Poem on a Winter's Day
João Cláudio
I sit by my window
Gazing out at the sweet, clean snow
A purity barely besmirched by these letters
The incandescent words
Glowing on the screen before me
The first snow of winter
An exceedingly fine time
An exquisitely rare moment
Of transcendent light, of beauty
Enough to lift even
The sad, shabby cynicism
Of this tired, wretched heart
To wonder -- for however brief a moment
A delight too infrequently given
Or perhaps too infrequently perceived
Through the dark, greasy gauze
Of depression's evil blindfold
My eyes smeared, seared with its wicked caresses
The too-familiar fingers of my old friend
My dear, black beast
But today I hear the laughter of the children
Playing beneath my window
The sound of their voices wafting up
Laughter like the clearest ringing
Of crystal bells in the cold, crisp air
I can almost see the clear bubbles of joy
Rising from their lips
The sweet, unblemished beauty
Of a happiness which knows not its own fragility
But revels in itself, sufficient unto itself
No explanation need
Certainly no tiresome qualifications wanted
Trapped here in my grim tower of solitude
A kind of petty, perverse Rapunzel
I have no golden braid to offer
Nor anyone foolish enough
To call for its lowering
Perhaps it's best this way
The children play on with a good, childish glee
Clumpy snowballs tossed and dodged with glad shrieks
The sweet simplicity of tiny forms
Making images of angels with their little legs and arms
A happiness in a moment complete and right
Replete with innocence and joy
A simple goodness
As I gaze down from my dark tower
I wish them well
And envy them, oh, yes
Remembering another life
Where I was a little one
Who laughed in the frozen white
And giggled and screamed with delight
My breath coming out in sweet, magic little puffs
Cheeks red with gladness from the burning heat of the cold
I can't decide whether this shining winter tableau
Is a gift of joy
And remembrance of things past
To be savored and appreciated just for what it is
Or yet another deep, bloody goring
By a sword of unspeakable pain
Swathed in a new sheath of glittering, deceptive beauty
To catch me unawares
Perhaps it's both
© 2000 João Cláudio da Silva
jmc
"João Cláudio da Silva" <joao_claud...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:38878C6C...@hotmail.com...
> Poem on a Winter's Day
>
>
> I sit by my window
> Gazing out at the sweet, clean snow
> A purity barely besmirched by these letters
> The incandescent words
> Glowing on the screen before me
Both.........black and white but felt. Thank you for sharing.
Lynda
> Poem on a Winter's Day
>
Beautiful.....
Thank you
Yours,
Lynda
João Cláudio
The URL for the Reading Room is:
http://www.geocities.com/joao_claudio99/index.html
On Sat, 22 Jan 2000 11:35 (EST), Ian Lewis wrote:
> I just spoke with you at the cafe. Could you send me the address for
> your website again? It took me only half an hour to lose it(-: Ian
>
> You are as sick as you are secret.
Aurealia Nelson
Hello all.
Tommorrow I will be arrested for grand larceny. I borrowed my friends (who
is not a friend anymore) credit card when I was manic and out of my mind and
charged 1500.00 on it. Now I don't know what to do. My pdoc says that he can
get me out of it based on the fact that I was ill. But I cannot imagine
being arrested. I cannot bear the humiliation and the grief that it would
cause my family, thus I am having to take matters into my own hands. I had
rather be committed from a suicide attempt than to go to jail. I have
several painkillers (right now I need them as I feel as if I have no
soul...the pain is too great) that I will take. I am hoping that it will
work. My life is a mess. I am a mess. I don't want to be in pain any longer.
Aurealia
There are needles in her eyes
that hold her thoughts still.
Her hands are white and cold
as frost.
Her trembling lips
are crimson violet
soft, yet sharp in thier full angles.
Tracing down
the length of her lithe body
a scar
as deep as memory
pulls itself from her dullness
and floats into remission.
The pills slide down like chalk
forging thier way
into that vast
emptiness
in her womb nothing stirs
yet all is nothing
and the pang of forgiveness
will never come.
********(this is a letter to the guy that I wrote this to...)
Can you even begin to understand this pain that is inside me? It is a very
empty feeling. Sometimes I feel as if I have to fill it with something in
order to make me whole...yet I do not know what to fill it with. There is a
pervading emptiness that is all around me. Nothing makes me feel real.
Reality does not exist. It is only a facade that can be traced back to
feeling nothing. I am bored with life and all the pain. I want to end my
life so that no one else can be hurt be me and all that I do. I cannot help
what I do. I have to fill the hole. Some things make me feel better...but
they are only for a moment. Then I am empty again. I do not know what to do
anymore.
I am not happy with anything. Most of all myself. I am nothing. I do not
exist. I am just flesh and a soul trapped inside this horrible body. I am
not myself. This pain is too much...I wish that you could understand.
A
<Lyn...@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:1e4sz31.1u2ra6v4qill3N%Lyn...@bigfoot.com...
M. Lisa Wagner
Sounds like you need help NOW and you need to get a grip long enough to call 911
or get someone to take you to the hospital, as you didn't use a real name or
anything like that, no one here can help, so I hope you will help yourself. Who
are you?? Why did you pick this group to share with?? Your welcome here of
course, but I wonder, why someone out of the blue would post this kind of note
knowing we can't help if you really plan to kill yourself, I KNOW, I have been
there, Done that, its not as fun as it sounds. BUT IF You really want help,
Hang around Talk it out with us, allow us to help you through the hard part.
Hell its only Sunday, Monday might just look better. Lisa
Aurealia Nelson wrote:
> Hello all.
> Tommorrow I will be arrested for grand larceny. I borrowed my friends (who
> is not a friend anymore) credit card when I was manic and out of my mind and
> charged 1500.00 on it. Now I don't know what to do. My pdoc says that he can
> get me out of it based on the fact that I was ill. But I cannot imagine
> being arrested. I cannot bear the humiliation and the grief that it would
> cause my family, thus I am having to take matters into my own hands. I had
> rather be committed from a suicide attempt than to go to jail. I have
> several painkillers (right now I need them as I feel as if I have no
> soul...the pain is too great) that I will take. I am hoping that it will
> work. My life is a mess. I am a mess. I don't want to be in pain any longer.
>
> Aurealia--
CoyoteWoman, she who would walk backwards into war just to survive the insane
life I have been handed.
Victor
> Hello all.
> Tommorrow I will be arrested for grand larceny. I borrowed my friends (who
> is not a friend anymore) credit card when I was manic and out of my mind and
> charged 1500.00 on it. Now I don't know what to do. My pdoc says that he can
> get me out of it based on the fact that I was ill. But I cannot imagine
> being arrested. I cannot bear the humiliation and the grief that it would
> cause my family, thus I am having to take matters into my own hands. I had
> rather be committed from a suicide attempt than to go to jail. I have
> several painkillers (right now I need them as I feel as if I have no
> soul...the pain is too great) that I will take. I am hoping that it will
> work. My life is a mess. I am a mess. I don't want to be in pain any longer.
>
> Aurealia
Just a suggestion, why don't you apologize to your friend and pay back the money
you stole. I am sure that the bank who issued the credit card will not benefit
from your incarceration. They only want their money back. As for betraying
your friend and breaking his or her trust, many strong friendships are
repairable, especially if he/she has known you for quite awhile.
I don't know if your plan to get yourself committed to a hospital will prevent
the grand larceny charges from being filed against you. My gut feeling is it
won't.
Take care of yourself. I hope things work out the best they can.
Victor