new to A's
William Stacy, O.D.
years in sci.med.vision and feel comfy talking about eyes and vision but
Alzheimer's... it's a different ball game.
My 86 y.o. mom has been diagnosed with Dementia, and I've heard the A
word tossed around lately by docs and nurses. Need to study up on the
differences etc. But for now, I'd like a bit of advice on a complicated
situation.
Mom has been living by herself except when her 86 y.o. boyfriend comes
to visit. Always a vivacious and outgoing person, she lost her driving
privs. about 6 mos ago and ended up in the emergency room several times
in one week due some "fits" or "spells" she's been having which include
various symtoms of vertigo, trouble breathing, crying and B.P spikes.
Each time she checks out fine, although she has had some heart problems
in the past and apparently may have had some T.I.A.s recently. Her main
ongoing problem is short term memory loss.
Anyway, we put her into assisted living near her home, over 1000 miles
from where we 3 kids live at her insistence. She claims she cannot live
without her boyfriend, who is a Canadian citizen, and clearly places him
above family in her set of values.
Well, it seems like she's gotten worse after a month there (more
frequent, maybe more severe fits lately), and the 3 of us have decided
it's time to "bring her home" for more medical evaluations and more
realistic help from us. We have not told her of this, and are planning
more or less an intervention in less than a week.
I'm having second thoughts. I'm worried that we might be causing more
harm than doing good. There are cross-currents that I think may be
linked to some family members moral judgements or dare I say it, even
jealousy, over her lifestyle since dad died 10 years ago.
Any thoughts, advice? This stuff is all new to me.
Thanks.
w.stacy
Mary_...@tvo.org
Dementia is a term like "fever". It just describes a symptoms or a
cluster of symptoms, it is NOT a diagnosis. A person with dementia is
a person with confusion, cognitive impairment, memory loss etc. Those
symptoms are FROM something - whether its Alzheimer's or strokes or a
vitamen deficiency.
I wouldn't take the desire to stay with the boyfriend as a slight. You
know she's confused and has some kind of brain impairment. She's also
likely in a state of panic because her mind is going, and she's become
dependent on him. You can't blame her for clinging to the last real
adult relationship in her life instead of turning to adult children.
The prospect of becoming dependent on your kids must be daunting - and
her reasoner is broken, so she can't think through various options and
the consequences in any rational manner.
Personally, I think you are doing the right thing. She has GOT to be
close to you guys because in the end, you will be the caregivers, and
you have to be physically nearby or it becomes an impossible task. Its
going to be hard enough on everyone, even if she's in the same town 5
minutes away. You also need a proper diagnosis, which means you have
to be able to talk to the doctors, know what tests have been done,
what specialists have been involved, and what they all think. You need
a prognosis so you are ready for what comes next with whatever is
going on.
It doesn't sound like plain garden variety Alzheimer's. These "spells"
she's having sound more like she's having small strokes, or has
something causing seizures - could be all kinds of things. It is
possible to have more than one underlyng disease or injury leading to
the cognitive impairment, but start with the premise that one thing is
the major contributor, and get the doctors working on finding out what
it is. There may be something that can be done, there may not, but you
need to know the story, and be ready for what comes next.
If you haven't done so, I'd also get yourself into a lawyer STAT who
specializes in estate planning, medicaid/medicare planning (including
the look back period), and get some advice. You need to understand how
to set her finances up to make them easy to manage, and preserve as
much capital as possible (and yes, its worth doing - the average
family who gets proper advice on this stuff saves 60K. Her ability to
sign papers is either going or gone, so get your skates on. I take it
you have powers of attorney for financial and personal care
decisions.
Don't fret the move. These things are almost always a one way slide
down the hill, so don't feel you will make her worse. She is going to
get worse whether she is 1000 miles away or 10. Better to be close by,
and know everything was being done for her that could be done, than be
half a continent away, and have it be an expensive struggle to know
what is going on - and also be totally shocked by the deterioration
every visit because you can't see her often enough. Shortly, she won't
know or care where she is, so make it convenient for yourself. Its sad
about the boyfriend, but he's not stepping up to look after her, so he
has to stand aside.
Incidentally TIAs are NOT innocent. They are caused by small strokes
or blockages, and every single one causes brain damage, even if you
can't see it (i.e. even if the sympoms seem transient and seem to go
away entirely after each one). The damage accumulates and causes a
progressive dementia called "multi-infarct" which is the second most
common cause after Alzheimer's.
This is going to be a tough time for all of you, but stay the course.
You do need her where you can look out for her best interest, and that
can't be done at a distance.
Mary G.
Adelle
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:tfMBi.48327$Um6....@newssvr12.news.prodigy.net...
Hi!
I second everything Mary said.
The only thing to add is that your mom's little spells sound like something
medical happening combined with a panic/anxiety attack. I have had panic
attacks and they have included everything you listed except the blood
pressure spike. If she is feeling something odd medically, like a blood
pressure spike and TIA, she could be panicking because she can neither
control nor understand what is happening; nor control her emotions and stay
calm.
This loss over emotional control is common in dementias, but moreso in
dementias that affect the front of the brain more than the rear of the
brain. A PET scan gives the best picture of what parts of the brain are
atrophying. Ask to have it part of a full geriatric neuro-psych evaluation.
Some doctor's may think that is overkill on an 86 year old with clear
dementia. But the medications for symptomatic control of dementias which
start in the back of the brain, like Alzheimer's, (some antipsychotics) can
actually worsen the symptoms for people whose dementia is primarily a
frontal lobe one.
And some dementias are due to reversible things like normal hydrocephalus
and B-12 deficiency. SO a full work up is a must.
Sorry you have joined this club
Wishing you and your family all good things!!
Adelle
Tumbleweed
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:tfMBi.48327$Um6....@newssvr12.news.prodigy.net...
What do you mean by 'bring her home'? Do you mean, to live with you? That is
a *hard* road to travel and often not possible to do practically, its
tremendously wearing on the carers. Can you provide 24x7 care at your house?
Sounds from what you have said she is declining rapidly,and to look after
an Az sufferer , even as a couple, as many will attest here, can only be
done for a limited period of time before your health will start to suffer.
Its only when you have lived with it that you appreciate how difficult it
is.
Or do you mean, put her in a care home near you? If the latter, can you put
her in a care home near where she is so her bf can continue to visit?
--
Tumbleweed
email replies not necessary but to contact use;
tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com
Evelyn Ruut
news:tfMBi.48327$Um6....@newssvr12.news.prodigy.net...
Dear William,
Everyone here has given you excellent advice so far, Mary, Adelle and
Tumbleweed. I can only concur with what they've said, and just wanted to
weigh in with that.
Good luck in your situation. We have all been through it with various
loved ones, ourselves.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
august
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:tfMBi.48327$Um6....@newssvr12.news.prodigy.net...
(snip)
>
> Well, it seems like she's gotten worse after a month there (more frequent,
> maybe more severe fits lately), and the 3 of us have decided it's time to
> "bring her home" for more medical evaluations and more realistic help from
> us. We have not told her of this, and are planning more or less an
> intervention in less than a week.
>
> I'm having second thoughts. I'm worried that we might be causing more
> harm than doing good. There are cross-currents that I think may be linked
> to some family members moral judgements or dare I say it, even jealousy,
> over her lifestyle since dad died 10 years ago.
>
> Any thoughts, advice? This stuff is all new to me.
>
> Thanks.
>
> w.stacy
Not sure what this last paragraph really means. One child will probably need
to be main caregiver with medical power of attorney and making most of the
final decisions since dealing with dementia issues can not be done easily by
commitee of kin or by their voting on every issue that will come up.
When my MIL with dementia still lived in an apartment she had a boyfriend.
Our LO with dementia really cared about her boyfriend who was older and knew
of her deficits. He could still drive when she could not. He lived about 800
miles from us. We made arangements so he could come by Amtrak (sometimes
paying the ticket) and visit several times a year for a few weeks or months
at a time. This was good for the MIL and allowed us short breaks from 24/7
caregiving. We still had to check on them both daily but we were not there
24/7. Sure there were small problems - over the years he would dent the (her
old & unused) car and have other minor incidents from time to time but all
they had was each other and both seemed to really enjoy the company of the
other. They would go play bridge and always lose due to the MIL's memory
deficits but they still had fun and eagerly looked forward to bridge days.
The boyfriend, in our case, was generally a plus. If your mom's boyfriend is
a plus to the overall situation then he should be included in your mother's
future. As an example of what I was talking about not being able to work as
a commitee to provide care, my MIL's older daughter hated the boyfriend for
no good reason other than the fact that he was not her (dead) father so if
she had a vote the boyfriend would never have been included in the mother's
life at all and this would have been a big mistake.
You really need to get a complete medical evaluation done ASAP so you know
what you are dealing with. Your mom's situation will not improve on it's
own. There are numerous common and correctable causes of dementia so do not
assume she has AD. TIAs or temporal arteritis would be possible guesses from
me.
If you are sure she has dementia already, obtain and read the book The 36
Hour Day and give copies to your siblings.
http://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Dementing-Illnesses/dp/0446610410
This book is an essential tool for people dealing with people who have
dementia.
good luck, AW
sweetp...@spamknology.net
to get over them fairly quickly. However, they became more frequent, and he
is now bedridden, his wife uses a hoyer lift to move him, and he
occasionally speaks one or two words. William, you really do need to know
just what is causing the dementia so you will have some idea of what you
have coming at you in the future. I personally don't think leaving her
where she is now is a good idea, even if the boyfriend does visit her there.
You need to have her near enough that you can keep up with what is going on
with her. That's JMHO.
Gwen
"august" <august_...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:uaednd6bKPq8GEXb...@comcast.com...
Dennis P. Harris
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote:
> Any thoughts, advice? This stuff is all new to me.
what everyone else said, including not having decisions by
committee. whoever has the durable power of attorney for health
care and can make tough decisions needs to be the one in charge.
if someone else is better at wheedling the (probably overworked)
staff, then teamwork can work when you agree.
i second the consultation with an experienced elder care attorney
in your jurisdiction. this is absolutely necessary unless she's
already indigent.
you are better off having her close to whoever is in charge of
her medical care. i think you should consider having the
boyfriend come for a visit once she gets moved.
and most important, one of you needs to shepherd her through all
the geriatric neuro-psych tests necessary for an accurate
diagnosis.
if she's continuing to have TIAs, mini-strokes, or seizures
(strokes or mini-strokes can cause ongoing epileptic seizures as
well as dementias), she needs to have an advocate who will
monitor and make sure that meds are given on time and that she
gets the appropriate level of care. this is often a problem with
assisted living facilities, which, unlike nursing homes, may
expect patients to take meds without monitoring.
as others have said, you need to have a full diagnosis because
different causes of dementias require quite different treatment,
medications, or palliative care.
and i'll echo again that you need to buy yourself and your
siblings "the 36 hour day" by mace & rabe, available in any major
bookstore.
welcome to the club that no one wants to join. don't hesitate to
come and vent when you need to.
and remember, GUILT IS NOT ALLOWED. whatever you do will be what
you have to do at the time you do it. don't second guess or
guilt-trip yourself when you do it to keep her safe.
William Stacy, O.D.
Montana, where, to clarify my post, she is in an assisted living
facility where we put her a month ago. We intend to try to bring her
back to Calif. where we have arranged for a similar facility within 5
min of my office. Unfortunately, this facility is minimal assistance,
really, we will have to arrange for someone to monitor her meds (or a
fam member will have to go there every single day). Anyway, I'll report
back in a few days how it went. Hopefully this will be my last drive to
MT. My wife, brother and his wife are driving up. Also to clarify I do
have a power of atty and have her house on the market for what that's
worth. The real estate market of course is DoA right now...
Thanks again
Bill
Mary_...@tvo.org
Not to alarm you, but start shopping now for a place she can stay
longer term. A place with minimal assistance will do little for her -
or at best be a very short term stopgap - she may already be too
impaired to stay there and they'll tell you to remove her in short
order.
Just to give you an idea, my MIL went to an assisted living place
about a year after diagnosis. The short term memory problems did her
in for staying there. She couldn't retain new information and she
needed complete supervision with medication, she couldn't work the
lock on her door, she got lost in the building (despite an extremely
simple layout), she couldn't tell time - and also lost her feel for
the passage of time - 5 minutes or 5 hours felt the same to her.....so
she couldn't get herself to meals or activities (they had to go find
her and take her), she couldn't avail herself of any of the many
services and amenities (couldn't remember they were available or where
they were). She lasted about a year there - and then had to go to a
specialized dementia unit - and this WAS a place with a lot of support
(i.e. they would help her dress properly, and were willing to go get
her for meals etc).
Anticipate that your mom will need help (or very shortly need help
with) with aspects of personal hygiene, dressing, getting to meals,
medication, and getting to activities (even if she can participate and
have fun, she may not know where/when without someone to prompt her).
M.
A R Pickett
> longer term. A place with minimal assistance will do little for her -
> or at best be a very short term stopgap - she may already be too
> impaired to stay there and they'll tell you to remove her in short
> order.
I would concur, a facility with a "continuting care" feature, which also
provides for alzheimer's/demetia patients is the best bet at this point.
And I would also add this advice. Determine BEFORE she moves there what
steps you will need to take to move her to a higher level of care when YOU
feel she needs it. And get the staff to agree, in writing if at all
possible.
My siblings and I are convinced that our father would have been much more
comfortable physically and would not have endured a swift decline after a
previously undiagnosed chronic situation finally came to everyone's
attention.
We had been advising a move to assisted living for several months, and the
facility had insisted they couldn't act until our Dad was willing to comply.
For reasons this group will understand quite well, that compliance was
beyond his abilities. We are, of course, with hindsight, wishing we had
been much more proactive in this.
--
A R Pickett aka Woodstock
"Sometimes the facts threaten the truth"
Amos Oz, prize winning Israeli author
Read my book reviews at:
http://www.booksnbytes.com/reviews/_idx_ws_all_byauth.html
Now blogging!
http://www.journalscape.com/woodstock/
Remove lower case "e" to respond
Dennis P. Harris
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote:
> Unfortunately, this facility is minimal assistance,
> really, we will have to arrange for someone to monitor her meds (or a
> fam member will have to go there every single day).
as others have said, you need to start looking for a facility
offering a higher level of care ASAP.
William Stacy, O.D.
Just got back fro a 2000 mile trip from hell. Got mom and all her
stuff. What freaks me out is her extreme trips from 100% lucidity to
the "where am I?" kinds of questions.
Anyway, we pretty much got rid of the boyfriend and have her lined up in
a senior place. I get that some here think she may need way more help
and she might. But I gotta give it a try.
Anyway, after a bit of rest I've got to unload all her stuff from my
truck, two trailers, and God knows what else into her new place. I'm
hoping she can cope with the new digs (or, maybe more appropos, that
they can cope with her).
BTW we do have me, my wife, my bro and his wife very near by to help as
needed. I'm already learing about the little med dispensers...
Thanks all
bill
William Stacy, O.D.
The little heart attacks aren't that at all.
She has these little fits where she thinks she is dying.
Not. Not even...
I hope I don't get too hardened, but I'm thinking of the scene in
"little big man" where Dustin Hoffman keeps wrapping himself up in the
ceremonial death blanket and walking up the hill to die, only to have
the rain drops in his face wake him up and send him back to the real
world for more...
bill
Mary_...@tvo.org
surreal experience, isn't it? Its like the floor drops out from
beneath your feet - gives you a whole other perspective on our daily
assumptions and beliefs about human beings and why we do what we do
(i.e. that we are constant beings quite apart from the meat machine
that carries us around). To fully digest and understand that
everything that makes a person who they are is pretty much a function
of an intact brain, is actully quite frightening. It looks like them,
it talks like them, it has most of their personality and gestures and
habits - but in a wierd and scary way, its subtly not them anymore,
and less and less each day.
I don't know if I'd ever given the whole thing much thought - until my
mother in law's initial oddities started to make the hair on the back
of my neck stand up. I did all the things that everyone does -
attribute all kinds of motives to her behaviour - she's being
difficult, she's being stubborn, she's being lazy, she's doing this on
purpose, how could she not remember XYZ, how could she not get this
paid, how could she not see the filth in the kitchen.....and on and on
and on.
I'd also never given any thought to the complexities of every day
tasks, the number of skills involved in each one, the sequence things
have to be done in, and how so many parts of the brain have to be
functioning properly and in harmony to do everything. I'd only thought
of AD as a memory disease. To come up against the reality of her
retaining the ability to read text outloud, but not be able to
understand the words (or follow the instructions in the words) because
two entirely different brain areas are involved - it was shocking and
dismaying.
M.
June
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:pu3Ei.8299$924....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.net...
> I'm baaaaack....
>
> Just got back fro a 2000 mile trip from hell. Got mom and all her stuff.
> What freaks me out is her extreme trips from 100% lucidity to the "where
> am I?" kinds of questions.
>
> Anyway, we pretty much got rid of the boyfriend and have her lined up in a
> senior place. I get that some here think she may need way more help and
> she might. But I gotta give it a try.
>
> Anyway, after a bit of rest I've got to unload all her stuff from my
> truck, two trailers, and God knows what else into her new place. I'm
> hoping she can cope with the new digs (or, maybe more appropos, that they
> can cope with her).
>
> BTW we do have me, my wife, my bro and his wife very near by to help as
> needed. I'm already learing about the little med dispensers...
>
> Thanks all
>
> bill
>
could be placed when she can no longer stay in this facility. Because of
her age, the decline could be much faster than you anticipate. Some
independent facilities have nursing available to help with meds, hopefully
this place is one of them. If she becomes too disruptive or wanders most
facilities will not allow her to stay. Just a heads up on what's down the
road. I wish you luck .......June
Evelyn Ruut
"June" <NoS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1NWdnVd7gZKs1Hzb...@insightbb.com...
Bill, I add my opinion to that as well. Alzheimers has a way of not doing
what we expect. It doesn't GET better, it gets worse, and nobody knows the
pace. It could be a year or two or only a month, but it does get worse,
and greater care level is absolutely going to be needed at some point.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
Boydette
are anxiety/panic attacks...they can be quite scary...I have had them
for years...and if thats all it is it can be easily managed with meds
William Stacy, O.D.
diagnosis. We will get a definitive diagnosis soon. And thanks guys
even for the other, less hopeful ideas. I know that
Alzheimer's/Dementia are the more likely outcome, but I gotta be sure...
she made me promise that whatever it is, I will tell her.
I'll keep you all posted.
bill
Evelyn Ruut
>I appreciate that possibility and am hoping for such a treatable diagnosis.
>We will get a definitive diagnosis soon. And thanks guys even for the
>other, less hopeful ideas. I know that Alzheimer's/Dementia are the more
>likely outcome, but I gotta be sure... she made me promise that whatever it
>is, I will tell her.
>
> I'll keep you all posted.
>
> bill
If its alzheimers you'll tell her, and tell her, and you'll tell her again,
and she'll swear you never told her at all.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
breanna...@yahoo.com
> > (i.e. they would help her dress properly, and were willing to go get
> > her for meals etc).
>
> > Anticipate that your mom will need help (or very shortly need help
> > with) with aspects of personal hygiene, dressing, getting to meals,
> > medication, and getting to activities (even if she can participate and
> > have fun, she may not know where/when without someone to prompt her).
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
Hi Bill
I just thought I would let you know that another option for your
mother would be an adult foster care. This is an alternative to a
nursing home that many people are not aware of. I'm not sure what is
available in your area, but they are not uncommon. These types of
homes are run out of residential homes and are usually a much more
comfortable setting than a nursing home & they allow for a lot more
one on one care. Most only have 6-10 residents at a time. I currently
work in one of these homes & our residents are very well cared for &
their family members are always very thankful for the care their loved
ones receive. Any way, if you're interested or would like to find out
more you can search for adult foster care specializing in dementia
through Google.
Good luck to you & your family
Breanna
William Stacy, O.D.
>
> I just thought I would let you know that another option for your
> mother would be an adult foster care.
Thanks, but hopefully she will do ok in her "retirement community". I
fully recognize that if she goes much more downhill it's something like
that that will be necessary.
One thing that's getting annoying. She raids the next few days med
compartments for whatever she wants. I don't like the idea of having to
go by every single day to monitor her meds. Any feedback on those
locking automatic pill dispensers? They cost about 150 and seem like
they will alert her when to take the meds AND stop the grazing on the
upcoming doses?...?
bill
Evelyn Ruut
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:Lx2Gi.53593$YL5....@newssvr29.news.prodigy.net...
Bill,
It is clear that she is forgetting that she already took her pills that day.
My mother in law did that and was doubling up on her medications, making
herself quite sick. The druggist called my husband and told him that she
should have had at least two weeks of medications left, and she was coming
in asking for more because they were all gone already.
I am sorry to tell you that the only way to be safe is to come there
personally, or have someone else with a functioning brain, come there
personally and administer her meds.
They can't remember that they can't remember.
She will take her meds, forgets that she took them and go and take them
again.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
Tumbleweed
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:Lx2Gi.53593$YL5....@newssvr29.news.prodigy.net...
oh dear...sorry Bill, but I dont think you appreciate how bad the situation
is or the reality ..automatic *anything* wont work anymore. She wont even
*know* what a " locking automatic pill dispenser" is, and she certainly wont
be able to learn that some kind of noise means she has to take her pills
BECAUSE SHE CANT REMEMBER! You can write it down but she'll forget to read
it, or she'll read it but not understand, or she'll read it, understand, and
then FORGET :-(
You'll explain it to her in her nice apatment, she'll nod politely because
she donest want to appear stupid, but she wont understand it..or best case,
she'll recall for 5 minutes,a nd then the next day she'll be outside her
apartment "because the fire alarm is going off" (that'll be the Automagic
Super Duper HokeyKokey200 pill dispenser).
I 'got it' when I took my dad into a store and he pointed at the TV's on
display and asked what they were; everyone has their own moment when they
'get it'.
I think, sorry to say, that you need to get to that place soon, it seems
obvious from what you post that she is in the wrong place....how quickly
will she decline when she isnt taking her meds or is alternately not taking
them and then overdosing? Dont take it personally, I certainly needed to be
hit round the head with a clue stick,we all did at one point. Start looking
for a proper care home that specialises in dementia
--
Tumbleweed
email replies or copies not necessary but to contact use;
Evelyn Ruut
"Tumbleweed" <thisaccoun...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:5kt4q1F...@mid.individual.net...
Bill,
Tumbleweed is right you know. It's time.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
Mary_...@tvo.org
do it. Being memory impaired means she can't learn new things, and her
brain damage will prevent her from reasoning through what may be
obvious to you.
When my mother in law was at the stage your loved one is at, we went
away for a few days. My mother in law was still in her apartment
(housekeeper 5 days a week, meals on wheels etc. ). She had just
started a new medication for a very serious ear infection. I carefully
sealed each day's medication into a separate envelope, marked with
boldly with the day of the week, and the date.
I called her long distance every morning to tell her what envelope to
open, and then called several times more each day to tell her it was
time to take a pill, which pill (i.e. its 2 pm, time to take a red
pill). I was talking her through each step very slowly and carefully,
she was telling me she was doing exactly what I told her to do. No
kidding, I was talking to her - what - FIVE - times every day.
The net result - we got a panicked call from her sister one evening,
had to return home on an emergency basis, get the superintendent to
open her apartment door, and an ambulence was called. She was in
hospital for a week. What she had done was open all the envelopes, mix
up all the pills, take too many - and she also had a terrible reaction
to the new medication (not helped by taking too much).
That was the "aha" moment for us, when the full meaning of her AD
came home. I dunno why we couldn't get our head around it sooner. I
guess its a journey for everyone to "get" it.
You can try a machine, but don't be surprised if it doesn't work, or
it works for a very short time and then stops. People with AD really
need full supervision for all medications, and should absolutely not
have access to them (i.e. meds should not be left in their possession,
even over the counter pills like aspirin or allergy pills). Safety has
to be the first priority.
Mary G.
Dennis P. Harris
"Tumbleweed" <thisaccoun...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Dont take it personally, I certainly needed to be
> hit round the head with a clue stick,we all did at one point. Start looking
> for a proper care home that specialises in dementia
Bill,
Sorry to confirm the bad news, but I'm known around here as the
blunt one. Everyone's right, this is your clue stick whopping
you upside the head. Things are not going to get better.
She can no longer live safely by herself, and needs to be in 24x7
care now.
She simply cannot remember whether or not she has taken her meds,
and can no longer understand the pill box. She will not be able
to learn anything new, including using a pill dispensing machine.
As everyone else has said, the only safe thing to do is to have a
real person dispense the meds (and watch the person swallow them,
because when dementia patients are paranoid or don't understand,
they may not swallow it and spit it out later).
You need to get her in a higher level of care so that she has the
proper meds to keep her blood pressure down to help prevent
further TIAs or strokes and control any seizures.
Denial is not a river in Egypt. We've all been through this.
Just remember that you want to keep her as safe and comfortable
as possible.
June
"Dennis P. Harris" <NO_SPAM_T...@gci.net> wrote in message
news:162je35iscinepcgq...@4ax.com...
> Denial is not a river in Egypt. We've all been through this.
> Just remember that you want to keep her as safe and comfortable
> as possible.
>
>
I tried to be diplomatic when I suggested looking for a facility with a
higher level of care and the truth is that the previous posts are more on
target. This can't be fixed or ignored. My brother still believes my
mother if she says she has put drops in her eyes. Fourteen years and he
still doesn't quite get it. When Mom had to take antibiotics as a
precaution after surgery for a skin cancer last year, my brother got the
pill dispenser box , filled it up and said we can just call and remind her.
The very next morning I called and told Mom to take her pill in box marked
Tuesday. I went over to her assisted living apartment about 40 minutes
later and she had not taken the pill. Immediately after hanging up the
phone she forgot. Luckily her facility has a nursing license and I went
down to the nurse's office and set up a schedule for her meds. Whenever she
has to take a medication, which isn't very often, we have the nurses
dispense the meds. She has even asked me to call and remind her to take her
medication and I've had to tell that we've tried that but she forgets by the
time she hangs up the phone. Her dementia may be a little different from
Alzheimer's but the absence of short term memory has the same result. Her
brain is damaged and it doesn't get any better......June
Dennis P. Harris
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote:
> Ok now another update on this thread. My mom is doing as well as can be
> expected in an "assisted living" facility. Her Canadian boyfriend is
> demanding her phone number. She claims she needs to talk to him. He is
> threatening me with lawsuit, imprisonment or worse.
>
> I'm saying maybe you guys are right. She and him and they are crazy.
>
> Yikes.
>
> bill
so let her talk to him. how can it cause any harm? it certainly
might make it easier to deal with them both. as evelyn said,
once she's really settled in, maybe he can visit (on his own
dime, of course). you can't stop people from having friends (or
boyfriends) just because they have a dementia.
just make it clear to him that she's NOT moving back near him,
because you moved her so that her children could visit more often
and monitor the care she's getting. also let him know that she
moved because her family and her doctors determined that it was
in her best interest to be near her family, instead of across the
country.
Evelyn Ruut
"William Stacy, O.D." <wst...@obase.net> wrote in message
news:rU0Ii.4869$Sd4....@nlpi061.nbdc.sbc.com...
> June wrote:
>>
>>>Denial is not a river in Egypt. We've all been through this.
>>>Just remember that you want to keep her as safe and comfortable
>>>as possible.
>
> Ok now another update on this thread. My mom is doing as well as can be
> expected in an "assisted living" facility. Her Canadian boyfriend is
> demanding her phone number. She claims she needs to talk to him. He is
> threatening me with lawsuit, imprisonment or worse.
>
> I'm saying maybe you guys are right. She and him and they are crazy.
>
> Yikes.
>
> bill
Bill,
I think it might be somewhat cruel to both of them to prevent them from
communicating. I'd give the guy the number, but make him understand
clearly, that she has been moved for her own best interest so that you can
see to her care. He needs to understand that this is an organic brain
illness that is ultimately terminal. She has reached the stage where she
needs more care, and cannot remain alone anymore. Get him in your corner
by making him realize this is in her best interest, and that she absolutely
needs care.
But if you keep them from having contact at all, it may prompt some
complications, legal and otherwise that will just be a gigantic hassle.
The idea isn't to isolate her from her friends and loved ones, but to
protect her and to be able to supervise her care.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
Tumbleweed
> June wrote:
>>
>>>Denial is not a river in Egypt. We've all been through this.
>>>Just remember that you want to keep her as safe and comfortable
>>>as possible.
>
> expected in an "assisted living" facility. Her Canadian boyfriend is
> demanding her phone number. She claims she needs to talk to him. He is
> threatening me with lawsuit, imprisonment or worse.
>
I dont see the problem and I dont blame him.
--
Tumbleweed
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