Two weeks ago, I was clinically diagnosed with ADHD; the psychologist
stated that the diagnosis was a "no-brainer" after just one meeting,one in
which I rambled semi-coherently and excitedly about my life. MY FAVORITE
Within the week, I will be taking medications unknown to me as of this
writing. I am nervous, a bit hesitant, yet excited that my brain may
begin to focus and/or slow down a bit, and that my egocentrism may wane.
I'm pretty much not the communal, feel-good kinda guy, but I've been
amazed by the human spirit as it exists in the support newsgroups. I've
been reading a.t.support.attn-deficit from afar for a few months and I
have found most posts to be really helpful, hopeful and interesting.
One point I can make is, and I may be wrong: I feel my condition is well
worse than those I read about. I do not take much joy from this
distinction, but true concentation is simply not an option, ever.
Instead of trying to put together a list of things that represent my
condition, I will describe what's goin on as I write:
The TV is on in the background (always); CNN is showing a Greta Van
Susteren analysis of Brian "Kato" Kaelin's testimony. The AM talk-radio
is turned on (always); The Ken (The Black Avenger) Hamblin Show, but my
remote allows me to switch back and forth to the CD player. The remotes
are at my side (always). To my left is a copy of some Libertarian
newletter, to my right is today's Austin American-Statesman. I am reading
both concurrently, along with the Hallowell book and one of the Hunter S.
Thompson unauthorized biographies. How do I read all at the same time?
Well, you'll have to read my book(s) to find out. I happen to be writing
them right now, too. I just finished a long rambling phone conversation
with an 800# travel agent (they're so fun to talk to, especially when they
give you your confirmation code, "X as in X-Ray") and I am expecting more
calls as I write. Call-waiting and conference calling play into the
equation in a huge way. If no one calls I will find someone with whom I
can talk, trust me. I peruse the Internet and interact within that
medium, too. And, of course, I am making up songs and singing them -
they're stupid, stream of conscious They Might Be Giants-esque ditties
that usually contain words and names I've picked up along life's way,
like: "JoJo," "Midnight calvalcade(?)," "Big Boy," "lady friend," "Snappy
- The Midnight Donkey" and other I-don't-know-where-that-came-from and
thank-God-I-don't-see-a-Freudian-therapist subconscious wordings. I am
drinking ice coffee by the frigger load, too. In the back of my mind I am
yearning to play backgammon and Jack Nicklaus Golf on the computer as well
but RAM limitations stunt these impulses.
I am so addicted to multiple and overlapping medias that I wear a Walkman
to walk to my car. Otherwise, I am in my own personal hell. Silence. I
went to a barber where the only reading material were the outdated Flock
Of Seagulls/ New Wave fashion magazine portfolio thingamajigs. Sometimes
I wish I could simply be a crack addict or alcoholic. Society accepts
these fixations as semi-normal and there are oh so many options and
crutches at one's disposal.
When people come over to my home/office, they're genuinely freaked out by
the high level of interference in the air, and I don't blame them. It may
be rude to keep everything on, but there's no other way.
Ironically, I am not depressed by my myriad of symptoms of ADHD. I love
myself - maybe too much. I love TV, radio, the news, books, movies,
coffee, etc. The problem is - jobs, occupation maintanence, and
conforming to the work standards of others is a bit hard with my
dependencies that obviously conflict with workplace norms.
I am also a free association, stream of conscious nut (as exhibited here).
I do not recount or reread my works or thoughts and depend on others to
bring me back to my main points, or to correct me. I could go on and
on...and I usually do, but i won't.
Anyway, I'm interested in finding out a few things: are there other
hardcore mediaholics out there? Any recovering mediaholics? Can't get to
bed at a decent hour (won't turn off TV?)? Know of any pertinent reading
material? Will I ever hold a real job, or ever want one for that matter?
Why do some people think Chris Elliott is not funny? And of course, what
happens when we die, really, no, really?