Dog vs. Girlfriend - not helping my anxiety
Sheldon
this is all new to me. I bought out the pet store, and I've been trying to
stay home more to take care of the little guy and bond. Now, this is no
ordinary dog. It's a registered Yorkie that can be shown or bred, and she
paid a small fortune for it, and reminded me of it.
My girlfriend drinks, she admits it and is pretty responsible about driving,
etc, but this makes her somewhat high maintenance wanting a lot of attention
all the time. I think you see where this is going. It's hard for me to
split my time between her and the dog, and I love them both -- the Yorkie
was love at first sight. :-) My shrink feels my girlfriend is good for me,
and he also thinks this puppy is very good for me, but I'm going nuts.
She wants me to bring the dog over all the time, and gets upset when I want
to spend time with the dog. I mean, he has to be potty trained, etc, and I
can't leave him alone for too long. To make matters worse, we are in the
throws of a real cold snap, so if I take the dog out I pretty much have to
carry him around in my coat (we're talking below zero).
I feel I only have a few choices.
1. Return the dog to the breeder. This will be very hard to do even though
it's only been a week.
2. Bring the dog to my girlfriends permanently. This would make it so I
would have to see her to see the dog. When I suggest this she just says,
"It's your dog."
BTW, I wrote her a check for the dog which she tore up. Whatever she says
anything about how much she paid for the dog from this point on I now say,
"I paid you for the dog," hopefully removing those strings.
Any other ideas from the group? I know I'm missing something here.
Otherwise, this little guy is so cute I can't stand it. I thought one of
the suggestions could be keep the dog and dump the girlfriend, which only
crosses my mind because she's given me the ultimate chick magnet.
One more bit of info. The holidays are very hard for her, and I'm Jewish so
I don't have a clue. This doesn't help either.
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marg...@optonline.net
<she...@XXXXXXXXsopris.net> wrote:
>My girlfriend of 4 years gave me a dog. I've never had a dog before, so
>this is all new to me. I bought out the pet store, and I've been trying to
>stay home more to take care of the little guy and bond. Now, this is no
>ordinary dog. It's a registered Yorkie that can be shown or bred, and she
>paid a small fortune for it, and reminded me of it.
first: yorkies are sweet little hyper dogs who need loads of
attention-they are smart, perky, cute but somewhat hyperactive
especially as puppies. Puppies teeth, they need to chew, they need to
be crate trained and they need to be obedience trained as well as
housebroken-in short they are like small children that require a
concerted effort and commitment from you-if you are willing to give
this they are a most wonderous gift and a loving relationship to have
>
>My girlfriend drinks, she admits it and is pretty responsible about driving,
>etc, but this makes her somewhat high maintenance wanting a lot of attention
>all the time.
when people drink they act childish-if she over does the use of
alcohol she is beyond childish she has an addiction-so now you have
two children to take care of-one can be trained with great dividends
the other doesn't need training but could use some help-that help is
possibly best obtained from a professional
I think you see where this is going. It's hard for me to
>split my time between her and the dog, and I love them both -- the Yorkie
>was love at first sight. :-) My shrink feels my girlfriend is good for me,
she may be-your shrink knows much more about you and your relationship
then I do-but it sounds like you are either being emotionally
blackmailed or you are being over reactive to her needs-can't tell
whcih, but I have a feeling you are being blackmailed
>and he also thinks this puppy is very good for me,
puppies are good for everyone and don't blackmail
but I'm going nuts.
you are making yourself nuts by not creating your own rules-rules that
allow for time for you, time for your pet and time for your
girlfriend-they all need not be exclusive of each other but sometimes
they are and that is just the way it is
>
>She wants me to bring the dog over all the time, and gets upset when I want
>to spend time with the dog.
if she doesn't allow you to have your own time then she is overly
possesive and jealous-what is the net effect of this and is it a good
thing for her or you?
I mean, he has to be potty trained, etc, and I
>can't leave him alone for too long.
a few hours at most for a puppy plus he needs to be crate trained-they
do better in a crate at first-bring the dog over when you want and not
when you don't want-she can also visit the dog at your place-this was
a gift-it can be shared but it is still a gift that is best given
without strings-if there are strings the health of your relationship
is suspect
To make matters worse, we are in the
>throws of a real cold snap, so if I take the dog out I pretty much have to
>carry him around in my coat (we're talking below zero).
this is way too cold for a baby dog-yorkies don't do cold too well
anyway and need a sweater in this kind of weather-if the pup is
younger then 10 weeks they shouldn't be exposed to this type of stress
anyway
>
>I feel I only have a few choices.
>
>1. Return the dog to the breeder. This will be very hard to do even though
>it's only been a week.
if you do this then you are giving up one relationship for
another-which is fine if the reason is because the responsibility for
caring for a pet is too much for you-if it is to please your
girlfriend because she is jealous, posessive, demanding and hostile
then you are feeding a bad relationship and denying one with yourself
>2. Bring the dog to my girlfriends permanently. This would make it so I
>would have to see her to see the dog. When I suggest this she just says,
>"It's your dog."
then own the dog and own your own relationships on your terms
>BTW, I wrote her a check for the dog which she tore up. Whatever she says
>anything about how much she paid for the dog from this point on I now say,
>"I paid you for the dog," hopefully removing those strings.
>
>Any other ideas from the group? I know I'm missing something here.
>
>Otherwise, this little guy is so cute I can't stand it. I thought one of
>the suggestions could be keep the dog and dump the girlfriend, which only
>crosses my mind because she's given me the ultimate chick magnet.
she has given you a creature that by nature only looks for your love
and to return that love with no conditions-she could learn a lesson
from the dog. Your girlfriend sounds like she has her own issues and
from what you wrote about her I question if your shrinks' appraisal is
really reality based-is she really good for you and is she looking out
for your best interest. If her love or her gifts to you have
conditions it doesn't seem so
>
>One more bit of info. The holidays are very hard for her, and I'm Jewish so
>I don't have a clue. This doesn't help either.
Jesus was Jewish too and he probably wouldn't have a clue as well-
the holidays aren't really based on christian doctrine, just
tradition and culture and the notion that family, giving and being
joyful are of primary concern-think of it as Rosh Hashona with a
birthday on top of thanksgiving all in one-the commercialization has
corrupted the real meaning of the holiday. Each person has their own
"image" or ideal of what the holiday "should" be-when it falls short
of that over perfectionistic ideal they become sad and angry or have a
hard time with the holiday. People get emotionally upset when they
can't hold onto or create that sense of complete happiness their
supposed to have. You can have compassion for her, understanding of
her emotional pain but it is not helpful for you to compromise your
own health or well being or this young puppy to validate her
neuroticism.
I may be way off base-I can only respond to the things you have
written and how you have expressed them-it sounds like your
relationship needs some work and that means her working on it as well
Tennessee Tony
especially a dog. It takes quite a change in lifestyle to suddenly have
a dog to take care of.
Although you certainly sound like you love this little creature, if it
had been up to you, would you have taken in the dog if it were free and
it was coming from the dog pound/SPCA?
Tony
Worn Out Retread
pet is a life-style changer if one isn't used to taking care of one no
matter what the pet is.
Ron P
"Tennessee Tony" <tenness...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:7nvetgF...@mid.individual.net...
Sheldon
> especially a dog. It takes quite a change in lifestyle to suddenly have a
> dog to take care of.
>
> Although you certainly sound like you love this little creature, if it had
> been up to you, would you have taken in the dog if it were free and it was
> coming from the dog pound/SPCA?
>
> Tony
>
things, and now that I have him I think he can add a lot to my life.
Hopefully I can add a lot to his.
Sheldon
<marg...@optonline.net> wrote in message
news:s5qjh5dniam3k63ip...@4ax.com...
Thanks.
Sheldon
"Worn Out Retread" <newdo...@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:hfghie$anp$1...@news.datemas.de...
>I think that you have hit the nail on the head with this one Tony. Getting
>a pet is a life-style changer if one isn't used to taking care of one no
>matter what the pet is.
>
> Ron P
>
parrot. Your own kids don't bond at tight as a bird, and they get jealous
as hell, too. I gave up a bird for a girl, the bird was jealous and kept
biting her. I gave up the bird for the girl. Now, I wouldn't say I would
choose a bird over a girl, but I kinda regret the decision looking back.
Like, there had to be a way to have both, and I should be able to have both
now.
But you are right. It is a life changing thing. But tonight I was sitting
on the couch with this little guy sitting next to me and it's so cool. I
know he needs lots of attention and training, and maybe the time has come in
my life where I need set boundaries with my relationships so I don't let
other people guilt me into stuff.
Thanks for all the advice. Makes me look at thing in a different light.
Tennessee Tony
> "Tennessee Tony" <tenness...@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:7nvetgF...@mid.individual.net...
>> I've read many times that a pet is the worst gift you could give anyone,
>> especially a dog. It takes quite a change in lifestyle to suddenly have a
>> dog to take care of.
>>
>> Although you certainly sound like you love this little creature, if it had
>> been up to you, would you have taken in the dog if it were free and it was
>> coming from the dog pound/SPCA?
>>
>> Tony
>>
> You know, probably not. But when you suffer from anxiety you tend to avoid
> things, and now that I have him I think he can add a lot to my life.
> Hopefully I can add a lot to his.
I know what you mean about avoiding things. I never had a dog and going
out to get one never crossed my mind. Three or 4 years ago a little
Boston Terrier found me in the driveway. As soon as I pet her she
rolled on her back wanting a belly rub! A trusting little thing! She
had a heavy leather collar with some frayed plastic twine tied onto it.
She stayed a few days so I just had to feed her, then I took her to
the animal shelter to see if she was reported lost. Three days later if
not claimed she would be mine if I wanted her. OMG that was a big
decision. They broke the rules and let her stay with me for the three
day waiting period. That was a two way thing. She was cute and i
didn't want her locked up and scared in the kennels there with all the
other howling and barking dogs, but I also thought that maybe in 3 days
I wouldn't want her, so I gave myself a 3 day test. Here she is now
asking for attention, gotta go!
Sheldon
Great story. Thanks.