falling down the well, being pushed down
nick...@googlemail.com
> hey N. sorry to hear things not good with D.
I have had no communication from her, when we were
so intimate so recently. She sometimes ignores
me for days anyway. I actually dont feel that
bad, thank you for saying this. Makes me
sad to see the card from my mother. When
I came out of prison, I just wanted to see her,
and spent hours just laying in bed, doing nothing
daily, just waiting wishing to see her.
She will say she is very busy. I can see how I
have been the abuser in some people's eyes,
I really cannot say I am independent in this.
> don't feel best place to give advice as things very bad with roche.
I doubt you have the energy to deal with anything more, like myself
and D.
I am sorry to hear about things with R. I think he has
negative self distructive tendencies which he takes out on
others, externalises. Alcohol changes him as well, but
I would charitably put it on the lack of hope that poverty
brings in a young man. As my friend I can say he
can be a total asshole.
> i feel used too and like i give all the time but get nothing back.
I think I made a decision a long time ago to give, that I would do
that.
I dont expect anything back anymore, its just energy
down a well, and sometimes the well is empty and people
demand more in our lowest moments.
> i don't think roche really understands mental health - like a lot of people really.
> i can't just snap out of it and i don't just feel a bit sad, just desparately unhappy.
Cliched phrases, on your bike, just get on with it.
Yeah.
If I had the energy. If it was not already all to much for me.
If I didnt feel that there was no hope.
I always say how pointless things feel. Sometimes my emotions just
fall
off a cliff, and the fall will never end. Dark thoughts. Dispair is
the word
I found for a feeling, but that word is not enough.
It is when weirdly I was the most low, that people seemed to want the
most,
and I realised I didnt have the energy, and they would not give at my
worst
moment. And I felt very alone. Maybe its being a people pleaser,
giving to
be liked.
Try and make big margins in your life, plan for these moments,
have comfort food. Dont expect too much for yourself. Just be secure.
I try to set patterns. I keep within my comfort zone. Try and set
boundaries
on R. D does on me! Toooo much. If he is drunk and abusive,
refuse to see him for 1 day. Stick to it. I am not abusive I hope.
Ok, this is the way I got out. I externalised, not internalised. I
stopped
just waiting for things to change. I acted, irrationallly or not but
with
momentum, like to stop would bring me to the cliff of pointlessness.
I shouted back. I stole, when people were selfish. I didnt care if I
broke myself as long as I didnt just take it. Not really great.
> i wish i could be an animal that hibernates past this horrible time.love xx"
I have a lady friend called N who I talk to on the phone for an hour
sometimes. She is very depressed AND her boyfriend is an abusive
gambler.
I can only listen and tell her she is a good person, and attractive.
She is pushed down by this asshole.
I have been so bad, I curled up under a blanked in a phoetal ball,
and hoped it all went away, and they didnt. I wished it would leave
me alone. C poured beer on me when I did this. M
just carried on ignoring me. Doly would be sympathetic, but
still be a drain, like a child who needs everything doing for her.
One time she could not make a cup of tea, and I lay there
for an hour knowing the milk was off, there was no sugar,
and there wasnt and I could not just be left.
Sleep is good. Being left alone is good. Being safe is good.
Being warm is good. Eating easy to make comfort food is good.
Be an animal that sets boundaries for others. Know you are
worthwhile. Maybe increase your meds. Be good to yourself
not others. Be selfish for once maybe.
Things will be better. How do I know? Because I have not
always felt like this, so one day you won't again. I promise.
Do not give up, there is always hope in the darkside.
Love Nick Macro
%
"nick...@lycos.co.uk" <nick...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
news:7e8b41a3-a457-459b...@s31g2000yqs.googlegroups.com...
holy cow , look at all the groups this went to , hi everybody in all these
groups
Colonel Edmund J. Burke
news:2MWdnbpeBvGuApPW...@giganews.com...
> holy cow , look how small my penis is....
How can you tell with it in flunky's ass all the time?
%
"Colonel Edmund J. Burke" <edmun...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:-aednYdvMaXvZJPW...@giganews.com...
quuer , hahahhahahahahhhahhahaha
nick...@googlemail.com
> "Colonel Edmund J. Burke" <edmundbu...@yahoo.com> wrote in messagenews:-aednYdvMaXvZJPW...@giganews.com...
>
> > "%" <pers...@gmail.com> wrote in message
> >news:2MWdnbpeBvGuApPW...@giganews.com...
> >> holy cow , look how small my penis is....
>
> > How can you tell with it in flunky's ass all the time?
>
> quuer , hahahhahahahahhhahhahaha
who are these muppets?
nx
slunky
> On Nov 26, 4:57?pm, "%" <pers...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> "Colonel Edmund J. Burke" <edmundbu...@yahoo.com> wrote in messagenews:-aednYdvMaXvZJPW...@giganews.com...
>>
>
> who are these muppets?
People who don't use google.
--
-slunky
%
<nick...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
news:1ed53f74-5452-48ad...@j4g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
who are these muppets?
nx
yo momma
%
"slunky" <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote in message
news:slrnhie2h5...@asus.zero...
and they do it on purpose
slunky
> "slunky" <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote in message
> news:slrnhie2h5...@asus.zero...
>> _/ nick...@googlemail.com <nick...@googlemail.com> wrote \_
>>
>> People who don't use google.
>
and we all post from PC's not nokias.
--
-slunky