NEW The Power Of Cheese 1/1 TNG D, La, challenge [PG]
J. Juls
Author: J. Juls (jjuls @ tbc.net)
Series: TNG
Parts: NEW 1/1
Rating: PG
Codes: D, La, cheese challenge and bonus cheese challenge
Summary: Geordi's really sick of eating bran pellets.
Disclaimers: 1. Paramount owns Star Trek; I don't mean no harm. 2.
I'm not a dairy farmer, but I like cheese. So buzz off, Marilu Henner.
The Power Of Cheese
by J. Juls 12-16-01
"But, Geordi, Doctor Crusher is worried about you. She would like you to
come in for a physical examination immediately."
"Oh, so I haven't been in for a couple years. I'm *busy*; you know that,
Data." Geordi turned on his heel and stalked to the bedroom, the
discussion obviously over.
Data looked after Geordi, wondering what he could say that would elicit a
proper response from his friend. Why did Geordi not understand that his
health was important?
As Data was pondering, he felt spot rubbing against his leg. It was
feeding time.
Data synthesized feline supplement 83 and sat down to watch Spot and to
worry about Geordi. Spot dispatched her food in enthusiastic gulps.
Data was satisfied that he had at last discovered a supplement that Spot
would enjoy but which would be nutritionally compatible with her
metabolism. He had yet to find such foodstuffs for Geordi.
Spot finished eating and ran to him, jumping into his lap. She purred as
he stroked her chin, her purrs soon blending with Geordi's snores from
the other room. Data sighed and spoke quietly to Spot.
"How can I make Geordi understand, Spot? He must take better care of
himself, and attending his annual medical evaluation is a part of that
care. I find that Geordi's input reinforces pleasurable circuit pathways
in my neural net which would be missed if absent." Spot only meowed and
placed a paw on Data's forearm, prompting him to scratch between her
ears. "Geordi does not even wish to eat the high-fiber meals which I
synthesize for him. He prefers sugar, salt, and fat. These items should
form only a small part of a healthy diet. Yet I believe that he
synthesizes doughnuts when I am not watching him. I found frosting
crumbs in our bed only yesterday."
Spot tired of Data's attentions and went to join Geordi in the bed. Data
decided to do the same; perhaps his dream program would bring him some
enlightenment.
***
His eyes flickered open; his automatic self-righting program engaged.
Data rose from the bed immediately, as he always did, attempting to store
his dream images in long-term memory. But they would not store; somehow
they were too vague this time, too transient. He busied part of his
brain attempting to restore the corrupted dream files while another part
of his consciousness prepared Geordi's breakfast.
He synthesized the usual fare: bran pellets in soy milk, grapefruit
juice, and tofu with prunes. This, his nutrition files told him, was the
optimal meal for human nutrition. This was the meal that Geordi should
eat. The fact that Geordi did not share his enthusiasm for nutrition
would not stop him from preparing this meal. Someday, Geordi would
understand. Someday, he would eat more than a few bites before leaving
for work and the unsupervised replicators in Engineering.
Data began to set the dishes on the table as Geordi emerged from the
bedroom. [Not today, Data.] Oddly, it was not Geordi who had spoken.
It was a woman's voice, inside his own head. The voice print was quite
similar to that of ... Doctor Crusher!
Data tried to ignore his hallucination. He produced a spoon for Geordi.
Yellow and orange flashed before his eyes. Large cubes, cylinders,
spheres of yellow and orange. Squat ovoids of bright red with wedges cut
from their sides, yellow and orange showing in the interiors.
He could barely manage to set the spoon and the glass of grapefruit juice
on the table before some unknown force took control of his body. He
turned, dazed, and began to program the replicator, for what he did not
know.
As his fingers flew over the control panel, some part of his brain realiz
ed: it was his dream file, now defragged and starting to run itself
again! Error! Error! But he could not regain control. And even as the
red, orange, and yellow shapes began appearing on the replicator output
stage, even as he gathered them into his arms, Doctor Crusher's voice
rang out in his head again. [Data! Get that ... ]
Dimly he realized that Geordi was speaking. "Wow, hey, Data, thanks! I
knew you'd come around someday! But after all that bran and tofu, I was
thinking you might never learn." Geordi's optical implants were fixed
upon the generous assortment of cheeses which Data now held in his arms.
Data began to notice that Geordi's whole attention was riveted upon the
yellow, orange, and red objects. Geordi rose from his chair, licking his
lips as he ogled the cheeses with ravening eyes. Data backed away as
Doctor Crusher spoke again in his head, more urgently now. [Data, get
that cheese ... ]
What was happening to him? Why had he synthesized this salty, fatty
substance? Why was Geordi attracted to it so? And what was the meaning
of Doctor Crusher's sentence fragment?
[Get that cheese ... get that cheese ... ] Geordi approached him, a
stalking panther. He gripped the cheese tighter and backed away faster,
until he came within the door sensor's range. He heard it swish open.
And finally, his dream came back to him in a flood of colorful images --
mountains of tumbling cheese blocks, and Doctor Crusher balancing atop
the highest peak, proclaiming to him in resonant thunder,
"Data, get that cheese to Sickbay!"
He bolted.
Down the hall he flew, gripping the cheeses as a lifeline, somehow
forcing the turbolift doors, somehow making his way down the ladder to
deck twelve and forcing the doors there. Geordi must not be allowed to
approach him too closely, but must be tempted to follow. And follow he
did, fairly drooling at the obscene mound of calories which Data
possessed.
Through the doors of Sickbay Data sprinted with his burden, nimbly
ducking under a window which two ensigns were carrying to a newly-cut
opening in Doctor Crusher's office wall.
The doors shut behind him. "Doctor Crusher, you must help me. I am
experiencing involuntary ... " The doors opened. Geordi burst in and
rushed headlong into the transparent aluminum window, stopping abruptly
with a hollow peal of head against window and bouncing back a good 1.13
meters before sprawling on the floor before the stunned ensigns.
Nurses rushed to examine Geordi. Doctor Crusher emerged from her office,
gawking as she saw Data with his cheese and Geordi near the blood-smeared
window. Finally she seemed to find her voice.
"Behold, the power of cheese."
END
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages
can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML.
brittawynn
By any chance, was Limburger represented in the armload
of cheese?
Britta, who enjoyed this tremendously
tlin_of_vulcan
>:-]
T'Lin
T'Lin's Fanfic Page - http://www.geocities.com/tlin_s/
Femme Fuh-Q Fest - http://www.geocities.com/femme_fuhq_fest/
Round IV posted on November 20, 2001!
"If you're going to try to embrace new worlds, you must try to
embrace new ideas." ~ Dr Phlox, ENTERPRISE
J. Juls
> -----Original Message-----
> From: brittawynn [mailto:bri...@cruzio.com]
> A masterpiece of cheesiness.
>
> By any chance, was Limburger represented in the armload
> of cheese?
>
> Britta, who enjoyed this tremendously
Thanx! I forgot about Limburger, dang. Guess I shoulda took longer
writing the story, but it didn't deserve much longer, actually.
Julie
J. Juls
> -----Original Message-----
> From: tlin_of_vulcan [mailto:femme_f...@yahoo.com]
> Ah, you never cease to amaze me ... this was absolutely wonderful!!!
>
>
Thank you!
Julie
Mary Ellen Curtin
the peevish request from the other computer. But I am convulsed by painful spasms of
laughter, and cannot reply.
As a long-time devotee of slapstick, I particularly appreciate the
window.
<gasp><choke><wipes eyes>
Mary Ellen
Doctor Science, MA
http://www.eclipse.net/~mecurtin/au/
Alternate Universes: Fanfiction Studies
http://www.eclipse.net/~mecurtin/foresmut/
The Foresmutters Project
J. Juls
> As a long-time devotee of slapstick, I particularly appreciate the
> window.
>
Heehee, I couldn't forget that commercial where the store guy has to keep
cleaning the noseprints off his window.
Julie
sassyinkpen
> Title: The Power Of Cheese
> Author: J. Juls (jjuls @ tbc.net)
> Series: TNG
> Parts: NEW 1/1
> Rating: PG
> Codes: D, La, cheese challenge and bonus cheese challenge
OH my goodness, Juls! Very funny, leave it to you to grab that
cheese idea and run away with it like a bat out of hell. I love your
description of Data's idea of a healthy breakfast - ewww!!
Sassy
J. Juls
years. Good thing he has so many functions, or Geordi would be long gone
by now.
Julie
> OH my goodness, Juls! Very funny, leave it to you to grab that
> cheese idea and run away with it like a bat out of hell. I love your
> description of Data's idea of a healthy breakfast - ewww!!
>
datalaur
the cheeses with ravening eyes", the cheese descriptions, the crumbs
in the bed, the unsupervised replicators. LOL on the ensigns and
hapless Geordi.
ah, Data, Geordi and tempting, tantalizing, tidbits of
cheeeeeeese.... what more could anyone want?
laur
::happy visions of epilogue:: candlelight, Geordi lounging
comfortably on his side, on pillows on the floor, as he dips bits of
bread into the cheese-fondue pot and alternates popping a savory
snack into Data's mouth and then into his own, watching Data (in
professor mode) idly waving his long forky thing around and
expounding upon the long and noble history of cheese...
::slavering::
J. Juls
> comfortably on his side, on pillows on the floor, as he dips bits of
> bread into the cheese-fondue pot and alternates popping a savory
> snack into Data's mouth and then into his own, watching Data (in
> professor mode) idly waving his long forky thing around and
> expounding upon the long and noble history of cheese...
> ::slavering::
>
Hey, sounds like a good idea to me! Hmmm...
Julie
Pamela
:-)
I love it.
Thank you ever so much.
Pamela
----- Original Message -----
From: "J. Juls" <jj...@tbc.net>
To: <asc...@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2001 12:27 AM
Subject: [ASCEML] NEW The Power Of Cheese 1/1 TNG D, La, challenge [PG]
> Title: The Power Of Cheese
> Author: J. Juls (jjuls @ tbc.net)
> Series: TNG
> Parts: NEW 1/1
> Rating: PG
> Codes: D, La, cheese challenge and bonus cheese challenge
> Summary: Geordi's really sick of eating bran pellets.
>
> Disclaimers: 1. Paramount owns Star Trek; I don't mean no harm. 2.
> I'm not a dairy farmer, but I like cheese. So buzz off, Marilu
Henner.
J. Juls
Julie
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ---------------------~-->
> Need new boots for winter? Looking for a perfect gift for your
> shoe loving friends?
> Zappos.com is the perfect fit for all your shoe needs!
> http://us.click.yahoo.com/ltdUpD/QrSDAA/ySSFAA/5x3olB/TM
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> ------~->
>
> Messages from this list are mirrored on the ASCEM newsgroup.
> Read http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML/files/faq.txt for
> more information about your subscription to ASCEM/L.
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/