Things I love about my kids

[Aquarian Monkey]

2 stories I love. And reasons why I would never, ever change them.

R is getting bullied at school, and a good deal more kids, while not really bullying, are not very nice, either. R is a very sweet, kind, and helpful kid. His teachers always tell me about this.

One day, after he helped a teacher, a boy said to him "only nerds help teachers."

R's response? "Well, I'd rather be a nerd than a jerk!" LOL!

Another time we were in the store and I was letting the kids get t-shirts. R suggested one for D that said "Smart girls Rock!" D said she didn't want to get it because it might hurt the feelings of girls who were not smart. Then, instead she chose one that said "I <3 nerds" Her reasoning was that most people are mean to nerds and it would make nerds feel good to know she loved them! LOL!

[dolph...@fsmail.net]

On Wednesday, April 18, 2012 2:38:43 AM UTC+1, Aquarian Monkey wrote:
> 2 stories I love. And reasons why I would never, ever change them.
>
> R is getting bullied at school, and a good deal more kids, while not really bullying, are not very nice, either. R is a very sweet, kind, and helpful kid. His teachers always tell me about this.

How is he dealing with the bullying? Does he have friends? I think I recall you saying he did previously, but I know things can change a lot for children.

> One day, after he helped a teacher, a boy said to him "only nerds help teachers."
>
> R's response? "Well, I'd rather be a nerd than a jerk!" LOL!

That's quite a good put-down, although liable to result in a fight!

> Another time we were in the store and I was letting the kids get t-shirts. R suggested one for D that said "Smart girls Rock!" D said she didn't want to get it because it might hurt the feelings of girls who were not smart. Then, instead she chose one that said "I <3 nerds" Her reasoning was that most people are mean to nerds and it would make nerds feel good to know she loved them! LOL!

It is good that they both think of others. As I think I have posted before, I think my behaviour has been influenced (other than by what my parents did) firstly by learning the golden rule when young ("do unto others as you would have done unto you") and secondly by a rule at school which was simply "be considerate to others". The Headmaster emphasised this from time to time and while probably a lot of the other children just ignored it I, as a good Aspie, took on board that it was a rule and therefore should be followed. :)

Dolphinius
(Male, age 40 +/- a few months, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

[Aquarian Monkey]

On Friday, April 20, 2012 5:55:45 PM UTC-4, dolph...@fsmail.net wrote:

> How is he dealing with the bullying? Does he have friends? I think I recall you saying he did previously, but I know things can change a lot for children.

I don't think he is actively being bullied anymore...I think the kids have moved on. But I do not think he fits in very well. He does have one friend. Ironically, we invited him over one day and he told me his favorite TV channel with the History Channel and he went into a lengthy monologue about Aztec culture. Not your average 10 year old. I do not know if it is that R has a "knack" for finding the kids who are like him, or if it is that they are the only kids who will spend time with him. But everywhere he goes, he picks up a friend or two that, even if they have no diagnosis, are clearly at least quirky. The boy seems really nice though, as do all of his friends.

>
> > R's response? "Well, I'd rather be a nerd than a jerk!" LOL!
>
> That's quite a good put-down, although liable to result in a fight!

This is where some of R's pragmatic language issues can cause problems. He did not see how the other person could think that he was calling him a jerk. He was thinking that to not help would make him a jerk and if that was the case, he would rather be a nerd.

>
> It is good that they both think of others. As I think I have posted before, I think my behaviour has been influenced (other than by what my parents did) firstly by learning the golden rule when young ("do unto others as you would have done unto you") and secondly by a rule at school which was simply "be considerate to others". The Headmaster emphasised this from time to time and while probably a lot of the other children just ignored it I, as a good Aspie, took on board that it was a rule and therefore should be followed. :)

R definitely latches on to rules like that with a very tenacious grip. D? Not so much. Though I do think she will when she is older. I do believe R has "true" empathy (the way that an NT experiences it). He is a very gentle kid with a laid back and accepting temperament. I do not think D experiences empathy as an NT does. I honestly think her statement above was more her copying her brother's behavior because he always gets praised for it. For her, her empathy seems more rote. Except for with animals. For some reason with animals, I think she "feels" it differently.

[dolph...@fsmail.net]

On Saturday, April 21, 2012 4:31:22 AM UTC+1, Aquarian Monkey wrote:

> Except for with animals. For some reason with animals, I think she "feels" it differently.

Animals are much simpler to understand than humans. There is some variety in some species (e.g. different breeds of dogs have different behavioural characteristics), but creatures of the same type mostly behave almost identically. They are much more predictable.

I had a day today when almost everything went slightly wrong, but felt better when I returned home and saw that at least three bumblebees were working hard at some white dead nettle plants on my lawn. It's a sort of plant that few people would let grow in their front garden, but I let a lot of wild things grow and think I have a really beautiful garden. Right next to it part of a colony of ants was marching up and down a tree. I know not know what they do, but it must be a good food supply as they do it all year (except Winter).

Dolphinus