OT: OK, I could use some support
Gutterboy1
here goes.
Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
week ago, I'm flying solo again.
There were no problems as far as I knew--if anything, we were drawing closer.
Went exclusive as of last November. Were planning vacations for July and
September. We were somewhere between "steady" and "engaged"; the M word had
entered the picture (somewhere down the line, perhaps in 2001 or '02). So this
was a bomb.
I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
cliche--Another Man.
The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No tears or
whatever.
By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
(A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
even cried yet.)
Anyway, I've spent the last week going through the Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos, gifts,
misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF, and
generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
travel money I'd set aside for July.
So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the Change.
I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
Thanks for the virtual ears.
Gutterboy
---------
"Civilizations have been founded and maintained on theories which refused to
obey facts."
-- Joe Orton
Jacqueline
looking after yourself and that pleases me.
You also have far too much squick producing activity happening now, but
heck, it's good to know you are ok. =)
I look forward to dissecting your future posts in my amateurish attempts at
working out how you are doing emotionally and psychologically... =)
I feel for you, I really do, and we all bounce back eventually.
Jacqueline
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here,
looking through your stuff.
Valerie
Gutterboy1 <gutte...@aol.comcicomca> wrote:
>
>I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
>cliche--Another Man.
Ouch. My sympathies, GB. The culprit in my last breakup was a different
cliche -- the ex-wife. That was the breakup that brought me here,
reading over 1000 back posts, finding out that other people didn't want
kids either. The breakup before that was a different cliche -- the close
friend.
>By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
>managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
>friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
>tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
>someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
>think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
>So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
Good for you! When my fiancee told me he was seeing my "friend" (the one
he had called fat, ugly, and boring) he asked if I hated him. I said
"No. I feel sorry for you. I don't think you'll ever be happy without a
lot of therapy."
>(A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
>will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
>even cried yet.)
Uh-oh. Better to do it soon...
>Anyway, I've spent the last week going through the Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
>scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos, gifts,
>misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF, and
>generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
>travel money I'd set aside for July.
Mmrph. Yes. That sounds familiar. Ouch.
>So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
>way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the Change.
That's the wonderful thing about email and ngs... somewhere in the world
SOMEBODY is awake when you are, no matter what time it is.
>I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
>to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
It sure as hell does. The suddeness makes things worse, as well. It's
as if this person you cared for took off a mask and yelled "Fooled
you!". It makes it rather difficult to trust again. In the last year,
I've had friends unmask in this way, as well as the boyfriend. I'm
keeping most people on a really superficial level right now.
>Thanks for the virtual ears.
De nada. If we don't help each other, who will? Have some virtual hugs,
as well, if you'd like them.
Val, been there recently, use the tshirt as a dart board...
Jason G.
>week ago, I'm flying solo again.
Bummer, man. I know how that hurts. But:
>
>The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
>phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No tears or
>whatever.
Best way. No such thing as too rational when one is being dumped.
>By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
>managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
>friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me.
snip
Good job. Wish I could think that fast.
>(A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy
stuff
>will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
>even cried yet.)
You handled it admirably. There is NO reason to be vulnerable or emotional to
someone who is in the process of ripping your heart out. It just gives them
the satisfaction of watching you hurt. No matter what you are really
feeling, the message she should hear in your voice and demeanor is "Fine.
Fuck you very much. See ya." followed by a click of either a phone or a door,
depending. Do your grieving in private. Anything else just exposed you to
more injury.
And always, always, ALWAYS remember. Once it's over, it is OVER. No
try-to-get-back-togethers. They don't work, and you lose her respect as well
as your self-respect. The only communication you should have with her from
now on is to tell her what day she can come pick up her shit off the porch
while you are at work.
And change your locks TODAY if she has a key. Trust me on that one. And
if you rent, tell your landlord that She isn't welcome anymore so that she
doesn't con her way in.
I'm sorry it happened to ya, brah. You didn't deserve it. But to invoke the
never contemporaneously felt yet always eventually true bromide: "It'll get
better. It just takes time."
Grieve, but be strong. My thoughts are with you.
--
Jason
Ohblahdi
<<Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
week ago, I'm flying solo again.>>
Gutterboy,
Damn, okay this does suck (for now), but let me just tell you this...I have
been lurking (and sort of posting) here everyday for almost a year and I have
to say that based on the amount of wit, intelligence and thoughtfulness you've
displayed-I'd have to say that gal/guy (you didn't specify which) is one lame
*picker*. Anyone who doesn't see you are a prize--well...*shaking my head in
disbelief*.
May I suggest a good book when you are feeling up to it ? It's not at all of
the gaggifying *You're So Special-Let The Healing Begin* genre...it's called
"Love 101" by Peter McWilliams. I really love it and use it all the time when I
need a good quote-the thing is LOADED with 'em (Quentin Crisp figures
prominantly).
Hang in there...this too shall pass...
---karen
RxAmy
>Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
>week ago, I'm flying solo again.
(((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))
>So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
>way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the
>Change.
No need to apologize, G-boy. You know we love ya.
RxAmy (passing Gutterboy a virtual drink)
"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and
aggravation later in life." - Robert Byrne
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - Aldous Huxley:
Steve/Beth George
: x-no-archive: yes
: Oh, my favorite Gutterboy... big warm hugs from Hotlanta coming your
: way!! Hang in there and if you need a vacation you just come on
: over... Tracy Van Voris and I will take you out on the town and eat us
My reader put the page break right there, and I couldn't help thinking
"My, that's SOOOOOOME Southern hospitality."
: some ribs!
Ohhhhhhhh!
--Beth
Joy
I know this isn't much help, but would you feel better if I told you
that after reading your "chihuahua out of her fur purse" comment about
"birth erotica", I remarked to my roommate:
"I think I'm in love with Gutterboy!"
Sorry such a sucky thing happened to you. I have no good advice. But
here's the standard litany:
You're way too good for her anyway.
There are plenty of CF fish in the sea.
She was a Bee-otch.
You're *not fat!
Hope you get through the appropriate stages of post-break-up trauma, and
emerge wiser, but unscathed.
~ Joy
Steve/Beth George
(Gutterboy's SO is stupid enough to leave him for Another Man)
: By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
: managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
: friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
: tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
: someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
: think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
: So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
(Beth applauds wildly!)
: (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled.
Oh, I disagree. You maintained your cool, kept the moral high ground and
STILL got in a well-deserved dig. Your words will come back to haunt her
when the Other Man cheats on her, or when she finds herself in yet someone
else's arms. Mourn what you need to, but you don't need to mourn about
your reaction. You done good!
--Beth
Joy
up. This is one of my favorite poems of all time. It is in a book I've
given girlfriends after break-ups. The title is "How to Heal the Hurt by
Hating", by Anita Liberty. I don't know how appropriate it is for guys,
but I thought this poem might help a little.
Love is not red roses.
Love is not a box of candy.
Love is not a perfumed letter.
Love is more like a blood-sucking leech that
attaches itself to you and drains you
of your common sense and dignity.
Love doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy.
Love worms it's way around your
insides infecting your body until
you are so diseased that others
aren't safe being in the same room with you.
Love is not a gentle breeze.
Love grabs you by the throat and
blows its hot air in your face until
you're dying of thirst
and your nostrils are on fire
and your contacts are really dry and uncomfortable.
Love is not patient.
Love interrupts you and cuts you off mid-sentence
Because it thinks that what it's got to say is
more important.
Love is not my friend.
Love can take a long walk off a short pier.
Love can take a flying leap through a rolling donut.
Love can sit on this and rotate.
Love can eat me for a lomg time and like it.
~ Anita Liberty
===
~ Joy
bears~N~angels
Sorry to hear about this Gutterboy. Its hard and I'm glad you are taking a
vacation a month earlier to help you get a chance to relax.
Leasa
May Bear Hugs comfort you and Angel Wings protect you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rachel Pildis
ba1.aol.com>, gutte...@aol.comcicomca says...
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> here goes.
Damn, G-boy, that sucks. I am envious, though, of your
ability to get out the perfect break-up line while you
were still on the phone with the breaker-upper. Tears
are for privacy, but a good comeback needs to be aired in
public!
Yep, it's really the transition back to singlehood that
sucks far worse than singlehood itself (which doesn't
really suck, IMHO). Please post here when you need some
support, huh? I'll be thinking about you and looking for
any nice CF'ers I can send Down South for some Rebound
Romance..... >evil grin<.......
AlphaFemale
gutte...@aol.comcicomca (Gutterboy1) wrote:
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily
life, but
> here goes.
>
As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.>>
Man, that's a sucky thing that happened to you. Believe me, I know.
>
> There were no problems as far as I knew [...] I don't want to get into
the details, but the culprit was--what a
> cliche--Another Man.>>
Shit, another man/woman. That's the worst. Would you be mad if I said I
hope *he* ends up cheating on *her*? That's the fate I wished on my
ex-nightmare when he did the same to me. That, and I hoped she gave him
the clap.
> By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I
even
> managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't
remain
> friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt
me. I will
> tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and
he's
> someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this
anyway. I
> think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's
shoulders.
> So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
>
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The
messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I
haven't
> even cried yet.)>>
I'd say it's a GREAT breakup line. But then, I hate the old "Let's be
friends" thing. It's more like "can I keep you around as a backup in
case this new thing tanks?" Grrr!
As for it spilling out, everyone grieves in their own way. I hope the
process is easy on you and that you're able to get past it quickly. You
may cry about it now, or a month from now. In the meantime, may I
suggest eating lots and lots of ice cream?
[snipped but read]
>
> Thanks for the virtual ears.>>
Any time, man. Any time.
Peace,
Alpha
"It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission"
--Admiral Grace Hopper
>
> Gutterboy
> ---------
> "Civilizations have been founded and maintained on theories which
refused to
> obey facts."
> -- Joe Orton
>
--
Peace,
Alpha
--== Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ ==--
---Share what you know. Learn what you don't.---
dph...@my-dejanews.com
gutte...@aol.comcicomca (Gutterboy1) wrote:
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily
life, but
> here goes.
>
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy.
As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
>
closer.
> Went exclusive as of last November. Were planning vacations for July
and
> September. We were somewhere between "steady" and "engaged"; the M
word had
> entered the picture (somewhere down the line, perhaps in 2001 or '02).
So this
> was a bomb.
>
> cliche--Another Man.
>
the
> phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No
tears or
> whatever.
>
even
> managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't
remain
> friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt
me. I will
> tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and
he's
> someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this
anyway. I
> think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's
shoulders.
> So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
>
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The
messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I
haven't
> even cried yet.)
>
Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
> scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos,
gifts,
> misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF,
and
> generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation
with that
> travel money I'd set aside for July.
>
in any
> way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the
Change.
>
getting *back*
> to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
>
>
> ---------
We are all happy to laugh along with you (and boy do you
make us laugh), so of course we are here to cry too.
Please accept my virtual shoulder-slap-and-squeeze.
--
--dph.
(preferred email: dhayes AT iname DOT com)
Sharon Molloy
On 13 May 1999, Gutterboy1 wrote:
> I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
> cliche--Another Man.
Oh, GB, I'm so sorry. My sympathies.
> The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
> phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No tears or
> whatever.
<snip of scene>
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
> even cried yet.)
As any INTJ would say, "There is no such thing as being too rational."
I think you handled that *very* well indeed. I'm glad you didn't give her
the satisfaction of showing her your heart (but saved that for us.)
> Anyway, I've spent the last week going through the Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
> scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos, gifts,
> misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF, and
> generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
> travel money I'd set aside for July.
Oh, I know what that's like. I broke up with somebody, it must be, oh, ten
years ago now. For various reasons I thought it better not to get married
to this particular person, but that didn't make it any easier when his
engagement announcement appeared in the paper and so forth. Then one day,
several weeks or so later, I literally woke up and actually, consciously
thought, "Whew... I sure am glad that's over, and I know I made the right
choice!"
I'm glad you are going through with your vacation plans anyway, GBoy. It
may not seem like it now but life does go on. By the time you leave for
your trip the worst may (I hope!) already be over and you will be ready
to start being happy again.
I know how hard it is to wash a relationship some years old out of your
life, but just think how much worse it would have been if this had
happened *after* the big M instead of before.
I'm sure I speak for many when I say we're here for ya. Hugs and bourbon.
_/\/\_
Sharon
Voris Tracy Van
> Oh, my favorite Gutterboy... big warm hugs from Hotlanta coming your
> way!! Hang in there and if you need a vacation you just come on
> over... Tracy Van Voris and I will take you out on the town and eat us
Hell yeah, we will - Fat Matt's World Famous Rib Shack!...or if you
prefer, the Chicken Shack is right next door.
More Atlantan Support Waves coming your way.
T.
Voris Tracy Van
> May I suggest a good book when you are feeling up to it ? It's not at all of
> the gaggifying *You're So Special-Let The Healing Begin* genre...it's called
> "Love 101" by Peter McWilliams. I really love it and use it all the time when I
> need a good quote-the thing is LOADED with 'em (Quentin Crisp figures
> prominantly).
Hey, if it's by McWilliams AND Quentin Crisp figures prominently, it's GOT
to be worth the read.
Crisp did a stint at our theatre in the 80's - I even got to play chauffer
a few times during those weeks, driving him around in Atlanta in my little
blue Chevette! He's a delightful person, a true gem...and just as witty
off stage as he is on.
T. - taking a half day and going to see the Impressionists show at the
High Museum today - whoo-hooo!
NEESE L
:>This is one of my favorite poems of all time. It is in a book I've
>given girlfriends after break-ups. The title is "How to Heal the Hurt by
>Hating", by Anita Liberty. I don't know how appropriate it is for guys,
>but I thought this poem might help a little.
<snipped poem>
I LOVE that!!!! Great Poem!!
Gutterboy, sorry about your breakup-- I'm sure she wasn't good enough for
you!! Hope you're feeling better...
Denise
Fudge
my sincerest best wishes for the summer and a great trip.
Fudge
Ian Davis
Gutterboy1 wrote in message
<19990512223737...@ng-ba1.aol.com>...
>All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
>here goes.
>
>Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of
a
>week ago, I'm flying solo again.
Deepest sympathies, Gutterboy. I've been trying to think of some terribly
intellectual poetry to console you, but I can't. The only thing going
through my mind is a Buddy Holly song that comforted me after my first love
had ditched me (back in 1973).
This break-up was a particularly horrible experience, as I was unaware that
the relationship was over until I happened to see my wayward Romeo out in
his car with his new girlfriend. Too cowardly to tell me he'd found someone
new, the rat had written to say thatl he wouldn't be able to see me for a
while, as the car in question was being repaired!
Anyway, soon afterwards I happened to hear these Buddy Holly lines on the
radio:
"I'll find somebody new,
And, baby, we'll say we're through -
And you won't matter any more."
It did make me feel better to think that I'd find somebody infinitely more
worthwhile, and he wouldn't matter a damn any more.
>By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
>managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't
remain
>friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I
will
>tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
>someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this
anyway. I
>think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's
shoulders.
>So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
Wonderful! The perfect reply.
Janet
>
>-----
Nick the Lemming
We've all been through it at some time or another, so we know how shit it
is.
"Even this, with time, shall pass"
Buddhist mantra.
Take good care matey,
Nick the Lemming
Ian Davis
Voris Tracy Van wrote in message ...
>On 13 May 1999, Ohblahdi wrote:
>> May I suggest a good book when you are feeling up to it ? It's not at all
of
>> the gaggifying *You're So Special-Let The Healing Begin* genre...it's
called
>> "Love 101" by Peter McWilliams. I really love it and use it all the time
when I
>> need a good quote-the thing is LOADED with 'em (Quentin Crisp figures
>> prominantly).
>
>Hey, if it's by McWilliams AND Quentin Crisp figures prominently, it's GOT
>to be worth the read.
>
>Crisp did a stint at our theatre in the 80's - I even got to play chauffer
>a few times during those weeks, driving him around in Atlanta in my little
>blue Chevette! He's a delightful person, a true gem...and just as witty
>off stage as he is on.
>
Civil Servant", and also saw it dramatised on British TV. He sounds an
amazing person. He must be pretty old now, if he's still alive.
Janet
Renee
And from Toronto, Gutterboy, I send the last quarter-bottle of
Macallan single malt, and a 3-pound box of Godiva Chocolates. So
you've got dessert and after-dinner drinks.
Um, if you have any ribs left over, could you email them to me?
We're with you, Gutterboy. All the way.
Renee
Poor planning on your part does not constitute
automatic emergency on my part.
Renee
OOoh! I just remembered I have a great book called "Exorcising Your
Ex" that is wonderfully evil! I've only read it for kicks (I've never
had an Ex), but a recently-separated friend nearly had hysterics when
I showed it to her. Perhaps I'll bring in some items.
I'm sure someone has already recommended a few select phone calls to
door-to-door religious groups, and record clubs?
redz...@my-dejanews.com
gutte...@aol.comcicomca (Gutterboy1) wrote:
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
Aww. Sorry to hear about it, Gutterboy. You do realize that now there's
going to be a screaming catfight on here as to who gets you next. :-) We
may need a "take a number" machine...
Seriously, though, I know how it hurts a lot when there's another person
in the picture. But remember, there are a lot of kiddie porn mailing
lists who would like to have him as a subscriber. And you can always
order the herpes medication to be delivered to her house during one of
those "special quiet moments" that they may share...
Take care of yourself. You've been missed.
red
Tricia
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
I'm so sorry this has happened to you Gutterboy.
You're in my thoughts.
Take a nice long vacation, and give yourself time to heal.
Tricia
RxAmy
>Renee wrote:
>
>> Voris Tracy Van wrote:
>>
>> >On Thu, 13 May 1999, it was written:
>> >> Oh, my favorite Gutterboy... big warm hugs from Hotlanta coming your
>> >> way!! Hang in there and if you need a vacation you just come on
>> >> over... Tracy Van Voris and I will take you out on the town and eat us
>> >> some ribs!
>> >
>> >Hell yeah, we will - Fat Matt's World Famous Rib Shack!...or if you
>> >prefer, the Chicken Shack is right next door.
>> >
>> >More Atlantan Support Waves coming your way.
>>
>> And from Toronto, Gutterboy, I send the last quarter-bottle of
>> Macallan single malt, and a 3-pound box of Godiva Chocolates. So
>> you've got dessert and after-dinner drinks.
>
>And from Portland, a case of Full Sail Very Special Pale Ale.
>
>Laura.
From the Messychusetts/Vermont border, I send a pound of the finest Vermont
cheddar, a gallon of real maple syrup (don't even TALK about that artificial
crap that infests the stupidmarkets!) and a bushel of Cortland apples
(Macintosh is overrated, IMHO).
RxAmy
JulieRB
>All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
>here goes.
>
>Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
>week ago, I'm flying solo again.
<<snip>>
Gutterboy, this is awful, and to agree with everyone else: She doesn't
deserve you. She also committed Sins Against Karma, and she will be
repaid. <G>
I hope that you're feeling better soon, and that you have a great time
in Seattle. Hopefully, you'll make it across the lake (we live in
Redmond)!
>Thanks for the virtual ears.
You're welcome. I, and everyone else here, are thinking of you.
Julie
Bruce Mills
Gutterboy1 <gutte...@aol.comcicomca> wrote:
>I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
>to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
I know how you feel. You have my sympathy.
Bruce
John & Mari Morgan
wrote:
>Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
>week ago, I'm flying solo again.
[....]
>I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
>cliche--Another Man.
A wonderfully nasty thing to keep in mind - if she cheated on you,
she'll cheat on him. So she's digging her own grave relationship wise.
>By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
>managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
>friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
>tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
>someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
>think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
>So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
Wow. Wish I could think that fast on my feet.
>So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
>way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the Change.
Noted.
>I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
>to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
Hear ya on the life suckage, dude. Just remember that there're lots of
us out here who do care about our G'boy.
>Thanks for the virtual ears.
No sweat. Want a virtual Scotch, or is hot cocoa with marshmallows
more comforting right now?
Mari
"Entranced by the bitter harmony of your lips,
I gaze beyond reason to find the oasis of your ruptured soul."
---The Surrealistic Compliment Generator
Barracuda Grrl
And I liked your response. Too controlled is not necessarily a bad thing
in such circumstances.
Barracuda Grrl
Cori Kling
Gutterboy1 wrote:
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> here goes.
>
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
>
> There were no problems as far as I knew--if anything, we were drawing closer.
> Went exclusive as of last November. Were planning vacations for July and
> September. We were somewhere between "steady" and "engaged"; the M word had
> entered the picture (somewhere down the line, perhaps in 2001 or '02). So this
> was a bomb.
>
> I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
> cliche--Another Man.
That truly sucks, but it's way better that you found out sooner than later...
>
>
> The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
> phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No tears or
> whatever.
>
> By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
> managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
> friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
> tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
> someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
> think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
> So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
Very good line, I hope she squirmed....
>
>
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
> even cried yet.)
>
> Anyway, I've spent the last week going through the Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
> scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos, gifts,
> misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF, and
> generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
> travel money I'd set aside for July.
One word , bonfire.....
>
>
> So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
> way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the Change.
>
> I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
> to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
>
> Thanks for the virtual ears.
>
> Gutterboy
> ---------
> "Civilizations have been founded and maintained on theories which refused to
> obey facts."
> -- Joe Orton
If I weren't already married I'd snatch you up in a minute......
Virtual Hugs
Cori
Valerie
IleneB <ile...@shore.net> wrote:
>
>My friend, G-boy, she/he must be a fool. Not that it makes you feel any
>better, like others here, I sure do know how it goes. (And I will
>email you about the overnight FedEx disengagement from the craven
>military officer).
Oh, c'mon, that's not fair! Do I have to make up a story to go with
that? I have finished almost every book I've ever started, even if it was
dreadful, because I want to know how things end...
Val
Bruce Mills
Thanks.
Bruce
Jim
Gutterboy1 wrote:
>
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> here goes.
>
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
I feel for you G-Boy.
[snip]
> By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
> managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
> friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
> tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
> someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
> think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
> So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
That is probably the best comeback to to the "let's be friends" line I
have ever heard. In that statement you showed a whole heap 'o class.
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
> even cried yet.)
>
> Anyway, I've spent the last week going through the Lonelyhearts/Kubler-Ross
> scale of emotions, de-relationshipping the house (letters, photos, gifts,
> misc., all into a large box), trying to eat on schedule, reading ASCF, and
> generally licking my wounds. Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
> travel money I'd set aside for July.
>
> So if my posts are infrequent, way too frequent, sour, hysterical, or in any
> way out of character for the next while...I'm just a-going through the Change.
>
> I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting *back*
> to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
>
> Thanks for the virtual ears.
>
> Gutterboy
> ---------
Just know that we're here for you.
Jim
Jim
Ginny wrote:
>
>The comfort food for Gutterboy airlift begins
> >>> >Hell yeah, we will - Fat Matt's World Famous Rib Shack!...or if you
> >>> >prefer, the Chicken Shack is right next door.
> >>> >
> >>> >More Atlantan Support Waves coming your way.
> >>>
> >>> And from Toronto, Gutterboy, I send the last quarter-bottle of
> >>> Macallan single malt, and a 3-pound box of Godiva Chocolates. So
> >>> you've got dessert and after-dinner drinks.
> >>
> >>And from Portland, a case of Full Sail Very Special Pale Ale.
> >>
> >>Laura.
> >
> >From the Messychusetts/Vermont border, I send a pound of the finest Vermont
> >cheddar, a gallon of real maple syrup (don't even TALK about that artificial
> >crap that infests the stupidmarkets!) and a bushel of Cortland apples
> >(Macintosh is overrated, IMHO).
> >
> >RxAmy
>
> From Chicago, we send pizza from Gino's East and cheesecake from Eli's.
> Also a guest spot on Oprah, or if you'd rather, center stage on Jerry to tell
> the world the story of your duplicitous ex.
>
Sorry, we've got no local cuisine but here's a big vat of my homemade
Four Mushroom soup and some fresh baked bread.
Jim
Rachel Pildis
RED57...@aol.com says...
> x-no-archive: yes
> /;)
> Earlier, in rx...@aol.compazine (RxAmy)'s immortal words:
> >The list thus far:
> >
> >>Renee wrote:
> >>
> >>> Voris Tracy Van wrote:
> >>>
> >>> >On Thu, 13 May 1999, it was written:
> >>> >> Oh, my favorite Gutterboy... big warm hugs from Hotlanta coming your
> >>> >> way!! Hang in there and if you need a vacation you just come on
> >>> >> over... Tracy Van Voris and I will take you out on the town and eat us
> >>> >> some ribs!
> >>> >
> >>> >prefer, the Chicken Shack is right next door.
> >>> >
> >>> >More Atlantan Support Waves coming your way.
> >>>
> >>> And from Toronto, Gutterboy, I send the last quarter-bottle of
> >>> Macallan single malt, and a 3-pound box of Godiva Chocolates. So
> >>> you've got dessert and after-dinner drinks.
> >>
> >>And from Portland, a case of Full Sail Very Special Pale Ale.
> >>
> >>Laura.
> >
> >From the Messychusetts/Vermont border, I send a pound of the finest Vermont
> >cheddar, a gallon of real maple syrup (don't even TALK about that artificial
> >crap that infests the stupidmarkets!) and a bushel of Cortland apples
> >(Macintosh is overrated, IMHO).
> >
> >RxAmy
>
> From Chicago, we send pizza from Gino's East and cheesecake from Eli's.
> Also a guest spot on Oprah, or if you'd rather, center stage on Jerry to tell
> the world the story of your duplicitous ex.
>
works....celery salt, cucumber, and all!
Rachel (and a bottle of antacid, if you ask nicely)
--
http://www.enteract.com/~pildis/index.html
Beth
was a cheating snark and unworthy of you. Have some virtual chocolate, a
cup of tea and my sincerest sympathy.
BethD
Gutterboy1 <gutte...@aol.comcicomca> wrote in message
news:19990512223737...@ng-ba1.aol.com...
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life,
but
> here goes.
>
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of
a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
>
> snip of sad details
> I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just getting
*back*
> to being single that really, really, *really* stinks right now.
>
> Thanks for the virtual ears.
>
> Gutterboy
> ---------
IleneB
My friend, G-boy, she/he must be a fool. Not that it makes you feel any
better, like others here, I sure do know how it goes. (And I will
email you about the overnight FedEx disengagement from the craven
military officer).
Now's the time to think of the things about the person that you were
trying to look past, accept, get used to- all the things you didn't
like or want in a companion and all those things that you now don't
have to put up with! Big and small, don't leave anything out.
Don't throw out anything you might like later. I bet you're as good at
slash n'burn breakups as I am. Put a box in the attic if you think
you'll regret dumping some stuff. On the other hand, screw it-just make
a dump run and be finished with that.
Thoughts are with you. We all deserve good company, and no one deserves
crummy treatment, least of all you.
Ilene B
E l i s e
>Thoughts are with you. We all deserve good company, and no one deserves
>crummy treatment, least of all you.
>
This too shall pass, G.
Hugs,
Elise
Jason G.
>
>OK, that does it...all you ladies head for
>http://www.asacomp.com/~jkrhodes/cgi-bin/auction.cgi?misc&927080277
>and take a chance on owning your own G-Boy! This auction is only up for 5
>days so hurry!
>
Hey, GB, did you know that you are "sold according to weight, not volume?"
But don't worry if you get stressed out, because you are also "subject to
settling during shipment."
=========================================
Jason G.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan,
but my duties are largely ceremonial.
C&S
> Wow, you met Quentin - Tell me more! I read his autobiography, "The Naked
> Civil Servant", and also saw it dramatised on British TV. He sounds an
> amazing person. He must be pretty old now, if he's still alive.
>
> Janet
>
>
He is, and believe it or not, his number is listed in the local telephone
directory. I know; I checked.
Cristabel. Just don't write to him on pink stationery. He had a bad
experience with a psycho woman who did.
C&S
ginger cookies, eating them with vanilla ice cream, and enjoying them with
the nastier poems of Dorothy Parker?
_Recovered_
When I flung my heart away,
The year was at its fall.
I saw my dear, the other day, beside a flowering wall,
And this was all I had to say:
"I thought that he was tall!"
Cristabel. Avoid the Cathy-esque wallowing ones.
CL55logan
>The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
>> phone.>
This alone tells me this person did NOT deserve someone like you-- this is a
really chickenshit way to behave...It's never easy, but I feel it's cruel to do
this over the phone ala' ambush. As my mother used to say when someone had
hurt me, "If they don't want to play with you, you don't want to play with
them."
I know your ex will get this and more back in spades, cause that's the way the
universe works... As long as we're sending you treats, how about some pralines
and a big cold glass of milk? Take good care of yourself...you'll be missed.
Cathy
Scott Eiler
gutte...@aol.comcicomca (Gutterboy1) wrote:
> I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm fine being single. It's just
> getting *back* to being single that really, really, *really*
> stinks right now.
I'm not qualified to give advice to the lovelorn, but you certainly have
my sympathy.
---- Scott Eiler B{D> ---- http://www.ultranet.com/~seiler/ ----
E l i s e
>From the Messychusetts/Vermont border, I send a pound of the finest Vermont
>cheddar, a gallon of real maple syrup (don't even TALK about that artificial
>crap that infests the stupidmarkets!) and a bushel of Cortland apples
>(Macintosh is overrated, IMHO).
>
Amy,
I'll send a Peterborough Basket Co. basket (made of ashwood) to put
all that good stuff in, completing your care package. Oval, about 12"
long, with a lid and a little brass plate bearning the maker's mark.
Good for fruit, letters, napkins on the table, dried flower
arrangements after the care package is gone.
ObTourist: They're made by hand here, in the same way they've been
making 'em for over 150 years. 8^)
Elise
Jim Paradis
> OOoh! I just remembered I have a great book called "Exorcising Your
> Ex" that is wonderfully evil! I've only read it for kicks (I've never
> had an Ex), but a recently-separated friend nearly had hysterics when
> I showed it to her. Perhaps I'll bring in some items.
Actually, for a lot of good stuff on both breakups and on making
relationships work, take a peek at:
She's my favorite advice-monger in the whole *universe*. Her advice
is plugged in to the *real* world, the one where real people live and
love and screw up far too often. This seems to be a rare quality
among advice-mongers (standard Dear Abby line: "Talk to him!", while
completely ignoring the subtext between the lines indicating that
communication is completely broken down and that a lot more than
"talking" is needed. Breakup Girl picks up on these things!)
> I'm sure someone has already recommended a few select phone calls to
> door-to-door religious groups, and record clubs?
Actually, I think that gutterboy's breakup-line was the CLASSEST
class act I've *ever* seen in this genre, and it should stand on its
own as his last act towards her.
Unless of course he wants to write it down, date it, seal it in an
envelope, and hand it to her when Mr. Fling finally dumps *her*
cheatin' ass...
--
Jim Paradis j...@tiac.net "The early bird gets the worm.
http://www.tiac.net/users/jrp/index.html If you want something else for
breakfast, get up later."
Voris Tracy Van
> Wow, you met Quentin - Tell me more! I read his autobiography, "The Naked
> Civil Servant", and also saw it dramatised on British TV. He sounds an
> amazing person. He must be pretty old now, if he's still alive.
He's a very small person who wore a lot of purple....at least he did when
he was staying in Atlanta. Off stage, he's very soft-spoken and speaks in
measured phrases; he wasn't one to speak first in a conversation, he was
much more of a listener.
Probably one of the funniest things he said - and I guess it was more in
the *way* he said it, not in the words - was when a bunch of us were going
to go clubbing after the show. We asked him if he wanted to come along
and he responded, "I would rather die." Ah, well. *I* cracked up, and he
just grinned. We ended up taking him out to a local restaurant (where
some people pointed, but no one bothered him), and then we dropped him off
at his apartment.
One of the things that he did at his shows was take questions from the
audience. We had a box where you could put the questions in before the
show, and then we'd collect them and bring them back to him during
intermission. There was always a few stock questions, but usually he'd
pick out several fresh ones every night. He did ask that we leave him
alone during intermission so he could think about his answers a little
bit.
Did he expect to be treated as a star, someone special? NO. Not at all.
As long as we kept the water pitcher full, his stage clothes clean, and
peace and relatively quiet backstage he was fine. Never, and I mean never
once was there any temper tantrums or attitude from this performer.
He's a wonderful person, and I am very glad to have had the pleasure of
meeting and working for him.
T.
RxAmy
>>From the Messychusetts/Vermont border, I send a pound of the finest Vermont
>>cheddar, a gallon of real maple syrup (don't even TALK about that artificial
>>crap that infests the stupidmarkets!) and a bushel of Cortland apples
>>(Macintosh is overrated, IMHO).
>>
>Amy,
>
>I'll send a Peterborough Basket Co. basket (made of ashwood) to put
>all that good stuff in, completing your care package. Oval, about 12"
>long, with a lid and a little brass plate bearning the maker's mark.
>Good for fruit, letters, napkins on the table, dried flower
>arrangements after the care package is gone.
Oh, that sounds absolutely lovely. It's definitely the perfect container for
the VT/MA care package.
RxAmy (wanting one of those baskets)
Bruce Mills
Jeri Jo Thomas <kata...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>Oh-oh, how do Longaberger and Peterborough baskets stack up
>against each other?
They don't - the handles get in the way...
Bruce
IleneB
Ilene B
, Kristy Bronner <kristen...@dartmouth.edu> wrote:
> Sorry to hear it, GB -- I hope you find someone that deserves you!
E l i s e
>RxAmy (wanting one of those baskets)
Try this for more info:
http://204.97.20.19/economy/madehere/pborobasket.shtml
There's no pictures on the page, alas, but they do send out a nice
video, IIRC.
Elise
RxAmy
Thanks for the link!
RxAmy
Gutterboy1
>OK, that does it...all you ladies head for
>http://www.asacomp.com/~jkrhodes/cgi-bin/auction.cgi?misc&927080277
>and take a chance on owning your own G-Boy! This auction is only up for 5
>days so hurry!
>
>(I'm testing a CGI that does auctions...guess who's on the block NOW!<G>)
Wow...I just checked it, and I'm up to $65. Do I have to do light housework as
well?
Gutterboy
---------
"Sometimes careers are jobs you forget to quit." -- Jim S., a brilliant buddy
of mine
Gutterboy1
>Actually, for a lot of good stuff on both breakups and on making
>relationships work, take a peek at:
>
> http://www.breakupgirl.com
>
>She's my favorite advice-monger in the whole *universe*. Her advice
>is plugged in to the *real* world, the one where real people live and
>love and screw up far too often.
Thanks for the link! I checked it out; she's definitely cool.
Vera Izrailit
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> here goes.
I am really sorry, Gutterboy.
> I don't want to get into the details, but the culprit was--what a
> cliche--Another Man.
I am sorry, this is probably not the best thing to say right now, but:
don't wish anything bad on them. I understand that you don't want to
be friends with the person who has hurt you so much, but having been
on all the three sides of the situation I can only say that these
things happen and very often nobody is really to blame.
There is a Russian proverb that says: "If your fiancee ran away with
another, you don't know which one of you is lucky". Fits the situation
perfectly.
> The actual breakup happened fast, it happened quick, it happened over the
> phone. If anything, I was too rational at the time. No yelling. No tears or
> whatever.
Rational is best, and you handled this well.
> Oh, and planning a cool summer vacation with that
> travel money I'd set aside for July.
Have a great vacation, and here is some virtual smoked salmon and dark
Czech ale. And a bear hug.
--
Vera Izrailit
Intestinal parasites known as senders of unsolicited commercial email will
have their genitals removed by a rusty kitchen knife without anaesthesia,
be painfully sodomized by a herd of elephants and then slowly tortured to
death. Unlikely survivors will be promptly caught and fed to the lawyers.
IleneB
that you just couldn't have known that is an important factor. Now,
maybe you don't know this thing because the other person didn't *tell*
you (a problem). I had an amazing intense 1-year relationship when I
was 22, which banged into a wall when he started cheating (did it count
that one was my best friend since first grade..).. *Years* later I
learned that he'd been, uh, impotent with everyone else in his whole
life except me. Of course, he didn't tell me this. If I'd known, it
might have helped explained why he thought he was in love with me, why
he'd want to go off and and "try" elsewhere, why he blamed my upset
feelings on his physical issues, blah blah.
Unfortunately, we are creatures who try to learn from experience. And
if you get blindsided, you get paranoid. "If I didn't see this nasty
surprise coming, how can I prevent another one? Can I tell what's going
on at all?"
And so I blame people who don't know themselves well enough to be
honest with *themselves*- they can't be more honest with you than they
are with themselves- and they do shit that does genuine damage to one's
sense of being able to tell what's going on, and being able to be open.
And for that, I *do* blame. (See Under: Craven Military Officer)
Ilene B "been there, done that.. where's the remote?"
In article <7hp9nt$14c$1...@nntp.hut.fi>, Vera Izrailit . I understand
Valerie
IleneB <ile...@shore.net> wrote:
>Unfortunately, we are creatures who try to learn from experience. And
>if you get blindsided, you get paranoid. "If I didn't see this nasty
>surprise coming, how can I prevent another one? Can I tell what's going
>on at all?"
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Yep.
Val
Valerie
Gutterboy1 <gutte...@aol.combover> wrote:
>Wrote kettir:
>
>>OK, that does it...all you ladies head for
>>http://www.asacomp.com/~jkrhodes/cgi-bin/auction.cgi?misc&927080277
>>and take a chance on owning your own G-Boy! This auction is only up for 5
>>days so hurry!
>>
>>(I'm testing a CGI that does auctions...guess who's on the block NOW!<G>)
>
>Wow...I just checked it, and I'm up to $65. Do I have to do light housework as
>well?
Are you willing to? What would you wear? <GRIN!>
Val
mer
said the following:
> All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> here goes.
>
> Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> week ago, I'm flying solo again.
Oh, Gutterboy, I'm so sorry.
> By the time we got to the tearful "I hope we'll always be friends," I even
> managed to say, "Of course you do. I've been good to you. But we won't remain
> friends, because you've hurt me worse than any friend has ever hurt me. I will
> tell you this, as a friend: You're a cheater and a philanderer, and he's
> someone who knew you were in a relationship and went ahead with this anyway. I
> think you're going to spend a lot of time looking over each other's shoulders.
> So I wish you luck, but the odds don't seem too good."
This was EXCELLENT. The only thing you could possibly have added is
that it was really cowardly of her to break up by phone instead of
looking you in the face while she told you.
> (A good breakup line, I must say, but a little too controlled. The messy stuff
> will probably all come spilling out later--at least I hope it will. I haven't
> even cried yet.)
Maintaining both dignity and composure in such circumstances isn't
easy. You did good. It will come out though, and it should.
> Thanks for the virtual ears.
>
> Gutterboy
> ---------
Any time you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to listen with
sympathy, or someone to rant to, we're here for you.
--mer (sending virtual hugs to Gutterboy and hoping the
chicken-hearted two-timing bitch who dumped him burns in the ninth
circle of hell)
I'm SICK of junk e-mail! Send mail to merush at wtd dot net
Ruth Mastron
> On Thu, 13 May 1999 02:37:37, gutte...@aol.comcicomca (Gutterboy1)
> said the following:
>
> > All right...deep breath...I know I don't post much about my daily life, but
> > here goes.
> >
> > Ever since I've been posting to ASCF, I've been a coupled Gutterboy. As of a
> > week ago, I'm flying solo again.
>
Chin up, old chap! Look on the bright side: the bitch will probably be
so paranoid about looooooooooosing him that she'll get pregnant so he'll
stay with her. You get all the fun of evil vengance and don't even have
to break a sweat. Just sit back and watch the fireworks.
Seriously, being dumped is just about the suckiest thing ever,
particularly under the circumstances you describe. ("We now pause for a
word from the Voice of Experience. . .") Obviously, she wasn't good
enough for ya!!
love,
Ruth Mastron
<Roger Debris> "*Thank* you, next please!" </Roger Debris>