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Children are a blessing from god

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Blaire Newton

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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God wants us to love and be loved by our husbands, wives and of course, by
our children. Praise the lord Jesus Christ. I will pray for all of the
lonely contributors to this group. May you find peace and learn to love and
not hate those around you.

B.N.


NEWSFLASH: PROOF POSITIVE!
Jesus proven King of kings...

Yes, here's absolutely irrefutable, scientifically-verifiable evidence
that plainly demonstrates Jesus the Nazarene called the Christ to be the
One and Only Messiah of the Hebrew Old Testament(TaNaKh)! I discovered
these facts through very careful, exhaustive research and deduction by
comparing extant secular-historical evidences with the testimony which
was so faithfully recorded in the ancient Hebrew Canon, which necessarily
includes BOTH Old and New Covenant Scriptures.

Please enjoy reading, and feel free to copy any or all portions of my
article
and distrubute it freely. Furthermore BE ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY SURE to save
this article and forward it to your favorite newsgroups as often as you
like.
The time *is* short, so be sure to get the word out: Jesus Christ *is* LORD!

Oh, and one more thing, don't forget to forward/carbon copy this message
via email to *all* of your relatives, friends and associates on the Net.
And be sure to print this out and copy it and distribute it to everyone
you know of who is interested in the Truth, regardless of their religion
or lack thereof, even secular-atheists who *hate* the Word of God Jesus:

THIS MESSAGE IS FOR EVERYONE!

:)

Before proceeding with this article, please note the following:
-All calculations are based on precision astronomical data.
-Ancient calendar records correlated with lunisolar phases.
-Location data preset to Jerusalem for all calculations
-All Jewish lunisolar calendar dates are kosher(formal)
-Precession epoch datum set for each date specified

* * *

Lord of the Sabbath -- A Closer Look

• The "going forth of the commandment(Artaxerxes I[Longimanus])
to restore and to (re)build Jerusalem..."[Dan 9:25]:
Julian day: 1554766
Day of week: Thursday, September 19, 457 BC
Jewish calendar: 1 Tishri 3305(1st day of the 1st[regnal] month)
New Moon: 12:58:47 AM(JD 1554765.45749)
Phase: 0.1%, Phase angle: 175.68ø
Az: 29:59:12; Alt: -45:47:25
RA: 11:32:40; Dec: 7:48:27
Ecliptic Lon: 170:36:51; Lat: 4:24:29
Galactic Lon: 323:56:44; Lat: 55:24:14
Rising: Sep 19, 457 BC; 5:26:07 AM
Transit: Sep 19, 457 BC; 11:56:50 AM
Setting: Sep 19, 457 BC; 6:19:57 PM
Notes: ref. Ezra 7:6-26, ibid; note also that
1 Tishri must not fall on Sun, Wed or Fri.

• Jesus born in Bethlehem w/"his star[rising]in the east":
Julian day: 1720551
Day of week: Monday, August 12, 3 BC
Jewish calendar: 3 Elul 3758(lunisolar)
New Moon: 12:44:01 AM(JD 1720549.44723)
Phase: 0.0%, Phase angle: 179.38ø
Az: 21:07:02; Alt: -39:38:16
RA: 9:10:05; Dec: 15:56:28
Ecliptic Lon: 135:10:08; Lat: -0:32:36
Galactic Lon: 245:20:41; Lat: 55:37:20
Rising: Aug 11, 3 BC; 5:04:05 AM
Transit: Aug 11, 3 BC; 11:56:05 AM
Setting: Aug 11, 3 BC; 6:40:06 PM
Notes: Jupiter-Venus conjunction in Leo.

• Wise men(Magi) visit Herod(morning)/10-month old Jesus(sunset):
Julian day: 1720860
Day and Date: Tuesday, June 17, 2 BC
Jewish calendar: 17/18 Tammuz 3759(lunisolar)
New Moon: 2:50:24 PM(JD 1720845.03500)
Phase: 0.1%, Phase angle: 175.90ø
Az: 276:04:25; Alt: 43:53:38
RA: 4:18:48; Dec: 25:28:02
Ecliptic Lon: 67:15:12; Lat: 3:46:00
Galactic Lon: 185:39:26; Lat: 6:20:12
Rising: Jun 2, 2 BC; 3:49:21 AM
Transit: Jun 2, 2 BC; 11:13:58 AM
Setting: Jun 2, 2 BC; 6:42:42 PM
*Full moon: 8:06:58 PM(JD 1720860.25484)
Phase: 99.9%, Phase angle: 3.84ø
Az: 134:39:11; Alt: 13:45:53
RA: 17:29:03; Dec: -27:03:40
Ecliptic Lon: 263:06:02; Lat: -3:33:05
Galactic Lon: 13:57:33; Lat: -19:56:34
Rising: Jun 17, 2 BC; 6:36:53 PM
Transit: Jun 17, 2 BC; 11:35:11 PM
Setting: Jun 18, 2 BC; 4:34:01 AM
Notes: Jupiter-Venus conjunction in Leo.

• Caesar Augustus died:
Julian day: 1726402
Day and Date: Sunday, 19 August 14 AD
Jewish calendar: 5 Elul 3774(lunisolar)
Notes: Tiberius not yet Caesar.

• Tiberius made Caesar Imperator(Emperor):
Julian day: 1726431
Day and Date: Monday, September 17, 14 AD
Jewish calendar: 5 Tishri 3775(lunisolar)
New Moon: 5:54:43 AM(JD 1726426.66300)
Phase: 0.0%, Phase angle: 178.50ø
Az: 87:39:23; Alt: 7:16:36
RA: 11:19:22; Dec: 5:48:28
Ecliptic Lon: 168:22:59; Lat: 1:16:10
Galactic Lon: 307:29:26; Lat: 57:37:38
Rising: Sep 13, 14 AD; 5:15:01 Am
Transit: Sep 13, 14 AD; 11:41:17 AM
Setting: Sep 13, 14 AD; 5:59:26 PM
Notes: Compare Jesus' baptism date[Luke 3:1].

• New Moon[Heb. Molad] coincident with Vernal Equinox:
Julian day: 1730266
Day and Date: Sunday, March 18, 25 AD
Jewish calendar: 28 AdarI 3785 (1 Nisan delayed 2 days)
New Moon: 8:07:30 AM(JD 1730265.75521)
Phase: 0.0%, Phase angle: 177.94ø
Az: 113:27:40; Alt: 26:56:03
RA: 23:48:07; Dec: -3:37:11
Ecliptic Lon: 355:49:28; Lat: -2:07:17
Galactic Lon: 139:26:24; Lat: -54:31:38
Rising: Mar 18, 25 AD; 5:49:08 AM
Transit: Mar 18, 25 AD; 11:53:14 AM
Setting: Mar 18, 25 AD; 6:03:43 PM
*Sun Rising: Mar 18, 25 AD; 5:43:52 AM
Transit: Mar 18, 25 AD; 11:42:47 AM
Setting: Mar 18, 25 AD; 5:42:10 PM
Notes: Thirteenth intercalary month(Adar II/Veadar)
added in years 2, 5, 7, 10, 13, 16, and 18
over the nineteen-year cycle in Jesus' day,
proving that 31 AD was not a leap year.

• Jesus' 30th birthday:
Julian day: 1731155
Day and Date: Sunday, August 24, 27 AD
Jewish calendar: 3 Elul 3787(lunisolar)
New Moon: 2:09:28 PM(JD 1731151.00658)
Phase: 0.0%, Phase angle: 177.86ø
Az: 254:17:20; Alt: 51:43:00
RA: 9:47:00; Dec: 15:42:50
Ecliptic Lon: 143:39:49; Lat: 2:03:30
Galactic Lon: 257:55:04; Lat: 61:00:22
Rising: Aug 20, 27 AD; 4:31:40 AM
Transit: Aug 20, 27 AD; 11:32:27 AM
Setting: Aug 20, 27 AD; 6:26:46 PM
Notes: Jewish calendar birthday, Jesus eligible
for priesthood.

• Jesus baptized into ministry at river Jordan, exactly
14 regnal years + 1 day into "reign of Tiberius Caesar", and
483 tropical years [@365.242199d/y] + 1 day from commandment):
Julian day: 1731180
Day and Date: Thursday, September 18, 27 AD
Jewish calendar: 1 Tishri 3788(Day of Trumpets)
New Moon: 12:12:23 AM(JD 1731180.42526)
Phase: 0.1%, Phase angle: 176.18ø
Rising: Sep 19, 27 AD; 5:32:29 AM
Transit: Sep 19, 27 AD; 11:58:55 AM
Setting: Sep 19, 27 AD; 6:18:05 PM
Az: 14:40:42; Alt: -51:00:41
RA: 11:42:07; Dec: 6:11:54
Ecliptic Lon: 173:25:04; Lat: 3:52:59
Galactic Lon: 317:44:29; Lat: 57:22:53
Notes: Daniel's 7+62 sabbatic years fulfilled[Dan 9:25].

• Vernal(Spring) Equinox of 31 AD:
Julian day: 1732454
Day and Date: Monday, March 19, 31 AD
Jewish calendar: 5 Nisan 3791(lunisolar)
Sun Rising: Mar 19, 31 AD; 5:43:10 AM
Transit: Mar 19, 31 AD; 11:42:36 AM
Setting: Mar 19, 31 AD; 5:42:30 PM
Notes: Jewish lunisolar calendar rules stipulate
Passover(14 Nisan) must occur no earlier
than two days before the spring equinox.
Josephus said Passover fell "in Aries"
[ref. Antiquities of the Jews IIIx5],
placing Nisan 14 after March 21 every year
from Moses to Christ. Also, Pentecost must
occur before summer, and always on a Monday,
on the 7th/9th/11th or 13th of 3rd month(Sivan),
proving 14 Nisan 3791 fell on March 28, 31 AD.

• Palm "Sunday"(1283 days after His baptism, the LORD of the Sabbath rides
humbly
into Jerusalem in "the midst" of the prophet Daniel's seventieth sabbatic
year):
Julian day: 1732463
Day and Date: Saturday, March 24, 31 AD
Jewish calendar: 10 Nisan 3791(lunisolar)
New Moon: 2:37:22 AM(JD 1732450.52594)
Phase: 0.2%, Phase angle: 175.34ø
Az: 67:41:09; Alt: -45:35:21
RA: 23:27:51; Dec: -8:38:58
Ecliptic Lon: 349:11:07; Lat: -4:42:49
Galactic Lon: 131:38:56; Lat: -60:23:10
Rising: Mar 12, 31 AD; 6:17:11 AM
Transit: Mar 12, 31 AD; 12:08:49 PM
Setting: Mar 12, 31 AD; 6:07:58 PM
Notes: paschal lamb selected[Exo 12:3]

• Date Jesus was crucified(Passover, Messiah the Prince "cut off"):
Julian day: 1732467
Day and Date: Wednesday, March 28, 31 AD
Jewish calendar: 14 Nisan 3791(lunisolar)
Full Moon: 3:14:08 PM(JD 1732466.05148)
Phase: 100.0%, Phase angle: 0.00ø
Rising: Mar 27, 31 AD; 5:32:32 AM
Transit: Mar 27, 31 AD; 11:39:39 AM
Setting: Mar 27, 31 AD; 5:47:14 PM
Az: 250:10:44; Alt: 31:09:39
RA: 0:14:55; Dec: 1:29:02
Ecliptic Lon: 4:00:37; Lat: -0:08:17
Galactic Lon: 147:25:18; Lat: -47:50:31
Notes: orthodox theologians reject Wednesday crucifixion,
even though the Scriptures entirely support this.

• Date Jesus resurrected(scientifically-inexplicable image produced on
fine linen shroud and swath cloth by process unknown and unidentified):
Julian day: 1732470
Day and Date: Saturday, March 31, 31 AD
Jewish calendar: 17 Nisan 3791(lunisolar)
Notes: Turin shroud proven from in 1st-century Jerusalem

• Date Jesus' resurrection discovered("first day", early morning hours.
Interesting
that "April Fools/All Fools Day" traditions are of Roman Catholic/Nicaean
origin):
Julian day: 1732471
Day and Date: Sunday, April 1, 31 AD
Jewish calendar: 18 Nisan 3791(lunisolar)
Notes: orthodox theologians reject Saturday resurrection,
even though the Scriptures entirely support this.

• Date daily sacrifice[Gk. endelecismds] ceased, temple soon destroyed:
Julian day: 1746832
Day and Date: Tuesday, July 17, 70 AD
Jewish calendar: 20 Tammuz 3830(lunisolar)
New Moon: 9:04:23 PM(JD 1746802.29471)
Phase: 0.2%, Phase angle: 175.53ø
Az: 325:58:46; Alt: -21:06:02
RA: 6:06:19; Dec: 27:53:04
Ecliptic Lon: 91:23:53; Lat: 4:12:16
Galactic Lon: 197:25:33; Lat: 26:32:01
Rising: Jun 26, 70 AD; 3:28:11 AM
Transit: Jun 26, 70 AD; 11:05:03 AM
Setting: Jun 26, 70 AD; 6:43:34 PM
*Full Moon: 5:09:41 AM(JD 1746817.63172)
Phase: 99.8%, Phase angle: 5.48ø
Az: 243:02:19; Alt: -9:43:09
RA: 19:11:10; Dec: -27:57:21
Ecliptic Lon: 285:43:33; Lat: -5:14:38
Galactic Lon: 25:38:09; Lat: -39:05:42
Rising: Jul 11, 70 AD; 6:32:06 PM
Transit: Jul 11, 70 AD; 11:24:36 PM
Setting: Jul 12, 70 AD; 4:19:14 AM
Notes: "sacrifice...to cease"[Dan 9:27] fulfilled

• Date Jerusalem destroyed(observed, the city was "razed flat")
Julian day: 1746876
Day and Date: Saturday, September 8, 70 AD
Jewish calendar: 14 Elul 3830
Full Moon: 5:33:27 AM(JD 1746876.64823)
Phase: 100.0%, Phase angle: 1.83ø
Az: 263:29:00; Alt: -5:08:23
RA: 22:59:53; Dec: -8:14:14
Ecliptic Lon: 342:58:54; Lat: -1:36:37
Galactic Lon: 116:37:17; Lat: -60:16:30
Rising: Sep 8, 70 AD; 5:38:11 PM
Transit: Sep 8, 70 AD; 11:21:03 PM
Setting: Sep 9, 70 AD; 5:12:02 AM
Notes: "desolate...consummation"[Dan 9:27] fulfilled


Raine

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
to

Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.

Raine


Minettte

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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Raine wrote:
Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.

yum! you know what else is good? fresh dill and sourcream. but the dill has to
be fresh.
Minettte

"Eros is the youngest of the Gods. He is also the most tired."
-Natalie Barney

*remove "alimb" to email me*

Gary Brainin

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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In article <JYcq2.62$dm...@typhoon.mbnet.mb.ca>,
"Raine" <lil...@autobahn.mb.ca> wrote:

>Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.

I prefer Velveeta, myself. And I usually use Ro-Tel tomatoes 'n
peppers.

-Gary


|Gary Brainin | "...the right to be let alone--the most
|gar...@spies.com Ramblings and | comprehensive of rights and the right most
|anti-spam instructions at: | valued by civilized men." Olmstead v. U.S.
|http://www.spies.com/garygm/ | (Brandeis, J., dissenting)


ItzJMP

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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One FAQ sent down range :D

Jo

----------------------------------------------
No matter how little money and how
few possessions you own, having
a dog makes you rich.
----------------------

Scott Eiler

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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In article <78cn9t$ks_...@ce.mediaone.net>,
RED57...@aol.com (Ginny Baker Gibbs) wrote:
>Earlier, in itz...@aol.comNOSPAM (ItzJMP)'s immortal words:

>>One FAQ sent down range :D
>>
>>Jo
>
>Another FAQ with cream cheese sent downrange, and copied to the abuse
address.
>Another plonkee killfiled.
>Hey, this is gREAAAAAT!

I sent our new friend the special blessing of an *updated* FAQ with some
more snappy comebacks, never before posted. Also available on the Web in
the usual place, for those who can't wait until the 1 February
posting, and don't want this special blessing upside their mailbox.

-------- Scott Eiler B{D> -------- http://www.ultranet.com/~seiler

"Do not mistake my childlike appearance for innocence of any kind.
'Form of Boy' is well-known as the most feared battle-shape in Paradise."

-- The angel Asmodel, from "JLA: Paradise Lost" scripted by Mark Millar.

Rabbit

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
to

Raine wrote:

> Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
>

> Raine

Actually, I've been using plain yoghurt as a substitute
for sour cream in my dips. My favorite one is to use
dried onions (I do them in my dehydrator) and all sorts of
herbs, and let it sit overnight.

Rabbit


Snow Lynn

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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>>Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
>

I agree! Yum!! How about them guacamole dips?

Elizabeth Shack

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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Snow Lynn <snow...@aol.com> wrote:

>I agree! Yum!! How about them guacamole dips?

My favorite, followed closely by spinach and artichoke.

--
Elizabeth Shack I hate Quantum Mechanics
sh...@fas.harvard.edu
G2, Physics

RxAmy

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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>In article <JYcq2.62$dm...@typhoon.mbnet.mb.ca>,
> "Raine" <lil...@autobahn.mb.ca> wrote:
>
>>Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
>

I'm a traditionalist - French onion dip for me, thanks.
"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food,
and tyrannize their teachers." - - -Socrates.
"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults."- - - Louis Nizer
"Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?" - - - Unknown


Jodi

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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Rabbit wrote:


>
> Raine wrote:
>
> > Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
> >

> > Raine
>
> Actually, I've been using plain yoghurt as a substitute
> for sour cream in my dips. My favorite one is to use
> dried onions (I do them in my dehydrator) and all sorts of
> herbs, and let it sit overnight.
>
> Rabbit

Here is a good layer dip..

8 oz cream cheese (softened)
8 oz sour cream
1/2 - 1 pkg taco mix (to taste)

mix well

Spread on platter (layer 1)
Spread shredded cheddar cheese on top (layer 2)
spread chopped lettuce on next (layer 3)
spread diced tomatoes on next (layer 4)

pig out and enjoy!! Very yummy!!

cinnamontoast

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
to

Rabbit wrote:
: Actually, I've been using plain yoghurt as a substitute


: for sour cream in my dips. My favorite one is to use
: dried onions (I do them in my dehydrator) and all sorts of
: herbs, and let it sit overnight.


Don't you find that plain yoghurt makes the dips bitter? Maybe I am not
adding the right amount of seasoning.

I asked for a dehydrator for Christmas, but I didn't get it. I want it for
my birthday now...

c-toast

Rabbit

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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cinnamontoast wrote:

> Rabbit wrote:
> : Actually, I've been using plain yoghurt as a substitute
> : for sour cream in my dips. My favorite one is to use
> : dried onions (I do them in my dehydrator) and all sorts of
> : herbs, and let it sit overnight.
>
> Don't you find that plain yoghurt makes the dips bitter? Maybe I am not
> adding the right amount of seasoning.
>

No, not at all. In fact, I like the "fresh" taste it gives. You could also
try mixing half-and-half, yoghurt with sour cream.

Rabbit


Danicia de Lontra

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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Hello!

I've just arrived with my homemade shortbread! Can't wait to try the dip!

Danicia

Minettte wrote:

> Raine wrote:
> Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
>

Rat & Swan

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
to
ItzJMP wrote:
>
> One FAQ sent down range :D
>
> Jo

Another on its way, shortly, courtesy of the Orbital Anvil Delivery
System!

"Orbital anvil array, this is Delta Tango Foxtrot one-niner, come in?"

** CRACKLE* "Delta Tango foxtrot one-niner, we have you, go ahead.
Over."

"Target, co-ordinates broadcast on parallel channel, FAQ delivery
requested, with accompanying Steel Clue barrage, authorization code
Eight five six six, over."

*CCCKHHHHKKK** "Roger that, Delta Tango, Target acquisition in
progress... wait one. Orbital Anvil Delivery System coming about."

eeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooo-

**KRRRRROOONNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!*

"GOOD SHOT, boys!! ...er... that is... uh, target nullified, Oh Aye Dee
Ess! Over"

*CCHHKKK!* System cycling, Delta Tango. Now firing for effect!"

eeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooo!

*KRRRROOOONNNNGGGGGG!* *KRRRROOOONNNNNGGGG!!!*
*KKKRRRRRROOOOOONNNNNGGGGG!!*

"Oh Aye Dee Ess, confirm sequential strikes! Target obliterated! FAQ
floating gnetly down on paraglide apparatus. Good Job, Boys! Stand down.
Delta Tango Foxtrot one niner out."

"Orbital Anvil Delivery System standing down. Array returning to
stand-by. glad to help. Oh Aye Dee Ess out."

Swan


Sharon Molloy

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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On 23 Jan 1999, Snow Lynn wrote:

> >>Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
> >
>

> I agree! Yum!! How about them guacamole dips?

Jeez... am I the only one around here with a sweet tooth??


_/\/\_
Sharon
(pulling out two litres (for you Americans, that's about two
quarts ) of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Gather 'round!)

Rat & Swan

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Jan 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/23/99
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It's FAQ time folks!


Blaire Newton wrote:

> God wants us to love and be loved

Which God? Odhinn, YHVH, Cthulhu, Allah, Belial, or any of the other
5,000 plus divinities in the universe? Why do you think everyone aspires
to follow YOUR little pink diety?

> Praise the lord Jesus Christ.

YOU praise him. I have better, more effective things to do with my time.

> I will pray for all of the lonely contributors to this group.

Lonely? Hardly, Meyer! I have an ongoing love, a happy home and lots of
friends. YOU are the sonely one, wandering about talking to your
imaginary friend, Jesus! YOU were the one WE threw rocks at on the
playground, Dweeb!

> May you find peace and learn to love and not hate those around you.

We don't hate you. We hate your KIDS! Keep 'em on a leash and we'll
tolerate you. Better yet, pick up your jaw and bug off!

> B.N.

The following article edited to make more sense, S.

> NEWSFLASH: POOF POSITIVE!
> Jesus proven King of queens...


>
> Yes, here's absolutely irrefutable, scientifically-verifiable evidence

> that plainly demonstrates Jesus the Nazi-rene called the Choad to be the
> One and Only Molester of the Hebephrenic Children (RuGraTs)! I discovered
> these facts through very careful, exhaustive drug usage and deduction by
> comparing extant belly button lint-historical evidences with the testicles which
> were so faithfully licked in the ancient Sacred Cornholio, which necessarily
> includes BOTH Old and New Crotch Tattoos.


>
> Please enjoy reading, and feel free to copy any or all portions of my
> article and distrubute it freely.

Oh, I shall, Sparky... I SHALL!

> Furthermore BE ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY SURE to save
> this article and forward it to your favorite newsgroups as often as you
> like.

But of COURSE, Bobo! Wouldn't want to pass up an opportunity to
indoctrinate any more hairless beach apes with the WORD of the LARD!
Sing after me!

"Jay-zuss loves me, I relate,
Only if I'm white and straight!
Those not like me, they are damned!
I get Saved and they get canned!
YES Jay-zuss loves me...
YESS Jay-zuss loves me...
YESS, JAY-zuss Loooooooves meeeeee....
But on-ly if I'm DUMB!"

> The time *is* short, so be sure to get the word out: Jesus Christ *is* LORD!

So's your dick! But be sure to stretch it ALLLL the way out so you don't
get your TOES wet again! You're running out of dry socks.


> Oh, and one more thing, don't forget to forward/carbon copy this message
> via email to *all* of your relatives, friends and associates on the Net.

Done, and done, Sherlock! Someday, I'll send you the Gospel of the
Sacred and Holy Roadrunner so you too can enjoy rolling naked in the
cholla cactus patch! BEEP BEEP, you little turd!

> And be sure to print this out and copy it and distribute it to everyone
> you know of who is interested in the Truth, regardless of their religion
> or lack thereof, even secular-atheists who *hate* the Word of God Jesus:

Naah, it was good for a laugh, but after that it gets pretty dull. See,
it isn't Jay-zuss I dislike, although we do have our differences... it's
his fucking FAN CLUB that gets up my nose! See this Jay-zuss fella is
such a fucking FAG! Not that I mind 'out' homosexuals, I'm one, myself,
but not HIM! He lives with 12 guys, hangs out with them, tells 'em he
looooves'em and all that, never has anything to do with girls... and
then wimps out and dies like a partial-birth fetus! He really wanted
somebody to FOLLOW him, he shoulda picked up that cross and MOPPED THE
FLOOR with Pilate and his crew! Naaah, the guy may have a halo, but he
aint got no BALLS!



> THIS MESSAGE IS FOR EVERYONE!

So's this one! Shove your holy Babble up your fetid cunt CROSSWAYS,
tamp it in firmly with that Billy Grahm tape set, a couple of videotapes
of the 700 club and sew it SHUT! Then tell all your christard friends
you're PREGNANT! When the whole festering mess finally bursts your
abdomen, pouring forth in a putrefied wave of filth, lick it up and call
the newspapers! Another Virgin Birth has occurred. But not before your
brain has rotted away from spiritual Toxic Shock Syndrome!

> Before proceeding with this article, please note the following:

> -All calculations are based on my Aunt Minnie's dental floss.
> -Ancient Monkees records correlated with lunisolar phases.
> -Location data preset to Jughead Comix for all calculations
> -All Jughead lunisolar calendar dates are kosher(edible by starving rabbis)
> -Precession epoch datum set for each date specified (unchanged. it's stupid as it is!)

> Lard of the Shitheads -- A Closer Look

> • The "going rate of the commandant's sister(Artaxerxes I[Longlinefortheprivy])
> to restore and to (re)build Jughead's treehouse..."[Dan 9:25]:


> Julian day: 1554766
> Day of week: Thursday, September 19, 457 BC

Jesus Christ on a skateboard! this is DULL... SNIP!


> • Jughead born in Bathtub, film at 11! with"his starfish [rising]in the john":


> Julian day: 1720551
> Day of week: Monday, August 12, 3 BC

More total waste snippage. Get a CLUE, Beelzebub! this stuff is MYTH!
Got that?

> • Wiseguys (Mafoisi) visit Gambino (morning) about gambling debts (sunset):


> Julian day: 1720860
> Day and Date: Tuesday, June 17, 2 BC

yawwwwn SNIP!

> • Caesar Chavez died:

Hey, old Ceez had the idea! You guys make real good LION BAIT! We
haven't had a good show since the martyrs quit vaudeville!

Still more coozedribble snipped!

> • Tiberius made Caesar Impotent(Simperor):

Couple snips was all it took! Boy was old Ceez pissed, tho! He couldn't
fiddle while Rome burned, could he?

more crap Bobbited

> • Jesus' 30th birthday:

Yeah an' the poor bastard's thinking of liposuction and a tummy tuck.
the Viagra's working but Magdalene says she wants a REAL man, not a
three decade old mommy's boy virgin. What's a King of the Jews gonna
DO, huh?! Guess it's back to sticking the pages of Sluts of Sodom
together, eh?

> • Jesus baptized into ministry at river Jordan, exactly

snip! They didn't hold the fucker UNDER long enough!

> • Palm "Sunday"(1283 days after His baptism, the LARD of the Shitheads
comes into Jugheads Treehouse sitting on his fat ass braying at the
crowds with his palm stuck out. Sets a precedent for all time. His
followers continue the practise ad nauseam!

Still MOTRE snippage of raw sewage


> • Date Jughead carked it. They hung the fucker by his infinetesimal balls and couldn't understand why the friggin' thumbtack kept comin' outta the WOOD!

> • Date Jugheas's body shows up embeeded in a concrete overpass a-la Jimmy Hoffa!

> (scientifically-inexplicable image produced on
> fine linen shroud and swath cloth by process unknown and unidentified):

'scientifically inexplicable because it NEVER HAPPENED, you snivelling
dickweed!

Castrati

> • Date Jughead's putrefying remains discovered("first day", early morning hours.
Three wiseguys laughing like hyenas. No prints or murder weapon found!


> Interesting
> that "April Fools/All Fools Day" traditions are of Roman Catholic/Nicaean
> origin):

Yeah, why don't you explain that one, Buttmunch! Says a lot, don't it?

More pubic hairs ripped out

> • Date evidence that destroys Xianity destroyed.
Body, cross, nails, all accounts go through Vatican paper shredder. Pope
has too much to lose!

So there it is, Nutball! EAT it! Your pathetic dickdribble religion is
for goats and slaves. Stuff it back up your cheesy ass and crawl off
like a good little toad! We dopn't need you OR your Hebrew corn diety!
Stuff off!

Swan!

Brought to you by the First Nazi-ream Church of the Holy Enema Nozzle:
Two quarts a week is all we ask!

GUSH!

ItzJMP

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
>When I was a kid my mother would mix softened cream cheese, sour
>cream, and french onion soup mix, let set overnight and dig in
>with the chips. Oh, my. But, never use lite cream cheese and sour
>cream for this, they won't mix no matter how room temperature
>they are.

:::swipe::::: sounds damn good to me!

J

PPierce2

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
I love guacamole. I even like just a plain avocado mixed with garlic salt, put
on toasted garlic bread with melted extra sharp cheddar cheese. Yumm!

PPierce2

E l i s e

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
On 23 Jan 1999 15:58:15 GMT, snow...@aol.com (Snow Lynn) wrote:

>I agree! Yum!! How about them guacamole dips?

Anyone here tried that Guiltless Gourmet black bean dip? It's the
BEST --- the most flavorful and thick I've ever tried, and it has zero
fat!

Elise

cinnamontoast

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to

Oh, Ginny! That sounds like a good one. It is coming out my printer as we
speak.

I made the most wonderful bbq sauce tonight. Avery Island Bbq Sauce. It
is SO good! It is sweet and spicy. Little bit of hot as it goes down the
throat. If anybody wants it, I'll be happy to copy it!

c-toast

cinnamontoast

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to

Ginny wrote:
: Oh, yeah, let's have it! Barbecue sauce might get our minds off this
awful
: winter. It snowed again today :::shudder::::
: Hope you like the dip.

The snow is melting like crazy here. The North Pole quality ice cap on our
drive way is melting ever so slowly.
We will get snow next week.
========================
Avery Island Barbecue Sauce
========================
2 Tbsp. butter or margarine
1 cup chopped onion (I always use more)
1/2 cup chopped celery with leaves
1/4 chopped green pepper (I also use Chile peppers)
1 Tbsp. minced garlic
2 14-and-1/2-ounce cans whole tomatoes, drained and coarsely chopped
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1/3 cup red wine vinegar
3 Tbsp molasses
2 lemon slices (I use a shot of lemon juice if I don't have a fresh
lemon)
2 teaspoons Tabasco sauce
2 teaspoons dry mustard
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

In a large, heavy skillet over medium heat sauté the onion, celery, green
pepper and garlic in the butter until it is tender, but not browned. Add
everything else and simmer for 30 minutes.
Discard the lemon slices and bay leaf when done.

I used this to make Poor Boys tonight and it was so good!!

moond...@my-dejanews.com

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
Mmmmm, yummy!

For dessert, might I suggest s'mores made with dark chocolate on chocolate
graham crackers? I like to burn my marshmallows.

MoonDragon


"Raine" <lil...@autobahn.mb.ca> wrote:
>
> Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.
>

> Raine
>
>

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Preferred email: MoonDragon13 at hotmail dot com
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet,
I'd put shoes on my cat!

-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own

Chris Scott

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to

Blaire Newton wrote in message
<1Fcq2.3425$b23....@news.rdc1.ab.wave.home.com>...

>God wants us to love and be loved by our husbands, wives and of course, by
>our children. Praise the lord Jesus Christ. I will pray for all of the
>lonely contributors to this group. May you find peace and learn to love and
>not hate those around you.
>
>B.N.


I'm not sure if this is a joke or a troll. But in any case the Christian
faith provides a good motivation for childlessness. Namely that your
'gentle' and 'loving' god allows most of the world's population to be
sentenced the eternal torment of hell. Now if you have kids there is a
good chance that no matter how good you at brain-washing them, one or more
of them will stray from the Xtian fold and hence be condemned to the eternal
agonies of hell. It is therefore the moral and selfless thing to be
childless rather than to risk creating a new human being who could end up
spending eternity in hell.

Scott Eiler

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
In article <91717133...@dns2.ats.com.au>,

"Chris Scott" <cin...@www.ats.com.au> wrote:
>I'm not sure if this is a joke or a troll. But in any case the Christian
>faith provides a good motivation for childlessness. Namely that your
>'gentle' and 'loving' god allows most of the world's population to be
>sentenced the eternal torment of hell. Now if you have kids there is a
>good chance that no matter how good you at brain-washing them, one or more
>of them will stray from the Xtian fold and hence be condemned to the
eternal
>agonies of hell. It is therefore the moral and selfless thing to be
>childless rather than to risk creating a new human being who could end up
>spending eternity in hell.

I'm sure you'll find this a surprise, but at least two people who are
quoted in the Bible agree with you. Jesus had no children himself, and the
apostle Paul recommended that people abstain from having children due to
the sad state of the world.

Denouncing Christianity because one troll is Christian is no better than
denouncing polyandry because one troll is polyandrist.

Dani

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
Minettte wrote:

>Raine wrote:
>>Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.

>yum! you know what else is good? fresh dill and sourcream. but the dill has to
>be fresh.

I once worked at a restaurant that put out chips (ObUK: crisps) and dip on
the tables for customers to munch on while perusing the menu. The dip was
great - one of the only dips I'd ever eat (I think it was sort of
garlicky/oniony), but the real treat was that the potato chips were freshly
made every day, from both regular potatoes and SWEET POTATOES!

As a snack, it couldn't be beat!

Dani
--
Note: the "From:" address is a spamcatcher.
Mail me at k135745 >AT< students.cc.tut >DOT< fi
http://www.students.tut.fi/~k135745/ ICQ# 18619045

Minettte

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
Dani wrote:
>I once worked at a restaurant that put out chips (ObUK: crisps) and dip on
>the tables for customers to munch on while perusing the menu. The dip was
>great - one of the only dips I'd ever eat (I think it was sort of
>garlicky/oniony), but the real treat was that the potato chips were freshly
>made every day, from both regular potatoes and SWEET POTATOES!

yeah! i think those are called Terrachips or something i can get them here at
my HFS.

Snow Lynn

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
ELYSIA:

>Anyone here tried that Guiltless Gourmet black bean dip? It's the BEST ---
the most flavorful and thick I've ever tried, and it has zero fat!

I've tried those, and, I have to agree, they are great dips. They taste great
with my Olestra chips. Ya know, you'd think with all the low-fat stuff in my
diet, I'd look like a veritable sex-pot - but I just eat MORE of the low fat
stuff so I have not lost any weight. :/

Kent Parks

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
Scott Eiler <sei...@ma.ultranet.com> wrote:

: I'm sure you'll find this a surprise, but at least two people who are

: quoted in the Bible agree with you. Jesus had no children himself, and the
: apostle Paul recommended that people abstain from having children due to
: the sad state of the world.

Hey, what is the verse of the Paul reference? It'd be a great thing to
throw back at fundies (maybe even the ever-growing FAQ?)


Kent

Gargles

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to

If anyone gets serious about quoting the xtian bible in the FAQ, let's
be REAL clear that it's not there to invite bible discussion.
{{{shudder}}}}

-- Michelle, who appreciates ascf for its anti-fundamentalist majority
just as much as for its childfree majority (well, at least so far I
THINK we childfrees are still the majority here...)


Scott Eiler

unread,
Jan 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/25/99
to
In article <78flnc$7qi$3...@pinta.pagesz.net>,

Kent Parks <kmp...@nina.pagesz.net> wrote:
>Scott Eiler <sei...@ma.ultranet.com> wrote:
>
>: I'm sure you'll find this a surprise, but at least two people who are
>: quoted in the Bible agree with you. Jesus had no children himself, and
the
>: apostle Paul recommended that people abstain from having children due to
>: the sad state of the world.
>
>Hey, what is the verse of the Paul reference? It'd be a great thing to
>throw back at fundies (maybe even the ever-growing FAQ?)

All of the First Letter to Corinthians, chapter 7, qualifies. Verse 8
says, "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to
remain single as I do."

BTW, Kent, the chapter starts with the phrase, "It is well for a man not to
touch a woman". Given he was speaking to Greeks, I have to wonder what
they made of that phrase... B{D>

Amy Gale

unread,
Jan 26, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/26/99
to
"Raine" <lil...@autobahn.mb.ca> writes:

> Cream cheese mixed with salsa makes a great dip.

The typical standard cliched dip that every child learns to make here
is a can of reduced cream plus a packet of onion soup mix. I have
never seen this recipe discussed on the net by anyone from any other
country.

I like it much better with a healthy amount of lemon juice as well.

Amy

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