OT: New Years Resolutions
Dolphinius
autistic?
Mine is:
Be more outward looking.
I know it is hard. As an autistic person I naturally concern myself
primarily with myself. It is easy to retreat into myself. However, a
significant proportion of good experiences in my life (which have
helped me develop) have arisen because of efforts I have made to do
help other people - these have led me to interact more with other
people. I don't naturally care about other people, but taking the
attitude that I ought to care is good enough. A good place to start is
looking for ways to help other people. This doesn't necessarily need
to be one-to-one support. It can be by joining and supporting
organisations that have that aim.
Dolphinius
(Male, mid-thirties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)
Eva
"Dolphinius" <dolph...@fsmail.net> wrote in message
news:1ead8dfe-ead9-4dce...@a15g2000yqm.googlegroups.com...
> What New Years Resolution would you suggest for anyone who is
> autistic?
It would be good if I could suggest "I resolve to learn more coping skills,"
but I don't know where to suggest they learn them.
It would be great if there were, like, classes or group meetings for
adults--like you and me, Dolphinius--who have figured out what is wrong with
us. Okay, here we all are, many of us have sensory processing problems,
many of us have communication problems, most of us have social problems,
we're happy and relieved to find out this complex of problems has a *name*
and that many others have it too......but wouldn't it be great if we could
teach each other the coping strategies we have found and learn new ones from
each other too? (I mean in real life, you see.)
Eva
buzzard
Sounds like good advice, except that I've been trying long and
hard to be more outward looking. It is horrifically frustrating,
because my efforts have failed again and again.
The one time I did manage to get involved in community (and a
relationship) for a few months was due to circumstances external
to myself (there actually was a local organization that had aim)
which has since collapsed.
Over the years, over the decades, I have made attempts to get
involved; I've even gone to meetings. But almost invariably I
am invisible. All I can do is listen to a conversation that has
no recognizable breaks where I could join in (at least none that
are recognizable to me).
I've tried political stuff, several environmental organizations;
back in college years ago I tried going to parties; it was like I
wasn't there.
For that past 7 years or so there isn't even that (since that latest
environmental group collapsed). I suppose I should count myself
lucky to have extended family around, because other than that I
have no one.
This is like a routine there is no escape from, a box that always
keeps me inside, a dome over me I can't scream loud enough to be
heard through.
Dolphinius
> "Dolphinius" <dolphin...@fsmail.net> wrote in message
Possibly. However, I have learnt a lot from the internet (including
ASA). I am not sure I could explain things as well to other autistics
face-to-face as I could in writing.
Dolphinius
> Sounds like good advice, except that I've been trying long and
> hard to be more outward looking. It is horrifically frustrating,
> because my efforts have failed again and again.
Many of my efforts fail. However, I sometimes find that even where I
fail in a situation it does at least expose me to more experience of
that situation. If I reflect on what happened then sometimes I can do
better next time.
> The one time I did manage to get involved in community (and a
> relationship) for a few months was due to circumstances external
> to myself (there actually was a local organization that had aim)
> which has since collapsed.
>
> Over the years, over the decades, I have made attempts to get
> involved; I've even gone to meetings. But almost invariably I
> am invisible. All I can do is listen to a conversation that has
> no recognizable breaks where I could join in (at least none that
> are recognizable to me).
I have been involved in some organisations and notice that some people
are good at joining in group discussions and others are quiet. Usually
if someone asks them what they think they do have something to say.
Good chairing skills are important and a lot of small informal groups
won't have that.
> I've tried political stuff, several environmental organizations;
> back in college years ago I tried going to parties; it was like I
> wasn't there.
That's what I felt. Unlike you I don't have much problem joining in a
group discussion on a serious subject (like environmental issues)
where I have something to say, but I do find it very difficult to join
in group discussions on social subjects. Often I will be very quiet in
such situations. Usually when I have worked out something that I think
is worth saying (i.e. will be something other people might be
interested in or find funny) the conversation has moved on and it is
too late.
> For that past 7 years or so there isn't even that (since that latest
> environmental group collapsed). I suppose I should count myself
> lucky to have extended family around, because other than that I
> have no one.
Is there any voluntary work you could do?
> This is like a routine there is no escape from, a box that always
> keeps me inside, a dome over me I can't scream loud enough to be
> heard through.
I do find that my progress is in very small steps. There may be an
escape route, but it may involve a lot of hacking through the
undergrowth. I don't think I will ever escape from my undergrowth, but
the more I hack away the more I glimpse of the world outside.
buzzard
> Many of my efforts fail. However, I sometimes find that even where I
> fail in a situation it does at least expose me to more experience of
> that situation. If I reflect on what happened then sometimes I can do
> better next time.
Occasionally, I can find something to learn for the next time, but
usually, if I reflect on what happened I feel so horrible about
myself that I just feel like I want to die.
> I have been involved in some organisations and notice that some people
> are good at joining in group discussions and others are quiet. Usually
> if someone asks them what they think they do have something to say.
> Good chairing skills are important and a lot of small informal groups
> won't have that.
Around here, any local group will generally contain some dominant
personalities, who, if I ever do manage to say anything, will
always find some way to read into my words implications that were
never there, and to use those implications to prove 10 times over
that whatever I have said is utter stupidity and morally wrong to
boot, and that I am pond scum of the worst possible form.
> Usually when I have worked out something that I think
> is worth saying (i.e. will be something other people might be
> interested in or find funny) the conversation has moved on and it is
> too late.
Same here.
This makes it absolutely impossible to hold my own in any
form of debate, since that requires a timely response.
And being unable to argue a point, and unable to stand
up for myself, is the worst hell imaginable.
> Is there any voluntary work you could do?
a little bit, a few times a year i do volunteer work.
usually environmental work, like river cleanups.
There's not that much around here.
--
Buzzard
(needless to say, there were some
'discussions' locally over newyears)