FIYA ‘09 NBA Rankings
VicXnews
**Week 4**
http://fiyastarter.com/blog/?p=3175
By Linwood Jenkins on Nov 24, 2009 in Basketball
Rank
Team FIYA Analysis
1
Lakers
Haters, I know you got mad when you saw Captain Asshole making those trick
shots. Imagine how mad you�ll be when he�s making them in June.
2
Magic
Asked what�s worse than listening to Redick and Peitrus engage in endless
freestyle battles on the team bus and plane, Dwight Howard stated �Not
getting the fucking ball.� When asked to elaborate: �That nigga be rapping
in French and he don�t give me that ball. I don�t understand why he does
either of them.�
3
Celtics
The only way they can beat the Magic is if Jameer Nelson is completely
healthy and plays 20 minutes.
4
Suns
Once Amare really gets his legs up under him and Robin Lopez returns, this
team is going to be hell.
5
Nuggets
The only person that can make 30+ look prettier than Melo is Gabby Union.
6
Hawks
I just don�t understand why Horford can�t be a 20/10 guy? Do they even want
him to be? I tell you what: they NEED him to be. The way they win now will
not be good enough in the playoffs.
7
Mavericks
Dirk is looking more MVP-worthy than when he won it.
8
Cavs
The moment they lose a game with Shaq back in the fold, the talk will
start. Excellent. I will be smiling like a caveman watching the world�s
first bonfire.
9
Blazers
Oden is starting to look like a man. Well, he�s starting to play like a
man.
10
Bucks
You know who loves Jennings? Andrew Bogut. Now, no one cares how mediocre
he is. In fact, many are overjoyed with his consistent mediocrity, given
that no one expects him to carry this team anymore. Shit, he�s a solid big
man now. That�s the pennacle for a scrub ass post player��SOLID.� Shit, if
you�re 7-foot and an NBA scout call you �solid��maaaaaaan, that�s 10
million dollars annually right there, no questions asked.
11
Heat
If Dwayne Wade actually needs Haslem to make them kids pay attention to
their defensive assignments, this team is done for.
12
Rockets
One of these days, Kyle Lowry will be able to compete for the starting PG
job, fair and square.
13
Thunder
Kevin Ollie must feel so out of place listening to those young boys talk.
And he�s one of the worst players on the team, so you know no one listen�s
to him. He basketball�s version of Uncle Pete in Soul Food.
14
Jazz
I love how they keep pretending Ronnie Brewer is an acceptable starting
two-guard. He�s a backup.
15
Spurs
I just think they�re too old. All the savvy in the world can�t make up for
all the collective cellular deterioration that these dudes have experienced
in recent years.
16
Bulls
Which of the following has a lower ceiling? a) Vern Troyer�s bedroom b) The
7 � floor in Being John Malkovich c) Derrick Rose
17
Raptors
Sources tell me that Hedo caught Bosh practicing his farewell speech in the
locker room mirror after he thought everyone had left. Bosh explained to
Hedo that he was auditioning for the role of Paster Williams in Tyler
Perry�s upcoming Tyler Perry�s presents Tyler Perry�s Hip Hoppin� Hank:
Inspired by the works of William Shakespeare. Hedo bought it, too.
18
Kings
Tyreke is trying really hard to steal some of Jennings� shine, but it�s not
working.
19
Pacers
Roy Hibbert is the second-best G-town player in the L and the best isn�t
even Iverson. The program has gone to hell.
20
Pistons
While Tay�s back is still engulfed in flames, Daye has quietly shown he is
the only skinny lightskinned foward in the Pistons future plans.
21
Sixers
This is probably the biggest collection of strong-faced niggas I�ve ever
seen on team. Iggy, Thaddeus, Elton, Sam, Ivey, Speights. Damn, they be
looking like a buncha dudes wearing them wood-carved African masks out
there. Faces just big, strong and angry.
22
Hornets
Oh God, Darren Collison has an okay game or two and suddenly people are
calling Paul �expendable.� If that guy makes Chris Paul expendable, I guess
the fucking deaf-mute Spiderman from The Electric Company makes Tobey
McGuire expendable, too, right?
23
Clippers
Now, Telfair? He making Baron look really expendable.
24
Wizards
It�s only a matter of time before Gil starts doing crazy stuff to force a
trade. He�s already starting the reckless talk. Of course, with Gil, a
well-covered 30-footers and a shitty entry pass are not clear indicators
that he�s trying to suck.
25
Bobcats
If Stern interfered with this team as much as he got in the Knicks affairs,
Jordan would have been forced out of the GM seat a while ago.
26
Grizzlies
There�s nothing better on TV than watching the looks of reluctance on these
guys� faces as they pass each other the ball. Zach passes that ball and
starts clapping for it back the moment it leaves his hand.
27
Warriors
They aren�t gonna be able to field a team soon.
28
Knicks
Nate Dogg is a comedic treasure, because he genuinely don�t think all the
dumb shit he does is a big deal.
29
T-Wolves
How do you explain players like Corey Brewer? He�s got the tools and he�s
got a good work ethic, but he�s still a subpar basketball player.
30
Nets
Jay lost�just not as bad as 50, this w