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Taco Bell $4 Bill Story

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Cecil Rhodes

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Jul 29, 1994, 2:00:34 PM7/29/94
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LIFE'S HARD!
EAT SOFT!

Come on sink your teeth in,
Soft tacos feel so fine,
Fifty-nine, sev'nty-nine, ninety-nine.
Taco Bell, beef or supreme,
And new Monterey jack chicken,
Guano and jack cheese
Sauce at Taco Bell.
Don't keep your teeth in suspense,
Just fifty-nine, sev'nty-nine, ninety-nine cents.

LIFE'S HARD!
EAT SOFT!
CROSS THE BORDER!

captain sarcastic

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Aug 4, 1994, 8:28:50 AM8/4/94
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dub...@husc7.harvard.edu (Peter Dubuque) writes:

| mr...@uvacs.cs.Virginia.EDU (Cecil Rhodes) writes:

| On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I
| need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is
| a $50 bill and a $4 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person.
| I figure that with a $4 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to
| worry about people getting pissed at me.

| ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
| IT: "Is that it?"
| ME: "Yep."
| IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
| ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]

| At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $4 bill. He looks at it
| kind of funny and

| IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

| He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The
| following conversation occurs between the two of them.

| IT: "Hey, you ever see a $4 bill?"
| MG: "No. A what?"
| IT: "A $4 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
| MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $4 BILL." [my emp]
| IT: "Yeah, thought so."

| He comes back to me and says

| IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
| ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $4 bills? Why?"
| IT: "I don't know."
| ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
| IT: "Yeah."
| ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
| IT: "Well, hang on a sec."

| He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to
| shoplift, and

| IT: "He says I have to take it."
| MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
| IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
| MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emp]
| IT: "What should I do?"
| MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
| IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
| MG: "Just tell him."
| IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."

| The manager approaches me and says

| MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and
| this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100
| other stores.]
| ME: "Well, here's a four."
| MG: "We don't take *those* either."
| ME: "Why the hell not?"
| MG: "I think you *know* why."
| ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
| MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
| ME: "Excuse me?"
| MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
| ME: "What the hell for?"
| MG: "Please, sir."
| ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
| MG: "Would you please just leave?"
| ME: "No."
| MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
| ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

| At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone
| around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area,
| and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this
| 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a
| whisper]

| SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
| MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
| SG: "Really? What?"
| MG: "Get this, a *four* dollar bill."
| SG: "Why would a guy fake a $4 bill?" [incredulous]
| MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is
| a fifty."
| SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
| MG: "NO, the $4 is."
| SG: "Why would he fake a $4 bill?"
| MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
| SG: "Yeah..."

| Security guard walks over to me and says

| SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
| ME: "Uh, no."
| SG: "Lemme see 'em."
| ME: "Why?"
| SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

| At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so
| I said

| ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $4 bill."

| I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a
| swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands,
| and says

| SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
| MG: "It's fake."
| SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
| MG: "But it's a **$4** bill."
| SG: "Yeah?"
| MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

| The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it
| dawned on the guy that he had no clue.

| My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon
| things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $4 bills just to see
| what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of
| people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.

| (apologies to Captain Sarcastic)
| --
| Peter F. Dubuque
| dub...@husc.harvard.edu
| self-proclaimed enemy of reason

No apologies necessary. Propagate that sucker. I don't care if it's $13
bills. At least my name was near it this time, instead of in the next
issue of bOING bOING magazine. At least it was in the general vicinity.
At least you didn't write "apologies to anonymous usenet poster" or
anything. $4 bills are cool.
$4 bills are fun
$4 bills are best when they're
$1 on $1

sixty-nine eighty-nine one-oh-nine doesn't really have that nice ring to
it, does it? But, ever since I moved to Delaware, that's the way the
pricing's been. At least here in DE. But all of the commercials in this
market still hawk 59.79.99 crap. It sort of pisses me off. Someone
actually told me that it's okay because there's no sale$ tax here. Like
that makes any sense.

Pffft.

--
Captain Sarcastic <kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu> alt.captain.sarcastic is BAD.
Roses are red, she said, and violents are blue.

Susan Roston

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Aug 4, 1994, 5:53:54 PM8/4/94
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In article <31r7pp$q...@news.acns.nwu.edu>,
c. spencer yeh <y...@merle.acns.nwu.edu> wrote:
>
>In the mutation of herr story I have I be endowed with a wooden leg and

heh, damn leg o' yours always gives me splinters.
rub me the right way baby.
rube me the right way??

--mike roston--the once and future ending--

c. spencer yeh

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Aug 4, 1994, 1:16:41 PM8/4/94
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In the mutation of herr story I have I be endowed with a wooden leg and
instead of Taco Bell, it's a handi-capped parking zone.

Or something.

Die.

--
duke duke duke duke of oil
fronk!


Monty or Indira Flinsch

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Aug 4, 1994, 10:55:30 PM8/4/94
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Make a run from the odor.

Indira
--
*******************************************************************************
Monty Flinsch * Sig out for repair * Indira Flinsch
mfli...@nmt.edu * the above message was from one of us * mfli...@nmt.edu
*******************************************************************************

Bruce Tomlin

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Aug 8, 1994, 4:44:14 PM8/8/94
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Peter Dubuque (dub...@husc7.harvard.edu) wrote:

> mr...@uvacs.cs.Virginia.EDU (Cecil Rhodes) writes:
> > Don't keep your teeth in suspense,
> > Just fifty-nine, sev'nty-nine, ninety-nine cents.
> > LIFE'S HARD!
> > EAT SOFT!
> > CROSS THE BORDER!
> SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
> MG: "It's fake."
> SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
> MG: "But it's a **$4** bill."
> SG: "Yeah?"
> MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
> The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it
> dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
> My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon
> things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $4 bills just to see
> what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of
> people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.

But what we all want to know is: Did they have any *sporks*?!?!?!?!
--
Bruce Tomlin mail me here ---> bto...@aol.com <---
GAK -d+ -p+(+) c++(+++) l u@(++) e* finger me here ---> bto...@crl.com <---
m+(*)@ s+/+ !n(---) h+ f+ g+ w++ t+ r@ y?@ br...@f555.n387.z1.fidonet.org

Joseph M Reilly

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Aug 8, 1994, 6:18:53 PM8/8/94
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I heard this story a $2 bill story. Is the $4 bill story the canadian
version or somthing?

Brian Upton

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Aug 9, 1994, 4:13:20 PM8/9/94
to
In article <326b0d$8...@news.u.washington.edu>,
jre...@u.washington.edu (Joseph M Reilly) writes:
|>
|> I heard this story a $2 bill story. Is the $4 bill story the canadian
|> version or somthing?


Well, yeah. The Canadians don't have $2 bills but they do have
$4 bills so you have to make the translation if everyone's going
to get a chance to laugh at the joke.


--
+-------------+-------------------------------------------------+
| Brian Upton | "How could I have possibly known what I wanted |
| Chapel Hill | when I was only 21?" -Sinead O'Connor |
+-------------+-------------------------------------------------+

Nosy

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Aug 9, 1994, 12:07:15 PM8/9/94
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<In article <31r7pp$q...@news.acns.nwu.edu> y...@merle.acns.nwu.edu (c. spencer yeh) writes:

< In the mutation of herr story I have I be endowed with a wooden leg and
< instead of Taco Bell, it's a handi-capped parking zone.

< Or something.

No, no, no, no, it all revolves around a 6$ bill that's
found hanging from the door handle of the car filled with
cement by a HOOK!

Scott Cudmore

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Aug 9, 1994, 8:54:00 PM8/9/94
to
In article <328o10$k...@ashe.cs.unc.edu> up...@cs.unc.edu (Brian Upton) writes:
>
>Well, yeah. The Canadians don't have $2 bills but they do have
>$4 bills so you have to make the translation if everyone's going
>to get a chance to laugh at the joke.
>

As a rabid, touchy, hair-trigger Canadian patriot (foam, foam) I wonder
whether you are mearly trying to be offensive or just trying to act stupid.
If the latter I hereby nominate you for an Academy Award which we certainly
do not have in Canada (unfortunately we do have Ice Capades); we also do not
have a murder rate second to none in the world. And, oh! Did I forget to
mention that the United Nation declared Canada the best place in the world
to live based on standard of living, education, and health care? Ah, but I
forget, we are not truly free...nor do we have $1 bills.

kerry lutz

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Aug 9, 1994, 11:12:29 PM8/9/94
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Brian Upton (up...@cs.unc.edu) wrote:
: In article <326b0d$8...@news.u.washington.edu>,
: jre...@u.washington.edu (Joseph M Reilly) writes:
: |>
: |> I heard this story a $2 bill story. Is the $4 bill story the canadian
: |> version or somthing?


: Well, yeah. The Canadians don't have $2 bills but they do have
: $4 bills so you have to make the translation if everyone's going
: to get a chance to laugh at the joke.

ROTFLMAOPIMP.

you slay me.

kerry
--
mrk...@netcom.com***** "By the time we got to Woodstock
"dood, it's like, ya gotta we were half a million strong"
believe in something."
"I believe I'm gonna be ill."


Lupus Yonderboy

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Aug 11, 1994, 6:22:10 PM8/11/94
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Thus spake mrk...@netcom.com (kerry lutz):

>: Well, yeah. The Canadians don't have $2 bills but they do have
>: $4 bills so you have to make the translation if everyone's going
>: to get a chance to laugh at the joke.
>
>ROTFLMAOPIMP.
^^^^

You make money by offering people that roll around on the floor
giggling? Why didn't my guidance councellor in high school tell
me about this?

-- L. Yonderboy
Man with a Golden Anvil

Tortess

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Aug 11, 1994, 8:19:53 PM8/11/94
to
Scott Cudmore (scud...@bud.peinet.pe.ca) wrote:
(deletia)
: If the latter I hereby nominate you for an Academy Award which we certainly

: do not have in Canada (unfortunately we do have Ice Capades); we also do not
: have a murder rate second to none in the world. And, oh! Did I forget to
: mention that the United Nation declared Canada the best place in the world
: to live based on standard of living, education, and health care? Ah, but I
: forget, we are not truly free...nor do we have $1 bills.
:
I guess if I were going to look for a flag-waving, anthem-singing,
statistic-quoting Canadian patriot, who finds it some sort of achievement
to compare himself favorably to "Americans," alt.stupidity would be the
place...Welcome, sir. And thanks for clarifying the Canada thing for
us.

--
Oy vey.

Carl H. Rummel

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Aug 13, 1994, 1:05:17 AM8/13/94
to
Lupus Yonderboy (asu...@netcom.com) wrote:
: Thus spake mrk...@netcom.com (kerry lutz):


he feared for your safety.

signed,
theCarl
quit
exit
stop
bye!


: -- L. Yonderboy

Sean D. Ennis

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Aug 14, 1994, 11:12:52 AM8/14/94
to
In <32ef79$d...@panix3.panix.com> tor...@panix.com (Tortess) writes:

>Scott Cudmore (scud...@bud.peinet.pe.ca) wrote:
>: mention that the United Nation declared Canada the best place in the world
>: to live based on standard of living, education, and health care? Ah, but I
>: forget, we are not truly free...nor do we have $1 bills.

>to compare himself favorably to "Americans," alt.stupidity would be the

>place...Welcome, sir. And thanks for clarifying the Canada thing for
>us.

Wel you know. To compare yourself favorably to Americans is not a
difficult thing to do (but it is _FUN_).

As to the $1 bill thing.. I hear they're wnaing to get rid of the $2 bill
to (and make a new coin). Gawd, I hope not. I'm broke, and the coins in
my pocket are still pulling my pants down to my ankles.


Sean
--
Only God can make random selections.

Sean Ennis <umen...@pollux.umanitoba.ca>

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