'll be visiting her this evening and
> probably Tuesday, so I can pass on any encouragement or well wishes
> you would like to give her.
from us then
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
jill
when you get back :)
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
In article <4b85219e-3e27-4c7a...@o10g2000yqa.googlegroups.com>,
<joseeinw...@hotmail.com> wrote:
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Sonata
#@*($^#@%*(@#*%#@$(*&#@%. Glad she at least managed to get to you around
all of the "only talk to shadow world people" programming. Really hope
she stays some semblance of okay. Gah. want to k*ll C >:(
scattered
I'm glad that you were there to help her and that she was strong
enough to seek help when she needed it. A hospital is a painful cacoon
but I hope that she can emerge from it with a little bit of healing.
-scattered
Puddles
Can you please please please tell her puddles says she is thinking about
her? Let her know i care and i know she can get through this. tell her i
said to hold on to the boat.
joseeinwonderland
>
> - Show quoted text -
I visited EB today and she is doing pretty well considering. She was
able to be honest with the staff about not being safe and they put her
a safe room, which was basically seclusion, but they were nice about
it. Of course, they don't get the dissociation and programming, but
she did an awesome job of speaking up and fighting the programming to
hide how much trouble she was in and minimize today. I gave her a
copy of the thread with the posts that had showed up this afternoon.
She found that very encouraging. I'll talk to her over the phone
tomorrow and pass on the other posts made this evening. I'm hoping to
talk to her doctor tomorrow also. I'll keep you updated. I know she
really appreciates you guys since she asked to stay connected to you
through me.
Thanks,
joseeinwonderland
Sonata
Is she contactable through her cell phone and do you think she'd
appreciate a call?
cometz
wrote:
you're a good friend. glad for both of you.
azure
azure
<joseeinw...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:4b85219e-3e27-4c7a...@o10g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
confuzzled
wish I had sometthing wise to say
am glad that EB is safe and taking care of herself. hope that this visit
helps and that she realizes that folks at asd are here waiting for her
to come back and proud she's working so hard
russiandolly
sorry to hear that
glad she got to the hospital, even though it's not the best place in
the world, at least it can help her stay safe.
very glad she managed to keep herself safe.
give her our best wishes,
we look forward to her return :)
joseeinwonderland
>
> - Show quoted text -
Update: EB is still in the hospital. She won't be able to get out to
see that therapist tomorrow. She is, however, talking to the
therapist. It's probably good she'll still be there because she's
really not safe enough to go yet. They are being very nice. They are
assigning a staff member to watch her one-on-one at all times. They're
trying hard to work with her and haven't put her in restraints, even
though she's been in some pretty out-of-control alters quite a bit.
They're medicating her a lot to help her get through it, which at this
point is best. She's still doing a good job of communicating what she
needs. I hope she's able to find some stability before she leaves.
They seem invested in making sure she stays until that happens.
They've been nice, but I don't know how much they can help her get
past the programming. She said her doctor at least listened about the
programming stuff. I haven't talked to her doctor or social worker
yet, but I'm going to keep trying them.
She doesn't have her cell phone right now, so you can post here with
whatever you want to tell her. I read her the posts from yesterday
over the phone. I'll be visiting her tomorrow, so I'll print out your
posts again.
Thanks,
joseeinwonderland
astri
> She doesn't have her cell phone right now, so you can post here with
> whatever you want to tell her. I read her the posts from yesterday
> over the phone. I'll be visiting her tomorrow, so I'll print out your
> posts again.
thanks for the updates
Shiyiya
Glad she's staying safe. Still furious at C on her behalf. Glad she can
at least talk to the t now and maybe get some help. Hope things are
better for them soon, and miss her.
Puddles
I miss her too. :(
jill
joseeinwonderland <joseeinw...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>On Nov 16, 7:09=A0am, russiandolly <russian_do...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>> On Nov 15, 2:40=A0pm, joseeinwonderl...@hotmail.com wrote:
Thanks for keeping us informed. Tell her we are all still thinking of
her and know she can do what needs to be done to stay safe.
This time of year _will_ pass and she will be able to get back in
control. She's done it before in past years.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Puddles
> In article <7bd8a346-6c72-4e92...@p8g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
> joseeinwonderland <joseeinw...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> On Nov 16, 7:09=A0am, russiandolly <russian_do...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>>> On Nov 15, 2:40=A0pm, joseeinwonderl...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> Thanks for keeping us informed. Tell her we are all still thinking of
> her and know she can do what needs to be done to stay safe.
>
> This time of year _will_ pass and she will be able to get back in
> control. She's done it before in past years.
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Has anyone gotten an update since this original post?
Shiyiya
This is the most recent update, from yesterday:
Puddles
Ya, I saw that one. I wish she could get to a puter. :(
Shiyiya
It's probably a good thing they can't, there are a lot of alters who
would be instantly on b*sm sites and messaging expl*itave guys, and that
would be worse if they're unstable.
russiandolly
wrote:
they are scary scary scary and one way to make us be ten times worse
than we were before they put them on.
even
> though she's been in some pretty out-of-control alters quite a bit.
sorry to hear that
> They're medicating her a lot to help her get through it, which at this
> point is best. She's still doing a good job of communicating what she
> needs.
that's brilliant. hsptl staff listening?
> I hope she's able to find some stability before she leaves.
> They seem invested in making sure she stays until that happens.
guess that's a good thing,
is hard cos even when well is not nice to be in places like that,
and when sui is all the more need to get out to go act upon it :(
> They've been nice, but I don't know how much they can help her get
> past the programming. She said her doctor at least listened about the
> programming stuff.
that's good. (sorry, keep saying that)
> I haven't talked to her doctor or social worker
> yet, but I'm going to keep trying them.
>
great :)
joseeinwonderland
>
> - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
Hello,
EB wrote down some posts for me to put up. This post and the next
three will be posts I'm typing from what she wrote.
Hello from h*sp*t*land.. land of fairies and unicorns and... well,
really mostly nice but clueless nurses, a matress conveniently located
on the floor within sight of the staff... and food that is, err,
edible. kind of. maybe.
C wasn't really mean, right? She was a victim herself, beseiged by an
alter trained into her. She kept trying to put a stop to it. Is maybe
slightly odd that... well, nothing odd. One of her cult alters came
out. Not her fault! If anything i should feel quite guilty for
*begging* that alter to coach me in how to d*e. I was *extremely*
complicit then run around screaming, "She tried to kill me!" How
typical on my part, right? I disgust myself.
Not that depressed- just doing a poor imitatation of what i think
"programmed" people would do. Some "alter" always steps in to tell
what another is doing. *rolls eyes*
Just putting on childlike ploys cuz no real life or identity, no real
drama, so do half-assed made-for-show dramas.
or
maybe
maybe it's true what she did
what they did
maybe the devestation, the fight, is real.
maybe we could have d*ed here
maybe we do fight to exist.
not because we're pathetic.
because of true hope. love.
maybe this is a fight that matters.
cometz
is real. is true. is fighting to exist as real and whole. not
pathetic. there is hope. alive there is hope. the fight matters.
always. it just does. some truth is simply true.
betsy
Shiyiya
Will reply to it for her then.
>
> Hello from h*sp*t*land.. land of fairies and unicorns and... well,
> really mostly nice but clueless nurses, a matress conveniently located
> on the floor within sight of the staff... and food that is, err,
> edible. kind of. maybe.
>
> C wasn't really mean, right? She was a victim herself, beseiged by an
> alter trained into her. She kept trying to put a stop to it. Is maybe
> slightly odd that... well, nothing odd. One of her cult alters came
> out. Not her fault! If anything i should feel quite guilty for
> *begging* that alter to coach me in how to d*e. I was *extremely*
> complicit then run around screaming, "She tried to kill me!" How
> typical on my part, right? I disgust myself.
Nothing in you to be disgusted at. Is disgusting of her to intentionally
trigger someone else's sui programming, whether it was some kind of
alter or not.
>
> Not that depressed- just doing a poor imitatation of what i think
> "programmed" people would do. Some "alter" always steps in to tell
> what another is doing. *rolls eyes*
Poor imitation? Whoever you are, you're doing a more terrible job than
minimizing alters usually do at trying to convince people that it's all
being made up.
>
> Just putting on childlike ploys cuz no real life or identity, no real
> drama, so do half-assed made-for-show dramas.
Doubt it.
>
> or
> maybe
> maybe it's true what she did
> what they did
> maybe the devestation, the fight, is real.
> maybe we could have d*ed here
Yes.
>
> maybe we do fight to exist.
> not because we're pathetic.
> because of true hope. love.
> maybe this is a fight that matters.
Yes. And you matter. And people care about you. And you can get through
it. Believe in you :)
joseeinwonderland
>
> - Show quoted text -
Nother post- so...
We think sometimes we have addictive/entitled qualities that hinder us
and hinder relationships. M*ther taught some piece of us entitlement-
we *deserved* to be in the gifted program. From D*d: we *had* to be
the center of attention. Were raised to be performers of a sort- the
sickest, the smartest, the best, the center...
So we have a request in the midst of this h*sp. stay. words that might
help- but it could be an extension of unreasonable early demands or it
could be maybe articulation, direct one, of something that might help.
(Tangles of "you're so manipulative and selfish shut up" starting but
I'll trudge forward >-
Words of affirmations help me a ton, like maybe times or ways i've
been helpful on the board or seemed helpful in life?
Stuff that seems good about me, unique, likeable?
I'd like words to hang onto. Want to hang onto stuff about who I am
and can become whilst in this tunnel, stuff that reminds me of a
potential light. Thanks so much- to all who respond
and all who can't.
I'm getting tired, so I'll have to type the other posts tomorrow. -
Josee
Shiyiya
You managed to drop everything and go help J when she needed you, even
though you were deep caught up in old patterns.
You have insights and caring.
> Stuff that seems good about me, unique, likeable?
You are caring and fun and have a sense of humour. You're very strong,
even if it doesn't seem like it to you sometimes. You stumble sometimes,
or need to pause and breathe for a while, but then you get up and keep
trying. Is big strength. And even in catastrophic crisis you have
managed to ask for help when you needed it. That is strength too.
> I'd like words to hang onto. Want to hang onto stuff about who I am
> and can become whilst in this tunnel, stuff that reminds me of a
> potential light. Thanks so much- to all who respond
> and all who can't.
Hope to be able to talk to you again soon.
>
>
>
>
> I'm getting tired, so I'll have to type the other posts tomorrow. -
> Josee
Glad she has you as a friend :)
cometz
EB, you are a smart person who has allowed me/us to talk with you
honestly even when we are probably talking about our own tangles but
yelling at you about them as if they were yours alone. you never told
us to get lost. you tried, even when you are in most pain and
confusion, to keep talking and thinking and working on things. that is
a huge huge thing. seriously. there are very few people ever who would
risk the pains and tangles and honesty and angers and still come back
to listen and respond and work and and and, that is a lot of strength
you have.
the people who pretended to be parents needed you to be perfect. what
they didn't care about is who you are. you may be the smartest or the
most hurt or the most special, but that isn't what you know of you.
they never let you know yourself and they never wanted to know you.
they taught you all kinds of crooked and broken things and stuck them
in your head and called the results 'you.'
it is sad and terrible that they didn't want to know you. what is good
and even wonderful is that you can learn yourself and create your own
life and become who you are. you can unlearn them and learn you.
you are someone who can do that. that is a truth. you have to keep
wanting yourself and wanting real. you seem to want it very much, in
spite of all the ways they tried to destroy you. that means you are
very strong.
betsy
astri
> EB wrote down some posts for me to put up. This post and the next
> three will be posts I'm typing from what she wrote.
>
> Hello from h*sp*t*land.. land of fairies and unicorns and... well,
> really mostly nice but clueless nurses, a matress conveniently located
> on the floor within sight of the staff... and food that is, err,
> edible. kind of. maybe.
>
> C wasn't really mean, right? She was a victim herself, beseiged by an
> alter trained into her. She kept trying to put a stop to it. Is maybe
> slightly odd that... well, nothing odd. One of her cult alters came
> out. Not her fault! If anything i should feel quite guilty for
> *begging* that alter to coach me in how to d*e. I was *extremely*
> complicit then run around screaming, "She tried to kill me!" How
> typical on my part, right? I disgust myself.
we don't believe this at all
> Not that depressed- just doing a poor imitatation of what i think
> "programmed" people would do. Some "alter" always steps in to tell
> what another is doing. *rolls eyes*
they wouldn't be keeping you on close supervision in the hospital if
this was the case
> Just putting on childlike ploys cuz no real life or identity, no real
> drama, so do half-assed made-for-show dramas.
nope
> or
> maybe
> maybe it's true what she did
> what they did
> maybe the devestation, the fight, is real.
> maybe we could have d*ed here
yeah
and that's sad and scary
> maybe we do fight to exist.
> not because we're pathetic.
> because of true hope. love.
> maybe this is a fight that matters.
is
astri
> Words of affirmations help me a ton, like maybe times or ways i've
> been helpful on the board or seemed helpful in life? Stuff that seems
> good about me, unique, likeable? I'd like words to hang onto. Want to
> hang onto stuff about who I am and can become whilst in this tunnel,
> stuff that reminds me of a potential light. Thanks so much- to all
> who respond and all who can't.
this is what we have seen of you:
you are smart and talented and will be able to call on these qualities
as and after you heal.
you persevere, even tho it's hard and confusing.
confuzzled
thanks for sharing.
>
> Hello from h*sp*t*land.. land of fairies and unicorns and... well,
> really mostly nice but clueless nurses, a matress conveniently located
> on the floor within sight of the staff... and food that is, err,
> edible. kind of. maybe.
>
hi
> C wasn't really mean, right? She was a victim herself, beseiged by an
> alter trained into her. She kept trying to put a stop to it. Is maybe
> slightly odd that... well, nothing odd. One of her cult alters came
> out. Not her fault! If anything i should feel quite guilty for
> *begging* that alter to coach me in how to d*e. I was *extremely*
> complicit then run around screaming, "She tried to kill me!" How
> typical on my part, right? I disgust myself.
>
would feel better if it was all your fault. that would mean you had
control over it
> Not that depressed- just doing a poor imitatation of what i think
> "programmed" people would do. Some "alter" always steps in to tell
> what another is doing. *rolls eyes*
>
umm... that's not very believable
> Just putting on childlike ploys cuz no real life or identity, no real
> drama, so do half-assed made-for-show dramas.
>
that's not believable either
> or
> maybe
> maybe it's true what she did
> what they did
> maybe the devestation, the fight, is real.
that's believable
> maybe we could have d*ed here
>
yes :(
> maybe we do fight to exist.
> not because we're pathetic.
> because of true hope. love.
> maybe this is a fight that matters.
yes!
confuzzled
> On Nov 22, 12:54 am, joseeinwonderland <joseeinwonderl...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>> On Nov 19, 1:41 pm, russiandolly <russian_do...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>>
<...>
> So we have a request in the midst of this h*sp. stay. words that might
> help- but it could be an extension of unreasonable early demands or it
> could be maybe articulation, direct one, of something that might help.
> (Tangles of "you're so manipulative and selfish shut up" starting but
> I'll trudge forward >-
>
not unreasonable. glad you trudged forward
> Words of affirmations help me a ton, like maybe times or ways i've
> been helpful on the board or seemed helpful in life?
> Stuff that seems good about me, unique, likeable?
> I'd like words to hang onto. Want to hang onto stuff about who I am
> and can become whilst in this tunnel, stuff that reminds me of a
> potential light. Thanks so much- to all who respond
> and all who can't.
>
you are creative. you are intelligent. you have a good sense of humor.
you try to work through things and grow
> I'm getting tired, so I'll have to type the other posts tomorrow. -
> Josee
thanks for doing this
joseeinwonderland
wrote:
Here's another post written by EB. Sorry it's taken me so long to get
back to type it. She is getting out on Wednesday. She's doing better.
Things have shifted for now and we're going straight from the hospital
to see her t. Hopefully that will help clear up this programming that
got activated a little more. I'm sure she'll be posting in person very
soon.
She wrote:
"This stay--
"Hard to predict when it will end when alters keep tearing stuff out
of the wall to hurt self/ves with. :P
"I tell the staff- that p*sses the alter off but maybe relieves her a
bit too?
"At night the self-destruct seems to set in. Tonight is the same- it
builds and builds. I'm not to the 'must act' part yet- waiting till
dinner & J to come, which makes me feel terribly manipulative that I
can somehow 'hold off until..'
"The urge is here but I'll hold off maybe for some diet coke or a
visit. Tenuous control, this.
"Non-seq-- Isn't J's posting style a refreshing change from Steven's?
Suprise, suprise, he's shown no interest in my 'welfare' since me
being hsptlzd. He did have one lovely gem to pass on to me:
spoiler for bad possible visual crud:
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"'I'm glad you weren't in my bathroom- that would have been a big mess
to walk in on.'"
Update: After looking at this post again as I typed, I thought it
would be important to let you know that she is doing better. She's had
2 or 3 nights without alters trying to tear things out of the wall and
hurt themselves. I was concerned because she went from that pattern to
being numbed out and really hard on herself. But she's moved through
that a lot, especially with feeling hopeful because she'll be able to
meet with this t as soon as she gets out. I read your encouraging
posts to her yesterday also. -Josee
joseeinwonderland
Nother post- (written by EB)
Why isn't Jane here? She usta always be here- she not love me. i not
worth it. jane gone. i not live.
Shiyiya
:)
Grargh he's suck a horrible narcissistic jerk.
>
>
> Update: After looking at this post again as I typed, I thought it
> would be important to let you know that she is doing better. She's had
> 2 or 3 nights without alters trying to tear things out of the wall and
> hurt themselves. I was concerned because she went from that pattern to
> being numbed out and really hard on herself. But she's moved through
> that a lot, especially with feeling hopeful because she'll be able to
> meet with this t as soon as she gets out. I read your encouraging
> posts to her yesterday also. -Josee
>
Glad she's doing better!
Shiyiya
Jane being gone has nothing to do with her worth. *She* wasn't worth
being around you. You deserve to live and be happy. You don't need her.