should I drop out?
dave
miserable there, but I could probably get a job after. I want to drop out
and fix my depression, but I think it's partly caused by how much I hate
this school.
I have let my depression derail my plans in the past. The thing is, I feel
like it would be very risky to tell anyone that I am seeing a psychiatrist,
am depressed, etc, because these people (my teachers especially) are
possible job contacts in my field. I have had bad experiences with this
before, people start to see you as unreliable, as screwed up.
But I am screwed up. I fantasize about suicide in order to fall asleep.
Does anyone else feel trapped by life circumstances, by needing to appear to
the world that they're keeping it together?
Yes, I know that my health is more important, but real life doesn't just go
away, as much as I'd like a vacation
Catherine
DCDJC
>From: "dave" dma...@total.ne
DAVE:
For what it's worth, I had to make the same decision in the spring of my junior
year in college. I was falling apart, could not see how I could function, felt
I had no one to turn to. I went to the university's clinic, and met with a good
psychologist. He said it might help to get away for a while. So I dropped out
of college in the spring of my junior year.
That was 1968. During spring of 1968 I sort of decided whether I wanted to
live or not, and once I had figured that I did, I started to put things back
together. I went back to college that fall, graduated with my class in 1969,
and went about my life.
As regulars on this NG know, I have been a depressive for more than 30
years--tracing back to that first time, in college. I have a great family with
neat kids, I am an attorney with a successful career. And I am still
depressive, altho I respond well to medications and can generally avoid falling
into the pit.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but getting away from the pressures of
college, including an unsuccessful relationship, made a big difference. I think
that if I had stayed put, I would not have been able to keep myself together.
I did my best to hide what was going on, from almost everyone. Basically, I
succeeded, although I do not know how. I did not start admitting I am a
depressive until the last 10 years or so, but I worried about impact on
employment and everything else. The key to the whole process, tho, was
responding to the question posed to me by a psychiatrist, who said he could not
do much for my condition: Do you want to live or to die? It's not supposed to
be that stark, but I think he was way ahead of his time in knowing his own
limitations. Maybe he had already figured out how I would answer the question.
I chose to live . . . . and tho it has sometimes been very difficult for a lot
of years, I made the right choice.
Best of luck to you. You may be at the bottom of the pit now, but you need not
be there for the rest of your life. Good things can and will happen if you can
hold on. Whether you drop out or stay may not be the question, so much as
deciding in yourself that no matter how badly you feel, there is a life you
want to lead.
dcdjc
Suzie
I can totally empathize with your situation. I had to quit university mid year
in 99 after 3 and a half years of my course. I had so little to go, about 4
months but I couldn't cope with it due to severe depression. I realized that it
was more important to get better than finish my course.
Unfortunately you are right about what your teachers and colleagues may think of
you seeing a psychiatrist. I have also found the same thing and I haven't told
that many people about it because I'm worried about being misunderstood. I'm
actually quite shocked someone understands what depression is and that i'm not
crazy!
If you are thinking of suicide alot then it sounds as if you're quite depressed.
You should consider some form of medication if you haven't already. Medication
combined with talk therapy will help you to get through this. No one should have
to feel like this!
Good luck and take care,
Suzie
Tracy Ann Bernson
made those around me aware of what I was going through and I have found support from
faculty. You would be surprised how many academics suffer from depression, anxiety
(ever been through tenure?), and other issues. As long as you don't use the illness
as an excuse, they will work with you.
"They" say that fighting through this illness is better than escaping into
isolation. I know that initially I felt better isolated, in bed, not getting up
everyday, but then the guilt set in and made things worse. For me, I try to get up
everyday and do things, and being able to say that I did X makes me feel better.
Like I am winning the battle.
Best,
Tracy
Suzie wrote:
--
pyramid35
come this far.Yes, I know how depression can make you stop
your dream.Been there,done that.But,you are different,you
can make it work.I know you cant explain to your professors
you emotional state,they wont see the powerful way you have
hung in there.Do you think you could talk to someone whom
you can trust?Sometimes just thinking out loud,gives us an
extra edge.
Good luck to you,and feel proud.I wish I had accomplished
so much.
Peace Out
* Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping. Smart is Beautiful
RobertUK
Like Suzie said, if you're having suicidal thoughts, you should try to get
on medication if you're not already. The right stuff can work wonders,
though it can be hard to find one that works for you.
I empathise with your situation - I was having big emotional problems at
university in the UK (20+ years ago now) which were brought on by the stress
of the course - I was having difficulty coping with the work. Looking back I
think that was my first real depression. I stuck it out for the 3 years, and
felt much better when I moved on to my next course which I was much better
suited to. However, the scars of that experience have stayed with me I
think, and contributed to my current illness.
Currently, I find that my employers have been reasonably sympathetic to my
illness (I've had about 6 months off work), but I think there is a little
stigma and mistrust about depression as you say. I did struggle for about a
year before this, pretending that everything was OK, and to the outside
world it probably just looked as if I wasn't trying very hard. I suppose the
way out for me was eventually accepting that I was ill, and realising that I
could take an indefinite amount of time off work to recover (as long as my
doctor said I needed it).
I had my first real consequence of my illness last week - I was turned down
for renewed life insurance because of my doctor's report. They won't
reconsider for at least a year.
If you're quite near the end of your course, and its not the course itself
that's causing your depression, I'd be tempted to stick it out to get the
qualification, then maybe take a 'gap' year doing something not stressful
while you work on getting better.
Robert
dave wrote in message ...