"But I don't WANT to"
zimm
to go & participate in music class. He doesn't like music. He can't
understand why he has to go to music & learn if he doesn't like it. We
are definately having the battle over "If I don't want to do something,
why should I do it?". Ugh.
Remember when our parents said "Because I said so"? That's sounding
pretty good right now! : )
Overall though, I must say that he has improved significantly in his
behavior at school. They send home daily reports and he earns free time
minutes for not acting out, yelling, etc. We all (school, Alex, me)
signed a contract so he knows what's expected and what the penalties and
rewards are for his behavior. It's working pretty good. It really
helps to tell him everything that's going to happen each day. He seems
alot less frustrated. I am too!
Zimm
Alun Jones
>So I'm having some trouble explaining to my Aspie 8 year old why he has
>to go & participate in music class. He doesn't like music. He can't
>understand why he has to go to music & learn if he doesn't like it. We
>are definately having the battle over "If I don't want to do something,
>why should I do it?". Ugh.
>
>Remember when our parents said "Because I said so"? That's sounding
>pretty good right now! : )
It's difficult to say what response to give, without knowing what response is
likely to work. There are some issues you might want to consider:
1. Why do _you_ want him to go to music class, and why does the school believe
it is a necessary part of his education? This information alone may provide
you with an answer that is acceptable to your child.
2. One thing that a good music education will give is a broad spectrum of
musical choices, to demonstrate, for instance, that classical music isn't all
chintzy crap designed for jewellery boxes, or heavy metal isn't all about
people screaming loudly into microphones. The mere breaking-down of
prejudices (if that's a part of music class) is a valuable education.
3. Why does he particularly dislike music? Presumably there are other classes
that he doesn't like, what's special about music that he wishes particularly
to avoid that class? Is there a personality clash with the teacher? Is there
a volume overload (would earmuffs help?)?
4. Have you discussed your child's reluctance with any of the teachers that
know him? Sometimes more than one head can come to a good solution - maybe
one of the teachers has noticed something that you've missed, but doesn't
think it important enough to tell you about.
>Overall though, I must say that he has improved significantly in his
>behavior at school. They send home daily reports and he earns free time
>minutes for not acting out, yelling, etc. We all (school, Alex, me)
>signed a contract so he knows what's expected and what the penalties and
>rewards are for his behavior. It's working pretty good. It really
>helps to tell him everything that's going to happen each day. He seems
>alot less frustrated. I am too!
We find that a schedule is the most useful tool for Colin. Knowing what will
happen, and when, goes a long way to providing the ideal climate for him to
learn.
We also have a "wall-hanging folder" that allows him to collect up things like
homework assignments, accelerated-reading assignments, and the like, so that
there's no rush around the house looking for things when it's time to get
ready. When there's a place for everything, things make it into the right
place more often than not.
We're also working on having Colin tell _us_ what's going to happen that day,
and what he needs. Self-reliance is important, and he's going through a phase
that we dub "Colin-do". When he was much younger, he'd often reach this
phase, and whenever we'd try to do anything for him, he'd snatch it from our
hands and yell "Conin-do!" Now, whenever he's feeling independent and wants
to do stuff for himself, unless it's dangerous, we let him try, even if we
don't think he's ready to do it. Often he surprises us, and if he has his
first try of something when it's his choice, he generally doesn't feel shy
about trying again later. The times that are hard are the "daddy-do" times,
when we're trying to persuade him to do something for himself, but he's well
aware that we've been doing it for him for several years, and he thinks we
ought to keep doing it for him.
Alun.
~~~~
Foxglove54321
>>understand why he has to go to music & learn if he doesn't like it.
>Is there
>a volume overload (would earmuffs help?)?
That was my first thought too, as well as the possibility of general
overstimulation.
I don't see the point in pushing him to do music if he's really not interested.
It's hardly an essential subject and it could be more worthwhile spending the
time developing other skills. I agree with Alun that you should explore various
issues to try to get to the bottom of this.
> Is there a personality clash with the teacher?
Or are there other pupils in this particular class that he wants to avoid?
Bullying is a possibility.
Alice Woolley
http://www.insidethebubble.co.uk/
Inside the Bubble - autism information
growi...@hotmail.com
> So I'm having some trouble explaining to my Aspie 8 year old why he has
> to go & participate in music class. He doesn't like music. He can't
> understand why he has to go to music & learn if he doesn't like it. We
> are definately having the battle over "If I don't want to do something,
> why should I do it?". Ugh.
For me, I didn't mind the music part of the class that much. I hated
the rest of it, although some of the music part was awful (have a 11 year
old watch an opera).
I really didn't like the teacher, who expected me to behave better then
I was able to do. I think the "activity" part of the class made me more
hyper, which only made my behaviour worse for the teacher and unpleasent
for me (because I still had to try to sit still and behave, which was
very hard when I was hyper).
It also had very confusing rules - sometimes you should move around,
jump, make noise, etc, but it was against the rules at other times.
I had the same problem with the other "activity" class I had in elementry
school, art. I didn't have the problem with PE even though I didn't like
those activities - I behaved better because it was acceptible to make
noise and move almost always.
--
Joel
Gareeth
"zimm" <cee...@netscape.net> wrote in message
news:3E4D4E5...@netscape.net...
> So I'm having some trouble explaining to my Aspie 8 year old why he has
> to go & participate in music class. He doesn't like music. He can't
> understand why he has to go to music & learn if he doesn't like it. We
> are definately having the battle over "If I don't want to do something,
> why should I do it?". Ugh.
>
> Remember when our parents said "Because I said so"? That's sounding
> pretty good right now! : )
>
Yeah I had an icky feeling when I made the 10 year old rugrat who lives here
practice his violin and the best reason I could think of was it was
character building to do something you don't necessarily like and that
wasn't very easy for you . I was able to expand on that with some
implications for adulthood if he only did what was easy and he enjoyed but
it still felt spookily like saying the sort of words you thought as a kid
you would never say.
Gareeth
sggaB the Slug
growi...@hotmail.com wrote:
> It also had very confusing rules - sometimes you should move around,
> jump, make noise, etc, but it was against the rules at other times.
> I had the same problem with the other "activity" class I had in elementry
> school, art. I didn't have the problem with PE even though I didn't like
> those activities - I behaved better because it was acceptible to make
> noise and move almost always.
I never realized it, but that's the exact problem I had with art and music
classes. They were too unstructured and it was impossible to know what
was going on, so they were chaos. I did okay in music, but often was
considered rather bad in art. I remember one art class they had miniature
looms you could weave on, and that was orderly and predictable and I spent
all my time there. But I was never allowed to use the big loom because I
was not considered a "serious" art student.
In my out-of-school art classes, there was an unscrupulous teacher who
painted half of our paintings for us (especially me because she was fed up
with me) and then had us sign them as if we did them. I used to lock
myself in the bathroom, take all the paper towels out, do the same thing
to the soap (I was not thinking of hurting anything; it was rhythmic
activity) and then (in this part mischievous) often lock the door from the
inside on the way out.
One day, the teacher said that someone had locked the doors to the
bathroom from the inside. She said this was breaking the law and that she
could involve the police. She said she knew who did it and was going to
talk to them after class. She never talked to me, so I wondered if she
really knew who did it.
There were also several times when I would be stimming or something and
she would yell at me for "not listening", especially the time I was
stimming on a paintbrush (a "blending brush" is very soft and I was
rubbing it on my hands back and forth). She said, "Now this is an example
of what I'm talking about. Amanda doesn't listen. If she listened, she'd
know that I just said that the paint has lead in it." The thing is, I was
*trying* to listen, but the processing was very delayed so until I heard
my name I was too wrapped up in processing stuff to connect what she said
to any of my actions.
Anyway, my parents would show off the paintings I "made" in that class,
and eventually I felt really guilty and showed them the parts the teacher
had done. I no longer had to go back. :-)
--
sggaB
Autistic Spectrum Code, v1.0
AA! dpu s-:+ a-- c+(++) p(+) t--- f--- S--(++)@ p?@ e-(+)@ h- r--@ n--
i++ P m--(++)@ M
Kathy
"sggaB the Slug" <ama...@autistics.org> wrote in message
news:slrnb4qun4...@localhost.localdomain...
> In article <top.poster.2....@bigsky.antelope.net>,
> growi...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> > It also had very confusing rules - sometimes you should move around,
> > jump, make noise, etc, but it was against the rules at other times.
>
senior kindergarten, he showed a reluctance to participate in music with the
group. These postings remind me somewhat of that. He was made to sit out for
non-participation and even though he at times agreed to physically position
himself with the group, he still clammed right up. A videotape made of the
children singing Christmas carols ironically produced the reason why. In it,
all the children were singing away with enthusiasm...except my son Stephen.
He was scowling and covering his ears with his hands, glaring at the others.
The group was quite off-key and when I asked him about the tape, he simply
said: "It hurt my ears." Subsequently he took a few piano lessons and
discovered that he really likes music, especially classical. His sense of
pitch is quite accurate, in keeping with his need to be precise. Contrary to
initial impressions, it was not the music per se that he disliked, it was
the auditory chaos generated in the classroom.
Kathy
Dolphinius
> bathroom from the inside. She said this was breaking the law and that she
> could involve the police. She said she knew who did it and was going to
> talk to them after class. She never talked to me, so I wondered if she
> really knew who did it.
He he. This was probably a ploy - she was intending to catch the
perpetrator by working out who looked guilty / worried. However, I
guess that you didn't express any emotion so she was none the wiser!
:-)
Dolphinius
(Male, aged 30 +/- a few months, UK, self-diagnosed AS)
sggaB the Slug
wrote:
That would make sense. It has confused me for 15 years now, because I
still have trouble believing that she would not only say that and not
mean it, but not be able to discern the terrified kid I was when she said
it. Then again, I was always terrified around her, because she had a
habit of screaming at me and making a public example of me for no apparent
reason, while praising the other kids for not being like me.
Alice
> That would make sense. It has confused me for 15 years now, because
> I still have trouble believing that she would not only say that and
> not mean it, but not be able to discern the terrified kid I was when
> she said it. Then again, I was always terrified around her, because
> she had a habit of screaming at me and making a public example of me
> for no apparent reason, while praising the other kids for not being
> like me.
>
I'm glad you're like you...I don't care about the other kids.
-alice