OT: Keeping score
Dolphinius
year and then give it a rating from 1 to 5. Here 1 means "lousy" and 5
means "fantastic".
I find it interesting to note that I haven't rated any year as below
average since self-diagnosing AS (whereas I did on occasion before). I
think this has made me happier because one of the mysteries of my life
no longer exists.
I have given this year (provisionally a 4). I think I took one big
step and lots of very small steps, all in the right direction.
Probably the complete lack of any love interest* was what stopped it
from being a 5.
[* Not the term I'd use as I'm not sure my perspective of love is the
same as yours, but hopefully you know roughly what I mean. It has been
another almost completely dry year however you define it.]
Dolphinius
(Male, mid-thirties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)
astri
> I have given this year (provisionally a 4). I think I took one big
> step and lots of very small steps, all in the right direction.
> Probably the complete lack of any love interest* was what stopped it
> from being a 5.
>
> [* Not the term I'd use as I'm not sure my perspective of love is the
> same as yours, but hopefully you know roughly what I mean. It has
> been another almost completely dry year however you define it.]
how are you using love interest?
-- astri
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Dolphinius
> On Sat, 19 Dec 2009, Dolphinius wrote:
> > I have given this year (provisionally a 4). I think I took one big
> > step and lots of very small steps, all in the right direction.
> > Probably the complete lack of any love interest* was what stopped it
> > from being a 5.
>
> > [* Not the term I'd use as I'm not sure my perspective of love is the
> > same as yours, but hopefully you know roughly what I mean. It has
> > been another almost completely dry year however you define it.]
>
> how are you using love interest?
I am not sure what you mean by "using". I have assumed you are asking
me what I mean by "love interest" in the context of what I wrote.
If that is the question then what I mean is that during 2009 no woman
who I was interested in seemed interested in me. Over the last year,
as in almost every year of my life, I have not had any dates, not
asked anyone out, not been asked out.
There is not much to go on. I have belonged to an online dating agency
for most of the year. I sent some messages to a few women and none
responded. A few women sent me messages and I did respond (and in some
cases exchanged messages for a bit), but in all cases they weren't
really my type and they fizzled out when I didn't make the effort.
During the year, I did meet one woman in real life who I am interested
in. We have chatted a few times and she has been polite and friendly
in our encounters. I feel I have been in good form on most of these
occasions. I am not very good at reading body language so initially
wasn't sure where I stood. However, on reflection I concluded that she
was probably not interested in me because in two or three
conversations she never asked me anything at all about myself. I will
continue to be friendly towards her when I encounter her (as I do like
her a lot), but am resigned to it never being more than a good
acquaintance (probably not a full friendship).
Love interest isn't critical for me to have a good year. I have learnt
to live as someone who is single. I know I don't need a relationship.
However, a good relationship with the right person could be very good.
Thinking back, I do like the emotional intimacy of a relationship and
the physical contact, and there is nothing like that when you are
single. I also feel I have enough to offer in various ways a
relationship which could make it good for the other person and that
itself would be fulfilling and positive. While I am a bit unsure as to
whether I am suited to relationships, it is so long since I have had a
girlfriend (and I have matured as a person a lot since I did) that I
would like to meet someone suitable in the next year or two and try to
make a go of it. I think over the next year one of my plans will be to
try to find more things to do in which I will meet women to increase
the probability.
I mentioned that my perspective of love may be different to some
people's. For me true love is something that is entirely selfless. If
I loved a woman than as long as she was true to herself she could
impose almost any conditions on the relationship (such as no physical
contact) and I would still love her. I would never stand in the way of
someone I loved, even if meant having to let them go. However, such
feelings are extremely rare for me. When I use "love interest" I am
not referring to such love. It has to encompass a type of feeling
which is more than lust, but which is partly selfless, but partly
selfish. That is what I perceive most people's definition of love to
be.
Eva
"Dolphinius" <dolph...@fsmail.net> wrote in message
news:f1e53e9c-1938-4edd...@g7g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
<snip>
> I find it interesting to note that I haven't rated any year as below
> average since self-diagnosing AS (whereas I did on occasion before). I
> think this has made me happier because one of the mysteries of my life
> no longer exists.
Dolphinius, I feel the same way. It's a great relief to me that "the
problem has a name," and especially to realize that there are so many other
people who have the same issues I have in trying to make sense of the world
and the humans who run it.
Eva
astri
> I am not sure what you mean by "using". I have assumed you are asking
> me what I mean by "love interest" in the context of what I wrote.
yes.
> If that is the question then what I mean is that during 2009 no woman
> who I was interested in seemed interested in me. Over the last year,
> as in almost every year of my life, I have not had any dates, not
> asked anyone out, not been asked out.
>
> There is not much to go on. I have belonged to an online dating agency
> for most of the year. I sent some messages to a few women and none
> responded. A few women sent me messages and I did respond (and in some
> cases exchanged messages for a bit), but in all cases they weren't
> really my type and they fizzled out when I didn't make the effort.
>
> During the year, I did meet one woman in real life who I am interested
> in. We have chatted a few times and she has been polite and friendly
> in our encounters. I feel I have been in good form on most of these
> occasions. I am not very good at reading body language so initially
> wasn't sure where I stood. However, on reflection I concluded that she
> was probably not interested in me because in two or three
> conversations she never asked me anything at all about myself. I will
> continue to be friendly towards her when I encounter her (as I do like
> her a lot), but am resigned to it never being more than a good
> acquaintance (probably not a full friendship).
did you try asking her to go out to coffee or tea or something? does
she expect you to make the first move?
Dolphinius
No. The conversations were 1-to-1, but two of the three were in group
situations (i.e. there were other people there albeit having their own
conversations). On the other we were alone (walking together from one
place to another).
My thoughts are that if she wanted me to make a move like you describe
she would have encouraged me in some small way. At least, that's my
understanding of how these things normally work. There is no evidence
of that at all. I have noticed she is equally polite and friendly to
everyone she meets so don't think that aspect of our interactions
means anything.
Stephen Wilson
"Dolphinius" <dolph...@fsmail.net> wrote in message
news:f1e53e9c-1938-4edd...@g7g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
I don't keep a record of the things I've done, achieved, or failed to
achieve. Certain things happened in 2009. Certain things (of note) happen
every year! But I tend not to attach much significance to any particular
year.
Lack of love interest. Pah. That's nothing new either!