Relationship addiction and inner child therapy?
hi
to, always abandon me and run away when the relationship starts to get
close and then run back to me when their own fear of abandonment kicks
in. I am a text book case of a Love Addict, while most of these women
seem to be avoidance addicts. I am aware of the SLAA 12-step program
and I currently attend SLAA meetings. However I truly believe that the
fundamental cause of my love addiction are issues from childhood that
must be healed. A 12 step program is not going to change the type of
women who I naturally find attractive, its not going to change the
type of women who become obsessed with me and seduce me and its not
going to stop the intense emotions and grip these woman have over me
when these type of relationships occur. However, I would love to hear
any detailed dissenting opinions on this. I have recently looked into
inner child healing. Many people on the net have sworn by its
effectiveness with codependency and relationship addiction issues. I
have been doing some guided imagery excersizes from an Inner Child
Workbook to learn more about my metaphorical inner infant and inner
toddler. I have yet to find any significant relief from the pain, but
then I still not have yet been able to release and greive some of this
pain from childhood. As I am currently unemployed, I don't have the
money nor the health coverage to cover a therapist and I am looking to
empower myself with some tools to help me with the pain and the
obsession on my own. Reading over 20 books on the subject gave me
knowledge, but knowledge is not the same as healing. I am quite
certain that my fundamental issues are fear of intimacy caused by fear
of abandonment. I simply have little romantic attraction to
emotionally available women. When these women abandon me, the pain is
extreme, and I obsess about the situation for months. My biggest
curiousity is what is the psychological phenomenon that occurs that
makes inner child healing effective in healing childhood wounds that
effect adult relationships? And why isn't inner child healing more
popular, considering how so many couples have problems in their
relationships that involve strong emotions? I would love to hear from
others who have similar issues.
Perhaps some of you can help me interpret some of the guided imagery
from the inner child excersizes.
Inner Infant: After closing my eyes and imagining that I was
surrounded by a bright light and entering a meadow, I had a picture of
my inner infant laying in a crib. He was for the most part happy,
smiling, cooing and making noises, but was squirming a bit, kicking
his feet and lifting his arms. He made eye contact with me and was
clearly trying to communicate with me.
Inner Toddler: (Same light and meadow scene). I had a picture of a 2-3
year old little boy sitting in an empty room on the side of a bed
wearing 2-piece feety pajamas, holding a stuffed animal. His look is
sullen. He looks like he has been spending alot of time alone. His
eyes look like he was crying before. When making eye contact, his look
says "Don't leave me". He says nothing. Not sure if this has any
significance, but his diaper was wet (not overly as in neglectfull).
Question: Can the accuracy of guided imagery be affected by biases in
the adult reality?
Thanks
DaKitty
news:6fbb53e4.03052...@posting.google.com...
> At age 31, I finally discovered why the women who I am most attracted
> to, always abandon me and run away when the relationship starts to get
> close and then run back to me when their own fear of abandonment kicks
> in. I am a text book case of a Love Addict, while most of these women
> seem to be avoidance addicts. I am aware of the SLAA 12-step program
> and I currently attend SLAA meetings. However I truly believe that the
> fundamental cause of my love addiction are issues from childhood that
> must be healed. A 12 step program is not going to change the type of
> women who I naturally find attractive, its not going to change the
> type of women who become obsessed with me and seduce me and its not
> going to stop the intense emotions and grip these woman have over me
> when these type of relationships occur. However, I would love to hear
> any detailed dissenting opinions on this. I have recently looked into
> inner child healing. Many people on the net have sworn by its
> effectiveness with codependency and relationship addiction issues. I
> have been doing some guided imagery excersizes from an Inner Child
> Workbook to learn more about my metaphorical inner infant and inner
> toddler. I have yet to find any significant relief from the pain, but
> then I still not have yet been able to release and greive some of this
> pain from childhood. As I am currently unemployed, I don't have the
> money nor the health coverage to cover a therapist and I am looking to
> empower myself with some tools to help me with the pain and the
> obsession on my own. Reading over 20 books on the subject gave me
> knowledge, but knowledge is not the same as healing.
Look up a book, "I want to change, but I don't know how."
> I am quite
> certain that my fundamental issues are fear of intimacy caused by fear
> of abandonment. I simply have little romantic attraction to
> emotionally available women. When these women abandon me, the pain is
> extreme, and I obsess about the situation for months. My biggest
> curiousity is what is the psychological phenomenon that occurs that
> makes inner child healing effective in healing childhood wounds that
> effect adult relationships? And why isn't inner child healing more
> popular, considering how so many couples have problems in their
> relationships that involve strong emotions?
It is, It's called Psychology.
Get a real therapist that will treat the whole thing, the whole person (that
will include the inner child), not just the segment that you seem to have
discovered.
There is so much more to it that you haven't even scratched upon.
> I would love to hear from
> others who have similar issues.
> Perhaps some of you can help me interpret some of the guided imagery
> from the inner child excersizes.
>
> Inner Infant: After closing my eyes and imagining that I was
> surrounded by a bright light and entering a meadow, I had a picture of
> my inner infant laying in a crib. He was for the most part happy,
> smiling, cooing and making noises, but was squirming a bit, kicking
> his feet and lifting his arms. He made eye contact with me and was
> clearly trying to communicate with me.
>
> Inner Toddler: (Same light and meadow scene). I had a picture of a 2-3
> year old little boy sitting in an empty room on the side of a bed
> wearing 2-piece feety pajamas, holding a stuffed animal. His look is
> sullen. He looks like he has been spending alot of time alone. His
> eyes look like he was crying before. When making eye contact, his look
> says "Don't leave me". He says nothing. Not sure if this has any
> significance, but his diaper was wet (not overly as in neglectfull).
You have abandonment issues, and likely form insecure attachments. But
that's all just a tiny little piece of the puzzle. You also need to learn
how to take care of the inner toddler, YOU, not someone else has to do that.
Noone else is equipped to do that.
> Question: Can the accuracy of guided imagery be affected by biases in
> the adult reality?
Inner child reflects your emotional self, your emotional needs. If the inner
child is unhappy, you're neglecting yourself in one way or another. BUT,
that's just one little facet of your inner child.
> Thanks
If I were you, I'd go see a therapist, (a decent practicing psychologist)
They will work this out with you, and then some.
In most people what drives us more complex than just love addiction, or just
fear of intimacy... They're all symptoms. If the source of the symptoms
isn't treated, they'll just come back.
Personally, I don't like 12 step programs.
Have you been abused or traumatized as a child?
How was your relationship with your parents?
Are your parents happy people?
Alan B. Mac Farlane
relations...@yahoo.com wrote on 5/24/03 11:45 PM:
> However, I would love to hear
> any detailed dissenting opinions on this.
Simply said, recovery and progress comes with the bitter salty tears coming
out of the brain.
There are lots of ways to do this, and some things will not work for you
since you are a unique individual and you need to find what works for you.
The applied psychophysiology interventions work the best.
The longer one has to wait to heal up the PTSD issues of child abuse (or any
traumatic vectored incident), the longer the healing process takes.
In my own recovery that is over 20 years now, I think I have cried a total
of about 2 years ... if I stacked it up all in a row.
When I got into IBP Therapy, which I was ripe for with all the 12 step and
inner child stuff I did, with dream work and journal work and lots of other
stuff ... I was crying every day for 6 months before I got on the winning
side of it.
Some people have less time with this - other people have more time with it.
If you are making progress in your disease, by isolating ALL external acting
out behaviours and doing the work ... the emotions and the tears will come
out of you. You will see yourself changing and becoming a better human
being. Others will notice this as well and will mention it.
Sumbuddie who cares
:)
Glenn S.
Is that "inner child" stuff still around? I thought that was
LAST week's psychobabble fad of the week.
This week's psychobabble fad of the week is ADHD. It is
caused by child psychiatrist's door frames. Every kid that passes
through them catches it.
Glenn S.
"Home Grown" 12 Step Recovery Website at...
http://members.aol.com/GlennS1956
Suffering = clinging to that which changes...
jen2gone
> On Sun, 25 May 2003 22:02:29 -0400, Glenn S.
> <Glen...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>> Is that "inner child" stuff still around? I thought that was
>>LAST week's psychobabble fad of the week.
>> This week's psychobabble fad of the week is ADHD. It is
>>caused by child psychiatrist's door frames. Every kid that passes
>>through them catches it.
>>
> Fucking psychiatrists'
Hear hear!
The inner child/infant/toddler needs to be smothered with a pillow and
the adult that's left should grow a spine and work on being a singular
person before inflicting himself on the general population.
Good thing I'm not a therapist!
jen
--
Posted via http://web2news.com the faster web2news on the web
Glenn S.
>On Sun, 25 May 2003 22:02:29 -0400, Glenn S. <Glen...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Is that "inner child" stuff still around? I thought that was
>>LAST week's psychobabble fad of the week.
>> This week's psychobabble fad of the week is ADHD. It is
>>caused by child psychiatrist's door frames. Every kid that passes
>>through them catches it.
>>
>You are my new hero!!! I couldn't agree more.
>Fucking psychiatrists'
I just calls 'em like I sees 'em. If psychiatrists told
parents of unruly kids what they really need to hear, i.e., "Go home
and beat his little ass", they wouldn't get kickbacks from the drug
companies that push those kiddie drugs.
When our parents whipped our asses years ago, the biggest
problems we had in school were throwing spitballs and sticking gum
under the desktop. Now that the psychobabblers tell parents to
"affirm children's individuality", "validate their feelings", and
"give them these pills", kids are shooting each other in school.
To keep the pills flowing, schools and psychobabblers now
teach kids to call Social Services on parents when they threaten to
spank them. Every time my kids ever threatened to call Social
Services on me for threatening to spank them, I immediately spanked
their asses for THAT. Now they're grown, and are model citizens.
Glenn S.
>On Mon, 02 Jun 2003 00:43:48 -0400, Glenn S. <Glen...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Is that "inner child" stuff still around? I thought that was
>>>>LAST week's psychobabble fad of the week.
>>>> This week's psychobabble fad of the week is ADHD. It is
>>>>caused by child psychiatrist's door frames. Every kid that passes
>>>>through them catches it.
>>>>
>>>You are my new hero!!! I couldn't agree more.
>>>Fucking psychiatrists'
>>
>> I just calls 'em like I sees 'em. If psychiatrists told
>>parents of unruly kids what they really need to hear, i.e., "Go home
>>and beat his little ass", they wouldn't get kickbacks from the drug
>>companies that push those kiddie drugs.
>
>I wasn't one of the lucky ones that got my ass beat, by my parents.
>Nope, I had to learn things the hard way.
>
>> When our parents whipped our asses years ago, the biggest
>>problems we had in school were throwing spitballs and sticking gum
>>under the desktop. Now that the psychobabblers tell parents to
>>"affirm children's individuality", "validate their feelings", and
>>"give them these pills", kids are shooting each other in school.
>
>You are absolutely right. Now every time a kid acts up in class he/she
>is ADD. Labeling these kids with these "behavior disorders" is nothing
>more than the excuse of today, and it is NOT helping.
>
>> To keep the pills flowing, schools and psychobabblers now
>>teach kids to call Social Services on parents when they threaten to
>>spank them. Every time my kids ever threatened to call Social
>>Services on me for threatening to spank them, I immediately spanked
>>their asses for THAT. Now they're grown, and are model citizens.
>>
>You are very wise, IMO.
I'm sure that everyone from alt.recovery.from-12-steps agrees
with you!
shòwdög
> pheng <y...@lgs.llgp> wrote:
>
> >On Mon, 02 Jun 2003 00:43:48 -0400, Glenn S. <Glen...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > ass beat
> >>
> >> shooting each other
> >
> > "behavior disorders"
> >
> >> psychobabblers
> >> I immediately spanked
> >> model citizens.
> >>
> >You are very wise, IMO.
>
> I'm sure that everyone from alt.recovery.from-12-steps agrees
> with you!
>
>
> Glenn S.
Glenn still fighting w/ the trolls I see.
Glenn S.
>> I'm sure that everyone from alt.recovery.from-12-steps agrees
>> with you!
>>
>>
>> Glenn S.
>
>Glenn still fighting w/ the trolls I see.
Hey! I thought *I* was the troll!!!
PJ
(in message <491dev8qlt1stol5f...@4ax.com>):
> Hey! I thought *I* was the troll!!!
Perhaps you need to work on a more positive self image :)
--
Patrick
Brighton, England
Glenn S.
>On Wed, 11 Jun 2003 2:26:35 +0100, Glenn S. wrote
>(in message <491dev8qlt1stol5f...@4ax.com>):
>
>> Hey! I thought *I* was the troll!!!
>
>Perhaps you need to work on a more positive self image :)
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
atheme
Wow! I cannot believe you can be so open minded about such topics! I
have myself done some inner child work and found it very beneficial.
Your imagery is very powerful. My interpretation would be that as a
baby you were happy and loved but as you became a toddler you learnt
the world was unpredictable and scary. Somewhere between being a baby
and becoming a toddler you were taught that you were unlovable. I
believe the reason that you seek the same women is that on some level
you don't feel that you deserve genuine love. This possibly came from
a woman figure and is unresolved in your subconscious therefore
creating more and more of the similar women to come into your life
until it is resolved. This pattern will repeat until you deal with the
original source. Then again i may not be making any sense and if this
is true I apologize
jen2gone
>> Wow! I cannot believe you can be so open minded about such topics! I
> have myself done some inner child work and found it very beneficial.
> Your imagery is very powerful. My interpretation would be that as a
> baby you were happy and loved but as you became a toddler you learnt
> the world was unpredictable and scary. Somewhere between being a baby
> and becoming a toddler you were taught that you were unlovable. I
> believe the reason that you seek the same women is that on some level
> you don't feel that you deserve genuine love. This possibly came from
> a woman figure and is unresolved in your subconscious therefore
> creating more and more of the similar women to come into your life
You won't get over it until you,...
Grow up, get a life, get your mind out of your underwear, learn to be
productive and responsible for your actions without using a half-baked
theory as a crutch?
The answers to life's questions are the ones people don't want to hear.
That's why no one pays people to tell them the truth unless they're
gonna write em a nice 'scrip to tske the edge off of it.
jen
"Ahoy Sissy! Whatcha got in yer mouth, Sissy??"
Bloodhound Gang
smicker
FFS just go and get what you want with out trying to analyse every
part of your life to explain an occasional failure that most men
experience and quickly forget about. You are brooding rather than
moving on.
smicker
www.smicker.co.uk Updated 16th June
Liz
I am sorry to learn of your hurt and relationship problems. I have had
a similar problem,but with men - I am female,and suffered a lot of
rejection and hate as a child.
It is not sufficient to learn to love oneself. I have always loved
myself - but it is true, that one has to learn that there are some
people out there who are capable of affection and who genuinely like
one for whom one is.
Each boyfriend I have had has been better than the one before, and I
want a good relationship one day, so I am working towards that goal.
Love does heal, and you must want to let other people into your life.
The best advice I can give you is that once you learn that you are
strong enough to be alone and cope with possible loss or rejection, it
frees you to be less demanding in a relationship and enjoy the time
together more.
Things take time and I hope you let some warm and affectionate and
emotionally free person into your life, and let them help to heal
you.
Good luck.