Repost: The Girl Who Saved Christmas

[The Guv'nor]

Mrs Claus was worried - very worried. This was not like Santa at all.
Every year for as long as they had been married, Santa had looked forward
to Christmas. From June onwards the SantaCorp complex had been a hive of
activity. The same elves would return year after year to make toys for
all the children of the world.

The warehouse was full to capacity, distribution plans checked and double
checked. Everything was scheduled to go according to plan. Fruitful
discussions with the Save The Reindeer Society, (it was fruitful for
them, as Santa donated a very large sum to support their cause -
providing they didn't interfere with his run), meant that everything was
ready to roll. With favourable conditions, Santa should finish his rounds
with approximately 47 minutes to spare.

Then yesterday - the 23rd - he dropped a bombshell. Dressed in Bermuda
shorts, a knotted hankie on his head, he started packing his bags and
singing, "Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain - Y Viva Esapna".

She should never have bought him that book. It was one of those lifestyle
books - the sort that tells you how to improve your life and be happy. He
was much happier before he read it. The book had a terrible effect on
him.

It made him think.

"Where am I going with this Martha? What does it all mean?" he asked.

"It means that if you don't get your boots off my polished table, you
wont get any dinner" she replied.

"What am I? I am just a pawn in a game. Every year parents tell their
children, 'If you don't behave, Santa wont bring you any presents.' Not a
very positive spin is it Martha? And do they appreciate all the hard work
and planning? No they don't. Within a week they are bored with Action
Man, ripped off Teddies arm, and despatched poor Barbie to the bottom of
the toy box.

I am encouraging greed, laziness and having a negative impact on
effective and consistent parenting skills. I am being used. I can do more
than that Martha."

"Like what? Somehow I can't see you as a Chartered Accountant."

"Retire Martha, that's what I am going to do. We will go on holiday.This
Xmas you and I are going to a villa in the Costa Brava"

"But what about the kids"

"Oh just do a mail out saying that due to the current downturn in the
economy, Santa Claus has gone into liquidation and we are very sorry for
any inconvenience caused."

"This is not like you Santa" she said sadly. She even thought of calling
in a motivational consultant, but she had had it up to her ears with
Gurus. If she can't motivate him, then no one else was going to be able
to.

"Get used to it babe" he said pinching her bum. "I have discovered
myself".

She wished he had discovered somebody else.

**********
Santa started his packing the sleigh. This was going to be a good
Christmas. No more would he have to listen to Marthas last minute
instructions as he prepared to start his annual run.

"Fly carefully dear"...."While you're out, can you bring back a loaf of
bread and a tub of margarine?"...."Can you get us a Chinese takeaway. No,
not from Peking, from that little place just down the road"

When all was ready, Santa cracked his whip, and the reindeer (which were
all dressed in sun hats and flowery shirts), set of towards the Costa
Brava.

"Are you sure you're going the right way dear? Shouldn't we have reached
Watford Gap Service Station by now?"

"Do stop fussing Martha, I have done this journey a thousand times. I
know it backwards". Martha was right. They should have reached Watford
Gap Service station. This year Santa was taking the scenic route.

Martha looked down and thought about all those poor children who would be
disappointed this year. They would wake up on Christmas morning and their
bright little eyes would fill with tears at the sight of an empty
Christmas tree. Their dreams would be shattered and their innocence lost.

"I could leave a note saying "Welcome to the real world" quipped Santa.
Martha folded her arms and said, "Hmmmph". If he asked if she was all
right, she would definitely not say, "Yes I'm fine".

Everything was going along quite nicely - at least in Santas eyes it was.

Then it happened.

He heard something.

A girl crying.

Santa was not a hard hearted man, and every time he heard a child cry it
touched him deeply. But he had to harden himself to the sound. He had
heard children crying in 1914 and in 1939, during the sixties and early
seventies. Even now, somewhere in the distance he could hear children
crying in far away places with strange sounding names. He had to distance
himself, and the years had given him plenty of chance to develop that
skill.

But this was not a child's cry. It was a young girl, probably in her
early twenties. Why it affected him, he did not know. But it did.

When you fly at the speed Santa does, an emergency hand brake stop can be
a hazardous and severely abrupt experience. Martha's dentures went flying
over Bristol and crashing into the Millennium Dome. Fortunately no one
was injured because as usual, no one was there. Tony Blair said it was
the first time that false teeth had been used by Al Qaeda and was a sure
sign that the good guys were winning. "The Sun" demanded, "A Tooth For A
Tooth" prompting 27 Chelsea Pensioners to sign up, dentures at the ready.

"What is it dear?" she mumbled.

"Its no use Martha. I can hear a girl crying. A sad, lonely cry. I'll
drop you off at the villa and I will come back and see what's happening".

Martha smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. Santa was getting back
to his old self.

***********

One thing Santa had forgotten about reindeers, they were not very good at
dealing with change. Normally by now they would be dropping of parcels to
Guiseppe and Maria Fabriani just outside Naples. A detour to Torquay via
The Costa Brava, had caused their programming to go a little awry.
Fortunately, the sad young girl had not heard the reindeer landing on her
Mitsubishi Hatchback.

Neither had she heard the doorbell ring, or the breaking of glass as
Santa put plan B into action.

He stood by the living room door, watching as she wept. Slowly and
quietly he walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulders.

Santa soon discovered that there are not many twenty something year old
girls who believe in Father Christmas. To them a complete stranger in
Bermuda shorts appearing out of no where and claiming to be Santa Claus,
is cause to reach for the nearest blunt instrument.

"Just put that vase down, I mean you no harm" he assured her. She assured
him, "One more move fatso and you're history".

"Please Virginia, put it down"

She stopped and looked at him.

"How did you know my name is Virginia?"

"Because I am Santa Claus" he told her.

"Yeah right - and I'm Sleeping Beauty".

Santa smiled. "Ah yes. You always did like Sleeping Beauty. Do you
remember that pop up story book I brought you when you were seven? And
the doll. One of my best creations, beautiful black hair and red and
white dress."

Virginia looked like a stunned mullet - only more stunned.

"How....how..."

"Then there was the dolls house. Remember how you cried when your brother
told you it had been sold to a developer and tried to demolish it with
his toy bulldozer. What's he doing now bye the way "

"Knocking down real homes with real bulldozers" she replied. You know the
new bypass. That's my brother's building company."

What am I saying she thought to herself. He is not Santa Claus.

But deep within her, something told her he was.

It took them a little bit of time to get used to each other. How does one
make small talk with Santa Claus? How does Santa Claus make small talk
with an attractive looking young girl?

He told her his story and about his retirement. Virginia was crest
fallen.

"Please Santa, you can't. You mean so much to everyone. The kids need
you, adults need you. This whole sorry world needs you. We need someone
to believe in. Please don't let us down Santa. Please"

Santa was touched, but kept his resolve.

"You don't realise how important you were to me Santa. You only know part
of it. Do you know that there were times I hoped you wouldn't leave me
any presents? I really wanted you to leave me coal or something horrid
because I had been naughty. Then when I read about how in some countries,
Santa carried a birch rod, I sometimes wished you would use one on me.
You never did, but there was always hope."

Santa had not expected this. "Why would you want to be punished my
child?"

"I don't know Santa, I never did, but I wish I did. It was just something
within me. As I grew older, that desire remained. For years I had no
outlet. Until I met Jim that is. He was so sweet Santa. He understood my
needs"

"Jim?" he enquired

"Jim Groves used to live at number 10 Sycamore Street" Santa smiled.

"Ah yes I remember Jim. Always puzzled me a bit. Every year he would ask
for a paddle and a set of toy handcuffs"

She laughed, "That's him"

"You used the word 'was', Virginia.What happened to Jim?"

"He left me Santa, left me for someone else. That's why I am crying. He
understood. Now I have no one to spank me when I am bad. I am back to
square one".

Santa stood and paced the room. This was something outside his
experience.

"So, let's see if I have this right. When you have done something wrong,
you wish to be spanked. Jim would normally spank you, but as he has been
stupid enough to leave you for someone who I dare say is not a patch on
you, he is unable to spank you and that is why you are crying."

"That's about it Santa. Silly isn't it."

"Not at all my dear. Far from it. Makes sense when you think about it.
That's why you wanted to be spanked by me. The whole Santa story revolves
around good and naughty. What we have to decide, is what's to be done
about it."

"What do you think Santa?" she asked quietly, here eyes cast down towards
the carpet"

"I think what you need Virginia is a good smacked bottom, and it's long
over due."

Virginias eyes lit up.

"Yes Santa"

"Now Virginia, you'd better not cry, you'd better not frown, Santa Claus
is coming to take your knickers down"

"Oh" she responded with alarm.

"I am Santa Claus Virginia. Think of me the same way you would a doctor
or a genealogist"

Virginia managed to figure out what he meant.

Soon, Santa had Virginia across his knee and was spanking her like she
had never been spanked before. She did wish he wouldn't keep saying, "Ho,
Ho, Ho" though.
It was a pity he didn't have his red suit on, but then again, it's not
every girl who gets put across Santas knobbly knees for a good smacked
bottom.

When the spanking had finished, Virginia felt a release she could not
explain. She hugged Santa tightly and thanked him. Santa smiled.
"Well, I better be going. Be nice to sit at home on Christmas Eve with my
feet up."

"Please Santa, please change your mind about retiring. Please"

Santa smiled but said nothing.

********
Martha was waiting for him when he arrived at the villa.

"Did you manage to get to the bottom of things dear?" she asked.

"Ho, Ho," replied Santa. "Yes, you can definitely say I got to the bottom
of things Martha" and gave her a friendly pat on the bum.

"Martha, did you by any chance bring my red suit with you?"

"Yes dear. I was hoping you would change your mind"

"Not only have I changed my mind Martha, but I am expanding. I have
discovered a whole new market. Now lets get cracking!"

Mike
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