***Philadelphia Flyers Newsgroup FAQ and Charter***
~NO SISSIES, WHINING, OR ANTELOUPES ALLOWED~
FAQ and Guidelines on what should be posted here (version 1.5, 9-14-99)
This is not a general FAQ concerning the game of Hockey
Information about the game in general can be found in many places. The
"official" place to look for such information is NHL.com
The alt.sports.hockey.nhl-phila-flyers newsgroup is an appropriate place
present the following:
* Discussion of Dana Plato, her career, her life and times, her
death, sexual positions after death
sexual positions before death (but not too much) the
dismemberment of her corpse, sexual possibilities
involving her body parts before, after, and during life,
death, and dismemberment.
* Discussion of crabbing with Dana Plato's body parts, and
recipes for said crabs, and said body parts
* Chippie discussion
* Chippie talk
* Beer talk
* Sex talk
* Talk about chippies in beer
* Talk about chippies who brew beer
* Talk about chippies and their multitude of sex acts
* Talk about sex involving beer, in Vandit's case, that would be
* Any talk including chippies, beer, and sex in any combination.
With or without the sex part.
* Ranking of favorite chippies and beer
* Discussion of penis size
* Profanity for profanity's sake. No kidding.
* Results of poster's pick-up hockey games
* discussion of chippies
* discussion of beer (just so we're clear on this point)
* Talk about the Philadelphia Flyers
* Talk about the sexual preferences of the Philadelphia Flyers
* Talk about the sexual preferences of the fans of the
* Talk about the significant others of the Flyers players and
their "would you?" ranking.
* Talk about other NHL teams in relation to the Flyers
* Talk about other NHL teams that in no way relates to the
* Complaints about the Flyers play
* Complaints about specific aspects of the Flyers play
* Comparisons between Ron Hextall's 5-hole and a prostitute's
* The Categoric Bashing of Luke Richardson, Karl Dykhuis, Paul
Coffey, and Petr Svoboda,
whether or not these individuals are members of the Flyers
* The categoric bashing of all who post here, be they friend or
* speculation on future trades-but EDWARD WEBB is FORBIDDEN!!
* Any posts that implore Ed Webb to remove the HTML setting in
his newsreader program
* Listing of who should wear the "A" and the "C" and why they
would make a good chippy
if they had a gender change
* discussion of other not mentioned hockey-related material
Other rules of posting in alt.sports.hockey.nhl.phila-flyers:
* References to the Tampa Bay Lightning must include the mention
of said team
being the Flyers farm team
* Comparisons of Philadelphia and other teams' cities must
contain at least one
reference to a cheesesteak
* All regular posters will be subject to the 'ethnicity clause',
which allows other
posters to make stupid jokes about their nationality at will
* If a poster is unable to site a specific poor performance or
period of poor play,
he/ she may bash the heredity and/ or nationality of that
player to make a point.
*Agents are not allowed to be thought of fondly, nor be
purported in a kind fashion.
The combined phrases "Carl Lindros" and "favorable comments"
are specifically prohibited
* All responses to Unlimited Buce must contain the statement
"Shut the fuck up Buce!" included either at the
beginning, the end, or preferably used as a 'sig'.
* One out of every three posts related to Conrad must mention
pink shirts, wine, or both
* Every female poster who joins discussions must get to know
Lisa. Really well. Details should be posted on the
board daily for the next three months.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: I just started posting here, are you guys serious? I just
read the FAQ, are you guys nuts?
A: Yes and yes.
Q: I'm a newbie. Can I be a complete fucking asshole right out
of the gate so that I may garner
attention from the regulars and then do a pitiful job of
trying to be clever in my replies to
them, only to be further embarrassed by the regulars, to
the point where I shut down my
computer and curl up next to my mother in bed, whimpering
quietly while touching myself?
A: By all means.
Q: Can I talk about my larva, I mean my children, and post cute
pictures of said larva, err, children
with cute little jerseys and stuff for all to enjoy?
A: What the fuck is wrong with you?! No! No! NO! NO! STOP
Q: I'm a lesbian. Am I allowed to post lesbian related material
on here, even if it has
nothing to do with the Flyers?
A: No. We have moved on to chippies.
Q: I'm a chippy. Can I like post stupid suggestions and stuff,
te hee, huh?
A: You can do whatever you want to.
Q: I'm a big time Flyers fan and I think they'll win the cup.
Is it ok for
me to call everyone who doesn't agree with me a faggit?
A: Uhhhh, sure.
Q: What's your problem with Unlimited Buce? He doesn't seem
like such a bad guy to me.
A: Shut the fuck up!
Q: Is this the appropriate place to advertise sales/auctions
A: NO. NO. NO. NO. Negative. NOT. NO
Q: Is Roy Musa a real person?
A: Yes, and he's very serious.
Q: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
A: No, but I kiss your Mom with it.
Q: If I don't like what somebody is posting, what should I do?
A: Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out, or don't fucking read
them. Just stop
fucking complaining like a little bitch or expect to be
treated like one. Okay, bitch?
Q: But what if I post about salient topics and get ignored? May
I then post a sniveling 'This
NG Sucks' thread in response to my feelings of inadequacy?
Q: If a regular tears you a new asshole, does this mean that he
hates you or
will never agree with anything that you say... ever?
A: Not necessarily. Most times, they are looking to shake
things up. Unless, you
say stupid shit all of the time, like some posters, chances
are that it IS NOT
personal in spite of how it reads. Pussy.
Q: Is it me, or do all Flyers fans talk like that?
A: Its just you.
Q: Since I'm not a so-called 'regular', can I ask why the
so-called 'regulars' think that they own the NG?
A: No. Shut the fuck up Buce.
***NOTE*** Compliments are expressly forbidden! (and "me too's" are
In fact, this is the appropriate place for just about any discussion of
that is not listed as being inappropriate below. Please also keep in
mind that the usenet is
open to the general public, and thus try to keep posts at a reasonably
"all audiences level."
That means verbosity is prohibited...see MR. SOUTH PHILLY, or Stu Gotz,
or whatever Dave
Diluzio is calling himself these days. Please also avoid multiple
repostings within a few days of each other. Especially avoid
multiple-postings within a few
seconds of each other..see EDWARD WEBB. The following are some general
what is inappropriate for the newsgroup
alt.sports.hockey.nhl-phila-flyers, There should be:
* NO stupid speculation on future trades (see EDWARD WEBB)
* NO complaints about how the meaness of our members
* No complaints about our members, meaning memebers, like,
* NO complaints about the Nattering Nabobs of Negativism
(tm Spiro Agnew by way of the Joker)
* NO arguments on the lack of intelligence exhibited by the use
* NO buying of any gear from Sam Duff, even if you want it and
it seems like
a good price
* NO posts that include the following three items in
conjunction: Grey Poupon,
HTML, and Neil Little
* NO lists of Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty During Thanksgiving
* NO accusing complainers, whiners, and moaners of not being
* NO inane posts about "hiding behind" false identities. All of
the fucked-up reasons
that you claim why people do this are fucking wrong and have
already been heard
before. They're wrong so shut the fuck up.
* Expressly forbidden: Any discussion about the prospects of
trading Eric Lindros,
why we should, why we shouldn't, inane references to players
that we might or
might not get in exchange for him until it becomes a
realistic possibility. That
means until further amendments to these guidelines are
amended to allow for it.
* NO telling people who use expletives when telling others that
they don't know shit
about hockey that they don't know shit about hockey. If they
didn't, they wouldn't
have told the original poster that they didn't know shit
about hockey in the first place
AND it is an overused and lame argument.
Newsgroup regular bios:
Grassia's idea. If you like it, whatever. If you don't, blame him.
Bob Allison - Official Newgroup President, Bob is king of the
He often advertises tickets for sale, and is a general nuisance. He
guinness, and enjoys a corpse every now and then, therefore, he is
Bob Clarke's #2 fan. Bob is ecstatic that the Flyers have re-signed Mike
Rich Andriole - TD
Rich teaches english to a bunch of spoiled fucking New England brats.
Therefore he must needs visit this den of rotten english grammar and
stupidity to cleanse himself of the stench of evil-rich bratness.
Au Revoire - Au Revoire is a private man who can and
will talk himself into playing hockey at any time, under any
Noone is allowed to know anything else.
Katie Baker - Katie lives under a bridge, from whence she leaps out at
taking them by surprise, killing them, and storing them under her bed
until they fester
with the stench of Bradness. She can be seen late at night, silhouetted
in the moonlight,
a rotting human femur clenched in her maw, waiting for the next
In other words, she's a Ranger fan.
Michael Barrett - Mike Barrett is Bobby Clarke's #1 fan.
He often clouds the rosie outlook of Stepfords with his logic, reason,
hockey knowledge, and his most annoying habit of always being right.
He is the mortal enemy of Howard Schilling.
John Bergan - Mr. Bergan is a relative newcomer here (I think) but he
himself well. His warped sense of humor, coupled with a complete lack
has served him well. He also knows far too much about Head shows from
and it is my suspicion that he has been dropping acid for about
years. He's still younger than the old fart Conrad. Even if he's not.
Billy - Billy is a new uncle, displays a fondness for Mayor McCheese,
masturbates alot. Don't let him bring dip to a get together...ever.
Bizarro - It is said that once during a truck-driver cursing
Bizarro made all of his opponents cry...but who does he think he is?
Breni - Breni so badly wants to be in this here profile list that she
offered to blow anyone
who could make it happen. Since my wife saw the e-mail before I did, I
am pretty much
screwed, but I will be the agent for any cock-sucking that goes one in
this instance, so
let the bidding begin!!!
She also threatened to show some nasty pictures, but we won't get into
Brianovich - Brian, aka Brindamourian, has just made his triumphant
return to the NG
recently from his off-season hiatus defending Rod Brind-Amour in the
a ferocious, yet none-too-bright pack of Brind'Aphobes. Brian is also
the keeper of
the vocabulary primer.
Alan Caldwell - He of all of the stats for every player in every league
ever at the touch of a finger. It is not wise to fool Alan Caldwell.
Captain Trips - Whenever you see Captain Trips name, you must say
in your mind, but not the phonetically corret version, the Stimpy
so that it sounds like Larry Fine after he's downed a couple fifths of
whiskey. "Howdy Cap'n...<hic>" Trips has an extensive knowledge of
what Ed likes to call 'Loser language' now that his spelling of 'loser'
been corrected seventy-seven thousand times from 'loooser.' Trips is
a charter member of the Nabob contingent, although his attendance here
been spotty over the last six months.
Dal93 or just Dal - Dal hates the environment, and would like to see us
wear iron lungs. Dal also has posted the most disgusting pictures that I
have ever seen on this NG, and if he doesn't stop, he will be summarily
beaten with a stick.
Dave Cummings - Dave used to live in NJ, and thanks to he, Katie Baker,
Brad Murray, this NG now has the most intimate knowledge of most of
Somerset and Mercer counties.
Now Dave lives in Boston, but he did come down to Philly here for a
Phantoms game, and hence the meeting of his fiance and Lisa Kriwonos,
thereby seeding the sexual fantasies of more desperate men (and maybe
women) that read, post, and lurk here than anyone will ever know.
Greg Dubrow - Greg is a dutch danish, which is pretty impressive.
Dutch danish boy is also a music industry weenie, of his own
admission, and likes to stick his finger into dykes. Problem is, we're
past dyke discussion, so get a new fucking hobby!
Dr. Gonzo - Dr. Gonzo is removed from this section until he rectifies
his image in this newsgroup by contributing to the delinquency of
Barney, and getting pictures to prove it. Andy, don't help him!
Tom Grassia - Tom is a slight little fellow who moved to the West Coast
because the East was too rough for him. He spent alot of time in lockers
during high school, and his fragile self-confidence was nearly destroyed
a stressful successful bidding competition for The Dark Tower.
Bill Halverson - <kwatz>
Andy Henderson - Another Canuck fan, Andy drinks alot, and likes to play
with his photo-editor programs. Andy is the MAN> Andy recently set-up a
web-site, on which you may be reading this, for us wackos here in the
Thank you Andy!
William Holland - William is a civil servant, which means he sleeps on
gets paid too much money, and has outrageous benefits. Bill eats donuts,
doesn't sing in a band. He doesn't sing, no matter what anyone tells
you, its a lie.
He's a drummer goddammit.
The Joker - The Captain of our NG, this man has been too long absent.
of the Founders and Charter Members of the Hall of Doom ( of which only
Bizarro remains) he was known for his caustic with, and dissemination of
all things Lindros. He is missed. You are missed, Joker.
Joe - Joe is a fan of Dilbert, Daria, and for some strange reason, the
even though it doesn't start with a D. Joe is gay, and has been
getting any recently, as the numerous trolls do not heed his
blow him. As a result, he is very cranky, and can be witnessed sitting
corner and mocking everyone quietly. He just said "myuckyin evryone nyaa
See? I told you so.
Edward on the Webb's mortal enemy.
Vandit Kalia - AKA Secret Butt Hutch AKA Roderick Spode AKA
Biggles AKA Cutts the Butcher AKA Baba Yaga AKA Secret Butt Hutch AKA
many to fucking name.
Vandit is a veritable veteran of NG flame wars who enjoys spanking
He has outstanding circular logic, at uses it at will. Vandit repeatedly
uses lame excuses to explain his absence from NG get-togethers, and to
his arguments for trading Rod Brind'Amour. He is a rare example of the
Brind'Aphobus Cannisthinkus, which although they share many traits with
run of the mill Brind'Aphobes, can reason somewhat, and do possess some
Lisa Kriwonos - Lisa is our charter lesbian. This NG caters to her will
like a bunch of
will-less eunuchs, especially Conrad. Lisa is a cutie, and she seeds the
the group (the male members) with her various escapades (at least the
She once cursed, but generally she is far too polite for a flyer fan.
Luckily, we resist her nice influence, and she looks down on us like one
would a wayward puppy. She's not as sweet and innocent as she seems, we
all about that New Hope incident girlie...
Kim McEnroe - Kim is cute, short, and likes oral sex...and therefore,
is Princess Chippie. Kim recently sent a picture for inclusion on the
NG site, therefore, she is now Crown Princess Chippie.
Brad Murray - Brad likes to cook, clean, and do the laundry. His wife
goes to work
while he stays home with the little larval Devils fan, feeding it the
asshole jelly, and teaching it through osmosis how to annoy by merely
Brad likes cheese, likes dead things, and wears dresses to hockey. He
well for all of that.
Jack Nickelson - Jack is official social-coordinator for the NG, and has
come under fire
lately for questionable vote-tallying among some allegations of
Jack likes farm animals., but has great taste in beer.
Philly Cat - This guy has posted here for quite some time, but he's a
fan of a minor
league team, so he's usually ignored. He reeks of geek-hood due to his
obsession, and his advertised Comic Convention attendance. He was left
out of this
section for the first couple versions, so got kinda salty.
Riggs - Riggs posts here. Oh yeah, he has an intimate knowledge of the
NG connection. <cue Battle Hymn of the Republic>
Ron Scully - Umm, Ron posts here, and he plays hockey. Uhh, that's all I
Shanny - Die Shanny Die. Shanny abuses alcohol, fish, pretzels, and
plastic guys that you used to get at the candy store, you know, the ones
that were supposed to be parachute guys, but the fucking chutes never
but you'd throw them up in the air a hundred fucking times anyway
were always sure that the next toss would work...I hated those fucking
Conrad Steele - Conrad is a wrestling fan, and likes to drink Guiness
impregnate his wife, in that order, whomever his wife may be at any
Rick Streeter - Rick has been absent for most of the off-season, but we
can't forget him. Rick was once a poster-boy for the Stepfords, but the
last two seasons have brought him around to the Nattering Nabob of
Negativity way of thinking.
Tericloth - #1 fan of Bizarro. Tericloth is tall, attractive, and likes
oral sex, therefore she is Queen Chippie. She is also mainly a Red Wings
fan, but has posted here for years. She pines for our young Mr. Shanny,
has posted numerous come-ons, which have been forwarded to the
Unlimited Buce - <sigh> I guess its time the guy gets his due. Mostly
due to the fact that the 'Shut the fuck up Buce' brigade seems to give
him a woody. Buce is a hate-monger from North Carolina who rarely gets
non-relation sex, which is fine by him because the more mongoloids
surrounding him, the less strange he appears. He coaches a team of
who enjoy eating their pucks as much as Buce likes watching them eat
its a match made in Heaven really, therefore Buce is truly blessed, as
blessed to have him among us.
Rick Youells - Rick lives in hick-ville, and his main purpose in life is
divert his sons attentions away from his daughters...but after more than
decade drinking that southern water...its all over. Rick watches a tv
sits on top of another non-working console TV. Or so I'm told by my
Edward Webb - Ed Webb is Jack Webb. Just the facts maam. The problem is
Since Jack Webb has been dead for awhile, the neurons just don't fire
like they used
to, so the facts are always, and I mean ALWAYS, wrong. Go ahead: check!
Joe's Mortal enemy.
Sandra Woy - She's a chippie. Not Princess chippie, not Queen Chippie,
Chippie-in-waiting...mostly because she hasn't shown us a picture.
compiled by: a bunch of constipated chimpanzees