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Ms. Moos, Have I Got Some Stories for YOU!
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From: "Shelton Bumgarner" <migu...@gmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.society.generation-x.ls-bumgarner
Subject: Ms. Moos, Have I Got Some Stories for YOU!
Date: 30 Jul 2005 04:19:41 -0700
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By SHELTON BAUMGARTNER
Ahssa! Editor
I'm sure, just sure, that CNN producers are brooding about what kind of
human interest stories they can shoot about those wacky South Koreans
and why we should bomb the hell out of the DPRK for threatening such
peace loving -- and cute! -- people
1. Korean Food
You want to educate Miguk about Korea? You gotta go for the food. I can
just see Jeanne Moos chowing down on kimchi and kimbop. I still say
there is much money to be made by introducing kimbop to Miguk as a
health food breakfast. Kimchi, on the other hand, isn't for everyone. I
love the stuff -- so much so that I sometimes get cravings -- but some
people can't stand it.
2. Soju
Just watch as Ms. Moose gets drunk off soju! Just watch the hilarity
ensue! Woot! And you could have the funny tie-in about how the major
manufacturer of soju went bankrupt even though everyone drinks the
stuff and it only costs $1. Isn't that just so cute?
3. The Finger Thing
This time, Jeanne Moos explores Bong Soong Ah, getting her fingers done
like the little Korean girls. She talks about how she needs a man and
how she'll get back to the audience once the first snow comes in the
winter. (Hell, by that point, she'll be embedded with the Big Red One
so she'll actually be able to see the first snow on her way to the
DPRK's smoldering capital.)
4. Konglishie
Jeanne Moos learns Konglish from an American expat with a slight
Southern accent. I am ready for my close up, Ms. Moos.
5. Noraebangs, P.C. Bangs and DVD Rooms
After eating galbi (with some kimchi as a side dish) and drinking soju
(One shot!), Ms. Moos heads to the noraebang and sings her heart out.
She then takes one of her producers to a DVD Room and "watches" Boogie
Nights.
One a personal note: Jesus, I'm turning into a reporter again -- I
actually checked how to spell the woman's damn name.
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