NU2U: "Blood Ties", 20a/26 (TOS/AU, S/Ch, Sa, Am, Vulcan OCs, K, Mc; h/c, anx [PG13])
Gamin
pregnant wife Christine to be presented at a clan gathering on Vulcan,
where both run afoul of certain ultra-conservative clan members. This
part: Kirk and T'Merit spend some time together while waiting for
T'Syrith to come out of surgery.
Disclaimers: Part 1A.
******
While McCoy labored over T'Syrith with Satik watching at his shoulder
and Christine seated nearby on an empty operating table while she
waited for someone to find her a chair, next to Spock, Kirk waited in
McCoy's office with T'Merit. She sat at McCoy's desk with her head
bowed, silently trying to sort through her emotions, and Kirk had seen
this introspective state often enough in Spock to know not to speak
until she gave some sign that she
wanted to talk.
His silence startled her, and she looked up at him finally with a
raised eyebrow. "You are very quiet, Captain," she observed.
"I figured if you wanted to talk, you'd be the one to start the
conversation."
"Hmm," T'Merit sighed, sitting back in the chair. "Perhaps I should
apologize. It seems that I was not as...prepared...as I thought I
was," she admitted regretfully. "When T'Syrith came into the
operating room with all her hair gone, I suddenly realized.what she is
risking."
Kirk smiled reassuringly at her. "It may be a long wait. You might
be more comfortable in the Officers' Lounge," he suggested.
"That would be agreeable," T'Merit assented, getting up.
"All right, I'll go tell Spock where we'll be, then we can go," Kirk
decided. He left for the operating room, then reappeared a few
minutes later. "Done," he announced.
"After you, Captain."
******
In a much shorter time than T'Merit expected, she found herself in the
Officers' Lounge. Kirk led her to one of the large viewports.
"You might have some interest in this," he told her. "Have a look."
T'Merit came to his side and sat down in one of the cushioned seats
before the viewport, looking out at the stars and the fire-red planet
that filled most of the lower half of the viewport's field of vision.
" So this is how Spock sees Vulcan. I have never seen it from space
before," she observed quietly. "Interesting."
Kirk nodded in acknowledgement. "Spock likes to come here when
something's bothering him. He sits and looks out at the stars...
sometimes, for hours at a time," he reflected softly.
T'Merit looked up at him in concern. "Does it bring him peace?"
"Not always. Sometimes it just makes him feel more alone," Kirk
admitted regretfully. "I try to be with him at those times, if he'll
let me, but he doesn't always want to talk to me."
"Surely your presence is enough," T'Merit opined carefully. "If the
two of you have a mental bond, as you have told me, it is probable
that that is all that is needed to keep him from feeling.alone."
"I hope so." Kirk sighed, looking back out at the stars, and spoke
again, his voice still heavy with regret. "But then, I'd also hoped
he'd be over those feelings by now, now that he knows he has two
friends--plus a wife and a new family--who are always going to care
about him. Maybe we--maybe *I*--haven't been as good a friend to him
as I could've been."
"I do not think you are at fault, Captain. I t is not likely that he
*could* have a better friend than you have been to him, from what I
have learned of you," T'Merit returned levelly, but with sincerity.
"But Spock is still a Vulcan among Humans; to some extent, there will
always be things he has to adjust to. The fact that he *wants* to
endure that adjustment process can only be a credit to the special
place you and Christine hold in his thoughts."
Kirk sat down beside her, still looking out at the stars. "T'Merit,
if I
told you something about Spock, could you promise not to tell anyone
else in his family?" he asked, at length.
"Are you certain you would not be betraying a confidence by telling
me?" she questioned warily.
"I don't think so. Spock's major concern has been that *Sarek*
doesn't know, or any of his more...conservative...relatives."
"Very well, I promise--if you are certain that he would not object to
my knowing," T'Merit agreed finally.
"Let's see...I assume you know that Spock returned to Vulcan for about
three years, during which time the Enterprise was refitted and
redesigned," Kirk began carefully.
"You are referring to his apprenticeship at the Temple of Gol--his
efforts to attain Kolinahr," T'Merit concluded. "Yes, we are all
aware of it; it was the major topic of conversation at our last clan
gathering. Sarek and a number of others--no need to tell you who--
hoped he would succeed and were most distressed when he did not; the
rest of us saw the illogic of Spock's motivations, and we shared
Amanda's relief when he failed," she recalled quietly.
"Our first mission after he returned was against a machine-being who
called itself V'ger..." Kirk then summarized the entire V'ger mission,
with special emphasis on Spock's part in it--his strange obsession
with making contact with V'ger and the mind-meld that that had changed
so many things for him.
T'Merit was silent for a time as she considered this. "Little wonder
he does not wish Sarek to know. He must be in great turmoil, as it
is," she observed understandingly.
Kirk nodded silently.
"How ironic for him to experience such a...revelation...immediately
after attempting to destroy his Human half through Kolinahr," T'Merit
remarked.
"And he's afraid Sarek wouldn't approve of the new understanding and
respect he's learning for that part of himself," Kirk explained,
studying T'Merit's sympathetic manner. "It would be nice to think
that not all his clan would have that attitude."
T'Merit raised an eyebrow at him, knowing immediately that he was
trying to discover her views on the matter. "Spock's experiences have
always been unique and tended to be beyond the understanding of full-
blooded Vulcans, even under the best of circumstances. I doubt any
Vulcan could fully comprehend the contradictions Spock must now face,"
she noted cautiously. "The Vulcan philosophy by which he was raised,
or Human philosophy which values emotions...it is the battle he has
fought all his life, magnified by time and circumstance into a
definitive conflict.
"It is not my function to approve or disapprove, since the only
opinions that matter to Spock are yours, Dr. McCoy's and Christine's;
however, if I were asked, I would say.that all that is important is
Spock's well-being. If he believes that attempting to blend Vulcan
and Human philosophies will bring him inner peace--something I am
quite certain he has never fully attained--then it is logical and I
will support his efforts."
"I *assume* he believes that, but right now, it's still a goal he's
working toward," Kirk opined thoughtfully. "One thing I know for
sure, and even *he's* finally come to realize: trying to follow Vulcan
philosophy to the extent he had been was causing him more pain than it
could possibly be worth."
They both returned their attention to the stars before them. "He seems
to be coping well," T'Merit noted.
"He's where he wants to be now, and he knows he can always rely on the
three of us for help. We take it one day at a time," Kirk
acknowledged, saying nothing of his long-held belief that Spock might
not be as strong emotionally as he was physically and mentally.
T'Merit did not need to know of vulnerabilities that had so far only
been revealed only to Kirk, and--by now--possibly to Christine.
"Do you think having a wife and family will make it more difficult for
him?" T'Merit asked.
"Maybe a little. But Christine knows what he's going through, and now
that they're married, he's becoming more willing to share things with
her," Kirk reflected. "I think it's going to help him in the long
run, all things considered."
T'Merit was silent for a long time, then turned abruptly to Kirk. "I
just realized that I have not thought of T'Syrith since we arrived
here," she declared, seeming disturbed by the idea, then she asked
suspiciously, "Did you divert my attention deliberately?"
Kirk lowered his eyes. "Well, I thought it might be easier for you if
your mind wasn't on her the whole time," he admitted sheepishly,
feeling inexplicably embarrassed.
"I suppose you were right," T'Merit decided. "Besides, I have learned
more about Spock in the last hour than in all his life. I have also
learned a great deal about you." She paused, looking out at the stars
again as she became aware of emotions awakening within her which she
thought had died with Syrit. "If only you were Vulcan..."
Kirk glanced up at her sharply. "Why?" he asked warily.
T'Merit thought it best not to try to explain what she was beginning
to feel toward Kirk. "Setek spoke to you of my late husband, I
believe. I have decided that I wish you to know the rest," she
announced instead.
Kirk was not sure why T'Merit suddenly wanted to be so open with him,
but he knew better than to interrupt with questions; if she thought it
was necessary for him to know her reasons, she would tell him in her
own good time.
"His name was Syrit," T'Merit began slowly. "We were bonded as
children, as Spock was to T'Pring, so we had known each other all our
lives. The pon farr came, and we were married according to custom,
but when the time came for me to fulfill my duty as his bond-mate and
wife, I was useless to him. He died in plak tow. A year later, Earth
time, I bore his child--T'Syrith; she had his facial features and my
hair and eyes, but she was blind. When she was diagnosed with
T'Terat's Disease, it was learned that I was a carrier
... so, you see, I dare not have another child. T'Syrith is the only
one I will ever have and all of Syrit I have left, except for
memories."
When T'Merit finally fell silent, Kirk was at a loss as to how to
respond. If she had been Human, he would simply have taken her in his
arms; as it was, he was not even sure she would *want* him to comfort
her.
T'Merit sensed his discomfort and looked around at him ruefully.
"Forgive me, Captain--I did not mean to embarrass you. I...thought
...that you would be interested," she apologized.
"I was. I mean, I am. I just...didn't know what to say," Kirk tried
to
explain.
T'Merit was encouraged by the sincerity of the emotions she perceived
within Kirk in response to her revelation, and she knew she had been
right to trust him. "After being Spock's friend for so long, you
should know that Vulcans do not always require words," she pointed out
softly.
Kirk regarded her uncertainly for a moment as he tried to decide if
T'Merit was suggesting what he thought she was suggesting--then he
reached toward her, turning her to face him, and slowly, gently,
drawing her into his arms. "T'Syrith will be all right, T'Merit.
McCoy's the best there is--if there's any possible way he can help
her, he will."
T'Merit knew that, logically speaking, Kirk could not truthfully make
such a guarantee for an experimental procedure and was undoubtedly
just doing his best to console her, but she found herself unable to
concentrate on logical thoughts with Kirk's arms around her. The
combination of strength, warmth and gentleness which he exuded was
most.distracting. She realized that that
was probably intentional, but she found herself wanting to respond
anyway to his embrace. "I have not permitted any man to hold me in
this manner...since Syrit's death," she whispered.
"He was a very fortunate Vulcan to have you as his wife."
T'Merit pulled away abruptly. "Only a Human would make such an
illogical statement. I was responsible for his death," she retorted,
with sudden coolness.
Patiently but determinedly, Kirk reached out to her again, this time
only taking her hands in his. "Don't you think he'd want you to
remember him for the way he lived instead of the way he died?" he
questioned kindly. "I'm sure he wouldn't want you to go on blaming
yourself like this." In response to T'Merit's startled expression, he
added, "I've *seen* a Vulcan in pon farr--remember? I know about the
irrationality and the violence, and I know the amount of guilt and
shame that's involved. In the very spot where we're sitting, I saw
Spock on the morning after the blood-fever passed, tearing himself
apart inside over what he had done to Christine, and whether or not
she could understand it all and still love him enough to remain his
wife."
T'Merit was silent for a time as she allowed herself to be drawn back
into Kirk's arms, finally accepting his attempt to comfort her with no
further protests. "I have tried to remember him in that manner,
Captain, but it is difficult. We had so little time together as
husband and wife."
"I know," Kirk replied gently, holding her a little more tightly.
There followed a very long period of silence, which T'Merit spent
trying to decide what to do or say next. Finally, she chose to
extricate herself from Kirk's embrace--now that it had served its
purpose--and ask some logical questions before allowing herself any
closer an emotional attachment to this Human (whom she had, after all,
just met recently). "I have heard it said that Human spaceship
captains are all either 'married to their ships' or...unable
to maintain long-term relationships with females. I realize that this
question invades your personal life, but...under the circumstances...
I find myself compelled to ask if you fall into either of those
categories."
The difficulty with which she spoke was a clear indication to Kirk of
the seriousness of her concern, and he knew she had a point (though he
could not help wondering where she had gotten her information). How
many women had he gotten involved with during his captaincy? And how
many of them had he really and truly *loved* enough to have wanted to
marry them? Kirk counted
two: Edith Keeler and Miramanee, both dead now--Miramanee, who
actually *had* been his wife for a time, having died carrying his
unborn child, a memory he was grateful Spock would not have to live
with the likes of.
Doubtless it would be an excellent subject for a psychological study,
and Kirk made a mental note to mention the idea to McCoy later. But
would it be fair of him to subject T'Merit, still vulnerable in the
wake of Syrit's death and T'Syrith's uncertain fate, to such
treatment? No, Kirk told himself. He would not take advantage of her
position. "Unfortunately, that's one stereotype that's fairly
accurate, at least for me," he admitted hesitantly. "In my defense, I
can only say that I'm 'married to the ship' out of necessity. If I
could find someone who *didn't mind* me being gone 90% of the time,
I'd jump at the chance to get married. But those kinds of
women are rare."
"I am accustomed to being alone, Captain. But knowing I had a husband
somewhere-*if* I were to acquire one-might make that much easier,"
T'Merit theorized, trying to sound casual.
"You've already indicated you wouldn't want a Human husband. And I
probably wouldn't make a very good one, anyway," Kirk pointed out
frankly.
"I must disagree. I believe you have much to give, judging by the
depth of the emotion you show for your friends--or did you mean you
could not be faithful?" T'Merit's eyes bore a very un-Vulcan glint of
humor as Kirk blushed and she turned to look at the stars again. "It
is true that you are Human. But as a Human, you have....
one trait which I find most attractive: you are not subject to pon
farr."
T'Merit changed the subject abruptly, and Kirk did not fight her, not
wanting to force her to go on discussing something she clearly was not
comfortable discussing further. They talked well into the night; Kirk
spoke of Spock, of the Vulcan's relationship with Christine and with
his two Human friends, and T'Merit spoke mainly of T'Syrith. Each of
them learned a great deal.
END PART 20A
My ST:TOS Fan-Fiction can be found here:
GAMIN DAVIS' SPOCK TREKS
http://spocktreks.bravehost.com
(Kirk & Spock Friendship, Spock/Christine
and pre-TOS Spock fan-fic, plus Art, Poetry,
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